View Episode 039
Originally aired 11.20.06
1:02:32
17:56 – UYD: Robots carrying old people
38:21 – UYD: Cleaning up all over town
29:56 – Two TV picks this week, both reality shows. The first is the longest-running reality show on television. Jah doesn’t know it until Seth gives him the hint “Inner Circle.” COPS returns Saturday night, Nov. 25 at 8 p.m. with “Bad Girls: Special Edition #10,” when an 18-year-old prostitute gets tasered by her pimp. TV’s second-longest reality show is also back on with Season 18 of The Real World in Denver, Colo. Jah then talks about a Girls Gone Wild Real World where former cast members go out and tell girls to show them their tits.
0:18 – Fuelosophy
49:31 – Toiletphobia a.k.a. parcopresis a.k.a. Bashful Bladder Syndrome: Seth can’t go to the bathroom outside of his own residence. Over 4 million people suffer from this
55:34 – (great intro) paraplegic man run over by car wakes up in a hospital with two traffic tickets attached to chest, police said he didn’t have proper working lights on his wheelchair, plus the moving violation; sheriff deputy’s car crushed by an SUV as he’s pulling into an adult bookstore late at night; dudes rob convenience store in Orange County wearing Scream masks; ex-con released from prison in 2003 after 20 years in death row because of DNA evidence, beat his wife twice and was thrown back in prison; police looking for 9-year-old girl who had Lego blocks hidden under her jacket, then pulled a knife on an employee and rode off on her bicycle; Lakeland family hiding pot plants in baby’s crib; etc.
45:27 – A) Mom throws child into oncoming traffic; B) Mom puts child into backpack and throws into river
38:45 – Tasty golf tees (mint, cherry, strawberry, grape)
40:46 – The Lousebuster - lice hair dryer ($1,000)
0:53 – Seth put on weightlifting gloves and he, Stacy Church and Greg Burns drove his mother’s two-door Honda Civic to steal a BP sign from his best friend at home, Brian Peters
20:52 – Jah was having a conversation with a woman, who, after two hours of talking they realized they knew each other. She asked Jah how old he was and after he said 29, she says, “Oh, so you’re right in the throws of your Saturn return.” At this point Jah realizes he’s just about to enter his true beginning of adulthood
25:47 – Jonathan’s story about being caught by parents humping pillow and watching bodybuilding: “Oh… uhh, I was just waiting for the guys.” (resurfaces again at 43:18 – Jah: “I do this a little bit here and there and you don’t do it at all…” Seth: “Fuck pillows?”)
33:17 – When Seth visited California when he was younger he went to TCBY, and when he got back to Massachusetts he kept talking about it and pissing people off: Yeah, I was out in Cali. We were at a TCBY. It’s cool, it’s frozen yogurt dog, it’s fro-yo.
34:16 – The first year Seth’s parents visited him in LA they were wearing shorts, he told them he was getting local and he wanted them to cut the shit and wear Dockers. His dad walked from the 101 down Gower to Roscoe’s at midnight when Hollywood was not safe
36:09 – When Seth first got out to LA in September of ’95, he was talking to a cop who referred to “snowbirds,” the migratory idea that hookers leave cold states in the winter to come to the West Coast to trick
36:42 – Jonathan’s hooker story: “She was literally one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life.”
39:46 – Jah went to a crazy Montessori pre-school where the kids weren’t bathed because their parents were doing past-life transgressions and couldn’t rear their kids. Jah went to do the blacklight test and a filthy kid in front of him was getting examed right before Jah, they pulled back his jet-black hair to expose all kinds of white lice. He got so disgusted by it and was sent home because he had picked up a louse himself.
42:39 – Jah was at Starbucks and there was a dude outside opening his PS3 and showing it to the other dude. He thinks the one dude paid the other to go get it for him
51:05 – Jonathan’s story about pissing his pants during the Jackson 5 Victory Tour. The dad who took him wouldn’t let him go b/c Jacko broke into a solo performance, Jah pissed himself, the song ends and the dad takes him to the trough, Jah faux-pisses and gets a ride home in a limo with piss-stained pants
53:39 – Jah: “How are my childhood memories treating you this week?”
7:58 – U2charist – Episcopalian churches across the country are kicking off Sunday masses with “Pride” and “In The Name Of Love”
11:33 – At the annual meeting of American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology in Philadelphia this week, they find that many women are allergic to their spouse’s semen. One solution is allergy shots with small doses of the male partner’s semen and the other is a technique called intravaginal seminal graded challenge (ISGC)
23:35 – Heidi Fleiss is opening a stud farm with first big stallion under contract, Mike Tyson
42:00 – People getting shot and nerds getting jumped outside of game stores for their PS3s
32:14 and 32:22 – Jonathan’s horrible Boston accent
38:34 – Seth and Jonathan play golf every Sunday, Jah also plays every Wednesday
39:35 – Seth had lice once and Jonathan twice as kids
3:39 and 6:42 – Seth and Jonathan go off on David Blaine’s gyroscope trick. Jah: “Are you a magician? Are you going to show me a card and then put it in a deck and pull it out later on? Are you going to pull something out of my ear?”
5:19 – Jonathan goes off on the “Mindfreak” Criss Angel and Paris Hilton
43:38 – Jah goes off on people buying PS3s for their snotnose twerp kids to look like the best parents, even though there’s no games for it yet: “Dude, they’re gonna be 300 bucks in like three weeks. Could you tell your fucking retard kid to just chill out for a second, have a fucking Fuelosophy, sit the fuck down, wait for New Year’s and I’ll get you one in mid-January in 07. … Stop fucking stabbing people so your stupid fucking kid can just tell his other friends who can’t have one that he has one! There’s no games for it dude!!! There’s nothing on the fucking system yet!!!”