View Episode 124
Originally aired 07.20.08
1:02:43
3:45 – UYD: Achieve that meth
43:18 – UYD: Never dodge a load
54:56 – BIID (Body Integrity Identity Disorder) – a rare diagnosis characterized by a relentless desire to amputate one’s healthy limbs
38:53 – A female listener tells Seth a story about being at Starbucks and being stared at by a creepy dude, then rolling her eyes at him. She went on Craig’s List and saw on a heading the Starbucks she goes to in Chicago. She reads the description, “Jeans, green shirt, flip flops. Me looking at you. You rolled your eyes at me, what did that mean?” and loses her mind. Seth looks under Casual Encounters to find married men looking for other married men. Examples: Newlywed, miserable. Let me give you what your wife/girlfriend obviously can’t – a hungry throat that craves married pole. Return the favor? Warning: I have a tendency to shoot some pretty enormous loads. Swallow this baby maker. … Blame my wife. It’s like she took blow jobs off the menu. … Furry man scent a must. Hairy bags to the front of the line. … I’m looking for a married bear to annhilate me. I’m such a worthless fucking bitch. … I’m looking for an older man (70-90). Let me put my baby soft hands on your ancient tool. I bet I can make that derrick find oil.
46:36 – Locking gas tank cover
18:33 – Lil’ Wayne feat. T Pain – “Got Money”
16:15 – Toby Keith – “She’s A Hottie”
3:33 – Methmouths are now stealing sprinkler heads because the price of copper has quadrupled since 2004 b/c of the economic boom in China and the exportation prices
4:55 – Colon rolling is when you stick ecstacy up your butt, and because of the porousness of the rectal wall it takes the MDMA in much quicker
50:58 – Return of the “Who Am I?” segment about Amir Yagmai. This week’s topic is “Metamorphosis”: I would like to stay mostly the way I am. But, I would like to change a few things about myself. For instance, in Mr. Schwab’s class, I would rather be in first chair than in second chair, but Anna Suhoy is a lot better than I am at playing the violin. I would also like to be a little more responsible about things I have to do. My parents are always telling me I should be more responsible about things like my sister, and I hate that. Finally, I would like to have better concentration on my homework. Every little thing distracts me. I also space out. My mother is always reminding me that I shouldn’t space out. She mimicks my facial expressions when I am spaced out. And then my … joins in. The teacher had put a question mark by the last sentence because she didn’t know who Amir was referring to
20:56 – Jah was at a gas station two days ago, getting gouged at the pump. It’s about 10:30 p.m. and he’s filling up his tank, and sees a scantily clad young girl with tiny hot shorts and a tank top with white platforms, amazing body, super tan, kind of trashy but dope and sexy. She walks across the parking lot to the most beat-to-fuck Honda Accord Jah has ever seen with horrible window tint. She gets in, starts the engine, and “Cherry Pie” by Warrant is bumping and she’s mouthing the words and singing along. Jah looks at her and begins hysterically laughing. Jah starts his car, and she gets in reverse, drives back and rolls her window down, and says “I just want to let you know that your dreds are really sexy.” His awesome reply is, “Oh, thanks.” Jah gets home later and thinks Wait, I don’t have dreds.
26:53 – At Jah’s boarding school in Sedona, he used to get in trouble a lot and was on weekend work duty where he had to dig trenches and stuff. A guy lived in a teepee near the equestrian area named Jeff, and his job was to take care of the horses and watch the kids on work duty over the weekends. Jeff asked Jah to go get something out of the teepee, and immediately his weed radar goes off. He spots a little wooden box sitting on the top of a shrine in the teepee, and makes a beeline for it. There’s one whole perfect beautiful nug sitting in the box, and Jah swipes it then goes and gets the thing he asks for. Jah hacks away at the trench, hours later goes and takes a hike with friends and sparks the nug with some friends. Back on campus, someone runs up to him and tells him Jeff is looking for him. Jah walks up the trail, and Jeff is coming down and starts yelling “Nah man, no, I’m done!” Jah acts like he doesn’t know what Jeff is talking about, and Jeff said he’s going to go to the office and resign and deface Jah in front of everybody. It turns out the weed had been blessed in a ceremony by some crazy Native American chief. Jah still tries to lie and says he is a Rastafarian and it’s against his religion to lie and steal. Jeff looks at him and says “you’re fuckin’ full of shit.” Jah admits that he stole it and another guy talked Jeff out of losing his job over it. Jah never stole drugs ever again.
38:25 – Jah claims he didn’t get grifted one time while he was in Europe. Seth thinks the gypsies play such an old school game that Jah didn’t even know what they were stealing
47:19 – Jah saw a dude broken down on the freeway getting a gallon of gas, and looked at the dude and was almost positive it was a straight scam. He said his face looked guilty like he wasn’t supposed to be doing it.
2:23 – Emily Leatherman is being accused of stalking John Cusack and they’re having a preliminary case to determine her sanity. Seth thinks there’s no point b/c she’s already obviously insane to be stalking Cusack. If he refused to dance with her, she wrote “there would be dances with vampires.”
12:02 – For the second year in a row, the woman representing USA in the Miss Universe pageant tripped in her evening gown and fell. Seth thinks Miss Universe is a full Venezuelan tranny, but Jah thinks she’s beautiful
13:27 – The American Naturalist reported this past week on how orchids can mimick insects and trick insects into procreating with the orchid – “pseudocopulation.” The scientific glitch is that wasps are doing this and pulling it off to full climax – straight copulation. People are worried that the wasps are spilling their juices with the orchids and there won’t be enough for the female wasps. Jah: “It’s like orchid bukkake.” Seth thinks it will spawn a new breed of dyke wasps. Jah: “Plaid, flannel, Timberland orchids.”
24:40 – John McCain was on a campaign stop in Pittsburgh speaking, and told community members that while he was in a Vietnam POW camp he was supposed to list his platoon members by his torturers, but listed the Pittsburgh Steelers defensive line. Place goes crazy, except in his autobiography he said it was the Green Bay Packers. McCain’s people said it was a memory lapse
35:39 – 30-year-old teacher in Buffalo, Cara Dickey, sent provocative texts to 14-year-old student, brought him to a motel, gave him a cocktail of Bacardi and Nyquil, and wrote out a suicide pact for the two of them.
48:47 – Seth read about a kid who got hit by a foul ball at Wrigley Field last week, so he dipped in to the history of freak occurrences. Book called “Death At The Ballpark” claims that 300 people a year get hit (knocked out) by foul balls. A minor league base coach died last season. On the back of your ticket it says you assume all responsibility. In 1957, a guy for the Phillies hit a foul ball that hit the wife of the Philadelphia sports editor, and while she was on the stretcher he hit her again. Two years ago, the Orioles’ Jay Gibbons hit a foul that nailed his wife in the ribs
54:37 – 9-year-old girl in Indiana dials 911 when she hears her mother screaming, but the authorities arrived to find the parents boning down in the bedroom
56:47 – Playboy.com features the “Girls of Olive Garden.”
57:48 – NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg, king of verbal gaffes, references a trip to Salt Lake City, Idaho. He also talks about a favorite memory in 1981 was a Simon and Garfinkel concert in Central Park. He mentions bringing out Shinagua Twain and Tom McGraw at the CMA Awards. He also says former Yankees manager was named Joe Torres, and good ol’ Anthony Villarigosa.
0:37 – Seth reveals that they are doing this episode with video cameras in the studio and neither of them are holding mics. They’re going wireless.
1:31 – Someone asked Seth if he dressed to the left or to the right, and he didn’t know what it meant. Jah says it means which side you put your dong on
5:46 – A new design for peanut butter has a twist-off on both ends so you can never get to the bottom of it. Jah’s idea was to make a billion dollars with a cylindrical Lucite item, a circle threaded into the top and bottom are a ketchup bottle and a phlange. The idea was borne out of people at restaurants having to empty bottles into a big container. Jah’s idea was to screw it in, and as the oxygen was getting pushed in it was getting pushed out of a carb valve in the end. He had the patent drawn up but was sitting in Swingers one night and watched a girl grab 5 bottles, go up to a vat, pour it in and fill up new bottles. His bubble was burst
7:58 – Jah says that there’s eight dudes in the room that they haven’t acknowledged once
48:14 – Jah hasn’t received a field sobriety test in years. He also once had weed in his car and gave the cop an expired recommendation, but his hair looked so good that the cop gave him a week and said “go home.”
1:00:09 – Jah apologizes for his lack of mobility and enthusiasm because his back is killing him
9:51 – Seth hammers Kevin Costner for being back in the spotlight in 2008