View Episode 033
Originally aired 09.25.06
59:32 – Seth: “Wear your seatbelts and start showering.”
1:02:09
35:38 – UYD: So good it’s crazy
36:44 – UYD: Hollywood fruitcakes
37:23 – UYD: Pecan orchard
40:41 – LA Zoo: Sit still nuts
58:30 – Dateline: To catch a mute
18:07 – Monday night Sept. 25, ESPN Monday Night Football, Saints vs. Falcons at the Superdome; Tuesday night, HBO, Wait ‘Til Next Year: The Saga of the Chicago Cubs at 10 p.m.; also Tuesday night, ABC, 9:30 p.m.: Help Me Help You starring Ted Danson; and the 32nd season premier of Saturday Night Live on Saturday, Sept. 30, with Dane Cook as host and The Killers as musical guests.
12:51 – The ultimate energy drink – Cocaine
49:52 – Trymethylamineuria: chemical produced in your body that makes you reek of dead rotting fish, strikes mainly women
51:48 – Mom tasered by son while picking him up from school; man attacks girlfriend with ax; judge jerking it in his chambers; man attacks ice cream clerk violently because he “wanted cigarettes;” two elderly women in intensive care unit from severe heat stroke from being locked in cars (all they had to do was open the door) Seth: “Hey Florida, your old people are wicked old.”
32:56 – Young Dro – “Rubberband Banks” (not spoken until 33:54)
28:44 – Alan Jackson – “Chatahoochie” (not dictated until 29:59)
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
5:40 – PBR 5 real bulls, 5 fake bulls
22:54 – Seth: “Who would you rather kick the shit out of, Howie Mandel or John Stossel?” Jonathan: “No question, John Stossel.”
26:07 – Jonathan: “Would you rather watch however many episodes it would take to make up a feature length film (2 episodes) of Jericho OR watch the Robin Williams/Laura Linney movie coming out (Man of the Year)?” Seth: “You can watch Patch Adams and Mrs. Doubtfire as a double feature or Man of the Year one and a half times.” Jonathan: “Man of the Year.” Seth: “How about a 90-minute lunch at the Ivy with Robin Williams or being locked in a jail cell with all the people from TCAP that have ever been arrested.” Jonathan: “I’d have to go with TCAP.”
56:52 – Seth: “Have you joined the mile high club?” Jonathan: “Does jacking off count?” Seth: “Yes. … No.”
31:21 – Seth and Willie Nelson have a love for the same thing: mushrooms
0:49 – Seth: “If you could get on the show as a predator, we’ll send you autographed headshots.” … Jah: “I was trying to think at what point would you say ‘OK, OK, I’ve seen enough.’ You can’t watch enough of it. They should put it on every day at 6:30 p.m.” (2:58)
58:30 – Seth: “Dateline: To Catch A Mute. … A lot of grunting and moaning. Your screen name here says 6969ballsdeep69cumshot69semen. … Wooooo! …How do you plead? … Mwhhhee. You plead awesome. I’ll see you next Friday you fuckin’ awesome awesome guys.”
42:14 – Title not mentioned:
My room is a mess / My life is a mess / My purpose here is no longer clear / For me or anyone around me / If I had the knowledge of the reason why / If I had the courage to ask the reason why / All I do is sit / Shallow as a puddle of piss / Redefining sin / Living / Waiting for...
Seth mocks the poem: “It’s like a pool of piss and shit. Anybody know the answer? Where’s my peanut butter? Outie … 5,000!”
11:52 – At Survival Camp, Jah gets caught in the hills shoving a tub of Goober into his face after jacking it from one of the counselors
29:01 – Alan Jackson’s song “Chatahoochie” got Seth across the country from Boston to Hollywoodland. He moved out to LA with a dream in 1995 to do a podcast. He put his word processor in the back of his father’s Volvo, he and his two buddies Josh and Brian got in the Volvo and did some mushrooms. The song got real to them when they were in Tennesee on a bridge and saw a green sign that said CHATAHOOCHIE
47:22 – Seth’s story about having a Boba tea drink, getting shitrocked drunk at night and puking out the Boba beads that never broke down on some broad’s front porch
48:25 – Seth’s story about being at 3 of Clubs, covering a bathtub with 56 marachino cherries, being surrounded by 59 bottles of beer passed out on a couch, then having a night terror and knocking all the bottles on the floor
24:13 – Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz, Finesse Mitchell all fired from SNL. Jah: “If Tim Meadows can’t get fired, how the fuck can Horatio Sanz get fired?!”
31:21 – The “Red-Headed Stranger” Willie Nelson got pulled over with a pound and a half of marijuana and 91 grams of mushrooms
36:11 – LW McNutt Jr. – Collin Street Bakery famous for mail-order holiday fruitcakes. From October – December, 1.5 million are sold. One customer was turned away in 1979 – Ayatollah Khomeini following Iran hostage crisis
43:54 – Gary Glitter’s song Rock & Roll Part 2 has been banned from NFL stadiums b/c Glitter is a peed
45:43 – Oxford Dictionary’s new words: aerobicised, hoodie, crunk, yogalates, etc.
2:03 – Jah requests Abraham Benrubi to play him in the UYD ABC Movie of the Week; Seth want Corin Nemec to play him; Sandra Bullock will play Jennifer the UYD intern
38:44 – Seth has never eaten a fruitcake and Jah hasn’t met anyone who likes them
1:01:05 – Seth: “I get a large coffee with two shots of espresso, it costs $2.90. How much do you think said coffee was in October of ’95.” Jah: “$1.25.” Seth: “FUCK YOU!”
22:30 – Seth and Jah hammer Deal or No Deal
40:00 – Seth blasts guy at the LA Zoo with cell phone trying to take picture of jaguar’s nuts: “Why are you wearing a tank top and denim shorts right now dude? Hey, this is my Hoby tank top and my Asics Tigers. Sit still nuts. …”
45:14 – Seth and Jah rip on Red Bar Radio for just plain sucking
1:00:17 – Seth blasts Starbucks for raising prices again