View Episode 051
Originally aired 02.12.07
51:16 – UYD: Gay eaters
1:02:09 – UYD: Valentine’s Week
33:56 – Friday night, 11 p.m., HBO, Real Time With Bill Maher; Saturday night, 8 p.m., FOX, COPS: Tough Takedowns; 9 p.m. on FOX, America’s Most Wanted: Sexual Predators; Sunday night, CYLL on Fox News, The Half Hour News Hour.
7:58 – A) Mom prepares contract with boyfriend and 15-year-old daughter – daughter must have sex with boyfriend two times a week for two months; B) Mom lets boyfriend have sex with 15-year-old because he wanted to; she joins in sometimes – shows up to court wearing “#1 Mom” t-shirt
11:44 – A) Georgia father sues Campbell soup after poisoning boy’s soup with Prozac and lighter fluid; B) Oregon father stuns 18-month-old son with 100,000-volt stun gun because he was crying too much
26:46 – OUT: Cyberbullying. IN: Teacher baiting
54:47 – BG – “Make ‘Em Mad” (not spoken until 56:56)
57:44 – Trace Adkins – “Little Ladies Love Country Boys”
29:29 – Meth addicts are pissing in jugs and either drinking it or putting it back into the cooking process because they’re finding a lot of pure crystal meth going through the urine. Seth: “Now that’s the real Mountain Dew right there.” … Jah explains that peyote is the same way and goes through the body unaltered. Dudes he used to know would trip on it and then drink their own piss. … The furthest Seth went was having a girl blow pot smoke in his mouth
0:53 – Long Beach recap Part II – making fun of female decoy who looks like Ricky Gervais; man who says “That ain’t mine. That ain’t my prick.” … One dude gets there and bolts out the door when he sees Dr. Hansen, gets in his car and peels out with the cops chasing him. … Another guy sends in a 15-year-old decoy for recon, then bolts and leaves the kid in there. Jah can’t believe this because for all he knew, the kid could be getting shivved … Another says he only has a couple chocolate-flavored condoms left; etc.
35:12 – Of all the people taken down in Long Beach, 19 have already faced the judge. Judge feels slightly sorry for them and as part of a plea bargain they all got probation and 60 hours of community service and must register as sex offenders
6:33 – Mike Maylott took Seth’s head and put it in the snow and gave him a whitewash while Seth’s childhood buddies Brian and Jack ran off on him
20:09 – Jonathan’s story about getting hustled. He pulled into a gas station, went inside and noticed a woman standing outside. As he came out she walked up to him and said her truck broke down. Immediately he suspects a hustle. She says she’s out of gas, then points to the U-Haul truck by the pump and says she has to get back to Thousand Oaks. Jah agrees and puts his Debit card in, then the lady says she came from Chula Vista and she’s on her way to Eureka. He tells her to tell him when to stop. He stops at $20, puts the pump back in and she’s driving off while Jah is standing there like an asshole. He decides that he’s OK with getting taken because he’ll buy anyone gas
36:35 – Jonathan and Seth were watching Minority Report at the Arclight when man stands up in theater: “Shame on you Spielberg! Shame on you!” Jah did the same thing during Norbit, he yelled “You fell off Eddie! You fell off!” Then he had to come back into the theater and clarify that he meant Eddie Griffin, not Murphy
16:32 – Signs up in Beijing in preparation for the ’08 Olympics: THE SLIPPERY ARE VERY CRAFTY; SHOW MERCY TO THE SLENDER GRASS; DEFORMED MAN (over picture of handicapped toilet); fertility clinic features movie poster with Steve Martin and Cheaper by the Dozen; HOSPITAL FOR ANUS DISEASE; CUNT EXAMINATION with an arrow pointing toward the gynecological clinic; PLEASE ENJOY USE OF THIS FRESH AND COOL STICK THAT QUENCH THIRST WILL on a dude’s ice cream wrapper; HE REPAIRS COTTAGES AND ALSO PLANTS FLOWERS. HIS EAGERNESS TO DO GOOD MAKES HIM ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR on the Alien 2 DVD cover
42:33 – Former NBA player John Amaechi comes out and tells the world he is homosexual. Players from the Philadelphia 76ers are not down with it
58:46 – 23-year-old Scott Hines of Augusta, Md., is being sued by the Recording Industry of America for illegal downloads. They’re randomly targeting people to send a message to the everyman. And what did Scott download? “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman, “What Would You Say?” by Dave Matthews Band and “Don’t Know Why” by Nora Jones. Jah: “You could square one over right away: He can’t even be sued for Tracy Chapman because that literally was the only way he could actually get a copy of that song. I live in Los Angeles. If you sent me out in the world right now, I could meet you back here in 24 hours. I could scour the city and I could somehow not find that song.”
24:28 – Department of Medicine and Microbiology at NYU School of Medicine released a new study - took 3 guys, 3 girls and swabbed the forearms, found that human skin had an average of 182 species of bacteria – 8% which they have no idea what it is
26:15 – Jonathan lashes back at voicemail callers who are correcting him, telling him it’s “Give me the beat boys…” Jah says it’s “Give me the Beach Boys” by Desmond Tutu
48:43 – Jonathan: Van Morrison, BB King, Nolan Ryan and George Brett are going to all come out this year.