View Episode 021
Originally aired 07.03.06
17:09 and 17:16 – UYD: Sexy as you wanna be (at any age)
17:20 – UYD: Tomorrow’s paper… today
17:30 – UYD: Nothing but health inside
30:53 – UYD: Pump it up with Peruvians
31:49 – UYD: Brilliant ideas… today
31:53 – UYD: Tomorrow’s ideas… tomorrow
40:21 – UYD: Supersizing your bears, burgers and boobs
40:31 – UYD: We answer our own questions
40:33 – UYD: Fuck off. We answer our own questions
41:06 – UYD: It’s for lovers
54:01 – UYD: Tasers, nakedness, grass, old men
57:18 – UYD: Bleaching it, drying it, draining it and bonging it
59:43 – UYD: For life
1:00:02 – UYD: Humping, not hunting
1:00:05 – UYD: The Humping Channel
36:18 – Wednesday, July 5, Rock Star: Supernova, featuring Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted and Gilby Clark, 8 p.m. on CBS.
45:37 – Saturday night on Hallmark Channel from 9 to 11 p.m.: Wild Hearts starring John Boy from The Waltons and Jo from The Facts of Life. Jogger scored the music for this awful film. … Sunday, July 9, Reno 911 is back, as well as the lost episodes of The Chappelle Show
6:35 – IFOCE hot dog eating contest ’06 preview
49:56 – (creepy whisper intro) ex-lover burns house down, Jacksonville man robbed at gunpoint by two 14-year-old Myspace impersonators; woman thrown from sunroof of her vehicle when she gets in an accident (Jah: “How much did she weigh?” Seth: “600 pounds.” Jah: “Holy fucking shit! How do you get out of a sunroof? Are you sure it wasn’t a convertible, like a topless Paul Wall-style stripper car?” – 53:28); two different men tasered; dude smashes boss’s window with a sledgehammer, throws everything out, including himself; etc.
12:46 – The Lake Elsinore Storm, Class A minor league affiliate of the San Diego Padres, planned a Salute to Tom Cruise during their California League Baseball Game. They will give away a bobblehead (really a bobblecouch, depicting him jumping on Oprah’s couch). They will have a silent inning in lieu of a silent birth, during which no players will be introduced by their names, numbers or any songs – and no talking will be permitted. Seth: “This is This Week In Scientology, This Week in Religion, This Week in Kaballah, This Week in America and This Week in Tom Cruise.” Other planned activities in between innings include a couch-jumping contest, they’re having a Scientology information sign-up booth, they will be doing e-meter readings and will have a retrospective of his movie career. Their opponents are the High Desert Mavericks – no doubt in honor of Cruise’s character in Top Gun.
38:19 – LP4100 by LG – built-in breathalyzer
33:19 – IN: Competitive hunting on TV
43:56 – Wine-O feat. Paul Wall – “Pop My Trunk”
41:39 – Rascal Flatts – “Me And My Gang” (not spoken until 43:07)
31:02 – Meth addicts are going around neighborhoods, finding houses that are being fumigated, opening up the tarp and stealing anything they want from the houses. Jah suggests that they might as well turn the house into a meth lab for 48 hours
47:41 – First digitally-enhanced segment intro:
She was a lovely girl. I respected her in every way. She enjoyed going to the river, which was walking distance from her somewhat modern log cabin that sat peacefully in the hills of Orcas Island off the store of Washington State. She claimed that the river had more in it that just water. She said it contained the answer to self contentment, and she would go to it to praise it and admire it. She couldn't explain it to me in any more depth than that. But I think that it was the deepest explanation of anything I had ever heard.
Seth: “You are fucking bananas dude. What’s the river?”
28:47 – Jonathan pissed on his own shirt the night before
29:55 – Seth’s buddies would go to open houses and steal prescription pills from medicine cabinets; Jah says he looked up a hot realtor, went to an open house in the Palisades and raped one about six months ago
42:31 – Fan refers to J-dog as “Baby Fielding”
5:54 – It’s America’s weekend. Seth: “…we taught that empire a lesson on who’s the boss.” Jonathan: “When we Tony Danza’d the Brits.”
19:22; 42:07 – Seth blows it for J-dog by revealing that he is married
15:13 – Seth’s Plymouth Sundance is a 1993 model
25:52 – More pizzas delivered to homes than any other night in U.S. history – OJ Simpson Bronco chase
46:33 – Seth gives Jah the opportunity to plug his and Amir’s band, Jogger, but Jah refuses to do it
59:23 – Who do you want to call before we disembowel you? “8-8-8 … 8-4-2 … 2-3-5-seeeeeveNN!”
11:30 – J & S going off on David Beckham
14:38 – Seth blasts New York for cabbing, walking and taking the subway
34:15 – Jonathan reading all the names of hunting shows and growing increasingly more pissed off until he starts dropping crazy F-bombs: “… fuckfaces hunting, redneck asshole, die in a pool of your own fucking cum asshole step outside shoot ‘em with a gun arrow bullet fuckface white fuck america fuck fat fuck fuck fuck rape your kids your kids are retarded they have Down’s syndrome because you’re all inbred fuck fuck kill ’em fuck. … on America’s hunting network.”
37:39 – Jah: “Where’s Hunting With Ted Shitfuck?!!”
52:31 – Jonathan on the guy at the bank with a Myspace mesh hat: “… How’s your ebay socks you fucking shithead?! How’s your myspace hat you shitwad!?”