View Episode 087
Originally aired 10.20.07
1:04:31 – Jah: “Get a tattoo of a seatbelt.”
1:05:46 (repeated)
1:01:33 – UYD: Fuck it. Love it.
18:04 – Jah: “They probably drank some Gamefuel beforehand.” Seth: “How much Gamefuel can you drink to have your hand severed?”
40:37 – The majority of taurine we get in energy drinks is chemically made
25:32 – In St. Petersburg, the Palace Mobile Home Park ($400/mo for all utilities and free hook-ups) – 95 of the 200 residents are registered sex offenders. In last two years, more than 600 different sex offenders have lived there. Seth: “How do you think that party would be if you brought Dakota Fanning in there with a helicopter and just dropped her in there?” Jah: “It’d be like starved Bengal tigers.” Seth: “It would be like dropping Eva Mendez in a bikini into the yard at Folsom at noon.” (26:38)
21:31 – Tom Cruise is a “champion” for Scientology, according to Parade.
42:56 – Jah: “I get so hopeful at the beginning of every week that you’re going to have a ‘Who’s Mommin’ Harder?’ for me that I’m even afraid to ask.” A) Mom passing blunt to child; B) Mom using child as a taser shield
41:47 – The Backup ($39.95) – bedside mounted shotgun rack
9:45 - Diamond Robot Vag
13:47 - Tweens on the Pill
38:55 – OUT: Metrosexual. IN: Retrosexual
47:54 – Lil’ Wayne (contributor) – “Beat Without Bass” by Freekey Zekey
50:19 – Danielle Peck – “Findin’ a Good Man” (doesn’t speak until 53:57)
13:14 – Show me the Tweeens! Seth’s band is “Tweens on the Pill,” which he sings for us with some harmony from Jonathan
11:00 – Seth is coming out of his Whole Foods and sees an 8-year-old penis. He gets a wheatgrass shot, it’s 2 p.m., he’s walking and out of the corner of his eye he sees a little kid standing among the parked cars peeing. The mom is just standing there while he’s peeing, looks at Seth and says “What?!?” Even Seth, who likes to piss outside once a day, is a little more discreet than that.
18:48 – Seth would pour everyone in Brian Peters’ Dodge Caravan and egg people. Jah has never egged anyone in his life, except when he eggs his pan in the kitchen. When he does this he yells “Boo-yah! What’s up now, faggot!”
25:20 – Jah believes in miracles b/c he got a Grateful Dead ticket with no money standing outside of a show
29:21 – About a year and a half ago, Jah ran into a guy who used to work at Fred 62. Guy asked Jah if he was on Myspace, then told him that he’s “gotten so much poon from that place.” Jah wrote down his page, and Jah had a panic attack when he looked it up. Guy is 35 – old enough to know better.
36:29 – Jah came across a YouTube clip of a taxi driver falling asleep and waking up and hitting a wall. On the comments it said the dude died, Jah didn’t believe it, then did the research and confirmed it.
16:49 – High school pep rally pits seniors versus the juniors in various games and events – a tug-of-war battle causes two junior boys to sever their hands on the rope
19:20 – 80,000 cans of silly string are on their way to American soldiers in Iraq
24:46 – Madden Curse update – Titans QB Vince Young out with a quadriceps injury
35:36 – GMA shows video of a woman completely asleep at the wheel of a van just cruising down the highway. They follow her for 30 miles
39:56 – Cats need taurine or they die
16:20 – Seth ponders: “Without UYD, how would we collectively live and make sense of this? If we didn’t come together once a week for 60 minutes how the fuck are we going to make sense of this world we live in?”
23:57 – Seth observes that Letterman is becoming mean and Leno is becoming funny
34:17 – Seth tells Jah to give everybody Jogger’s site, but Jah refuses: “They’ll know soon enough. They’re too busy digesting the new Radiohead record. Trying to wrap their minds around that.”
37:54 – Jah claims that a funny highway joke is to drive by someone and pretend like they’re asleep and close one eye, and people freak out.
21:17 – More Parade magazine “What Ifs?” from Marilyn vos Savant. I wrote, “Tom Cruise is a moviestar who champions Scientology. But what if he championed girl scouting instead?” Here are some of your answers. Rhonda Wilson of Peabody, Mass.: “He’d proclaim that Thin Mints would cure depression. OK, maybe this time he’d be right.” … Tom Moore of Everett, Wash.: “The next Mission: Impossible would be about surviving a two-week camping trip with a dozen teenage girls.” … Tracy Coogle of Richmond, Va.: “Well, we’d have a much easier time recruiting leaders.” … Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Park La Brea, Calif.: “You wouldn’t have to worry about him fucking them,” and “You wouldn’t have to worry about any inappropriate activities with your scout leader.” … Another topic, entitled “What Would You Say?”: I wrote, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Here’s what you’d say. Paula Davis of Rangely, Colo.: “The grass is always greener where the water bill is higher.” Sharon Tudel of Carlsbad, Calif.: “The grass is always greener when you’re wearing white slacks.” Gary LeBlanc of Moss Point, Miss.: “The grass is always greener on the fertilizer package.” Jonathan Preston Larroquette of Bel-Air, Calif.: “The grass is always greener, but you still have to mow it.”
2:12 – Jonathan slams Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters for continually writing songs that talk about overcoming obstacles and persevering, while having everything going perfect for them in real life
33:24 – Jonathan stops Seth when he says that Drew Carey seems like a nice guy. Jah: “He’s never struck me once as a nice guy. He’s struck me as nothing but a prick who hangs out at the Playboy Mansion all the time and is like a snide, fat fuck shitty fucking comedian who’s sickly rich and fucks playmates and is gross.” Seth: “But he was like a Marine or something, wasn’t he?” Jah: “I don’t give a fuck, he’s an asshole!” Seth: “But isn’t he a people person? He’s from Cleveland.” Jah: “Just because he looks like shitheads in middle America doesn’t make him a people person. Drew Carey’s a dick! Fuck Foo Fighters! Fuck Drew Carey!”
57:01 – Seth rips Shawn Edwards, WDAF TV – Kansas City, for his horrendous movie reviews
59:16 - Seth: “Yeah, he’s black. But I saved some white ones for the end.”