View Episode 069
Originally aired 06.16.07
1:03:37
13:22 – UYD: Tomorrow’s paper today
13:25 – UYD: Tomorrow’s school shooting today
9:15 – Jah admits he never watches any of the TV Seth talks about on the show, but he did sneak in 2 hours of a show called America’s Got Talent this week. He learned of a new term called a “Hasselhug,” which is a hug from judge David Hasselhoff if you’ve had a rough day. Jah thinks he and Paula Abdul should leg wrestle until they’re vomiting on each other. He sits there like a mean-eyed lazy drunk and keeps turning around and interacting with the live audience.
54:25 – Seth says that on Next Best Thing they had an Avril Lavigne impersonator who looked exactly like her. Seth claims there were too many Stevie Nicks impersonators to count, and many male Cher impersonators. … Seth watched Poor Man’s race at Hollywood Park with a bunch of beauty queens, and the girl from Russia won. Jerry Buss was there with a couple of Asians on his arm. … Seth observes that Carson Daly frequently has shitty musical guests on, and the girls in the front row are going crazy for them and singing along with all the words.
37:50 – GenXaphobia: Generation Y is so afraid of being old like Generation X-ers, that they’re taking preventative measures including botox, etc. They’re also upping their tech usage by twice as much because they’re so familiar with it
9:04 – OUT: Carmen Electra. IN: Pamela Anderson
46:26 – Lil’ Wayne – “You Ain’t Know”
47:54 – Eric Church – “Guys Like Me”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
0:37 – Jah: “Do you know what material can scratch a diamond?” Seth: “A fine piece of silk.” Jah: “Only a diamond can scratch or scuff another diamond.”
22:18 – Jah gives Seth two choices, both from the same year, Jah’s 10th grade year: A) Jah’s school paper write-up on his two-week field trip to Mexico (can’t include the fact he was smoking cocaine and watching Mexican porn on a projector in his room); or B) His book report on A Clockwork Orange. Seth chooses Clockwork but says the Mexico trip will be included in Episode 070
49:57 – Jah: “Would you rather be blind or deaf?” Seth: “Don’t even start this with me. No one in the world would disagree with me. (bangs his head) Oww! What was that Seth? I’m blind. I just walked into something. Hey we’ll see you somewhere Seth. Oh no we won’t, you’re blind.” Jah: “Hey what are you doing Seth? I’m listening to Dark Side of the Moon. Oh, I can’t hear it and have my life changed because I’m deaf.” Seth: “Fuck! Let’s just agree to disagree.”
50:34 – Seth: “Would you rather be punched in the throat or kicked in the balls?” Both would rather be kicked in the balls.
52:46 – Seth: “What would you rather listen to: Avril Lavigne or Jack Johnson singing John Lennon’s “Imagine?” Jah goes with Jack Johnson.
58:20 – Seth sets stage for Jonathan’s first-runner-up screaming orgasm
32:46 – As a student drug addict, Jah would eat ecstasy and put Tiger Balm on his eyelids: two below his nostrils and two on the eyelids. “It feels like the wind is blowing through your eyeballs.”
33:23 – Seth did a similar drug experiment at Nocturnal Wonderland in India in ’96. He wore a tight silver raver shirt, gobbled up two hits of ecstasy, covered his face in Vick’s Vapor Rub and ran through the fields like Paul Oakenfold.
23:23 – Jah references naming a high school book report after a lyric from a Bob Marley song and sings “You Can’t Blame the Youth,” giving a Jah! flashback.
14:41 – Seth’s story about reading obsessive fan mail from Jolie that was sent to Jay Leno in March ’98 left behind by his former roommate and Tonight Show P.A. Seth reads some excerpts: “…are you mad at me because I went to the Icehouse? … Your show’s really funny tonight. You look better now than when you first did when I met you. You seem to have more life in you. I love that movie Little Mermaid. …” Jah: “I am so hard right now. I’ve never been so hard in all my life.” (19:16)
2:17 – Elijah Dukes revisited
5:12 – Prom at Riverdale Christian Academy – theme is Southern Plantation During the Civil War
21:06 – Woman arrested at Iowa County Courthouse caught stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a storage closet. Name? Susanne Butts
21:18 – Police and state tax force raid strip club in Pasadena and charge a dozen strippers with excessive nudity
21:32 – Warren Lewis, a barber in N. Memphis, has been cutting brothas’ hair with fire since 1965. Shop caught on fire and sustained $25,000 worth of damage b/c of the air conditioner repairman installing an updated system
42:58 – Oilman Gary Milby went missing and had several investors looking for him; he’s found on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16 standing in a Kentucky oilfield. His daughter Ariel is screaming “I love oil! Oil means shoes and cars and purses!”
44:15 – Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek (Tek 9) isn’t a big fan of Daisuke Matsuzaka’s tabby sock (Japanese sock where you put the foot in the sock and there’s a little container for each toe)
23:18 – Jonathan reads his book report on A Clockwork Orange, titled “You Can’t Blame the Youth.” An excerpt: “The book takes place at a time in the future when the world’s youth has gone mad. It’s much like the gang problem we are running into today. …”
35:48 – Seth and Jonathan both have plus-ones to Lindsey Lohan’s birthday party, and request listeners to submit all the reasons why they should take you to the party. Seth: “Type us a report.” Jah: “And by type a report we mean send us pictures of your tits.”
36:19 – Jonathan ponders: Do guys who take crazy hormones and grow boobs – are they susceptible to breast cancer?
42:11 – Seth’s cell phone rings in the studio
1:01:49 – Seth and Jonathan ponder having a celebrity guest on UYD
43:44 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Gary Milby and his daughter Ariel. Seth: “Hey Gary Milby, your daughter’s Ariel Milby and that sucks.” Jah: “That’s a shitty name!”
51:31 – Seth blasts Paul McCartney
53:38 – Jonathan and Seth use strong verbage to describe Avril Lavigne music: “It’s like an abortion inside your mind … It’s a back alley, late term, 1950s coat hanger abortion.”
57:02 – More rippage on Carson Daly and teens who attend his show
45:19 – Seth calls Jonathan a Jap
46:02 – Jah: “Jap beds are wicked hard.”
48:05 – Jah: “Church? Sinners? I’m going to fucking hate this guy.”