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View Episode 112

Category:Episodes

Originally aired 04.13.08

Seatbelts

1:02:48

UYD Slogans

34:04 – UYD: Kidney out the butt

TV Picks

29:22 – Jah loves Rock the Cradle, all 1 ½ hours of it. He doesn’t want the show to end and he doesn’t want anyone to get voted off … Seth likes Step It Up and Dance with Elizabeth Berkley.

Centenarians

0:53 – Gertrude Baines had her 114th birthday on Sunday, April 6, and Jonathan and Seth went to the Western Convalescent Home to visit her. Jonathan brought flowers, Seth brought a teddy bear. There was a breakdown in communication and no one was expecting them, so Jah got flustered, but Seth was emotionally invested and prepared. They explain that they do “the greatest internet radio show in the world” and get escorted to the 2nd floor of the convalescent home by a 6-year-old boy named Stephen. They spot a woman in a wheelchair in the middle of the hallway staring at a wall with balloons tied to the wheelchair – Jah gets a little heartbroken at the sight. Seth was concerned that if Jah let his hair down she would assume he is Jesus and fall into his arms. She had just gotten back from church and Jah proceeds to ask her this and she gets annoyed at him, snapping at him a couple times and asking why he kept saying the same thing over and over. Jah: “She fucking hated me.” Jah assumed she was at an age in the 60s where she grew to hate hippies and pictured Jah as a gross hippie. Seth used a high-pitched friendly voice, which worked, and kept hugging black women and saying “God bless you.” Miss Bell, one of the employees at the convalescent home, took a photo for UYD with a disposable camera. Seth returned to the home on Thursday morning to pick up the photo and was well-received. He looked the same way he did during Episode 100, shaky and nervous. Jah felt shitty the rest of the day, while Seth felt so alive to be in her presence. Jah says that he expected Baines to be little and frail, but she had big hands, big feet and a big head … Edna Parker turns 115 on Sunday. The woman in Portugal is 114 as well.

Who's Mommin' Harder

9:51 – (Who’s Crushin’ Harder?) – A) 47-year-old principal from Illinois is caught, lying in bed in his underwear, watching porn and smoking herb with a 16-year-old girl and 15-year-old sister in a Wisconsin Super 8 Motel; B) 31-year-old Marlos Hernandez of Boulder, Colo., is arrested after bum rushing a memorial service for a girl that passed away in an apartment complex. He was first seen comforting the teenage sister of the dead girl by grabbing her breast, then on his way out took out his cell phone and showed pornographic pictures to the mother, then got in a bloody fistfight in the courtyard with the dude who tried to escort him out

Ins and Outs

33:02 – OUT: Getting your appendix out. IN: Getting your appendix out through your mouth

What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb

41:59 – Seth goes on YouTube to click on Nirvana videos, and scrolls down to the comments, and sees one that says “Hey, these guys are pretty good.”

UYD Stories

19:25 – Seth reiterates how awesome his Halloween night experience was on Santa Monica Boulevard (Episode 089). There were police helicopters 50 feet above him, and he was surrounded by 400,000 people. From 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. it was complete pandemonium.

32:24 – Seth was trying to explain science to Amir, and Amir starts talking about gremlins and epic fantasy, which pisses Seth off

35:56 – Seth recalls a story that Jah forgets, when he once got a lapdance at Foreplay on Cotner in West L.A. on a Wednesday afternoon by himself to the Berlin song “Riding on the Metro” while crying during a crucial point in his life. Jah cracks up because he doesn’t remember it but it must be true because it sounds just like him

38:50 – Jonathan talks about the amount of parking meters in LA and how everyone drives, and wonders how he can walk down the street at 5:45 p.m. and watch someone dump $1.50 in quarters in the meter. He saw someone doing it the other day and told them that after 6 p.m. you don’t have to put money in. He doesn’t understand how people don’t know this. Jonathan gets a ticket every other week because he parks in the red zone to avoid a long walk to Seth’s apartment

47:40 – Jah’s hatred of bad feet is correlated with his Montessori pre-school that he went to. The guy that ran the pre-school fingered Jah’s butthole. The bathroom they would use was taken by another kid, so the husband of the couple that ran the school said he would take them in their bedroom, Jah walked through the bedroom where the wife was sleeping, and her hideous feet were poking out from underneath the comforter. But because of this he is grateful because he finds a pair of beautiful feet very sexy

53:25 – Seth was driving one day on Santa Monica and pulls up to a red light by a basketball park. He’s listening to Oldies 101, and he sees 30 girls wearing short shorts and t-shirts moving around, and dudes with whistles and footballs rolling around. He pulls up and realizes it’s two teams of women playing in that Sunday’s Bud Bowl. He gave a shout-out to Joanne McCarthy, Jenny’s sister, who was on one of the teams. Jah says he prefers the old-school Bud Bowl with the bottles playing against each other

55:31 – Jah’s friend sent a Mac laptop back and he got it back and it smelled horribly of body odor. He washed it and couldn’t get it off, and it was permeating from the inside. Some sweaty greasy tech had rubbed his balls on the motherboard and put it in, and when it headed up it was the worst smell ever. Jah’s friend threw it away because he couldn’t stand it anymore

UYD News

16:41 – Beginning with the movie “Up” next year, all Pixar movies will be filmed in 3D

18:37 – Burger King is planning on unveiling a smaller, slicker, trendier Whopper Bar. It will cater to fans of the burger (Seth: “You know, Whopperheads”)

26:19 – Starbucks is testing letting their customers pour their own coffee to halt complains and declines in patronage

28:55 – Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday at Ruby Tuesday’s and Wal-Mart. Jah: “Get some Taz slippers.” (Episode 38)

31:52 – America’s Most Wanted is at 997 captures (update from Episode 102)

43:30 – Hot new trend: Monkids. More than 10,000 people in the U.S. have monkeys that live in their house as more than just pets. They live more like children, although it is illegal in about 20 states. A lot of couples in their 60s and 70s are down with it since they’re empty nesters. Monkey Matters magazine

51:48 – Petco Park, home of the San Diego Padres, has the most expensive beer prices in all MLB. A 16-ounce Bud Light is $6.50. A keg of Bud Light on the street costs $76. The same $76 at that ballgame would get you 12 cups of beer. With the keg you’d get 124 cups of beer.

55:01 – Dude sent a Dell laptop back and it comes back to him with a keyboard covered in pubes. He took a picture of it and put it on a website.

1:00:53 – Back in 1995, Terry Cottle, 33, killed himself, but his heart was donated to a guy on a waiting list in Hilton Head, S.C. The recipient called up the guy’s widow to thank her and started boning down on her. They married, and now this week the guy killed himself. Jonathan: “You’ve got to destroy that heart.”

Extra Notes

21:19 – Seth discusses watching Good Morning America and reviewing the terminology that was used in the film “Valley Girl” 25 years ago and how the lingo has changed: “Tubular” is no longer used; “dweeb” is now “geek;” “rad” is now “that’s chill;” “later” is still “goodbye;” “oh my god” is now “OMG;” “KMIA” is still “KMIA;” “dude” still works; etc. … Jah then spits some So-Cal lingo: “duck” means a girl is the worst; “toy” means like a childish whack style; “whack,” “dope” and “fresh” are all still used to this day. … Jah’s understanding about “duck” was that an actual dude and his girlfriend and someone referred to the girl as a duck, then it became popular through an East Coast rap song

25:35 – Seth is outraged that his hair product, KMS Hairplay Molding Paste, costs $25 a tube. It takes an hour to prep his hair each morning

27:19 – Jah goes over his new drink at Starbucks: an iced venti soy caramel macchiato with an add shot. His old drink was a 24-ounce soy white chocolate blended with an add shot, no whipped cream and no fudge swirls. Seth: “And balls.”

33:15 – Seth shows Jah his appendix scar

47:20 – Jonathan and Seth talk about their disdain for feet, especially bad feet on women who tend to show them off more than they should.

Rants and Raves

20:34 – Jah rips on Hillary Clinton for continuing her bid to run for president

28:15 – Seth goes off on Jonathan for having the word “dream” in his coffee order. “How did it go from joe to dream?!”

42:24 – Seth rips on fools who get on YouTube and post ridiculous comments: “Everybody stop everything. Just fucking stop.” Jonathan says what can you do but watch The Hills

44:50 – Seth re-references the story about going to the zoo on his birthday (Episode 033), Sept. 20, and getting a panic attack from the way people interacted with animals

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