View Episode 135
Originally aired 10.04.08
1:05:07
34:40 – UYD: Top heavy with black dogs
56:08 – UYD: The most real fake stories you’ll ever hear
1:00:31 – UYD: Pure Seth
1:04:10 – UYD: Get to 200
9:53 – Seth says that if Gertrude Baines were behind him in line at the supermarket, he would let her go ahead of him in line and would buy her her goods
16:59 - The combat zone
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
31:29 – Seth revisits the Blind vs. Deaf debate with Jonathan. Jah still says he would rather be blind, while Seth finds that to be ridiculous. Jah thinks he wouldn’t remember how to talk because he couldn’t hear himself, but Seth thinks he could because he could hear for 31 years. Seth: “I wouldn’t just immediately start running into shit if you gouged my eyes out, I would calmly sit down and assess the situation. I wouldn’t start running headfirst into shit like I don’t know my living room! I don’t know my living room! Yes you do, dude. Take a breath and sit down. But I’m fucking blind I can’t see! We know that. You don’t have to run into shit.
22:48 – Seth does another formal request to see the twins
2:19 – Seth was watching a recording on his new DVR, and there was an emergency alert system about a missing child, it popped out of what he was watching and goes to the station Seth had left it on last. Seth went from watching the Colbert Report, then got the EMS message, then got the QVC that he had been watching at 3:30 a.m. the night before. He was also trying to watch a close call in a football game in slow motion, but his cable DVR doesn’t make it go slow enough to catch the details
9:03 – Jah starts to tell a story about being in a supermarket, then stops himself to ask Seth hypothetically: “When you go in line and there’s only one checker open, and you see somebody standing in line with nothing in their hands, do you let them go ahead if you’re shopping.” Seth: “Never, unless they’re elderly or female.” Jah says that Seth can’t take the courtesy if he never gives it, the same way that you have to let people in front of you in traffic so you can do your own cutting later
10:32 – Seth describes his Sunday night dinner: Taco Bell, two sides, just beans and a caramel apple empanada. Stops by the 7-11, gets a peanut butter Cliff bar, a Diet Sunkist and a Strawberry Muscle Milk
14:56 – Jah’s question about John Wayne Bobbit’s porn – John Wayne Uncut – segues into Seth’s story about going to see that movie at The Combat Zone in Boston. The Combat Zone is a shady area of Boston, and he went with two of his buddies in 1993 but they couldn’t go in there. They were both actors and Seth got mad at them, asked them to play characters because they used to get on the T and create elaborate acting situations involving reunions, etc., but wouldn’t go into the theater with Seth. They paid the money and stood in the back but there was all kinds of jerking off and bleached cum everywhere, forcing Seth to dodge loads everywhere
17:04 – Jah: “I ….” Seth: “You OK?” Jah: “I came on my own face today.” Jah apologizes to his and Seth’s mother for saying this, then claims that he was horizontal, not vertical when this happened. Seth has knocked posters off of walls before. Jah: “I had straight jizz beard this morning.” Seth: “Hey can I have a piadini?” “Sir there’s something on your eyelash.”
24:03 – When Jah was a kid he would say “duckin’ ashtoes” because he would hear his dad say “fucking assholes” and that’s how he interpreted it as a child
40:30 – Seth’s dad would take a stick and put it in the sand and tell Seth what time it was. Jah also did that back in the day. Jah also made fire by rubbing a stick around
55:20 – When Seth saw Tiesto at Ibiza, he took two red Ferraris, before he knew it he was in the middle of the beach at 3 a.m. shirtless, those things kicked in, the girl next to him took a compact mirror out and pulled his face to make out with him because she was getting so excited about it. Jah: “That was the most real fake story I’ve heard.”
0:45 – Jay-Z is introducing a new fragrance: 91X Rocawear
4:56 – Jah updates his complaint about the eco Starbucks cups that had ill-fitting lids. The new lids are now in at Starbucks, and are much thicker. The perforation where the straw goes in is super-sharp, which doesn’t allow the green straws to go through without being punctured. Jah put his whole fist through the lid the other day. Seth: “You fisted a venti coffee.”
6:50 – Starbucks release piadinis – sausage, egg, cheddar and portabello mushroom with spinach and feta cheese - $3.25. Piadini is Italian flatbread that is square-shaped, chewy and soft
12:16 – Phillip Seton, 61, of Louisville, Ky., went in to get a circumcision, but the doctor found cancerous cells in the penile area and removed the man’s entire penis. In West Virginia last week, a man’s ass was stapled shut and he couldn’t take a dump for 17 days. He’s suing his doctor
19:33 – Chris Martin of Coldplay: “I have nothing but respect for Nickelback. They take a lot of flak from people who have never done fuck-all in their life. And I think they’re great. And that’s my final word.”
23:21 – Ave Maria University in Naples, Fla., is the first Roman Catholic university established in the U.S. in 40 years, founded by the founder of Domino’s Pizza. They recently canned the school’s basketball coach for using profanity during a scrimmage.
24:46 – Comedian Sandra Bernhardt was cut as the headliner from an annual benefit for Boston’s women’s shelter, because during a recent standup performance she claimed that Sarah Palin would get “gangraped by big black brothers” if she ever visited New York City
28:32 – Ed MacMahon is going to star in online rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com. Seth states that we are now in a Rappin’ Granny Renaissance
29:47 – The National Federation of the Blind is protesting the new movie Blindness, saying it reinforces negative stereotypes about blind people. Jah says the thing he hates the most about blind people is that they always protest stuff
33:11 – Black Dog Syndrome – black dogs are the last dogs to be adopted and they can’t find enough homes for black dogs. (Jah has 2 black rescued dogs) Jah says this is because the dog’s eyes blend in with their fur and buyers can’t get a read on the animal and feel like they can’t trust or connect with the dogs. This is spot-on to Seth’s research about it.
36:28 – Oregon Public Schools have almost systematically eliminated all dodgeball and kickball from all gym classes. They have replaced them with cup stacking or geochaching – mini treasure hunt that relies on the knowledge of navigation tools
44:46 – Larry Flynt just shot a porn using a Sarah Palin look-alike. He put out a Craig’s List ad and offered $3,000 for the shoot. Seth asks Jah to think of the title of the movie and Jonathan basically gets it right on the money: “Nailin’ Palin.”
45:34 – Jah says companies are now giving employees Lovesick Days – paid time after a breakup
46:25 – Bruce Springsteen will be playing at halftime of this year’s Super Bowl
49:01 – Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson were seen shopping for wedding rings at a Zales in Dallas
53:24 – UNLV has a new class for students called Nightclub Management – where your final project is throwing a jam at a night club and your professor gives you a grade on how good your party is
21:23 – Jah apologizes because he’s been swamped the past couple weeks with texts, calls and e-mails, and asks people that if it’s a pressing issue to re-send to him. He said he’s not getting any help because his intern is going through personal issues of his own.
31:00 – Seth mentions that UYD has a blind listener who isn’t protesting anything, although he was protesting when they threw him out of a mall in Arizona (Ep. 132). Jah feels bad for alienating their one blind listener and all of their deaf listeners. Jah estimates that UYD has 700 deaf listeners
37:29 – Seth hears that there’s a lot of sugar in kid’s cereals, and that a way to combat that is to take a bowl and put half sugar cereal and half sweet cereal. Seth thinks that instead of placating your spoiled brat child with half a bowl of Honey Smacks and half a bowl of Cheerios, stick their head in the bowl of Cheerios and make them eat it. When Seth was a kid his mom wouldn’t let him have a cereal if sugar was listed within the first four ingredients. Jah wasn’t allowed to have those either
39:29 – Jah and Seth can’t believe how hot it is in the studio, especially since it’s October and it’s 95 degrees.
52:18 – Seth says there’s no worse panic attack than seeing dudes perform a capella
56:22 – Seth wonders what it would be like to get the three unaired UYD episodes and listen to them while drinking absinthe.
57:26 – Jah was thinking about what it would be like to buy a pair of Crocs today in a weird color and put them away… how many years would it take to pull them out in front of somebody and dangle them out to where the person goes “I completely forgot about those!”
59:48 – Jah promises to find a way of posting a photo of Seth from when he was a child – his mom sent it to the studio wearing a Cowboys shirt
43:34 – New study in Journal of American Medical Association found that Tuesday of the presidential election there is an 18% increased chance of dying in a car crash. The combo of more cars and pedestrians flocking to the polls makes this possible
1:45 – Seth hammers his new DVR from Time Warner Cable that doesn’t compare to his previous favorite, TiVo.
4:34 – Seth rips Krispy Kreme and TiVo for not making any money and posting profit losses every year
30:10 – Seth hammers blind people for protesting everything