2006 for fuckin life


View Episode 054


Originally aired 03.05.07


34:15 – Seth: “We always tell you to wear your seatbelts. Today we’re saying wear your seatbelts and keep your passport in your house.”

58:30 – Seth: “Most importantly – whether you’re driving, whether you’re a passenger, just please – you gotta wear your seatbelts, man.”

TV Picks

36:24 – Beckham and Posh are coming to Los Angeles. The creators of American Idol will team up with NBC for a 6-part reality show about their arriving in Los Angeles. … Seth gives a wrap-up of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? The questions were impossible. Foxworthy kept talking to the child actors on the show and saying things like “You look like you forgot your bookbag,” “You look like you lost your locker combination,” “You look like you don’t have any lunch money.” A dude from Boston who was dumb as shit got on there and said he would buy a camouflaged Lamborghini if he won the prize money

39:21 – Vincent Pastore had to drop out of Dancing With The Stars; ABC is doing a pilot based on the Geico caveman commercials – they’re in modern-day Atlanta battling caveman prejudices; Seth loves Maui Fever but now he’s down with The Agency on VH1 (CYLL); VH1 also has Australia’s Next Top Model on Monday nights from 10 to 11:30 p.m.

46:07 - More of Seth's wrap-up from Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? Foxworthy asks the Masshole "How many E's are in the phrase: PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE?" The dude keeps going, "OK, 'the' is one..." Foxworthy gets up in his grill and keeps repeating it, and the Masshole finally figures it out.

Energy Drinks

28:23 – Diet Pepsi Max – 1/3 more caffeine than Diet Mt. Dew

29:03 – Spikes Shooter Energy Drink – warning on label: no one under 18 should drink (200 mg caffeine per 8 oz) – two dudes on a dare drank several of them, went to hospital

This Week In Florida

17:49 – Video footage released of woman driving into DMV – in surveillance footage, man wearing a Superman costume runs away; mother strangles daughter with an electrical cord after the daughter keeps skipping school; Seminole County woman calls and said her boyfriend is hitting her 2-year-old boy – man denies it and says he was flicking him, even though they found a fist-sized imprint on the boy; Cocoa man gets into a car accident, goes back to apartment complex and lights it on fire; man in Tampa goes into a Social Services office and lights building on fire after he wasn’t helped promptly enough; man working at Animal Kingdom clearing out rhino exhibit, co-worker doesn’t like the way he was doing it so he lit the exhibit on fire; etc.

This Week In Scientology

45:13 – Jah references Will Smith beating his son, Jaden, with a Book of Dianetics

Product of the Week

27:23 – Miller Lite is coming out with 7-ounce bottle and 8-ounce mini cans, as well as Miller Chill – a low-calorie beer with a hint of lime and salt

Who's Mommin' Harder

5:58 – Best Principal of the Week? A) Tampa principal buys $20 worth of crack in his office and tries to smoke it there; B) Bethlehem PA principal buying and selling meth sitting naked and masturbating to gay porn in his office during arrest

7:51 – A) Colorado mom trades 5-month-old for down payment on a Dodge Intrepid and pocket money; B) Washington mom coaches kids from ages 4 and 8 to fake mental retardation and has collected social security benefits worth nearly $300,000

9:36 – A) Texas dad drunk on ATV, takes 9-month-old for ride, loses control, kid eats pavement; B) Drunk Virginia dad lets 14-year-old son drive car, goes off road, hits tree, teen ejected from car 10:58 (Craziest dude) – A) Boyfriend tries to suffocate and choke girlfriend, then jab with cordless phone and shove explosives in her mouth, then tells her to go get him breakfast; B) Dude dumps dog by school, but teacher and animal control officer catch man screwing the dog – get in fistfight

Hip Hop Song of the Week

13:56 – Crime Mobb – “Rock Yo Hips”

Country Song of the Week

16:12 – Shania Twain – “Any Man Of Mine”

16:54 – Joe Nichols – “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”

Games That Jonathan and Seth Play

1:47 – Top 5 songs in 1984 vs. top 5 songs today

To Catch A Predator

21:34 – Flagler Beach recap – Jack Osborne has been ditched. … Egyptian Muslim comes in with $1,400 in cash in his pocket, claiming he was just walking by when this girl called him in. … 24-year-old landscaper with long hair, a Jack Daniels shirt, some weed, a Mountain Dew. Jah: “I would’ve cut him loose.” … thenamestheygivearedumb, a Tae Kwon Do instructor, goes: “I haven’t done anything … yet.” … italianlover37 rolls in in a Mazda RX7 to meet a male decoy and comes in the house feverishly sweating. What was he going to do? Just talk to him. What were you going to talk to him about? Baseball …. F-f-football. … Citizen of Nepal, a chemistry teacher, says Dateline is “pretty funny.” Seth: “Is it funny because you brought flowers and chocolates but let me tell you something dude – when girls say they want chocolates, that doesn’t mean a candy bar. Chocolates means, like, a box of chocolates, not like a Whatchamacallit. Hey I got you chocolates. Dude that’s a Payday, what are you doing?” (25:26) … dude getting interviewed by cop: You were going to have sex with her? Whoa, whoa whoa, what? Like sexual things, like fingering her. Yeah, that’s fine, I thought you meant intercourse. I was going to finger her…woman cop, with a blazer on.

UYD Stories

1:20 – UYD listener gets pulled over in Blythe traveling 110 mph listening to UYD

22:21 – Seth references the Haro bike he got for Christmas when he was a kid – front pegs, back pegs, full 360-degree handlebars. “I’m going to name my first son Haro. Haro Romatelli.”

30:32 – Jonathan got a letter yesterday that he was in collections for a $1,000 bill for a Home Depot card account that was opened up in a city he doesn’t live in. Jah calls collections agency and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Collections implies that Justine opened the account, which Jah dismisses. Jah dismisses an ex-girlfriend because he’s been with Justine for nine years. They ask if he’s ever lived on Tower Road in Denver Colorado, they had his SSN and everything. Jah made the lady laugh on the phone, calls Citibank, has to go to a police department and fill out a full report. Police said he wouldn’t get his affadavit for 3 weeks because they’re so backed up with ID theft cases. Jah warns that people will still target dudes w/o money because they can open up new lines of credit on you

UYD News

4:09 – NAACP Image awards – Best male lead: Isaiah Washington

34:23 – Splash and grab in Massachusetts – douse a cashier’s face with hot coffee and take the register

35:17 – It’s quite fashionable in the UK for young girls to get pregs. Jah does a female British accent: Like all me mates would see me bump right, and then I’m like, I want one of them.

42:38 – Netflix ships its 1 billionth DVD – took 7 ½ years to do it (7 mos. less than it took McDonald’s to sell their billionth hamburger). It was a guy from Texas and he received a lifetime free subscription to Netflix. What was his movie? Jah guesses The Marine, but it was Babel.

47:44 – Kevin Russell of Gary, IN, arrested at Chase Bank for trying to cash a check signed by God

48:44 – UPS has an agreement with cities to get tickets and then write one big check at the end of the year – wrote a check for $18.7 million to New York City for 2006

49:30 – San Francisco proclaims Feb. 23 as “Colt Studio Day” – only Colt Studio turns out to be a gay porn production studio

52:18 – New steroid ring is exposed, found a book with the name Evan Fields in it with a phone number. Evander Holyfield answers the phone and says he doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Seth: “Hey, when you answer the phone because there’s a number next to your name, you straight did it.”

Extra Notes

50:30 – Jahnathan qualifies as a “bear.” A panda bear is an Asian guy, a cub is a young bear, an otter is a thin bear, Tony Soprano is the king of all bears. Jah originally thought a bear was an LL Bean lumberjack.

55:53 – Seth still wants to know the “I Can’t Drive 55” lyrics

Rants and Raves

37:34 and 47:15 – Seth reems Jeff Foxworthy and Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

44:43 – Seth rips on Jaden Smith for his performance at the Oscars

Racial & Religious Prejudice

0:17 – UYD is a podcast that is “funny, despite its racist undertones.”

3:48 – Jah did research, says they’ve referenced 5 black people and 6 Hispanic people, and about 2,200 white people