View Episode 131
Originally aired 09.06.08
1:00:35
27:34 – UYD: Never look a rasta in the eye
27:42 – UYD: One man’s hoodrat is another man’s queen
42:53 – UYD: Vagina for a day
20:34 – Appafilia: comes from an uncontrollable urge to download mobile phone apps. iPhone users are buying them in droves. Apple took down their “I Am Rich” application, a large glowing gem that cost $1,000 and alerted everyone to how rich you are.
33:10 – Munchausen at Work syndrome: people cause problems at work so that they can solve them as fake heroes
28:09 – (Who’s Living Their Life?) – A) Ocala, Fla., Man tells girlfriend to enter the “Hot Body Contest” at the bar they were drinking at. When she did, he punched her in the face; B) Salt Lake City, Utah, two dudes get into a shoving match, one starts stabbing the other, dude getting stabbed pays the stabber $30 to stop stabbing him and the stabber leave. … Jah wonders which one in Choice B he is determining the winner, and assumes it’s got to be the stabbee.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
42:18 – Jah asks Seth what he would do if he had a vagina for a 24-hour period of time. Seth: “I would cover it up and I wouldn’t let a fuckin’ soul see it. I’d put that think on lockdown. No one’s getting a look at this beautiful flower. Back off, jack off.” Jah claims he would play with it a lot
17:29 – Young adults’ cocaine use is down in the United States, which Seth makes fun of. Jah claims that it’s not down among young adults he knows
45:51 – Jah goes over some of the thievery that goes on by methmouths, including manhole covers, freeway siding, bleachers, fire hydrant caps, gravestone placards, sprinklers, empty kegs, etc. Now, methheads are stealing baby formula from pharmacies across the country. They swap it out for high resale value in poor neighborhoods of big cities.
16:40 – Seth retells the story from Episode 78, 8:14 about his dad getting pissed off at him when he was in eighth grade for saying the line I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffleball bat when remaking the Beastie Boys’ “Paul Revere.”
16:54 – Two weeks before that talent show, Seth had gotten busted by his father again for stealing a Degas art book and looking at tits on painted ballerinas
18:27 – Seth didn’t get “Class Clown” in his middle school yearbook, but he did later in high school. He saw a dude with a Spuds McKenzie shirt on the first day of school and he let him know about it, brought in his Spuds cozy and decided he had four years to prove himself. He also won “Biggest Sports Fan” and “Best School Spirit.”
18:50 – Jah didn’t get to earn superlatives because he went to all fucked-up alternative schools where there were 15 kids and six teachers. Jah had a gay teacher in his boarding school, and he went over to their off-campus house for dinner where there was a gay couple making them dinner. Seth: “Hey you guys want to do some origami before appetizers? … Why are you at this guy’s house barefoot, playing didge, smoking weed and having origami sessions?!”
25:34 – Jah asks Seth to rehash the story from Episode 095, 35:13, about Seth’s friend who did a stretch in the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, and the guards would shut off Friends episodes 5 minutes before the ending just to frustrate the inmates
27:20 – Seth brings up Jah’s story about stealing the nug from the guy in the teepee, making fun of him for acting incredulous at being accused, as a Rasta, for thievery. (Episode 124, 26:53)
31:21 – Jah went to pick Justine up from Cedar Sinai Hospital after her knee surgery, and he saw a sign at the hospital that said something about SAFE BABY DROP and had a diagram. Seth says the only places you can legally drop a kid 30 days from the birth are hospitals, fire stations and the UYD studio. Seth says that if a baby is dropped at the studio, they will raise the baby as their own and it will become the President.
47:36 – Jah remembers the first kid who started saying gasunheicht when someone would sneeze, then kept saying it throughout the school year
56:42 – Seth recalls when he got his Spuds McKenzie cozy on his eighth grade Washington DC trip, when he saw a dude selling blue blockers. Jah agrees that 1987 was a great year – it was the year he began listening to hip-hop music
3:17 – Football widows: women whose husbands are completely out of pocket because of football season and fantasy leagues, etc.
7:29 – Starbucks is now offering oatmeal for $2.45. Jah is totally down with it and wonders if he can get it with soy milk. Howard Schultz said that the smell of the oatmeal will not overpower the smell of the coffee, although Jah says they still haven’t dealt with the smells resulting from the cleaning solutions used on the panini makers they tried
8:53 – A panel of doctors for the American Academy of Otolaryngology and Head & Neck Surgery Foundation released new guidelines for ear care. Earwax serves as a protective lubricator and has antibacterial properties. Resist the urge to use Q-Tips because they push the cerumen (secretion, hair and dead skin) deeper and into more dangerous areas of the ear canal. Seth has thrown his Q-Tips out as a result of this
10:47 – Original iPhones are selling for more than the 3G versions because they’re easier to unlock and hack, making them easier to convert to other cellular carriers or connect to open wireless networks
11:54 – Accuweather.com now has the frizz index, which lets you know the dramatic effect the weather could have on your hair
23:14 – California prisons are preparing for an onslaught of gay weddings at the 33 state-run facilities. Inmates cannot marry fellow inmates of the same prison, a rule that was made because officials are concerned that an inmate could discover information that another inmate has a lot of property/assets on the outside, then force him to marry him and gain equal access to the assets
26:21 – In Niagara Falls, N.Y., 52-year-old James Curtis was charged with aggravated harassment after posting a sign in the Public Works office that said WHITES ONLY above a drinking fountain. When questioned about it, he said it was not racial.
30:42 – 6-year-old girl playing hide and go seek with her grandma, comes out of the bushes with a “doll,” which turns out to be a live baby with an umbilical cord still attached. They brought the baby to the hospital totally safe and sound
35:48 – A 12,000-member kids’ sports league in Indiana has banned the use of first names and/or nicknames on all boys or girls team jerseys to protect children from potential sexual predators
39:56 – The Frisky, a women’s dating/lifestyle website, posed the question “What would you do if you had a penis for a day?” Some of the answers: I’d slap it on counters and stuff. … I would totally get it hard and beep a horn with it. … Poke it in holes. … I would probably have sex with various holes, like a donut. … Seriously, I wanna see what the big deal is. … I hope it feels like heaven. … I’d check out this whole urinal thing. … Do I get balls too? … Seriously, I don’t think I’d be able to stop touching it. … I would write my name in pee. … I would pee on people’s heads from a roof. … I would draw eyes on the tip and make the peephole talk. … I would masturbate – a lot. Jah: “Those are some awesome answers.” Jah claims he’s done most of the answers on this list, except for peeing on people’s heads from a roof. He’s also done the “girl tuck” and the “turtle shell,” where you put everything underneath the scrotum. Seth thinks that kind of stuff is gross
48:01 – Illinois school superintendent Herschel Hanna proposed a plan to disallow students from attending senior prom unless they kept their grades up. “You’re not in school to drop it like it’s hot.”
49:26 – Jah recaps the dude who exposed himself three times to 7 drive-through Java Girls baristas (Episode 129, 3:45). He has finally been caught, and said “Once you start it’s hard to stop.”
51:05 – New studies from Stanford’s Human Interaction Lab indicate that in the virtual world, the younger, fitter and more attractive you are, the better you’ll fare
51:44 – Australian company Village Road Show will unveil 3 upscale movie theaters in 2009 called Gold Class Cinemas, including online seating reservations, valet parking, in-theater food and beverage. It only costs $35 per ticket, not including the exquisite food menu that has duck tacos, Kobe beef burgers and crème brulee on it.
55:18 – A new website, ParentConnect.com posts all of kids’ grades, attendance, teacher comments, upcoming assignments, tests, etc. This infuriates Seth.
1:04 – Jah is smirking at Seth’s sweatshirt, which is an old school 1977 Dallas Cowboys rigout to celebrate the beginning of the 2008 season
4:48 – Seth ponders who Cheech & Chong are, and Jonathan is forced to explain their history in comedy with marijuana-themed movies. Seth claims he’s never heard of these two guys.
11:32 – It’s getting a little hot in the UYD studio. There was some serious music playing next door and they had to close the window, making it steamy in the sausage fest studio
13:42 – Seth brings in his 1987 eighth grade yearbook from Dustin Hunking Middle School in Haverhill, MA, to prove his claims from Episode 130 (56:39) that he was voted “Cutest” in the superlative awards (He shared it with Todd Treffrey). He was also voted “Biggest Flirt” with Peter Martellucci and “Best Personality” with David Thistlewood and “Most Popular” with Jack Barone and “Most Outgoing.” Unfortunately, he also won “Shortest,” sharing it with Eric Carmier (a.k.a. “Slooch”), which took away from his game a little bit. He also shows his picture with the two collared shirts. Jah says Seth is extremely short in the pictures. He also shows the picture from the Eighth Grade Talent Show, which features Seth and his boys as “The Hunkstie Boys” seeing “Paul Revere.” (Episode 078, 8:14)
17:44 – Seth wonders where Jah escaped to, but Jah is getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Seth’s not cool with Jah using one of his coffee mugs for the water. Seth has one fork, one spoon and 50 mugs in the kitchen.
20:00 – Jah got a new phone and wishes he had his old one back. Seth says Jah was on it all the time. Jah hasn’t gotten used to the new one yet; he still gets a lot of calls and texts on it from UYD listeners
30:25 – Seth has a birthday coming up and is wondering what Jah will get him. Jah thinks he will get linked with something that will change his daily life
36:43 – Jah tells a joke about a kid being abducted by a predator that falls flat in the studio. Kid picks up a welder’s mask lying by the side of the street, man lures him in with candy and sodas. Man asks him if he knows what words like fellatio, anal sex and homosexual mean, then the kid says, “Listen mister I gotta level with you, I’m not a welder.” Seth, after a long pause: “I don’t get it.” Jah has to explain
52:55 – Seth asks for a Saudi sheikh to listen to UYD, drive to 466 N. Hobart Blvd. in a crazy Bentley, throw Seth the keys and say “I direct-deposited $50 million into your account. Have a great year. Uhh Yeah Dude!” and then drive away with oil spilling all over Hobart.
57:20 – Seth and Jonathan talk about how they agreed that they would stop at 262 episodes. They have officially reached their halfway mark with 131.
2:17 – Seth hammers the new 90210, which he calls a personal attack on him, Jason Priestly and Coy Perry. Although he did like the scene where Nat asks about Brenda’s brother, who turns out to be Brandon
4:21 – Seth rips on 40- and 50-year-old dudes who really get into Batman, Spiderman and Iron Man. “I don’t get it man?”
22:10 – Seth hammers Domino’s for putting sandwiches on their menu. He also blasts Jonathan for eating Domino’s this week. Jah claims his veganism is not doing well since he quit smoking, and Seth’s tough love attempt on the show a couple weeks ago sent Jah even further down in the dumps
32:33 – Jah: “What will we name that baby?” Seth: “Jesus. Jesus Larroquette Preston Joseph Romatelli VI.”
53:44 – Seth says that Jah’s jokes have to be dumbed-down for him, either racially motivated or about esoteric priests. Jah then proceeds to tell a joke about a priest walking a boy through the forest. The boy says “Can we go back now I’m really scared.” The priest says, “You’re scared? How do you think I feel? I gotta walk back out of here alone.”