View Episode 074
Originally aired 07.21.07
1:04:35
18:45 – UYD: Thick smile
55:42 – A) Arlington TX mom puts popsicle on 2-year-old’s head after he takes an 8-foot header off the stairwell – baby dies … Jonathan says that the kid shouldn’t die in “Who’s Mommin’ Harder?” because he gets a lot of submissions like that and it bums him out
12:01 – Jonathan explains the “no gay shit” paradox to Seth. Seth went on Casual Encounters to see for himself, and concludes that it’s all gay dudes who use the phrase “let me wrap a smile around that thick cock.” Seth finds one that says Took a Cialis, girlfriend’s working late. Anyone wanna come over and watch the game? Picture was a dude with his dick in his hand. … Before Seth realizes it he’s on there for three hours. More examples: Man it’s hot out. Know what I like to do to cool down? Wrap a smile around that cock! … Man, life is crazy. I like to chill. Sometimes with the fellas. You like to chill? I’m married! I like guys to chill with. WINK WINK! Seth: “But it’s a picture with his dick in his hand! That’s crazy chilling!” Seth also peruses Missed Connections: Hey, I was at Griffith Park. Did you see me? You were freeballing; I was too, it’s so hot. Your balls look huge. Dip ’em in my mouth? Seth: “I was like, this is unbelievable, this fucking crazy world of awesome hot gay action that’s happening!!” … I saw you. You were walking your dog. Your dog had a dick. I got a dick. You got a dick. Suck dick? …. Hey, what’s up, you know the movie 1409 with John Cusack? Meet me at the Edwards Cinema. I’ll be at the noon show tomorrow. I’ll be sitting in the far back. I’ll have my dick out. You can wrap your mouth around it. I’ll suck your balls. Cu-SACK! How will you know it’s me? My dick will be in my hand. Seth: “I guess that would be it. Hey dude you’re at the movie theater, this isn’t like a gay porn theater, this is the Edwards Cinema at Newport Beach!” Seth then finds straight dudes who are totally perved out: Hey, nothing gets me crazier than eating box! You like your box eaten? Let me play with the box. Your place or mine, I’ll host or you. Seth: “Hey dude, you think some broad is gonna stumble across your invitation to have her box damaged by you and allow that?!! … Fuck Craig’s List!!”
52:06 – Kia Shine – “Krispy”
54:04 – Brooks and Dunn – “Only In America”
0:41 – TCAP slips under UYD’s radar! Seth: “We will stand by the fact that we were there with Dr. Hansen from the get-go.” Seth watched it but Jah missed it, which he’s glad about because he gets to hear a synopsis from Seth. Part I of II from Ocean County, N.J.: 44-year-old man runs at a girl, bug-eyed and sweating. … one perp brings a Hawaiian-style pizza, and when the cameras come on him he says “Please… if you let me go, you can have the pizza.” … school bus driver asks when he gets to see this on TV … when decoy tells one dude she’s going to get a drink, he immediately realizes that it’s TCAP. Starts losing his mind and giggles, tells Chris Hansen he was funny on Opie & Anthony, and says he’s a “religious watcher.” When he leaves he sizes up the situation, says it’s going to be a long night, zips up his hoodie, rolls up his bag of weed, looks at Dr. Hansen and throws up the fist, which Hansen gives to him with the clipboard in one hand. … another dude is frantic and asks if anyone in the house is going to hurt him … married dude shakes and runs at the girl, then asks to go upstairs. When Dr. Hansen comes out he says “Kevin sent me.” Who’s Kevin? “Kevin from the base. Kevin …” Are you OK? “Kevin. Kevin!” Stop saying Kevin.
9:30 – Jah used to live in a rougher area. There was one especially creepy dude that he would see every day, and he found him on the Megan’s Law website and discovered he really was the creepiest dude ever
8:15 – There are over 500,000 registered sex offenders in the U.S. Currently, in Arizona and Colorado, a service called Child Help Alert will call you if a peed moves in your neighborhood. It costs less than $20 a year. Jah says not to go to the Megan’s Law website to look up your neighborhood. Seth: “My neighborhood lights up…. It is out of control.”
20:13 – Rednecks going into Wal-Marts and swiping price tags off picture frames and putting them on plasma TVs
38:57 – Vermont is the only state in the U.S. that does not have an IHOP
1:01:39 – Jah: “If you want to go to the fucking website, you fuckers…” Both start laughing
21:54 – Jonathan blasts other podcasts, then gives a top 10 list of “How You Know If You’re a Podcasting Faggot”
59:07 – Jah goes back to the “other podcasts” topic: “It’s poisonous shit. It’s so not conducive for anything. … It’s just fucking more bullshit garbage and it shouldn’t be tolerated.”