View Episode 115
Originally aired 05.05.08
1:05:05
14:18 – UYD: So tight, so perfect
36:43 – UYD: Just let go
21:29 – Flavor Flav’s new show, Under One Roof, made Jah think it was a sketch of a sketch of bad black sitcoms.
0:40 – Seth is drinking a Diet Pepsi Max, with even more Panax
17:18 – Seth is finding his Panax totally invigorating. He tied himself off and shot his Panax straight, along with his good friend Scott Weiland
9:16 – the Jagger Dagger. Mick’s daughter Jade Jagger unveiled an 18k white gold icepick worth $250,000
12:12 – Adidas Cinco de Mayo shoes, Pride and Stride, $100 crazy multi-colored awesome low-top shoes
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
11:04 – Jah sings Seth another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay” in honor of Mother’s Day, then does his Valentine’s Day version, P-Funk version and Cinco de Mayo version
26:07 – Jah and Seth decide that everybody is either on antidepressants or muscle relaxers in today’s day and age. Seth estimates 87%. Jah had a couple friends who took Somas the other night with alcohol. They called him the next day, saying they were completely fucked up. Jah could tell they were barely holding on
Crazy Things Dudes Say While Boning Down
0:59 – Jah dips back in to crazy things dudes have said to ladies whilst boning down. Jah was hoping he would’ve gotten more of them by now. Male listener calls in and says his girlfriend was going down on him, he looked down at her and said “you look like a monkey,” which didn’t go over so well.
3:01 – The same co-workers who burned Seth with “Sofa King” tell him to write “Pen” and the number “15” on his hand, so seth writes PEN15 three times on his hand before realizing he is a penis
25:38 – Jah bought a PROPERTY OF ALCATRAZ t-shirt and a samurai sword when he was in San Francisco at age 10-11
37:40 – Seth was getting a peace out from a dude this week, and the dude says “Dream in color.” Seth is flabbergasted.
52:16 – Seth went in to pick up Season 2 of Joey on DVD and is pissed off to realize that Warner Home Video has decided to only release it in Canada. Jah assures him that he has connections in Canada and can get it for Seth
53:07 – Jah tells a story about the time that he got completely smashed-out drunk in boarding school. Drunkenness was a taboo subject around the Larroquette house b/c of his dad’s alcoholism, so Jah did everything else (acid, weed, mushrooms) before every trying alcohol. He had never been truly drunk before boarding school. He first downs a 40-oz Schlitz, goes to his other friend’s room and swigs Jack Daniel’s, walks down the trail and runs into 4 other friends who tell him they’re going to smoke a bowl and do Jaeger shots. Jah starts to realize he’s pretty messed up. He heads back to his dorm, falling down quite a few times, and stumbles into his room before lights-out. Jah’s rasta roommate was not down with Jah getting drunk, and tells him he needs to cover up his breath by eating peanut butter b/c it eclipses all smells. Jah stands up, gets to the door where his RA lives, and falls face-first through his RA’s door into the room and into his arms. He then bursts into tears and says he’s so sorry, etc. The RA carries Jah into the room and into his bed. Jah puts his forehead up against the plaster wall where it’s cool and starts to puke into the wall, from where it goes back into his face and he can’t even move to avoid it. Jah eventually falls asleep in his own puke, however he did not shit or piss himself. He wakes up at 5:45 or 6 in the morning, and stumbles into the kitchen area. There’s only one thing in the refrigerator, an unopened bottle of Clamato, which he opens and smells and realizes he can’t touch it b/c he’ll puke it. He finds an econo box of Cream of Wheat and makes a grip of it. The stuff expands in his stomach (would’ve been 3 people’s servings), he drops the pot on the ground, looks at the brown linoleum floor and projectile vomits the cream of wheat into a giant white pile on the floor. His drinking career was cut short – he didn’t drink again for another 2 years
5:38 – Free-range kids are kids whose parents want them to have the same freedoms they had – playing in the neighborhood unsupervised, riding the school bus alone, riding a bike to the library. Seth has a new name for these kids: Free-rape kids.
8:24 – Mother in Williamsburg, Va., buys a discount bin DVD of Batman, leaves her kid to watch it while she goes into the kitchen to cook dinner. The DVD turns out to be Titan Man, a gay porn DVD
14:28 – Hot new trend for expecting moms – belly facials. Trained professionals massage cocoa butter around mom’s midsection to tighten, tone and give an expecting mother “sheen.” It costs $100
18:13 – 18-year-old Ryan Schallenberger, who was turned in by his parents before attempting a Columbine at his high school, had a plan to do crazy damage, die, go to Heaven and kill Jesus
19:36 – Woman gets an ultrasound, and an image of Jesus on the cross is in her womb
28:07 – Two people were killed by sharks this week off the coast of California. Seth doesn’t care
47:23 – Seth thinks he’s found Jeff, his soon-to-be adopted grandson. Latarion Milton, 7 years old, gets mad at his mom and gets in her Dodge Durango, picks up his homie and drives around on an 8-mile spree. He drives it until the 2 front wheels have inverted and they’re up on a sidewalk
49:50 – 21-year-old arrested in a local bank in Fort Worth TX. He was trying to cash a check written from his girlfriend’s mother for $360 billion
4:02 – Seth wants to be called “Gillette” from now on – not because he loves Penn & Teller, but because he’s “the best a man can get.” Jah thinks the phrase should be reserved for Seth’s lady when he’s spitting mad game
5:47 – Seth reiterates that he is a latch-key kid. Even now, when he hears a set of keys jangling, he freezes up. He still tapes a key to the bottom of his foot
13:15 – Seth ponders if kids still wrap their textbooks in grocery bags, but Jah says no. Jah also says that only poor kids used to use them and not real book covers like Jah had with an awesome Porsche on them
19:12 – Seth just did a full ball shift like a true East Coast Italian. Jah has never seen Seth do that before
30:42 – Seth faces the grim realization that his only hope right now is to get married because he is so completely out of the loop with social networking. Seth thinks old people are still able to do it without being wack, but Jah thinks it’s weird if you’re over the age of 30 and are vehemently pursuing your web presence. He says there’s some kind of creepo factor to it.
28:15 – Seth rips on people who do triathlons and go swimming in the ocean, then get killed by sharks
20:09 – Seth talks about Jesus blowing a baby and Jah talks about sticking a crucifix up a woman’s vag
46:57 – Seth still wants to adopt a black grandson, someone dear to Seth says that he should adopt a deadbeat black dad b/c then his son would automatically become Seth’s