View Episode 035
Originally aired 10.16.06
1:01:33 – Seth: “No to intercourse, but yes to seatbelts.”
1:02 – UYD: Upping your dosage
21:02 – UYD: Tomorrow’s school shooting… today
47:00 – UYD: Support fair trade
56:14 – UYD: UYD in ’08
58:10 – UYD: Getting it for free
12:18 – Lisa Ling doing a National Geographic Explorer profile on The World’s Most Dangerous Drug, crystal meth, on Wednesday at 5 and 8 p.m. on National Geographic; Oct. 21, Comedy Central, When The Leaves Blow Away, an hour-long comedy special by Steven Wright; Sunday night, Season 2 premiere of Breaking Bonaduce with Danny Bonaduce, who is about as played out as meth.
42:56 – Leesburg, FL students roll into class wearing KKK outfits and parents get upset that they’re getting disciplined because it’s “Halloween;” school photo of Orlando first-grader doctored by studio to give her cleavage; woman wearing wig robs bank directly across from FBI building and gets away; woman scalds potential rapist posing as cable repair guy with pot of hot water; 72-year-old woman in a Naples hospital b/c her cab driver drove through a fence, went out onto a tarmac and slammed into an airplane, the wing of the plane went through the windshield and hit the woman in the head in the back seat; kid gets dive stick stuck in his butt and his parents sue Wal-Mart; I-4 closed down because there was a crash and the whole freeway was covered in baked beans; Jacksonville father keeps son locked in his room for three years with surveillance equipment to monitor him, etc.
48:47 – Jah: “This is a combo This Week In Florida / This Week In Wal-Mart.”
21:26 – A) Mom tries to trade 4-year-old son for wedding gown; B) Woman in argument with boyfriend, hits him repeatedly with head of 4-week-old baby. Jonathan’s reaction at finding out the age of the child that died: “Fuck you. Are you kidding me?” Seth: “What are you going to do? You’re throwing shit. The kid’s there. She’s in the moment.”
38:09 – Johnny Light – toilet that illuminates at night
41:27 – mytwin.com
32:32 – OUT: Pennies, cursive handwriting. IN: Getting on flights to keep up frequent flier miles.
51:53 – Weird Al Yankovic – “White and Nerdy” (not spoken until 53:33)
54:54 – Carrie Underwood – “Before He Cheats”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
43:25 – Jah has to say “Ku Klux Klansman outfits” three times fast and fails miserably
3:55 – 1 vs. 100 preempts TCAP. Howard Stern rips off the TCAP bit.
57:08 – Jonathan announces this segment will be going on a hiatus because he is contractually obligated not to read poetry for free (getmortified.com) … He then reads "Walk with Me" at 58:54:
They clench their fists in ire / All too anxious to milk the desire / Breath new life into their reality / Oh won't you, won't you walk with me / If I've cut thee / An apology / Oh won't you, won't you walk with me / Its an awkward sensation / The knowing / The light / But I plead / Unstitch their eyes / Let them have sight / Breath new life into their reality / Oh won't you, won't you walk with me
14:03 – Jonathan’s story about his encounter with Steven Wright
18:14 – Jah was arrested when he was 16 and was featured in a National Enquirer as a TV star’s son getting busted. Seth tried to track down the archived edition from the Enquirer but the paper lost most of their stuff after the anthrax scare (Episode 110, 52:09)
40:28 – Jah was getting a burrito at Baja Fresh; spots a Hispanic woman with crazy glow-in-the-dark acrylic nails behind the counter, punches her in the face and calls her a stupid raver and leaves
50:24 – Ohio doctor stripped of his license after treating patients by “traveling back in time and healing them before their injury occurs.”
54:06 – Sarah Evans (country artist who sang “Cheatin’”) dropped out of Dancing With the Stars because her husband was in fact cheating on her
0:01 – Hilarious intro mocking other podcast intros
33:12 – Jah’s handwriting is the equivalent of a failed graffiti artist and a 9-year-old
1:01:14 – Jah feels like Seth had so much flavor this episode but Jah didn’t bring any of his A game
7:47 – Seth going off on guy with buttplug and clamping metal things on his balls: “You’re supposed to get a malted with two straws and then after a month you maybe make out in the park. Dude, CALM DOWN!” … Dudes sending balls. “Brad Pitt could be sending his balls and that would be gross! You’re NOT Brad Pitt and you’re sending your balls. Where’s your brain at?! These guys are so fucked up! Hey man, I’m 400 fucking pounds and balding. This is my combover but these are my crazy nuts. And they got clamps on them. And I got a buttplug in. And there’s watermelon all over my body!” (9:16)
40:28 – Jonathan: “I was dealing with a Hispanic woman the other day…I was getting a burrito at Baja Fresh.”