View Episode 100 - Part I
Originally aired 01.21.08
8:43 – Seth brings it back with some Missed Connections. … Chipotle, Burbank, around 2-ish yesterday. I was there alone; I couldn’t stop staring at you as you read a book. Is it good? Is it too late? Seth: “Yeah, it’s like way late. Because it’s not 2 in Chipotle.” … Rite Aid parking lot. I saw you leaving in a Jeep Cherokee around dusk. I can’t stop thinking about you (not in a creepy way). God I hope you see this. Have you seen this? Seth: “Uh, no I haven’t. Because I went home, took a bath and went out to dinner with my husband, you creep.” (9:22) … Gorgeous blonde in line at Trader Joe’s. You were in front of me. I offered you some honey almonds. You declined. Then I asked you if you lived in the neighborhood. You turned away shaking your head no. I tried to catch up with you in the parking lot but you were too fast. Are you reading this? (9:50) … Beautiful Latina, I saw you on Halloween on the Boulevard. You remember? (10:27) … B of A on Ventura in Burbank, around 3 p.m. We got our pens all tangled. Are you there? (10:39) … White Macbook at Starbucks, we made eye contact. Maybe? Do you remember? You’re so beautiful I chickened out talking to you. Anyways, you want to meet for coffee? I know a great place – Starbucks. Ever heard of it? (10:49); etc.
23:18 – Bling It On – instant peel and stick bling kit. Go from totally boring to totally bling. Jah has put in orders so he can bejwewel the microphone. www.blingitontv.com.
21:05 – OUT: Assisted births. IN: Unassisted births
6:25 – New drug, Modafinil – not a controlled substance in Canada, where it’s called Alertec. Info came from Laura and Alfred, who also sent the Ice Cucumber. Memory-improving and mood-brightening psycho stimulant. Generally prescribed to treat narcolepsy, it enhances wakefulness and vigilance, but its pharmacological profile is notably different from the amphetamines like Ritalin or cocaine. Soldiers in Iraq are on it pulling 40-hour shifts
3:36 – Chris, the female worker’s comp insurance adjustor from Hawaii is mentioned again (Mack Butts – Episode 066). Claim was filed – 21-year-old virgin girl who works at Best Buy was unloading a box of DVDs onto the shelves. In the box was a porn DVD. Girl freaked out, left, went to a therapist. Therapist took her off work with full disability for two weeks. Best Buy denies the claim. Seth is “with” the girl.
19:07 – Jonathan walks into Art’s Deli shortly after his dad had appeared on the view. The 80-year-old woman behind the counter swipes Jah’s card and just stares at the name. Eventually she goes “Are you related to Jon Larroquette?” Jah: “That’s my father.” Deli person: “We were just talking about him.” Jah didn’t even know he was on The View.
21:54 – Jah had a friend whose mother gave birth to him on acid in the ocean in Hawaii. Seth: “Is that a good start or a bad start?” Jah: “The best start, but the worst start for an actual life arc.” Seth: “How did he turn out?” Jah: “He was a wreck the last time I saw him.”
17:20 – PETA officials send a letter to prison officials in Tyler, Texas, requesting that a man recently to prison for killing and eating his girlfriend be placed on a strict vegetarian diet. Sheriff’s reply: “You’ve got to be kidding, right?”
18:21 – Soulja Boy gets a young woman pregnant, then stops returning her calls and texts ever since she tells him that she’s pregnant
26:28 – Oaksterdam University – Oakland U – but so much weed going on that they call it Oaksterdam. Enrollment just ended this week for new school year. New course teaches students the history, theory, criticism and politics of cannibis. Also how to cultivate, market and distribute legal issues are covered. Students encouraged to work at dispensaries or even open up their own. The newest course in “higher” education
0:25 – They’re adding a new component. They will now henceforth be referred to as UYHD – the first UYD videocast.
1:48 – Seth cracks open some Pepsi Ice Cucumber – Jonathan is down with it but Seth hates it
13:26 – Jonathan covers his barista stories that he’s read in Starbucks
17:04 – Seth: “I hope you’re losing your mind right now because I’m losing my mind because there’s a camera here.”
23:33 – Jah’s microphone is as Bob Barker as he’s ever gotten. Seth’s traditional microphone pose, standing up all nervous-like. Jah’s pose is just kicking it casual
24:45 – Seth: “What is that enormous thing that used to stand next to my computer?” Jah: “The computer.” Seth: “But what’s that thing?” Jah: “The monitor.”
25:20 – Jah randomly: “Can you see my cock in these, because there’s a hole in these jeans.”
27:46 – Rambo’s full name is Jonathan James Rambo, so Seth is now going to start referring to Jah as either Fuckman or Rambo.
15:44 – Seth covers his Parade magazine “What Ifs…” from Marilyn vos Savant: Joseph Conrad wrote, “He who never made a mistake never made anything.” Here’s what you’d say. John Metz of Fort Worth, Texas: “He who never made a mistake should keep that to himself.” … Cindy Lindsay of Marietta, Ga.: “He who never made a mistake never took algebra.” … Julie Dostile of Oneonta, N.Y.: “He who never made a mistake will make an excellent ex-husband.”
28:25 – Rambo comes out this week. Jah: “How bad is Rambo going to be?” Seth: “Rambo is going to be so potent. So prescient in its cultural and political thinkings.”
30:12 – Seth: “Who’s going to be at that 9:30 a.m. Rambo show at The Grove?” Jah: “You, you fucking crazy person.”
12:05 – We get to see Seth’s first rant on video, blasting a Craig’s List Missed Connections poster – “Do you have any idea, dude, how fucking weird that is? You got a haircut, you talked to the girl that cut your hair. You managed to secure a real-life date. You’re so crazy that you got home and you can’t wait until Saturday. You’re now typing cryptic messages, maybe she’s reading this. Is this weird? It’s fuckin’ wicked weird, dude. It’s W weird. You can’t wait homey?! You can’t wait dog!!?”
15:01 – Jah: “I like to play blackgammon—…” Seth: “Blackgammon, really? Racist.”