Great Western Forum

Mundane Soul - Jun 25th 2010 @ 07:57 am

She’s so fucking proud of that missing tooth dog.

I just read the Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Gay for a day! entry. Comments below.

Anonymous said…

  One word: classy.

  December 30, 2009 1:10 PM

Anonymous said…

  Either this is comedy genius or bone-chilling truth.

  December 30, 2009 3:13 PM

Dizzle said…

  You are missing teeth. You are suprised no men seem to be paying attention to you, “lately”?

  January 5, 2010 12:57 PM

JustinSane said…

  @Dizzle

  Only one tooth, damn it! Get it right.

  January 5, 2010 3:40 PM

I’m leaning toward the “this is comedy” side. I’M HAWUUUTTTTT!!! I’M HAWUUUUT!!! -that’s one of my favorite eps…  where the ginger herda haada starts stripping in the airport and her husband Dr. Phil warns her to calm down. Ironically this toothless blog lady’s husband is named Phil.

Saturday, December 5, 2009
Taking back Christmas!
I’m tired of Christmas being one big hump and dump, so this year we’re doing it differently. I’m gonna to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas, even if it means a lot of tears and resentment. It’s more important to me that they grow up to be decent people. That’s the price of good parenting, and I really don’t care how much they hate me for it!

For starters, I’m volunteering their asses to work after school at a local nursing home. I know an orderly there who’ll pay me $5 per hour cash for the three of them to sing and read to old people. Their duties will also include emptying day-old bed pans and removing the occasional catheter. I’ll receive an additional dollar for every hour they spend fishing recyclables out of the dumpster.

As for gifts this year, they might be surprised to receive something more practical than past years. Each of my kids will get either a shoe shining kit, a package of Dryel (home dry cleaning system), or a jar of jewelry cleaner. After they’re done whining I’ll explain how they can now earn their $2 per week allowance by carefully maintaining my wardrobe.

Now don’t worry, because the kids aren’t alone in this. My new husband Phil will be learning about the importance of family this year as he spends Christmas Day with my kids. I already told him that I’ll be leaving after presents to “visit Mother”, but I’m actually going to meet with my secret boyfriend Maurice, who’s buying me an 8-ball of coke! That’s what I call a “white” Christmas!

I truly feel bad for all you suckers who are spending yet another year in the stupid Christmas rat race. To make things a little easier for you, I have compiled my handy 4-part holiday guide which will help you get most out of the holiday season:

I can’t stop reading this. I am so sorry for inflicting my blog sleuthing upon UYD Nation.

I’m hawuttt! I’m HAWUTTT!!!

tonight i luckily discovered my roommate had turned the hallway fan to HEAT and also knocked it over shooting hot air at the carpet. thanks. 14 days before you move out and you try to burn the goddamn house down. thanksfucker.

don’t ever live with anybody, especially me.

We have a new roommate who has been getting up at night to loudly count things in the kitchen and who has had his curtains closed and lights on for the last 3 weeks.
Mental illness is the pits.

wow ch1zzuh hasn’t gone off his rocker for a couple hours… RANT TIME!
brace yourself.
*****

Tomorrow is my roommate’s last day at Rancho Chizzuhmunga. I knew this day was coming, but nothing could prepare me for the gamut of emotions swirling in my troubled mind.

It will be painful saying goodbye to the ridiculously over-sized Rage Against The Machine poster from 1999 Doofus insisted on hanging in the kitchen. I will be equally hurt having to give up the un-microwaveable metal rimmed plates and bowls he bought. I will be consumed with rage and confusion when the lopsided broken lay-z-boy recliner from 1985 is dragged unhinged through my front door and dropped into a dumpster. I will be brought to tears seeing the broken 19” standard definition TV currently blocking the entrance leave my home. My sadness will only be intensified knowing that I will no longer be able to scratch and destroy my vinyl collection on a wobbly 1991 k-mart record player. I will miss hearing him complain about how much World of Warcraft sucks and then see him playing it on his shitty Vaio laptop a day later. I will miss the regular supply of skunky High Life Lite beer he insists on buying because he’s too stupid to just buy PBR. I will miss having to wait for over an hour to use the bathroom when Dummy is obviously masturbating in the shower, oblivious to the outside world and his roommate resorting to peeing inside an empty Mickey’s bottle to prevent a ruptured bladder. I will miss knowing that whenever I choose to have friends over he will be there wallowing in his own interesting smells with the air conditioner off. How can a 26 year old smell like a sour old man? I have no idea.

Yeah… I’m gonna miss all that stuff…

I am so stoked to get the place to myself FINALLY.

oh, thats sad. you’re really going to miss Mr. Pants, aren’t you? and to think, this all started with some slapping and laughing in a musty bathroom stall behind the go-kart track.

maafakah stole my toaster!

... went to make some toast… where did my toaster go? not here. that reminds me… where was the powder dish-washing soap for the dishwasher? how about taking a half full box of garbage bags? he left the metal rimmed un-microwaveable plates and bowls.

now i can’t make the toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwich I wanted and will have to settle for a regular peanut butter and jelly sandwich. i’m not going to take pictures of it.

anybody???
send me your toast, i need it more than you do right now.

look on the bright side: now you have a reason to buy a newer more awesome toaster. its 2010, they have to have the internet embedded in them now, right?

I’ll just slap some bread between to ipads viewing Magnum P.I. on Netflix.

are you channeling me?

Magnum P.I. is your Inception totum.

if i had an inception totem it’d be a wax mustache that wouldn’t melt under the heat lamp of my dreams.