Great Western Forum

One day during Dec. 1984 (i was 8) my Mom, in a drunken stupor, brought me to the local park to ice skate. She made me put on a hat, gloves and ice skates. She sent me out onto the ice and proceeded to hook up with some dude hanging out at the park (probably a peed). They left, without me of course. Mommy, Mommy where are you? I then proceeded to walk to my Grandparents house in my socks. Oh yeah crazy bitch let me leave the house in my skates. So I walked five miles in my socks to my Grandparents house. Why not go home? My Mom was getting her bone on with a peed. Hello! Anyway next day Moms calls and says do you know where my kid is? Gramps says no. She hangs up and needless to say I lived with my Grandparents for the next 10 years. Still haven’t heard from that crazy bitch. My moms is the hardest. Anyone else with a fresh Mom story? No gay shit.

I don’t know whether to laugh at or ridicule you.

I’ll just go with facepalm instead.

I was hoping you would laugh with me. UYD we all laugh together. That being said I accept your ridicule. Thank you sir.  Stay tuned to this channel for another chapter in for short’s Mom is the hardest. We’re just getting warmed up. Chapter 1 Socks and Skates.

Sometimes when you meet the right person you just have to say fuck it and abandon your kid. I bet they fell in love that night.

...That seriously sucks dude.

Thank you for your empathy. Stay on the lookout for chapter 2. Snack Day.

When I was younger, instead of leaving the bar to make me dinner my mom woould call the local taxi service to pick up drive-thru and bring it to the house. Hard as is.

Your Mom fed you? Lucky! She sounds fresh. Thanks for sharing. I’m working up the courage to write Snack Day. I need tissue to discuss this issue. Stay tuned.

My mom threw a fork at me once.

Serio.

It was an early spring afternoon 1984. The bell rang and like every other kid Lil’ for short raced for the door. “Don’t forget tomorrow is snack day Lil’ for short!”. “O.K. Ms. Rossi.” The only thing he was thinking about was G.I. Joe. You know the greatest American hero. Lil’ for short ran home only to find the door was locked. SHIT. Dumb Bitch locked me out again. Luckily he was smarter than she was. He had hidden a key under a rock outside. After finding said key Lil’ for short settled down for some Joe and Thundercats. After some sweet toons Lil’ for short wondered if Mom’s was coming home today. The hours passed and he began to worry. How was he going to get snacks for snack day? He thought about making everyone ketchup sandwich’s, but he knew everyone would make fun of him. He wondered if ketchup sandwich’s would get him a check plus for a healthy snack. He lived on them and thought of himself as healthy, even though he was the stinky kid in class. NO, he needed to find money. Lil’ for short searched high and low, but found nothing. Druggie/drunks don’t leave money around. He started to look in Mom’s bills (unpaid of course) and he hit jackpot. Three crisp one dollar food stamps. These would be gone if mom could have gotten a dime bag with them, but she had no interest in food. The next morning Lil’ for short stopped at 7-11 on the way to school. He looked at cheese and crackers thinking it would get him a check plus, but he didn’t have enough money. So he settled on two bags of chips. He raced to school, mission accomplished. Well needless to say no check plus, in fact a check minus and a letter to take home and be signed by mom. On his way out of school his best friend Jeffrey (yes Seth’s grandson) said “Happy B-Day dude”. Oh, thanks. Lil’ for short had forgotten. Double shit. When he got home his mom was asleep. He woke her and showed her his check minus. “Good job” said his mom. Lil’ for short wanted to get a check plus. “Oh, stop trying so hard”. “A check minus is fine, now leave mommy alone she has a headache”. Lil’ for short sat on the couch for the next 5 hours watching TV, nursing a ketchup sandwich. Mikey Seaver was the only person at his 8th B-Day party.

Damn dude. Let it all out. I can’t wait for Chapter 3.

Just a note, some punctuation would make it an easier read, but I certainly won’t hold it against you. Great stuff for short!

EDIT: I wrote punctuation, but meant paragraphs.

That’s a free-range kid if I ever heard one (Ep. 115, 5:38).

Sorry about the structure. I grew up on ketchup sandwich’s and check minus’s. I’ll take some online grammar course’s before I write “Where is my 50 cents.”

Give the guy a break, there was no one to help him with his English homework

Seth’s grandson is a good kid.

Weck - Jun 25th 2009 @ 05:38 am

That’s a free-range kid if I ever heard one (Ep. 115, 5:38).

Haha, I was listening to that ep on the way to work today, great stuff.

I love the stories for short, sorry to laugh at your terrible childhood.

UYD- We all laugh together

for short, you weak bitch.

My mom put cigarettes out on my penis while yelling at it that it was “a no-no spot,” and she made me stand in the corner all day during Christmas while she ran around shouting about Satan Claus and reading passages out of the Mormon bible. Any time I sat down or looked to the left or right she’d run up on me with a flyswatter and make hay all around my neck and ears. For my seventh birthday she gave me three of her teeth and made me swallow them. At different points in my life she told me that my dad was a walrus, a cheetah, a brown bear, and a centaur. She made me wear a hat that said HELLSHIT in big wicked crazy capitals if I did something she didn’t like. One time I caught her sweeping the kitchen floor and then licking up the pile of crumbs and whatnot. She had a tattoo of Jesus and Buddha swordfighting on her back. When I was 13 she bought me a pack of diapers and told me it was “time for my peener hairs to fluff out.”

Do not even step to my face with that weak salsa.

Sounds like you are a chip off the old mom block. Nice man.

I went to visit the mams this week at Lakeland and I told her you guys said howdy. She told me that God was going to make me empty the angels’ chamber pots in heaven and then started slamming her head into the table until they made me leave.

I call bullshit.

Hey dog, just trying to dip back in and liven up the steez up in here since things are slow going. I mean, you want a fancy update I can tell you about the time she took me to Worlds of Fun and made me wear my underwear on my head after I got scared on a ride and pissed my pants.