View Episode 070
Originally aired 06.22.07
1:02:58
36:10 – UYD: Amber energy
27:54 – Eminem – “Any Man”
31:23 – Rodney Atkins – “These Are My People”
7:30 – Jah once smoked coco puffs while on a school trip in Benjamin Hill, Mexico, which led to him throwing down a full coked-out sexual assault on a female classmate while watching Mexican porn
46:40 - "Tweeeiinns! Tripleeeets! Quintupleeets!"
1:20 – Jonathan dictates a paper he wrote in high school on his field trip to Benjamin Hill, Mexico. “…I was put somewhere to get away from the crap in my life and get completely engulfed in a different culture’s crap; to the point of forgetting about all the crap I had back at school and at home. The growing I did at B Hill with the natives was one thing, but I must comment on the amount I grew with others from my own school. …”
7:30 – Jah explains that his host in Benjamin Hill, Mexico, named Cain, found out early on that Jah was looking for weed and took him to a dude’s house (scariest guy Jah’s ever met) and he bought a huge bag of crazy marijuana from him. He got down toward the bottom of the bag and realized there was half a gram of cocaine lining the bottom of the bag and he’d been smoking a bag of coco puffs the whole time he was there. Cain also set up a movie viewing experience in Jah’s room with a film projector and the dirtiest Mexican porn Jah had ever seen. All of Jah’s friends were in there watching it while smoking coco puffs, and halfway through the movie Jah got a raging hard-on and forced everyone out of the room except for one girl, and had terrible coked-out awful sex with her while a crazy porn is playing on the projector in the background. He found this girl on Myspace recently, she’s married now, he sent her a message congratulating her on the baby and she never responded. Cain was 30-something years old and still in high school, he had a beautiful wife. He had two girlfriends who were 15-year-old high schoolers. Jah recalls he was a terrible man. Months later a teacher came up to him at school and said they kept getting phone calls at school from a man named Cain, because Jah had promised to send crazy shit down to Mexico for him. Jah recalls driving around the hills of Mexico in Cain’s pickup truck with a home stereo system rigged out in the back playing “Rastaman Vibration” and teaching them all the lyrics.
11:12 – Jonathan and Seth went to the Gelson’s in Valley Village about a year ago this weekend and made a bet: they had to pick 5 celebrities they thought they might run into. Seth recalls picking Carmen Electra and Tara Reid. As Jah got food, Seth went up and down the aisles and could not get a single celebrity. As they were walking out, Seth did see the father from Life Goes On, Bill Smitrovich
11:54 – It took Seth a year to go back to the Gelson’s in Valley Village to buy a Balance bar and an apple, sees a pregnant woman, smiles, then the man next to him, Jason Priestly. He shakes his hand, looks him dead in the eye and says “You are the greatest.” Wife starts laughing, Priestly thinks he might be kidding, then Seth says he’s totally serious.
13:55 – Jonathan saw Nicholson broken down on side of PCH with a flat tire. Jah rolled over and started to turn in, then saw it was Nicholson and rolled out
48:49 – Identical twins scare the fuck out of Seth. He watched Good Morning America the other night at 3 a.m. and sees identical quadruplet boys speaking secret telekinetic languages to each other. GMA has been following them their whole lives and now they’re on there at age 18. They’re asked about their secret language and the one who speaks for the group says “No, it’s more advanced now. We do it with their eyes.” Seth deletes it immediately, goes to bed and tries to never think about it again
14:22 – Elijah Dukes again
17:19 – Following shooting in Wisconsin, neighbors were interviewed and said they shrugged it off as Fourth of July fireworks – except it happened in early June. Seth: “Pop! Pop! Pop! Oh-ho-ho! You kids! Getting a start on things, right? These neighborhood kids!”
21:02 – Seroquel might help your bipolar disorder, but you’ll basically die if you take it. Here are the side effects listed in the magazine ad in 6-pt type: WARNINGS: INCREASED MORTALITY IN ELDERLY PATIENTS WITH DYMENTIA-RELATED PSYCHOSIS. PLEASE READ THE SUMMARY CAREFULLY AND THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR: PELVIC PAIN, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, CHILLS, FACE ADEMA, GUM HEMORRHAGE, IRREGULAR PULSE, RECTAL HEMORRHAGE, TONGUE ADEMA, AMNESIA, HALLUCINATIONS, HYPERKINESIA, MONONUCLEOSIS, ABNORMAL GAIT, PARANOID REACTION, URINARY RETENTION, INCOORDINATION, LIBIDO INCREASE, LIBIDO DECREASE, STOMATITIS, HEMORROIDS, GOUT, ACNE, ECZEMA, VAGINAL HEMORRHAGE, FEMALE LACTATION, KIDNEY FAILURE, EYE PAIN, BONE PAIN, VULVA VAGINITIS, TASTE PERVERSION. Jah: “It’s fine, it’s fine. Just take it.”
24:38 – Hostess is bringing back the banana filling in Twinkies
34:33 – Sports Illustrated Players section interviews Venus Williams, asks her about her perfect day. She said at night she would go to a concert because her favorite band is 311.
41:06 – Sir Isaac Newton in 1704 studied the book of Daniel in the Bible and concluded that the world would end in 2060
41:29 – Most popular baby names of 2000-2006. 14 million boys and 14 million girls have been born this millennium. Boys – 1) Jacob, 2) Michael. Girls – 1) Emily, 2) Madison. #986 for boys – Glen. #997 – Kanye. #980 for girls – Unique. #989 – Baby. #77 for boys – Seth. #175 – Jonathan.
5:45 – We learn the name of Jah’s high school, Verde Valley School in Sedona, AZ
10:35 – Lindsey Lohan cancels her birthday party, throwing Jah and Seth off
26:00 – Jonathan holds both microphones and talks into them as Seth goes to bust open a Twinkie. Seth loves it, and says it reminds him of sitting in Havana, Cuba, eating a Twinkie off the tree: “They hate us for our OG Twinkies”
47:21 – Jah and Seth try to figure out the difference between fraternal and identical twins, except they keep saying “paternal” and “maternal” and confuse the hell out of themselves and UYD listeners
48:33 – Seth thinks Jonathan should be the resident UYD Doctor, after the way he tried to explain the types of twins and how he thinks 1 in 10 black people have Down’s Syndrome (Episode 063, 28:33)
51:54 – Jonathan asks if everyone has by this point figured out that the news items Jah reads are simply things Seth has written down for him in advance
23:26 – Seth hammers Seroquel
36:15 – More pounding on Bruno Willis
33:11 – Jonathan blasts Nickelback and its followers
52:57 – Seth ramrods Robin Williams and his black guy character
56:09 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Paul McCartney, and then Ringo Starr for his shitty solo works
1:00:23 – Seth rips Danny Devito for not even making it to home plate when he threw out the first pitch at the Phillies game