View Episode 022
Originally aired 07.10.06
1:00:50 – Seth brings it back. This time it’s the last thing said
16:20 – Florida: State of emergency
49:02 – UYD: Fuck it, hit it, love it
1:00:03 – UYD: We love you
4:35 – J: “Is this about energy drinks?”
0:17 – Kobayashi wins 6th straight hot dog eating contest
50:37 – Hoarding Syndrome: Seth keeps everything; he’s the king of the packrats and can’t throw anything away. He also has ASPD, or Anti-Social Personality Disorder, because he’s a dick who can’t play with others
37:16 – South African woman is making boldly false statements that she is the world’s oldest person at 132 years old. Longest-living man of all time was a Japenese man in the mid-80s who was 120. … Oldest person in the world right now is a 116-year-old Ecuadorian woman – Maria Ester Dicapovilla, whom Jah and Seth do not believe. Tennessee woman Lizzie Bolden is 115 years old, oldest American living, born Aug. 15, 1890.
10:15 – (creepy chipmunk intro) man ordered to stop recruiting sex offenders; patrolman runs woman over sunbathing; man sits on top of woman for 5 hours and punches her every time she opens her eyes, etc.
4:27 – Jah’s theory is proven true when a baby was born in Wal-Mart
40:02 – Poughkeepsie, NY – Man puts $70 price tag on a $1,400 big screen TV
45:46 – My Party Doll - $5,000 a pop
32:16 – Paul Wall feat. Kanye West – “Drive Slow”
30:48 – Travis Tritt – “You Can’t Count Me Out Yet” (with UYD substituted for the word “us)
55:14 – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is dating Paul Giamatti. Giamatti fucked The Rock and gave him the Chagas
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
56:21 – What would be worse? Getting fingered by Paul Giamatti or having to fuck Nicole Richey? Jah: “Nicole Richey.”
56:52 – Seth: “Two movies, which would you rather see: Clerks 2 or Lady In The Water?” Jah: “I would see Lady In The Water but I got physically violent after seeing The Village.”
34:01 – Untitled:
Embrace your naybor / For he is your brother / Fear not the vulture, children / For we have our culture, heal them / Strong as the ocean / Faith heals commotion / Come along and sing my song / Guidance comes when you stand strong / Differ between whats right and wrong / As I and I chant a joyful psalm / And I ask the leaders of this here Babylon: / "Who gave you the right to ignore the world of the highest one / Where you gonna run downpresser man after you have your fun / And I promise Jah get ya for what ya done" / And Jah Jah make sure that your day come / Embrace your naybor / For he is your brether / Fear not the vulture, children / For we have our culture, heal them / Strong as the ocean / Faith heals commotion / Come along sing my song / Guidance comes when you stand strong
Seth: “Who the fuck are the vulture children?!!”
22:06 – Jonathan recounts a tough four days in his life: pisses on self, forgets parents’ anniversary, forgets Amir Yaghmai’s birthday, makes wife Justine late for flight to NY, forgets one-year wedding anniversary, locks keys in own car w/ car running, A/C going and stereo on for 35 minutes.
42:47 – Jonathan finally got to go out to the American Girl Store and had a full panic attack. Jah said the second level sent him to a dark place. He really thought Seth was exaggerating but “it is the devil’s work.” Seth: “Oh it’s the devil’s handiwork when you see dolls lined up at the salon getting their hair done, getting manis and pedis.” Jah said they went into the café and it got even worse. The waiters were “begging me to throw them off the balcony.” What also made it worse is the moms were twice as into it as the daughters
44:20 – Seth was creeped out at the American Girl store because a couple moms looked at him like, What are you doing here?, “and I couldn’t express to them just because I’m crazy but the other guy I’m looking at is there because he’s… triple crazy. Like, that’s weird… that’s kind of a heavy coat you’re wearing and those are weird trousers. Why are you wearing weird glasses, man?”
6:10 – Crazy words added to Webster’s Dictionary (ex: mouse potato) Jah: “You’re such a mouse potato! Why don’t you get out and take a walk?!”
16:37 – Jah eats his first-ever fluffernutter sandwich before the show. Jah enjoyed his first one, then loved his second one with extra fluff
4:27 – Seth claims Jonathan’s theory is proven correct when a baby was born in Wal-Mart
44:54 – Seth on super fruits at the American Girl store: “ ‘Hey, how can we help you?’ You can help me by showing me the exit. I’m going to have a full panic attack.”
57:52 – Jonathan and Seth going off on Clerks fans on Myspace. Seth: “Will you stop wearing denim shorts and hockey jerseys, you douchebag?”
54:30 – S: “When I see Asian people wearing masks, do they know something I don’t know.”