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Big K: The circle of gifts

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View Episode 130

Category:Episodes

Originally aired 09.01.08

Seatbelts

1:06:27

UYD Slogans

51:09 – UYD: A brainful of acid

Seth's Ailments

25:51 – New affliction affecting teens and tweens throughout the nation is guitarthritis, a pain/soreness in the wrist as a result of playing Guitar Hero or Rockband

Who's Mommin' Harder

38:36 – (Who’s Being Better?) – A) 19-year-old Evan David Thomas Adams is standing outside of Jeep Cherokee in Marion County, Ga., at 3 a.m., when a cop rolls up, and Adams jumps through the passenger window and attacks him. As they struggle out of the car, the cop opens the back door for the canine unit, which demolishes him. When cop asks ‘What’s the matter with you?,’ dude replies “I’m high on mushrooms dude.”; B) Fausino Diaz Hernandez of Bonito Springs, Fla., solicits sex from an undercover female prostitute, then bargains with her to give a broken 10-speed bicycle, a used lighter and 2 pennies.

Drug Use

24:58 – Seth ponders what would happen if Jah and Amir took mushrooms and went to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua in Culver City 2 weeks after it came out. Jah says he would be in a mental hospital by the third act, while Amir would have left the theater to watch Sportscenter in his room

UYD Stories

3:56 – Jah went to Catholic school for a short period of time, and used to draw crazy Satanic stuff during Bible class and listen to Slayer. He remembers when girls used to roll their skirts up but only did it once. He now regularly sees girls walking on Larchmont with multiple rolls on their Catholic school skirts.

15:12 – Seth hasn’t been to the East Coast during the winter in about 15 years, but the last time he was there he still remembers the bone-chilling walk from the house to the car.

43:52 – Jah watched a dude pay the door fee at the strip club, walk in, soak up 30 seconds of a chick showing her gash on stage and then asking for his money back on the way out and joining his friends who were waiting in the car for him.

45:05 – Seth was getting a coffee at his Whole Foods and saw a really attractive girl looking at a muffin, then saw a dude standing next to her waiting to say something, then when she turned around he acted like he was waiting for his coffee. Seth wanted to ask him what was up with that sweet move.

46:13 – Jah was mentioning a story to someone the other day and in the middle of it started questioning whether the story was true. He thus proceeds to call his father on his cell in the middle of the show and ask if, when he was younger, he jumped in bed with his parents when he was tripping balls. His dad confirms that the story was indeed true. Jonathan was about 15-16 years old, his parents were asleep in the bed at Malibu. Jah knocked on the balcony door, walked in very happy to see them. He proceeded to crawl in the bed between the two parents, professed his undying love for them and his intention to never, ever leave the house. Mr. Larroquette figured he was tripping because he could have put a floodlight in his eyes and they wouldn’t have dilated. Jah made his mother very happy in saying he would never leave the house. Jah didn’t stay in bed, he just went downstairs and probably masturbated to women’s bodybuilding. Mr. Larroquette: “It was very nice of you to call and remind us of that wonderful, blissful night.”

56:39 – Seth remembers when he and his mom used to watch Growing Pains and he saw Kirk Cameron wearing double collared shirts, and Seth came in for school picture day wearing that getup. As a result Seth was voted ‘Cutest’ at Dustin Hunkin Middle School in the eighth grade. Jah desperately needs to know that and see that.

1:01:27 – Jah got a message from a listener who just listened to Episode 027, in which serial killer Wayne Adam Ford is referenced at the 54:30 mark. The listener is a reporter who interviewed the Humboldt County Sheriff deputy who Wayne Adam Ford handed the female tit to. Listener said he also drank at the bar that Ford was in when he decided to turn himself in, and he hasn’t gone back there since.

UYD News

2:53 – Superintendents in Butler County have voted not to allow high school cheerleaders to wear their uniforms to school on Fridays

5:55 – John McCain at a fundraiser speech in Phoenix, surrounded by teenagers, brings a special friend to perform. His name? Daddy Yankee.

7:21 – The USPS will lose around $2 billion this year, and could lose at least that much next year

16:16 – Boyfriend jeans is the new trend – girls wearing their boyfriends’ jeans. Jah is down with it, Seth is not

17:17 – Jah reads an excerpt from the autobiography of Matthew McConaughey’s mother, Kay McConaughey, talking about her husband’s death: “On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong because I didn’t hear anything from him, just nothing. But it was just the best way to go.” And talking about him being taken out to the ambulance naked: “I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey and his gift.”

20:31 – Seth was reading about how the largest land predators, polar bears, and the largest sea predators, sharks, are being affected by global warming and forced out of their natural environments. Eventually we’re ramping up for the two animals to go full deathmatch on small patches of ice in the arctic. Jah thinks the shark would win because the polar bear would have no grabability out at sea. Seth thinks the polar bear would win because he would latch onto the ice and club the shark

31:23 – Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani had a new baby boy who joins 2-year-old Kingston. His name is Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.

33:29 – Google has canceled free dinners for all employees (breakfast and lunch still free). Executive chef Joseph Desimone was stolen away by Facebook. The Mountain View HQ offers estimated $72 million per year in free food. New employees of Google put on the “Google 15” because of all the restaurants. Jah and Amir were supposed to do a gig there and would have gotten paid super well, but it fell through

35:28 – Ventura County man has now rammed his car into the gates of the Playboy Mansion twice in the last two weeks

51:15 – Darryl Hanna being interviewed by Fox News outside the DNC: “I’m not going to the convention at all. I refuse to go into a building that’s named after a beverage that causes obesity and diabetes.”

52:50 – In Bellville, Michigan, Fred Homes had saved up thousands of dollars over the past year, planning to surprise his family with a trip to Disney World. In order to hide the money, he took a DVD copy of Sin City and hid it underneath the chapter booklet. His wife had a garage sale and sold Sin City with two other movies for $10. Jah says that if they were a huge show they could get that money back and send it to him. Jah predicts the other 2 DVDs were Click and Gone In 60 Seconds

55:27 – Trend popping up of parents going in and airbrushing the school photos of their children for maximum exposure

Extra Notes

9:57 – Jah got a new Blackberry this week

28:13 – Jah thinks that if Seth made something that allowed you to jerk off while watching pornography and playing Guitar Hero, Seth would be the richest man alive

28:43 – Jah heard a rumor that he would love to know is true. A guy he wound up in a recording studio with several years ago told him about listening to a tape of Elvis Presley in a studio with The Colonel (Tom Parker) played by Pat Hingle in Elvis and the Beauty Queen, a movie of the week. In the studio Elvis liked to be on the board and play with the fader, and Elvis would have the Colonel write a check to people. At one point Elvis in the studio said “Somebody take the fader, take the fader!” then fell back on the couch and said “Somebody write somebody a check!”

58:30 – Jonathan provides a little factoid about the Culver Hotel next to the Culver 12: John Wayne owned it, and gained ownership of it through Charlie Chaplin who lost it to him in a poker game. Jah: “Why isn’t life like, awesome like that anymore? Can we make life awesome like that again? The problem is there’s no really cool rich people anymore. They’re all wack.”

1:04:35 – Seth went on to podcastalley.com recently, and read a comment where someone wondered why UYD was only ranked 42nd. Seth thinks 42 is pretty good considering there’s about 50,000 podcasts in the system

1:06:14 – Seth invites everyone to visit the UYD studio and get tickets by calling 888-842-2357

Rants and Raves

1:46 – Seth goes off on Nicolas Cage’s hair in his new movie, Bangkok Dangerous, which he saw at a red light the other day. Jah says the only things he’s seen getting as black as Cage’s hair are cars and guns

10:05 – Jah is pissed at Starbucks because, in their attempt to be more eco-friendly in using a different kind of plastic cup and lid, is using the new model lids with the old cups and the employees have to tell people it will fall off when you grab it by the top.

12:43 – Seth and Jah rip on David Blaine for his new “magic” trick, suspending himself upside down on a high wire in Central Park for 3 days and nights, culminating with a live 2-hour primetime special on ABC, Wednesday, Sept. 24

23:41 – Seth hammers Al Gore for his ridiculously boring documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, which Seth fell asleep 8 minutes into. Seth preferred March of the Penguins and Jah is an Ice Age man himself. Seth then rips on Space Chimps and Jah bites into Beverly Hills Chihuahua

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