View Craig's List
4:13 – Philadelphia couple and diehard Eagles fans put ad on Craig’s List where, in exchange for tickets, they would let a stranger watch them have sex in bedroom – they can even call the plays during the action. Ad gets pulled.
22:55 – First mention of the underground. Forty people went on Craig’s List to seek out airport sex. Jonathan references “snow bunnies” and faux straight guys saying “no gay shit” on Casual Encounters. Missed Connections example from Seth: “Hey – I saw you. ’89 Suzuki Samari bumpin’ old school Eminem. You looked at me. I looked at you. We mouthed the words. Was it the red light? I dunno. Peace!” From Jah: “String Cheese show 3 months ago. I was eating a ganja gooball. You looked at me and said ‘hey, what’s up?’ You had a hemp choker on with fimo beads.”
4:23 – Craig’s List is out
12:01 – Jonathan explains the “no gay shit” paradox to Seth. Seth went on Casual Encounters to see for himself, and concludes that it’s all gay dudes who use the phrase “let me wrap a smile around that thick cock.” Seth finds one that says Took a Cialis, girlfriend’s working late. Anyone wanna come over and watch the game? Picture was a dude with his dick in his hand. … Before Seth realizes it he’s on there for three hours. More examples: Man it’s hot out. Know what I like to do to cool down? Wrap a smile around that cock! … Man, life is crazy. I like to chill. Sometimes with the fellas. You like to chill? I’m married! I like guys to chill with. WINK WINK! Seth: “But it’s a picture with his dick in his hand! That’s crazy chilling!” Seth also peruses Missed Connections: Hey, I was at Griffith Park. Did you see me? You were freeballing; I was too, it’s so hot. Your balls look huge. Dip ’em in my mouth? Seth: “I was like, this is unbelievable, this fucking crazy world of awesome hot gay action that’s happening!!” … I saw you. You were walking your dog. Your dog had a dick. I got a dick. You got a dick. Suck dick? …. Hey, what’s up, you know the movie 1409 with John Cusack? Meet me at the Edwards Cinema. I’ll be at the noon show tomorrow. I’ll be sitting in the far back. I’ll have my dick out. You can wrap your mouth around it. I’ll suck your balls. Cu-SACK! How will you know it’s me? My dick will be in my hand. Seth: “I guess that would be it. Hey dude you’re at the movie theater, this isn’t like a gay porn theater, this is the Edwards Cinema at Newport Beach!” Seth then finds straight dudes who are totally perved out: Hey, nothing gets me crazier than eating box! You like your box eaten? Let me play with the box. Your place or mine, I’ll host or you. Seth: “Hey dude, you think some broad is gonna stumble across your invitation to have her box damaged by you and allow that?!! … Fuck Craig’s List!!”
8:20 – Holla back for a dope cock in your mouth – no fags; straight Latino looking for a cock to put in my butt (Seth: “Yeah, I’m just a vegan looking for a cheeseburger”) … “Tina Turner tickets…”
56:35 – Tina’s got ‘em in a frenzy. Hey, what are you doing? Topanga Mall. Macy’s. First-floor bathroom. Thick smile for a thick cock. Winky wink. No faggots.
1:00:52 – Wife’s at work.. cooked for two… what am I gonna do with these burgers? Can’t throw ’em out. Fuck ‘em. No really. Fuck ‘em. I’ll watch. No gay shit. Let’s watch ball…s
1:02:41 – Seth: “If I see a fucking picture of me on Casual Encounters that I am not putting on there for the express written consent of blowing dudes, you’re in trouble.”
1:06:42 – “Took two viagra.. look what’s in my hand? How do I help this? You can help. Winky wink!”
3:09 – Seth & Jonathan’s photo plastered on Casual Encounters: “Cockcaster … Who wants a smoothie?” … a lot of gay hang-ups on the UYD voicemail … More Seth research: Straight bear looking for a tweenk to rub sacks. Crescent Heights and Fountain. We touch balls. You leave. (11:03) … Chillin, having some rum and cokes, watching 300. Girls night out for my lady. Stop by for a minute. 4-20. Yeah. (11:26) … Who do I have to fuck to get a blowjob around here? (12:03) … Just suck my cock. (12:09)
14:05 – Jonathan gets some insider info from his gay friend: Most of the guys never meet; “smooth Italian” means Mexican.
17:24 – Seth finds posts of straight dudes trying to meet a woman: Hey, you want to see The Simpsons Movie? Hey, have you seen it yet? Hit me up, I’m hot. “No you’re not! Stop seeing that movie. I saw it when it came out, like a month ago.”
27:11 – Casual Encounters anyone? Hey you wanna see The Simpsons and get a baby? Hey you know that movie Hot Rod? I’ll put a baby in you, and we’ll name it Rod.
3:55 – Faux gay hang-ups … plus Jonathan gets stalked by two gays at a Whole Foods (“Great tats man”) … from Seth: Are you straight? Then why isn’t your throat choking on this cock? Discreet. (8:03) … Married father must suck a cock this morning. Come bust a hot load in my face. Let me do for you what your wife/gf won’t/can’t. (8:12) … Straight husband looking for a huge dick to slowly penetrate me. Wife can’t know. You come to fuck so you fuck to cum. (8:38) … Hurry daddy. Slide my sweats down. Oops! I’m wearing my wife’s panties. Drain this dick! (8:49)
16:50 – Seth explores “strictly platonic.” and fraternities: “Last time I checked, strictly platonic meant going to see Superbad and then getting a malted afterward; it wasn’t like the head of a cock with a pizza hanging off it going ‘EAT IT!’” … “My dick’s on point… yours better be.” … “Let’s perv out old school…” (21:16)
57:04 – Seth getting nosballdick
22:01 – Seth meanders into the P&P (party and play) epidemic with gay methmouths (Ex.: “Let me drain you while you listen to Tina Turner. Get your roommate to seed on me while I’m doing it. Where’s your cock? Oh, it disappeared down my thirsty throat. Shutup!”) …. “Tina Turner University.” …. Seth on the “No Drama” posts: “If going on the internet, posting an anonymous ad to travel somewhere, to smoke crystal methamphetamine and have anonymous gay sex with people is not dramatic, then what the fuck is drama?” (25:07)
26:21 – Another motif: Son-dad motif. “Over the knee bare-bottom discipline” (OTKBBD)
51:20 – Missed Connections - Seth: “I was on Planet Nebulus. I was the one with my balls out and the blue jock strap. Missed you. Magellan. Peace.” Rants & Raves – Seth: “Let me tell you something about Mexicans…”
13:27 – Seth detours into Rants & Raves. Examples: Who’s crying now, Jap slant? USA 3, Japan 2. Walk-off HR. (reference to USA Little League team beating Japan). Regarding Mexican babies – Fuck ‘em. (15:07)
1:01:41 – Repeat: Regarding Mexican babies – Fuck ‘em.
7:35 – Missed Connections. Jonathan explains the “bitch-out” phenomena after running into someone special: “Hey, you at the Chevron. You were coming out of the Snack Shack. We fumbled at the door together. We laughed. Was that all it was?” Seth sees a common phrase: “Hey – are you reading this? … Anybody know the hottie that works at the Ralph’s on Sunset? I was freeballing there three times this week. Sometimes he seemed interested; other times shy. (10:26) … OMG, you’re so hot. I saw you and I almost spilled my soup. Whole Foods. 3rd and Fairfax. Tried to follow you out but that ass moved quick. Are you interested? (11:03)
31:21 – Butt facials
18:35 – Strictly platonic. Seth comes across several postings on Adderall and a couple homicidal/suicidal posters: I’m a bad person. I’ve always been drawn to the dark side of life. I’m a true monster. No one suspects the evil in me. I wish someone would stop me. Stop me before… Will you stop me? I need help. (20:02) … What’s up? I’m home, pretty bored. Just bought Season 4 of Family Guy and the first three discs of Heroes. Anyone want to hang out and watch them? Seth: “Me! I do! You miserable fuck! Let’s watch Heroes and then kill ourselves.” (21:49) … I’m an Asian guy looking to hit up a local hookah bar. Just chill. Tired of meeting fake-ass girl. Don’t be shady. Let’s talk cars. Seth: “Hey dude – quick bit of advice: No girl wants to meet you at a hookah bar and talk cars.” (22:27) … Hey you – up for some coffee and animé discussion? The night’s young and so are we. Seth: “How do you know, dick?!” (23:09)
20:13 – Lost and found: I lost my teeth retainer in a neighborhood in Chatsworth. Do you have it? …. I lost my sunglasses on Ventura Boulevard Sunday night around 10 p.m. Seen ‘em? …. Looking for my class ring. I lost it in Lakewood four years ago at a car wash. Anyone? … To the person who stole my kids’ car seats in La Crescenta last week: It’s OK. Some day you’ll be repaid with bad karma. … Warning: Halloween is coming. Keep your black dogs and orange kittens indoors. There are a lot of freaks out there. (22:24) Jah: “You mean like you, who’s writing it?”
25:09 – Community Forum-General – speculation that paintball postings are really code for painting balls. Seth: You’ve always wanted to. Let me paint ‘em. Left sac red, right sac green. Stop! Go! Beep! Beep!… Seth notices a lot of people saying “’nuff said.” Asians act white. ‘Nuff said. … Kim Kardashian’s hot. … I’m looking for an old high school friend – her name’s Tina Rutowski. Anybody know where I can find her. Dude responds: I do. She’s blowin’ me right now. (Seth taps his balls with the microphone). … Also, Jah successfully sells a mountain bike on Craig’s List
40:27 – Seth doesn’t even go to Craig’s List this week b/c he sees two mainstream news stories on it
52:43 – Seth: “4:20. Simpsons Movie. Tonight. Grove. Holla at a homey.”
7:10 – Seth dips back in for 20 minutes to see what people are up to. First, Rants & Raves: Jewish? Too bad. … An open letter to every asshole fuck in Hollywood – Fuck you. … After you gave me the stink eye and went to the bathroom, I kicked your dog. Ha ha ha. I win. … Hey, there’s lots to bitch about, but there’s also lots to cheer about. I have a great house and two cats. … Why can’t blacks spell? … Just Netflix’ed Brokeback. Wow! … Fuck Thanksgiving, I don’t even like turkey. Then Seth dips back into Casual Encounters: Ooh, it’s getting cold out, I know – I hate it. That’s why I moved out here from the East Coast. No, I know. Let’s stroke our shafts together, seed on each other. That’s warm. Two straight dudes jackin’ off. You like meat? Kewl. Hint: No fags. (10:00)
31:26 – Seth: “I wish I had gone to college and been in a frat. But, fortunately, we have Craig’s List for that.”
8:43 – Seth brings it back with some Missed Connections. … Chipotle, Burbank, around 2-ish yesterday. I was there alone; I couldn’t stop staring at you as you read a book. Is it good? Is it too late? Seth: “Yeah, it’s like way late. Because it’s not 2 in Chipotle.” … Rite Aid parking lot. I saw you leaving in a Jeep Cherokee around dusk. I can’t stop thinking about you (not in a creepy way). God I hope you see this. Have you seen this? Seth: “Uh, no I haven’t. Because I went home, took a bath and went out to dinner with my husband, you creep.” (9:22) … Gorgeous blonde in line at Trader Joe’s. You were in front of me. I offered you some honey almonds. You declined. Then I asked you if you lived in the neighborhood. You turned away shaking your head no. I tried to catch up with you in the parking lot but you were too fast. Are you reading this? (9:50) … Beautiful Latina, I saw you on Halloween on the Boulevard. You remember? (10:27) … B of A on Ventura in Burbank, around 3 p.m. We got our pens all tangled. Are you there? (10:39) … White Macbook at Starbucks, we made eye contact. Maybe? Do you remember? You’re so beautiful I chickened out talking to you. Anyways, you want to meet for coffee? I know a great place – Starbucks. Ever heard of it? (10:49); etc.
24:41 – Jah calls Seth to tell him he’s been getting phone calls all day from horny dudes. Seth checks Craig’s List Casual Encounters Man for Man. Seth reads the posting that he thinks is Jah. Title is “Get my number, then get me off.” Hi guys. My name’s Jonathan. I have long hair, blue eyes and a manly beard. I’m pretty laid back, but when I get excited about something I don’t stop until you cum. I love to J.O. when people call my phone and talk nasty. Do you think you have the skills to get me hard over the phone? Give it a shot, hotshot. Jah says 15-16 people were calling his cell, and thinks that a listener put his cell on the ad. Dudes were calling and getting dirty right away. One guy: “Hi, I got your number from ebay. Oops, I mean Craig’s List.”
29:43 – Seth dips into Rants and Raves: Just a reminder, the Beatles still suck … The white man is on the verge of losing all his power. What happened to all you fuckin’ idiots? … Barack Obama looks like a monkey. … I hate my roommate. She’s stupid. … Pit bulls are the Mexicans of the dog world. … Oh no, the Stupid Bowl’s this weekend. … To everyone who works at Quizno’s – suck it.
31:25 – A woman goes off for 18 paragraphs about the rotten day she had, with Seth inserting sound effects after each one: And then I got a ticket – third of the week “Ee-er.” My niece has fuckin’ strep throat. “Wah-wer.” My mother-in-law’s roof’s collapsing. “Waney wah-wer.” No toothpaste. “Ger-err.” TiVo didn’t switch the channels over. Taped the wrong thing. “Worrrnk.” No more smokes, smoked ‘em last night. “Zink-zink.” No milk for my cereal. “Bon-a-ner!” Boss a jerk again. “Gink-gink!” Had to wait for the bathroom. “Waah-errr!” Coffee too hot. “Zee-zeek!”
29:04 – Jah: “See how many people use the term ‘spear chucker’ on Rants and Raves. I haven’t heard that phrase in 20 years! You fucking people, man!”
55:28 – A brief dip back into Craig’s List. Seth says they should probably get back into it because people have been asking. Seth goes on frequently but doesn’t always report on it. He recalls one: United Flight, Philly to LAX. Saw you at the baggage carousel. Tight black minidress. Bomb body. We made eye contact. Call me.
39:46 – Seth goes into “str8” guys looking for other “str8” guys, as well as M4W and Rants & Raves: Would like to kick back on the couch and stroke shit. I’m straight, so U B 2. … Just got home from work, you know what I mean. g/f out of town. No queers. Hit me up and we’ll do this thing … Hey, right now. Girlfriend at grocery store. Looking for a straight JO friend. Hurry! (Seth: “The grocery store? Things could get aborted on the way there!”) … Straight guy looking for a lunchtime JO. Wife’s always home. I could pick you up, we could talk shit, JO on my whip. You know this. … The idea is simple: 2 real dudes sit naked on a bed and face each other, then scoot in sitting butt-to-butt. Ballsacks dangling on each other. Then we trade off lubing and stroking. 2 hard upright cocks creating one humongous dick. Believe me, it’s awesome. With some luck, practice and timing, we can pace ourselves to shoot giant loads at the same time. I call it twin jets. (This is Jah’s boy). Missed Connections: Ralph’s at USC. You were standing next to the clam chowder. I know we locked eyes – did we? Gazes met again at the Cliff Bars. I had on the black hoodie and a soul patch. Aisle by aisle I followed you but didn’t know what to say. Are you reading this? … Hey, remember me? Guy with glasses at Coffee Bean. Hit me up! … Sunday night, Barnes & Noble in Sherman Oaks. I asked you something on the way out of the store; you ignored me. Is it too late? … I was staring at you at a red light at Hollywood and Vine about a month ago. You were too busy talking to the guy in your passenger seat. Do you remember me?... Swingers, Saturday night. You – cute girl in jeans and flip-flops. Me – dark hair. I hope the universe connects the dots. Let’s hang out. Seth: “Hey dude, the universe cannot connect the dots, because they’re not dots!!” … Baby Mama, The Grove, 4 p.m. Monday. I wanted to talk to you after the movie but I had to go to the bathroom. Stupid! I shouldn’t have gone to the bathroom. Call me! … Hey hot neighbor. We used to share a wall. You lived with your man. He was a heavy pot smoker. This was about 8 years ago. Are you still with him? I’m sure you’re not reading this. Are you? Rants and Raves: Men are idiots. … When Satan took a shit on Planet Earth he created the white man. … I have a theory on baldness – losing your hair is God’s punishment for being a dick. … Fantastic Sam’s is a joke. … Are Mexican women’s vaginas tighter? … Fuck credit cards. … Screw Obama, Hitler for President. … I can’t get enough of Idol. … Just got my stimulus check – can’t wait for the weekend. … Hey chink, a BMW doesn’t change the fact that you’re still a chink. … You ladies need to douche. … Stay strong Oprah!
13:58 – Seth says the listener response to the Craig’s List segment has been very favorable. Seth goes over straight guys looking for other straight guys, and a recurring sentence that appears on Missed Connections (m4w): I’m not sure you’ll read this… This is such a long shot for you to read this … What’s the chance you’re reading this? … Damn I hope you see this. … Are you reading this? … I wonder if you’ll see this. … Please be reading this … Is there any way you’re reading this? Seth: “The answer to those eight questions is ‘NO’ eight times.” …. I kind of want to knock you up with our love child. How crazy is that? … Cradled between your tender thighs, I lift you to my mouth. The abundance of your wetness greets me. (Jah cracks him up and Seth has to restart) My mouth becomes overwhelmed with your warm essence. Your sweet taste is on my tongue. Your fragrance delights all of my senses. No gentle lick this visit. No bashful or cautious approach, for I wish to consume you. Seth explains that this is a 9-page poem this dude wrote to a girl he ran into at a Palos Verdes Whole Foods … Seth dips into Casual Encounters: Anyone live off the 405? I can exit for a straight, quick, discreet, drive-by J.O. … Hey bros, so fucking horned right now. Looking for a chill bro to hang around with in boxers. Maybe wrestle each other to the ground, frat style. You stay there though. I shoot bigtime loads on you. It would be cool to nut a few times in your grill. Just chill. Nothin’ gay right? … Married, U B same. Looking for quality nip play. Also instruction on proper jackoff technique – you know, how to do it the right way. … I have a storage space, it’s safe and discreet. I’m into rockers, swimmers, preps, jocks and bikers. Let’s compare loads. No drama. (This causes Jonathan to call for a full stop and tell his storage place story). Segment resumes at 22:26: Los Feliz, straight guy home alonge. Girlfriend works all day. Looking for another straight guy. I repeat: no queers. Come over, let’s hang. Let me devour those balls for a daytime manmilk explosion. Or we just chill, we’ll see.
1:20 – Seth doesn’t waste any time taking us to Craig’s List. He starts us off with the Married Men motif. I love head. My wife just won’t give it. I’m so keyed up. Let me jackhammer your throat and give you a massive blinding shower of spunk. Me masculine, u b 2. Preferably straight also. … Married 4 years, looking for other married bros to sit around, maybe J.O. while we talk shit about our wives. Watch some pussy porn. Must be on the DL. Rock hard cocks. Don’t act a fool. … My suckbuddy finally got married – ugh – moved to Portland, so pussy whipped. Looking for new straight dude to drain on regular basis. I’m engaged (had to). Drama free and an excellent cocksucker. Trust. … Married, so fucking frustrated. I miss college when I could J.O. with cool bros whenever I wanted. Need relief. Looking for straight guy who can hang, have a beer maybe. Stroke shaft until I cover you in release. Cool vibe a must. … My wife won’t fuck me. Looking to lay some pipe on a hot straight white ass. Could meet you during my lunchbreak, slap your face right before I cockstretch your mouth. Give you a shower jizz before I have to listen to my wife babble about work. … Married straight dude looking for the same. We drop our pants for deserved sweet relief. Must be discreet. Verbal trash talkers to the front of the line. Understood?
25:20 – Jah and Seth just riff on the whole Frat House theme on Craig’s List
1:05:44 – Jah and Seth continue to riff on Craig’s List by saying they want to J.O. with a Jap ro-ro
42:03 – Seth opens up the lid on Casual Encounters: Married with 3 kids. Looking for something real. Different. Seeking other married man with kids in San Fernando Valley. Want to get together on ongoing basis 2, maybe 3 times per month. Want to meet up for beers, ballgames, get comfy before getting to the next phase of the project. Not looking to replace my loving, primary relationship – just do this to keep it in check. Please no games. … Your wife won’t fuck you, I know. Been married 15 years myself. I will own that cock more than she ever could. I know this. Must be discreet. … Been married 2 years. Haven’t tasted a cock in almost 3. Can slip out while wife is asleep. Quietly go to other end of house. Must be silent and must be late. I need a mouthnut. (Jah: “If you could only see the way Seth reads the last line to me directly, like into my eyes. It goes into the depths of my soul. It’s the last line of every single one, it shoots through my body!”) Wife works at CVS. Can meet you in parking lot while I wait to pick her up from work. Blow and go. Let me milk that bitch. … Married cool dude. I used to fuck my college roommate when I was drunk. I need tanned and toned bros. Are you prepared for a thunderclap under the sheets? Let’s lube these cocks. Big balls to the front. I love my wife but desperately need a man’s touch. … Wife’s away, cocks will play. Need a J.O. bud, swordfights a must. Stroke a shaft, cup balls, maybe taste loads. Your throat must be thirsty. Big loads and chill vibe a must. … Wife on business trip. Need my boycunt fucked now. Straight dudes only. Watch gangbang pussy porn at the crib. You force me to undress. But you must be down to earth. Peace! …. Jonathan is amazed that this simply the L.A. Craig’s List, and assumes that chances are they’ve been in the same restaurant as one of these dudes
19:09 – Seth dips into Casual Encounters for married dudes looking for other married dudes: All dressed up and no one to blow. Wife gone, looking for married dick on the real. I have videos of me and my wife fucking if that turns you on. Ball gagging a must. No sissies please. (Jah: “Could you imagine if she came in, was like, ‘What are you doing?’ and then on the Sharp Aquos is you?) … Lakers! Let’s kick back, watch the finals, drain bone. Got milk? … I only suck married wood, just like my wife. Bodybuilder cock to the front of the line. … Married dude looking for vibed-out bro to stretch and drink juice. Maybe get naked and mess around, see where it goes. Strictly normal. Maybe you make me your personal cocksucker. Service with a smile. … Married guy just needs some bro time. Why are guys such dicks to each other. Come on, let’s show some respect. Isn’t it about time – time to tap this virgin ass. Check me. … First and foremost I need a gym partner, preferably a rat who loves the burn so it doesn’t look odd to our wives that we always meet up to “pump.” This way we can have easy excuses to “get away.” My promise? You will not be able to deny this Mexican ass-pussy. (Seth: “Would you rather have a boy cunt or an ass pussy?” Jah: “I would rather have a boy cunt.” Seth: “For real?” Jah: “In. A. Heartbeat.”
18:05 – Jah asks if Seth has a Craig’s List, b/c Jah has one too. Seth has one that involves Jah. Seth goes first: I’m looking for 2 dudes who will milk me whilst pretending to be the super hot podcasters of Uhh Yeah Dude fame. Also, if you’re into it, I have seatbelts we can tie each other up with. No fags. Seth doesn’t know who posted it but Jah loves it. Jah reads one that Laura found: Charming barista from Starbucks – where did you go? We used to eyefuck the shit out of each other every time I would order my venti iced caramel macchiato with soy milk. I haven’t seen you in a week. Where have you been? I need to be inside you before I move away. Let me in! Seth cracks up b/c it definitely is Jah
21:32 – Seth dips back in: Just 2 clean cut married men getting together when we can. Let’s wear our wives’ panties. I’ll give you head while you sniff my wife’s dirty underwear. My bushy stache looks amazing around a dick – try it. … Wife leaves for work at 6:30. I don’t leave till 8. Figure it out. Cop dick gets top priority. … Going to a show at the Wiltern with my wife. You can meet me in the men’s bathroom for a quick 420 and tug. Get at me. … Hey bros, my wife is on a business trip. Come and join an impromptu group at my house. Hosting a discreet get together for discerning adults. Around 6 guys – that’s 12 balls. Looking for hot cocks and hot cocks only. … Wife: In DC for June. Me: Watching pussy porn on the couch. You: Walking through an unlocked door into my living room, shooting a load onto my face and then leaving. … Married father of 3 needs to service a hard cock this week. If you can promise to be quiet in my garage (wife and kids asleep till 8) I can meet you there for a quick suck. Unzip, explode, go. … Married in Los Feliz. Had a guy friend convince me gay men suck cock better than women. How’d he convince me? Figure it out. … Fuck discretion, my marriage is over. Send a dick pic. If I approve you have permission to swing your pipe by my work whenever you can. Maybe we roleplay. You’re making a delivery, you need directions to your next stop. I turn on my computer – whoa! All that comes up is she-male porn. We sit in our chairs and cumrace to Thai ladyboys. … I got a dick and balls – do you? Fully devoted to my wife so must be discreet. All races of dick considered. No grandpas though – sorry grandpas.
33:16 – Seth dips back into married men seeking out other married men. Some examples: I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick. … This is a real post. No games please. I am becoming an ordained minister in less than 2 weeks. This is my last chance to act out the endless fantasies I have. I am a beautiful black man looking for a white partner. Only intelligent and in shape reply. This is my last chance to do this before I change my mind. Baptize this chocolate pussy. … I’m so sick of being a dad. All I want is a weekend to be somebody’s son. Married father of 3 looking for a discreet hook-up with older married father. I’m so new to this, are you? I hope. Maybe a gentle blow job for my daddy or you show me how to masturbate. Again, this must be discreet. I can’t wait to smell you. … Married guy, had vasectomy when I was separated from my wife. Now she wants to have kids, I don’t. Need help with sperm sample for our doctor’s visit. Whatever gets your married dick off – just help me out and get it in the cup. Jack you, suck you, just donate that seed. Thank you. (Jah: “There’s no way it’s real.”)
1:51 – Seth gets right back into Craig’s List after UYD’s two-week break. Missed Connections: Caution: You’ve been thrown to the wind. I couldn’t tell who won our staredown today. Who do you think? … We shared a brief but intoxicating moment. Were you staring? … Are you my future ex-wife? … Take a chance. … Please write. … Do you remember? … I tried to call the number you gave me. It seems disconnected. … Let’s harness this lost opportunity. … Are you anywhere? … Let me delight your senses. What do you say? … Do you check this? … You: beautiful. Me: Devouring you with my eyes. … Is this a long shot? … We shared the crisp summer air, right? … Soul mates? … Let me dream. … If you’re real, please let me know. … Careless whispers shall entangle us. … Oh God I pray you see this. Seth: “Hey guys, your game is fucking strong man. You sound like Lil’ Wayne.” Jah claims this is tragic because they are so lost in all of this to think it’s a viable option for love. Seth thinks they wait 2 ½ months until they give up on a response.
38:53 – A female listener tells Seth a story about being at Starbucks and being stared at by a creepy dude, then rolling her eyes at him. She went on Craig’s List and saw on a heading the Starbucks she goes to in Chicago. She reads the description, “Jeans, green shirt, flip flops. Me looking at you. You rolled your eyes at me, what did that mean?” and loses her mind. Seth looks under Casual Encounters to find married men looking for other married men. Examples: Newlywed, miserable. Let me give you what your wife/girlfriend obviously can’t – a hungry throat that craves married pole. Return the favor? Warning: I have a tendency to shoot some pretty enormous loads. Swallow this baby maker. … Blame my wife. It’s like she took blow jobs off the menu. … Furry man scent a must. Hairy bags to the front of the line. … I’m looking for a married bear to annhilate me. I’m such a worthless fucking bitch. … I’m looking for an older man (70-90). Let me put my baby soft hands on your ancient tool. I bet I can make that derrick find oil.
52:27 – Seth dips back into Casual Encounters. Some examples: … No bugs, no drugs, just hugs … Degrade my stupid boy twat. Attack this ass and mouth. Force feed me that huge sac and remind me how worthless I am. … What’s a married man gotta do around here to get his mouth filled Can do a garage gag at lunch. Leaky boners to the front of the line. … I miss my frat. Let’s put on some porn, butt heads and get rowdy. No gay stuff, just straight bros teaching each other to jack off the right way. … Let’s hang, have a mojito, watch some drunk girl porn. Drop trou, maybe JO while we watch those horny butt sluts get slammed. No gay shit. Just pull em out and show em off. See what they do. … Knock the dust off that bro pussy. Nip play essential. Handle this.
39:43 – Seth and Jah take a ride to Craig’s House. They also have been told a story about a dude who lost contact with another guy for 7 years, put out an ad in Missed Connections that just said “Hey Kevin, it’s Blake, will you e-mail me?” And the dude hit him back the next day, but at the end of it the dude ended up not wanting to stay in contact with him. Seth hits up some Casual Encounters. Examples: Can barely tolerate my wife. She’s missing two things: balls. … I love the smell of cinnamon and cum. Not into games or drama. … Just got back from a family BBQ. I need to fuck my dad. No shaved pubes – yuck. I need my father to “dick”tate what my guy cunt will do. Jah: “Can I call you Guy Cunt from now on?” Seth: “Yeah I’ve been working with this dude, this great director.” Jah: “Yeah, this amazing director. His name’s Guy Cunt.” … I have a six-day load that needs a home. … Straight marine looking for other straight military men to salute this cock.
41:28 – Seth wants to know if Jonathan wrote these: It’s my birthday 2day. I want to get as a gift a meaty hot guy with a big dick 2 suck off. Important that you be masculine with a real dick. Send face and bod pics. Wanna shoot in my face? Hurry up, it’s only my birthday til’ midnight! … It’s my birthday 2day, the 7th, and I’m looking to get a birthday breeding I’ll never forget. It’s all about quantity for this event. I’m looking to see if I can break my personal record of 17 cocks in my butt in one night. I’ll be at Slammer at 9 p.m. I’ll be in a sling. Come fuck this man beaver. Seth decides that these two can’t be him. Other examples from Casual Encounters: Morning wood? Not for long. … Sup? (Jah: “Sup is my least favorite thing you could say to me or text to me.”) … This boss has been bad. Sniff my rod through these cotton briefs, pop this dude cherry. … You’re thinking I’m gay but I’m honestly not. Looking for a cock that will make me understand. … Watch me feed your boy box. Be on your knees and shout about this cock. Get the fuck out.
44:37 – With nary a warning, Seth opens the door to Craig’s House with this: Let’s be honest, you’re a cocksucker. You know it, your wife knows it, I know it. The thought of my throbbing hard cock is making you drool. You’re a facehole, nothing more. Stop making fucking excuses and suck this dick, asshole. Some more examples from Casual Encounters: Am open to suck on 2 black buddies as long as there is peace. … I wanna hang on your dick and tug on your titmeat while we party in the pitch dark. … Shutup while I abuse your faggot holes. Baby wanna suck his bottle? Piss on you bitch, open that dudetwat now.
5:47 – Jah wants to read a Craig’s List posting that was sent to UYD, and said he didn’t care if it was real or not: Video Games & Starbucks (M4F): OK, this is going to sound odd, but the Starbucks by my house has like no parking in the morning. What I’m looking for is a girl who wants to crash out with me the night before, and then in the morning ride in the car with me past the Starbucks so I can have someone run in without me having to find parking. I’ll pay for the Starbucks and up to one baked item. No ventis. You can leave a tip if the barista or baristo is worthy of one but make sure to bring me the receipt. I understand that we are human beings with needs, so if we should happen to let our bodies get the better of ourselves for hours and hours the night before there isn’t really much I can do about that, but seriously this is about coffee. Not wildly passionate kinky orgasm sessions, OK? Or if you could give me a good blowjob while I play video games, that would be even better. The only oral delight taking place will be when those sweet Arabica beans are hitting our lips – certainly not anything to do with my head being between your legs for 20-30 minutes at a time. Got it? OK, cool. Be sure to send a picture so I can tell that we’re going to be looking good sipping Starbucks together in my ride – a 1991 two-tone Saturn. Seth thinks this is awesome, and would be shocked if he wasn’t inundated with positive replies.
47:33 – A small nod to Craig’s List and Missed Connections. “Are you seeing this?”
58:20 – Quick shout-out to the name of the segment. Jah: “Craig’s House! Never dodge a load? Twin jets!? Come on!”
15:21 – Jah recommends putting a casting call on Craig’s List to have a Fergie look-alike to go with Seth’s cosmetic surgery to look just like Josh Duhamel
17:20 – Quick hit: “Leaky boners to the front of the line…”
11:02 – Seth talks about the Craig’s List Killer, and wants to know how this kid can kill somebody and everyone around him can continue to defend him. If Jah killed somebody Seth would automatically assume he was guilty.
16:20 – Seth wonders why it’s taken so long to have a Craig’s List killer, but Jah thinks a shit-ton of people have died because of Craig’s List.
16:56 – 24-year-old Shawn Skelton went on Craig’s List and posted an invitation for sex. The Seattle resident was contacted by an undercover police officer who posed as a woman who was willing to meet at a local motel to have sex and then be killed by Skelton. He specifically stated “serious inquiries only.” He showed up with a knife and a chain.
14:25 – “Weird Al” Yankovic has a new song out called “Craig’s List,” where he’s playing a Jim Morrison character and he’s making fun of the site.
50:29 – A combination Craig’s List / This Week In Florida segment.
12:45 – Jah thinks Missed Connections is a dead medium and it doesn’t happen with the fervor that it used to on Craig’s List. He says most of the straight Missed Connections is bullshit but the gay ones are all titled “24 Hr Fitness” and “Arclight.”
2:46 – Seth receives applause when he says he’s going to dip into the New York edition of Craig’s List: So chilly. Breaking up with college sweetheart. Six years. Straight jock looking to hang. Just men being men. Dedicated cockstrokers hit me up. Chill and watch the jizz fly. Multiple salt loads a must. … So cold outside. Got the heat on in here. Your girlfriend’s a liar. Gymrat frat boy looking for a sorority bitch. Be a man. Are there any straight guys left who know how to chill the right way. Judge this dick. … If you’re reading this you gots to be a man and you deserve a nasty butt slut. My wife – no oral, no fun. Hunt this bear. Looking for straight dudes to just hang. Manicured pubes a must. Massive explosions guaranteed. Bring a bud and spitroast me.
1:01 – Seth does his own Craig’s List spoof, using “egg nog” as a sexual innuendo
29:35 – Jah would like to talk about rape for a little while. The ad appeared on Craig’s List in early December. It read, Need a real aggressive man with no concern for women. It was purported that the author was a Casper, Wyo., woman, whose photo was also posted. A week later, a man accepted the offer, forcing his way into the woman’s home, tied her up and raped her at knifepoint. “I’ll show you aggressive,” he allegedly said, according to court testimony. In fact, authorities say the woman had nothing to do with the posting of the ad. Instead, they say, a former boyfriend had posted it, soliciting her assault. Such an incident would have been impossible, much less likely 20 years ago. Natrona County District Attorney Mike Blonigen said, “It’s probably only possible in this modern age.” The Wyoming case began to unfold on Dec. 5. Jebidiah James Stipe, 27, from Carbon, Wyo., and a Marine stationed in Twentynine Palms, Calif., allegedly posed as his ex-girlfriend, placed the ad seeking the aggressive man. Two days later she spotted it, contacted the county sheriff’s office as well as Craig’s List and the ad was taken down. But Ty Oliver McDowell, 26, from Bar Nunn, Wyo., had allegedly already seen it. McDowell, an employee of the Wyoming Medical Center’s Radiology Department, e-mailed the address listed in the ad, according to an affidavit in the case. They iChatted, and he posed as her chatting with him to describe what he wanted him to do to her.
39:15 – A woman was selling furniture on Craig’s List to redecorate her apartment and said it was going for a great price. She was selling framed art, including her framed DNA poster.
27:22 – Seth pulled two Craig’s List entries just because. The last authentic one he read was in Episode 188 for the New York show. He found one about Thai lady boys after reading an article on them: Me: married. But I haven’t blown a load in 5 days. You: Petite Thai ladyboy. Expert at cock play. I’m curious. I think there’s nothing better than a small guy with huge tits spraying dude seed all over my face. I’m not into perfume. If I lick your pit, I want it to taste like you – not some Lady Gillette. Seth then reads another entry: I’m attached to a lady but I’m dreaming of some hot boy pussy. I’m looking for a Thai lady boy who’s not afraid to pop this bubble butt. Please deep throat my low-hanging nuts – I fucking dare you! San Fernando Valley. Will chip in for gas.
22:10 – Seth got on the Seattle Craig’s List to find some choice entries: Back from Iraq. Tacoma low-life white boy thug who didn’t pound a tranny ass for a whole year. Hit me up with a pic. Maybe I’ll let you drench me in your she-male jizz. Don’t look like a dude! I have oxys and vics, you have tits and a dick. Now. … Bellevue – Horny, watching football, been looking at my mushroom-headed cock. My girlfriend absolutely can’t take care of it. She doesn’t know how. Do you? Home all afternoon. Stop by for a mutual session. No gay dudes. No bi dudes. No fem dudes. Seriously. Come chill out, unzip, hump and dump. Eventually we can go hunt for chicks together. … New Year’s means trying new things. Issaquah dad has a year’s worth of built-up paste. Wife on vacation. Cruise with in-laws. My fantasy is to swallow a swollen thick cock, just like her and her mother do. Can host. Pussy lovers to the front of the line. Must be discreet, pillar in community. … Central District. I’m a cocksucker but my wife doesn’t know it. I get so ginned up when she tells me about the big black cocks she sucked when she was in college. Jealous much? DL college frat boys to the front of the line. … Kent. Me: married, 24 years, but unabashed, unapologetic, admitted cock worshipper. You: married, inexperienced, dreaming of man-on-man action. I’m looking for a set of beefy balls. I want to explore your low-hanging nutsack and extract out all of their blessings. Tend to them the way your wife can’t/won’t. … Capitol Hill. My girlfriend is in Portland until Monday night. I’m a dirty bitch and I must be treated accordingly. I’m no better than a dishrag. Manipulate this man-pussy as you see fit. Ex-military a plus. Discipline this thirsty and hungry grunt. Sir, yes sir! Make me your jock slave. Force feed this bronco with your huge meat. Restrain my pre-cum and don’t forget to choke, prod and pummel me if I step out of line. … Hangin’ in Everett. Just screwed my girl’s brains out. Now she has to study all day. I’m still horny. Looking for a straight dude to meet up and milk what’s left in these balls. This swollen bone needs a temp home – like your throat. Maybe a reg thing, trade pics of our girls, JO on phone. This makes J-dawg wonder what happens when you remove the female element from the pursuit of sex, which leaves you with the most disgusting thing on the planet. When it’s just a dudefest with guys shoving and smearing, it’s the worst.
2:29 – Seth wants to get one of these out of the way since it’s in his contract. He found a married dad who lives in Sherman Oaks. In bold letters it said Extra Discretion: White married dad needs to be forcefed a thick black snake. Anticipating a fresh bucket of jungle juice. Absolutely cannot host. Please let me suck your clit. Can travel Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in mornings before 10. Tuesdays and Thursdays are out – no exceptions. Keep in mind with pics, thickness a must.