View Episode 106
Originally aired 03.01.08
1:05:43
1:01:42 – UYD: We wreck fools
51:35 – Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, weekdays at 11 a.m. on Nick Jr. It’s for ages 2-5, teaching kids Mandarin. Seth claims that it is full bananas coconuts, and he advises everybody to watch one episode stoned. Jah doesn’t know what Dora the Explorer is, but he does know what Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego? is.
35:41 – FDA has begun filing legal briefs to shut down the sales of Blow energy powder. Thank God UYD has 12 cases
46:11- Peggy Siafi, 59, director of Florida’s DUI program, was arrested in her home after hitting a parked car. She blew 4 times the legal limit; lawmaker in panhandle wants to create a specialty license plate celebrating “confederate heritage” with a rebel flag; in Port St. Lucie, police were called to a home after Kenny Chomsky tasered his mother at a party; 19-year-old charged with trying to hold up a convenience store using his index finger as a pretend gun; Merritt Island couple argues over who is less drunk, husband pushes wife down, gets in car, circles back around and hits her, pinning her under car
42:54 – Nip Guards – tiny sweatproof adhesive bandages that prevent shirts from rubbing on men’s nipples and causing them to bleed
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
45:54 – Jah: “Would you rather be shot or stabbed?” Seth: “I’d rather be stabbed, because then I could yell “Oh my god I just got stabbed!!”
4:20 – (note the time this discussion started) Weed is blowing up right now
26:03 – Seth reads to Jah an excerpt from Time magazine’s July 6, 1981 issue – on the cover is a martini glass filled with cocaine: “The All-American drug has hit like a blizzard, known as coke, C, snow, blow, toot, flake, happy dust, nose candy, Peruvian, lady, white girl. …”
36:01 – Family of man who committed suicide on TCAP has been allowed to proceed with a $100 million lawsuit against the show, network, etc. Seth: “TCAP has done absolutely nothing wrong but expose sickness. I’ll agree with that lawsuit if only to see Dr. Hansen on the witness stand. Mock turtleneck, being cross-examined.”
5:49 and 33:58 – Seth wanted to get an earring in 1986 and was beggin his dad for it, but it was not happening with him. His bud Peter Martellucci got his pierced, but not Seth
6:05 – Jah got his first earring pre-body piercing fiasco which he went through (had giant plugs in his ears). He convinced his father when he was 13 or 14 to get an earring, they went to Melrose and he picked out his gold hoop. He put in a stud first and let it heal but he desperately wanted a silver hoop. After he was done, he looked to his dad and said, “OK, it’s your turn,” and Mr. Larroquette got his pierced and kept it in for a long time. … 7:39 – Years later Jah got into body piercing and started apprenticing at a body piercing shop on the Venice boardwalk in the summer, which was “epic.” His bud Mike was the body piercer and a crazy Israeli dude ran the place but was never there. Jah’s first job was to learn how to use the gun. He was really nervous and marked the girl’s piercing out with a pen. She gets them and she’s thrilled, and he does a couple more and gets totally comfortable with it. Another girl comes in and asks for a second hole in both her ears, wanted one higher up in the cartilage. He loads up the gun and decides not to mark this one. He does the first, looks and does the second. Jah looks at her and realizes they’re not even at all. He panics and doesn’t say anything, the girl leaves and he tells Mike he messed it up. She comes back 20 minutes later and Jah offers to take one out, then re-pierce right next to the tender spot. He straightened it out, but only after leaving her with a bleeding hole and swollen ear
11:41 – Jah tried to ramp up sizes in his earlobes too fast and busted out the inner channel of his ear. He cut an artery and there was blood gushing down his neck b/c the guy had a wooden African taper they used which Jah wanted
12:08 – There was a guy named Buzz from New Zealand living in Venice that summer who played didge and taught both he and Mike to play didgeridoo. Jah bought his first didgeridoo from him. At this point Seth tells him to say anything that has nothing to do with hippies
13:13 – Dip back into the didgeridoo topic. Seth: “I can not talk about ponytails, earrings, didgeridoos, drum circles, tattooing, piercings, Venice, skateboarding, surfing. Everything has to be concrete urban for the rest of this show.” Jah: “Yeah, well, then, I got nothing to talk about.” … “If there’s one rule I’ve learned about playing the didge, there’s didgeridoos and there’s didgeridon’ts (47:06) (originally said in Episode 023)
15:48 – Jah’s sister’s really good friend in high school worked at Straw Hat Pizza (Raw Rat) in Malibu, and 1 out of every 5 sodas that came over that counter had loogies in them
18:00 – Jah saw Tom Hanks on Tuesday in Santa Monica coming out of his therapist’s office. Tom, in sunglasses, looked at Jah and smiled, then put his head down and kept walking
18:35 – On Wednesday, Seth’s day was celebrity-packed. At his Whole Foods he got Dr. Shawn McNamara (Dylan Walsh) from Nip-Tuck and said “Thank you sir;” turns onto Santa Monica Blvd. and sees an Escalade containing Prince in sunglasses in the back seat; then he sees Kid (Christopher Reed) from Kid-n-Play and doesn’t tell him he was the first celebrity he saw in L.A., but he does say “Thank you Mr. Reed for your work;” then he sees C. Thomas Howell
30:10 – Jah befriended a limo driver at one point. When he was 17 the driver was driving him home from a semi-formal dance. The driver took Jah by his Culver City apartment on the way back home and started chopping his coke and offering it to Jah at 4:30 a.m. On his keychain he has a dope boat anchor, and both ends of the anchor are little coke spoons that fit perfectly in his nostrils and he snorts it in front of Jah
39:10 – Seth stopped by a coffeeshop in Koreatown called Hirie Coffee House. It was the biggest place ever and had different themes, they’re open until 4 a.m. They just serve coffee and cakes, and Seth was surprised they sold no booze there. Seth asked the guy behind the counter, “Is this a Korean thing?”
58:22 – Jah and Jogger was going to get $1,000 to play at Mountain View, eat in any one of those restaurants for free and play a lunchtime gig for the multi-billionaires who live there. They told them “maybe next time,” it didn’t happen but Jogger doesn’t know why it didn’t happen
1:00:02 – Jah heard a barista today tell the woman the sizes “small, medium and large;” not bothering to go with the Italian names
12:37 – Online actitivists: Brian Bates, the Video Vigilante, videotapes hookers and pimps in Oklahoma City and confronts them; Jimmy Justice videotapes traffic officers throughout NYC breaking laws they’re supposed to enforce, then confronts them. Videos posted on YouTube
14:46 – Ryan Krop, a short-order cook at Texas Roadhouse restaurant, arrested after putting his pubes inside a diner’s steak
34:56 – Steve Erwin’s son bob, 4 years old, was bitten by a boa constrictor while handling several snakes
37:28 – Complaints coming in for past 2 years of difficulty breathing, nosebleeds and various other malities that families living in FEMA trailers since Hurricane Katrina have been reporting. Center for Disease Control and Prevention have determined that all 519 trailers they tested contained 5 times the acceptable level of carcinogenic formaldehyde gas
44:15 – During a screening of the new horror move “The Signal” in Fullerton, Calif., a man seated in the back row 30 minutes into the movie stabbed a lone moviegoer in front of him in the chest and arm. He then walked toward the screen and stabbed another lone moviegoer in the arm. As the two moviegoers fled, the man managed to exit the theater, and then the movie resumed. The film is about a mysterious electronic signal that compels people to kill
56:42 – A goo girl is a girl who enjoys the taste of semen. San Francisco magazine has a profile on Marisa Mayer, a top employee at Google. The banner hanging behind her picture says GOOGIRL
0:21 – This is the UYD leap year show – 29 days in February
3:32 – People are telling Seth 2 things: 1) TV is dead and 2) Weed is the new coke
38:40 – A UYD listener (Jah can’t remember his name) is working with an post-Katrina organization down in New Orleans. He called Jah on his road trip down there
54:17 – A sun shower is when the sun is out but rain is coming down. When there’s thunder out, the phrase is that “God is bowling.” When you see the sun break from a sun shower, “The devil is beating his wife.” Seth learned this phrase from the South this week standing next to an African American man
57:03 – Jah appreciates the amount and the enthusiasm he’s gotten from all the female listeners sending him pictures of their vages on his phone, but he’s saying that now it has to stop because there’s too many. Jah says they have to be sent via snail mail to Seth
1:02:12 – Jah explains why the website is down b/c the previous webmaster (flatdaddy) got married and flew coop; the site doesn’t load; they’re trying to get it back up with the new site when Jonathan gets his shit together
1:03:18 – Seth brags about UYD’s Podcast Alley #12 ranking out of 3,000 comedy podcasts
1:03:30 – Jah gives a shout-out to the SUNYs that listen to UYD – listener Jared Koscinski’s entire second floor listens to UYD
1:05:01 – Seth wants to know if anyone from his alma mater, Emerson, listens to this show. He’s angry that no one from Emerson has contacted him
5:08 and 31:53 – Seth and Jah blast Harrison Ford for wearing a crazy earring during the Oscars. Daniel Day-Lewis gets a pass because he’s Irish
17:08 – Seth rips the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company with its 28 restaurants based on Forrest Gump
22:29 – Jah rips on the post-Oscar interviewer who interviews everyone at the Governor’s Ball (George Pennacchio) and the awkwardness he creates
1:00:23 – Seth hammers the couple that won the $270 million from Georgia with their herda-hadda-herda country ramblings