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GLBTQ and all the Ps

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View Episode 129

Category:Episodes

Originally aired 08.23.08

Seatbelts

1:03:36

UYD Slogans

34:41 – UYD: Melt this heart to get this dick. UYD

Seth's Ailments

23:01 – Alfred’s dad suffered from Restless Leg Syndrome, which keeps you up because you can feel your legs going nuts. He once made a sandwich and put the car keys in the sandwich and took a bite

23:45 – Seth gets itchy forearm, as does Jonathan. Seth drank so much coffee the other night and polished it off with a Diet Sunkist that his forearm was doing crazy things

25:22 – Seth was watching a Medical Mysteries show that talked about half the people who surf over the age of 30 end up being fully paralyzed

Who's Mommin' Harder

2:41 – (Who Brings Their A Game?) – A) 36-year-old NYC police dispatcher was arrested at a mall after going to meet a 14-year-old girl he met online. His screenname: DirtyOldIra. His quote that sealed the deal: “14 is the new 18.”; B) A Parkland, Washington man pulls up to a Java Girls (Hooters-esque Starbucks) wearing just a white bra and white panties with his dick in his hand. He drives away, comes back 15 minutes later completely bottomless with a pair of pink panties over his head with a hole cut out for the eyes, drives away. Comes back a third time totally naked, girl opens up the window and throws scalding hot water on his face and chest. He looks up to her, “Ohh yeah.”; C) Patrick Booger Red Kelly, 41, from Tyler, TX, has started a “kindergarten” where groups of children ages 5-10 learn to have sex with each other, then perform for a paying adult audience. He’s charged with giving the kids vicodin-like pills he called “silly pills” to help them perform

44:56 – (Who’s Parenting Harder?) – A) Woman in a Kentucky state fair pulls a bottle of wine out of her bag, pours it in the baby’s bottle and lets the kid start drinking out of it; B) Former Minnesota Viking player Darian Scott receives a 2-year sentence for putting a plastic dry cleaning bag over his son’s head to show him there was nothing to fear

Product of the Week

20:43 – Monave is a rich syrupy blend of Brazilian acai berries combined with 18 other super fruits, and devotees claim it can cure basically anything

Games That Jonathan and Seth Play

30:40 – Seth asks Jah to name the only 2 movies when two heavyweight actors like De Niro and Pacino in Righteous Kill were put on screen together. Jah guesses Tango & Cash (third), Marlboro Man was #2 and the Hallmark movie starring Seth and John Larroquette (McBride: Anybody Here Murder Marty?). Jah reveals that he and Amir did the sweet soundtrack for that movie

Drug Use

9:37 – Watson Pharmaceuticals is recalling their fentanyl transdermal system patches because some of them have leaked the narcotic out, exposing the patient or the caregiver and fading them

27:11 – Jonathan hadn’t partaken in any mind-altering chemicals in a very long time and decided to do it this past year after a long drawn-out decision process. He ate a very strong edible that was incredibly potent, and had a screaming bitch terror freakout on it. Jah was typing on his computer writing a goodbye letter to his sanity

UYD Stories

10:25 – Jah was talking with his parents this week about his mom’s brother who passed away in England last month. They started talking about the last time he saw them, and by some crazy sequence of events Jah’s grandmother (Dad’s mom) and Uncle Arthur came to stay with them over the holidays. Post-Christmas, the Larroquettes all left and left them in the house together. When they returned, there was an episode with the housekeeper who hung around with them and developed a crush on Arthur and they spent New Year’s together. Arthur tells them that the housekeeper (referred to as “Lucha”) had gotten really drunk, and started taking her pants off in front of them and writhing around (Jah’s uncle is 375 pounds, by the way). She at one point disappears, and is lying in the bathroom with pants around ankles, and they have to pick her up and put her in the bed. There was never a mention of it until the Larroquettes were reminiscing later on.

13:26 – Jah’s housekeeper had a brother who was a plastic surgeon and said he would give her a really good price for a facelift, she went down to Guatemala to get it and came back and her face was so fucked up, looked as if it was filled with chicken fat or something

15:42 – Jah rehashes the story of him and Seth seeing Minority Report at the Arclight (Ep. 51, 36:35), when a dude stood up in the back of the theater afterward and yelled “Shame on you Spielberg!”

18:12 – Seth brings up his interaction with Lo at Whole Foods last week, and quotes Audrina to reinforce his point: “Lo’s always super bitchy, that’s just the way she is.” Seth couldn’t agree more: “Fucking bitch. She’ll rue the day.”

33:57 – Seth and Jah couldn’t get married because Jah is still legally married. Jah says that they should have a contest in which listeners should write an essay about why Seth would marry the listeners in a legally-bound ceremony

43:20 – The most Seth has ever won on a lottery ticket is when he was in Massachusetts for his cousin’s wedding and he bought a $10 scratcher Red Sox ticket. He won $7 and actually asked for the cash. Jah asks listeners to chime in with their top winnings, and if they can prove it because they’re mostly lying fucks

1:02:00 – Seth goes HD in the studio. He spent an hour and 68 minutes going back-and-forth from his SD Sportscenter to his HD Sportscenter. Seth finally got rid of his original model Tivo (PTV300) that Jah gave him seven years ago. It’s going for $8.99 on eBay right now. Jah remembers getting his second Tivo and saying he needed to give the first model to Seth

UYD News

7:55 – Coming to King’s Island in April 2009 is the Diamondback, a hypercoaster with open-air stadium style seating, where everyone is in the front. It’s being referred to as “3 minutes of sheer terror.” Seth reveals that he’s never been on a roller coaster in his life

18:43 – In Michigan, because technically a dead body is not a person, it is not protected under any nursing home patient abuse laws. 3 women will not face jail time after cell phone photos were discovered of them hanging out with a dead 80-something-year-old woman

26:17 – Arizona’s mental hospitals have been told to eliminate all smoking for their patients

31:19 – The 99 cents store is finally making select items cost over 99 cents. Jah admits he was just there when he went to dress up as the raver for Halloween

35:41 – For people who think Google is too white, there’s Rushmore Drive – search engine that targets the black community. In Google, the first thing that comes up when you search “Whitney” is the Whitney Museum in Virginia. On Rushmore Drive it’s Whitney Houston. Boo yah. Jah informs us that there’s also a “Blackle” search engine for eco-friendly people, which has a black background which requires much less energy to produce the screen image

39:49 – The federal government began a pilot program on Aug. 5 in five cities (San Diego, Chicago, Charlotte, Phoenix and Santa Ana) that allows illegal immigrants to voluntarily turn themselves in. In exchange, they are allowed 90 days to leave the country so they don’t have to risk arrest or sudden deportation. In those 5 cities there are 5,000 illegal aliens, and 6 people have turned themselves in. Government is not ready to say whether the program is a success or not

42:09 – Bobby Guffey always plays the same combination of lottery numbers every week. He goes to buy his ticket this week and forgets his bifocals, then realizes he punched in the wrong number. He goes back to get the correct number of his son’s birthday, then the incorrect one actually wins him $3 million in the Indiana Lottery ($1.2 million after taxes).

48:28 – Ian Zeiring quote: “Steve Sanders lives in our hearts and in our minds. But I don’t think I want to do this show. I think it might be a step backwards.”

51:22 – 20-year-old girl in Ohio boned down on a 15-year-old and she became pregnant. She’s now 21, he’s now 16. The girl is on trial for unlawful sexual contact with a minor, faces 2 years in prison and registering as a sex offender. Another court has ordered him to pay $50 a month for child support

Extra Notes

0:46 – Jah reiterates that the show is being sponsored by Entourage

5:20 – Seth reveals that he’s drinking Diet Sunkist, and that when you drink 1 you drink 100. Jah says it’s one of the most revolting things he could conceive drinking. Seth says all he needs is a wheatgrass shot and a Diet Sunkist to make it through the day

14:01 – Seth asks how you text something to the wrong person, and Jah explains it

22:22 – Seth sees a woman on TV saying she ate a catfood sandwich while she was sleepeating at night

56:51 – Seth says all the college kids do is play beer pong

59:15 – Jah sings some Aaron Neville

Rants and Raves

17:25 – Jah hammers male fashion, insinuating that it can’t get much worse than it is

24:31 – Jah rips on WebMD for being poisonous because it will always tell you things are much worse than they really are

27:27 – Seth makes fun of Jah for saying his decision to do drugs again was long and drawn out: “Really? You stumbled into an antique store, some dude was like, ‘You wanna drink absinthe?’ You’re like, ‘Fuck man, I can’t get that. Yeah!’” Jah: “That is not true. Come on.”

29:38 – Seth hammers the upcoming movie with De Niro and Pacino, Righteous Kill, that the thrust of it is “2 heavyweights at the top of their game.” Jah says UYD hopes they don’t get sponsored by that movie next week because they’ll change their tune mighty quick

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