View Episode 122
Originally aired 07.05.08
1:02:06 – Jah: “Cinturons. Seatbelts.”
2:17 – UYD: Onward and upward
46:48 – Seth reminds us that The Two Coreys is back, Sunday nights, 10 and 10:30 p.m. on A&E. They’re in Hollywood now and Feldman’s got new paintings up around the house.
43:53 – Water lips: caused by women drinking out of sports bottles with small openings, causing wrinkles around the mouth area. Jah also mentions the “new” sensory malfunction called Hard of Hearing, but Seth already had this in Episode 086 (54:48)
33:16 – Seth dips back into married men seeking out other married men. Some examples: I hate my wife. She doesn’t even have a dick. … This is a real post. No games please. I am becoming an ordained minister in less than 2 weeks. This is my last chance to act out the endless fantasies I have. I am a beautiful black man looking for a white partner. Only intelligent and in shape reply. This is my last chance to do this before I change my mind. Baptize this chocolate pussy. … I’m so sick of being a dad. All I want is a weekend to be somebody’s son. Married father of 3 looking for a discreet hook-up with older married father. I’m so new to this, are you? I hope. Maybe a gentle blow job for my daddy or you show me how to masturbate. Again, this must be discreet. I can’t wait to smell you. … Married guy, had vasectomy when I was separated from my wife. Now she wants to have kids, I don’t. Need help with sperm sample for our doctor’s visit. Whatever gets your married dick off – just help me out and get it in the cup. Jack you, suck you, just donate that seed. Thank you. (Jah: “There’s no way it’s real.”)
40:11 – High heeled shoes for babies. Heelarious comes in 6 styles: Brooke (leopard), Ellie (Pink), Kate (Black Satin), Kayla (Zebra Skin), Sophie (Hot Pink Satin), She’s A Little Lady (Black Patent Leather)
2:19 – OUT: Absinthe. IN: Agwa de Bolivia
26:09 – OUT: Evites. IN: Mobaganda
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
19:07 – Seth gives Jah the top 10 singles from 25 years ago, and Jah has to sing a part of each song that he knows: 10) Madness – “Our House;” 9) Styx – “Don’t Let It End;” 8) The Kinks – “Come Dancing;” 7) Culture Club – “Time;” 6) Michael Jackson – “Wanna Be Startin’ Something;” 5) Kajagoogoo – “Too Shy;” 4) Sergio Mendes – “Never Gonna Let You Go;” 3) Irene Cara – “Flashdance – What a Feeling;” 2) Eddy Grant – “Electric Avenue;” 1) The Police – “Every Breath You Take”
47:55 – Seth plays “Fuck, Marry or Kill” with Jonathan, giving him Asimo, The Iron Giant and Wall-E. Jah chooses to marry Asimo, fuck Wall-E and kill Iron Giant
0:38 – The World Health Organization tells us that USA leads the world in marijuana use and cocaine use
2:48 – Jah had some absinthe in Europe and says it was pretty dope. He says it was more of a drunk than a high, and has a different hue to it. It was borderline psychedelic but doesn’t think it’s liquid LSD by any stretch
27:19 – Return to the segment “Who Am I?” about the essays Amir wrote in 1988. This week’s topic is “What People Think About Me”: My best friend said that I am a very stubborn individual. He also says that I am imaginative and a very creative person. He likes my sarcastic sense of humor. The last thing he said is that I can be distracted easily when I’m doing homework. My mother thinks I am warm, sensitive and intelligent. She thinks I have talent for the arts but I don’t apply myself as much as I could. Also, I have a good sense of humor, but she said sometimes I take it too far. Dad says I am very emotional and I have a lot of talent. He thinks I am creative and funny. He also thinks I have a great mind capable of achieving just about anything as long as I can put my mind to it. My sister says that I have a good sense of humor but sometimes I can go overboard. She says I am very mean to her but sometimes I am OK. Let me just note that this is very amazing. Rarely my sister will show me any compassion at all. My enemy used a lot of vulgar, rude language. This prevented me from writing down what he said. Jah then reveals that Amir just turned 32. Seth thinks the joke Amir just pulled on him was “a bit much.”
8:51 – Seth and his buds used to go pool hopping when he was a senior in high school, jump in and get drunk until they chased him off, then hop in the car and drive off. There weren’t any girls involved, as Seth now remembers
18:25 – Seth went to a baby shower once, and they had a game where you were blindfolded, had to taste the baby food and get the most flavors right. Both Jah and Seth think they should play it during an episode
31:49 – Jonathan and Seth are in the documentary “Air Guitar Nation” that was released in 2006. Justine and her friend Torey are in it as well, and when they cut to Torey in one scene he yells “Fuck You!!” to a competitor from another country. Seth claims he was wearing his Dallas Cowboys cheerleader shirt that day
50:28 – Jonathan can’t even tell us how often he was shirtless as a young son of Hollywood
1:00:09 – When Jah was in Europe, he was subscribing his friend to the show. He couldn’t find UYD on iTunes because it’s completely different, and did a search and found 5 new comments from UK-only users that he had never read before
3:36 – Colorado Lottery is offering $3 scented crosswood scratch-and-sniff tickets
5:36 – Michigan man wins $57 million through Mega Millions but is a registered sex offender. Co-worker gives interview to the Grand Rapids Press: “…I know some of his secrets and he knows some of mine. I’m not going any further.”
8:21 – New types of summer parties: Pumping Parties, where ladies get together for silicone injections in the butt; and Dipping Parties – teens who get on Facebook and get on Google Earth to find neighborhoods and meet at the pool
9:26 – Babyzone.com reveals the top 10 things kids put up their noses: 10) Beans and peas; 9) Small toys; 8) Cheerios; 7) Tissues; 6) Spaghetti; 5) Marbles; 4) Fingers; 3) French Fries; 2) Beads; 1) Crayons
13:05 – New rigout for girls this summer: jean shorts and moccasins
50:06 – Washington Nationals no longer allow men to take their shirts off at a ballgame, calling it “indecent exposure.”
55:17 – Mississippi-based Christian website delivers news from a Christian perspective and replaces any words in articles that they would deem offensive. Story about USA sprinter Tyson Gay gets filtered through the site replacing his last name with “homosexual” every mention
0:00 – UYD returns after a 2-week hiatus with Jonathan in Europe. Jonathan claims at 1:48 that his trip was awesome
1:31 – Seth eats a toffifee that the Darlingtons brought back from Europe. Jah says he can’t have one b/c he is a vegan, but he has a celebratory one anyway and apologizes.
11:10 – Seth is featured on a myriad of clips on YouTube ripped by 55INCH, chronicling Seth’s commercial spots that Seth calls “thanks for nothing, Holllywood.” “My 10-year acting career has been boiled down to 8 minutes.” Seth appears in the clips as a cowboy, a drunk high school student, a young entrepreneur, a family man, a computer hipster, a snowboarder
26:55 – Seth says Jah’s birthday is going to be off the chain, but Jah says it’s going to be depressing. Amir’s birthday is Sunday
57:41 – Jah dedicates this show to his friend Natasha Schneider who passed away yesterday. She was sick for a while before passing. His heart and thoughts go out to her and her husband
59:44 – Jah says Spain was amazing, but he doesn’t need to go back to Switzerland anytime soon
29:51 – Seth tells people to stop saying “All timers” when they’re talking about Alzheimer’s disease. “She has diaretes? What does she have? Diaretes? That sounds terrible.” Jah can’t stop laughing at Seth’s made up word
31:37 – Seth is pissed that people are still doing air guitar