View Episode 143
Originally aired 12.01.08
1:02:46
38:09 – UYD: Where tomorrow is today
7:49 – Seth informs us that many people have called UYD and said they love eating at and/or working at Papa Murphy’s and Jimmy John’s establishments. Seth’s new joint is called Grandy’s Country Cookin’. It was founded in 1973 in San Antonio, and there are over 70 Grandy’s in New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Kentucky, Indiana, Georgia and Florida. It’s quick service, homestyle “comfort” food. They feature hearty breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Some favorites are fried chicken, country fried steak, catfish, biscuits, lost of gravies and the favorite – sinnamon rolls that are supposed to be heavenly
20:09 – Jonathan brings up “Wrap Rage” again (first mentioned in Episode 009, 44:34), extreme anger caused by product packaging that is difficult to open or manipulate. Amazon has committed to making all of its packaging for the holidays less impossible to open. 6,000 people go to the ER every year trying to open packaged goods, according to Consumer Products magazine.
26:36 – A family therapist in Florida named Michael Holder, who conducts at-home sessions called “Dynamic Parenting Courses” to correct negative patterns in children’s behavior was arrested for strangling his 10-year-old stepson
48:42 – Researchers in Florida have found that Wikipedia articles on pharmaceutical drugs omit many of the side effects on possible interaction problems and dangers that could be a threat to people. Medscape and Web MD are more reliable
30:56 – Jah just learned about this story today: a crazy ex-Sci-Ti dude, Mario Majorski – who was a UCLA student in the early 90s who sued his teacher that claimed Sci-Ti was a cult – stormed the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre in LA with samurai swords in both hands at noon on a Sunday. The security guards shot and killed him as he approached.
11:17 – Pepsi White is officially released in Japan, which is a yogurt-flavored Pepsi
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
35:05 – Jah questions how old he has to be to start taking Viagra. Seth guesses 50 but Jah says 6 months. Seth then asks if Jah has a fully-formed penis, to which Jah says yes. Jah then says that babies are given Viagra because they have pulmonary arterial hypertension, a rare disorder in young kids that causes very high blood pressure and starves kids’ lungs of oxygen in their blood. The Viagra helps blood pump more freely to the lungs … “and the balls.”
40:32 – Jah: “When’s the last time you ate at a McDonald’s?” Seth: “The last time I got a cinnamon roll, whenever that was.” Seth says he was at a Burger King more recently than the McDonald’s because he got a Hershey’s Sundae Pie
16:56 – Seth brings up the coke images study from Episode 142, which Jah says he is still laughing at and was thinking about dudes looking at pictures of coke all week long.
2:07 – Seth was a letter carrier for the United States Postal Service for one summer. He carried spray mace, which he sprayed on a dog, but the wind blew it back in his face and on his forearms, and he got to go home for the day because it burned. There was also a day where he delivered an entire street of mail to the wrong side of the street. He didn’t do anything to correct it. There was another time that he went by a big mailbox that led into a residential area, which he was supposed to have been emptying for the last three weeks, and he finally opened it and the mail dumped out onto the ground. He would jack people’s Sports Illustrated magazines and other publications he liked to read
6:36 – Jah bought a cassette four-track recorder from a guy in an office building in the Valley last year through a Craig’s List ad. He went to meet him and was pretty sure there was a fair amount of cocaine done in that office. The guy told Jah there was an old tape in it, and it turned out to be Warrant. By the end of the conversation the dude was inviting Jah to go see Warrant with him that night at the House of Blues
22:07 – Jah’s friend was watching a dude getting a blowjob in West Hollywood once in a station wagon, and the bumper sticker on the back said HAPPINESS IS BEING A GRANDPA
22:23 – When Seth says “suck it hippie,” Jah wonders when Seth said someone would say that to Jonathan after forcing him to blow him. Seth says it was Huell Howser (Episode 017, 51:48). A gay dude Seth knew was with other friends of his and they hooked up with Huell and Huell said “suck it hippie.” Huell is an old-timey dude from Oklahoma who’s on public access touring everything you could possibly tour in California. Huell tried to get up on Seth’s shit in Larchmont, and Seth avoided him.
23:50 – Seth was in a knock-off of a 99 Cents Store buying index cards down the street. He put them on the counter and there was a cute young girl working there. He’s getting out a dime to go with his dollar because the total is $1.07. He’s looking and there’s pregnancy tests behind the counter, and he asks for a few of them because he knows he’ll have fun with them handing them to girls he knows. He’s taking money out of his back pocket to buy the tests, and the cashier pushes them toward him and says “They’re good.” Seth backs away slowly and walks to his car, insinuating that she was being dead serious.
59:52 – Seth was talking to a dude today who grew up in England. A girl Seth knows was married to a British guy, so she gave him a British aptitude test, and Seth was like “let’s burn this fool!” She took it from a bunch of different angles and he got all 10 questions wrong. Seth talked smack to the guy and then gave him an American aptitude test, and asked him “who was the character in Cheers when he came into the bar everyone yelled out his name?” The dude looked at him like he had no idea what he was talking about, and then said “don’t give me old people shit though.”
1:01:39 – Seth was driving listening to his country station on the radio and they were announcing a giveaway for 3 nights in Vegas, and the trivia question was Who has an amusement park named Dollywood after her? A) Tim McGraw, B) Shania Twain or C) Dolly Parton? Seth almost drives the Sundance off the road as the DJ tries to dumb it down for the listeners
1:00 – A mailman in N.C., 58-year-old Steven Padgett, was given probation this week in federal court after having been found out that he had hid seven years worth of junk mail in his home instead of delivering it. He felt overwhelmed by the mail and hid it in and around his house, in his garage and even buried some. Not one customer complained to the USPS in seven years. Seth claims that junk mail is the only thing keeping the USPS alive
9:54 – The National Sleep Foundation found that the typical American gets 6 hours and 40 minutes of sleep each night. Nielsen reports that US television use is at an all-time high – being on at the house an average of 8 hours and 18 minutes per day
12:16 – This Friday, Dec. 5, will mark the 75th anniversary of the end of Prohibition. To celebrate this, Jonathan says he is going to watch The Untouchables.
13:17 – In order to calm his nerves and not put too much pressure on himself, Paul McCartney has given himself an alter-ego while recording his upcoming album, Electric Arguments. He now goes up to the mic as “Gladys Jenkins.”
15:34 – New Orleans has been awarded the most crime-ridden city in the United States
16:20 – According to the Journal of Biological Psychology, brain scans of teens with a history of bullying suggest they get pleasure out of seeing someone else in pain. Areas of the brain linked to reward became active when bullying
18:36 – There’s a guy who appears in the book “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” from the website, and is now suing because he is suffering a lot of public shame and humiliation because he has been labeled as such
21:32 – A man died of a heart attack inside The Pussycat Theater (a gay movie theater) and in the obit it said he was survived by his wife and three children
28:50 – A Swedish hip-hop artist and songwriter has been arrested for a road rage confrontation on a Hollywood street that left a pedestrian dead. David Moses Jassy, a 34-year-old musician also known as Dave Monopoly, was arraigned. A 55-year-old local jazz musician, John Osnes, slapped Jasse’s SUV when it crept into his crosswalk. Jassy then got out of his car, punched Osnes in the face and kicked him in the head. When Osnes bent over to pick up his glasses, Jassy broke free of people trying to restrain him, got back behind the wheel of the SUV and ran over Osnes – a pedestrian rights activist
33:44 – WATCH – The World Against Toys Causing Harm, a watchdog group has warned parents in the US to look out for the Michaelangelo Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nunchucks ($9.99 at Target) because they can cause blunt impact injury
38:12 – In order to cover all the costs incurred during a typical school year, a high school in San Diego has allowed local businesses to advertise and run ads on the students’ tests. A recent calculus test had a banner on the top and bottom of the page that said BRACE YORUSELF FOR A GREAT SEMESTER – BRACES BY HENRY, STEVEN P. HENRY, D.MD
43:11 – A football game on Thursday that has been shot in 3-D will be shown in three movie theaters in LA, New York and Boston – which you have to be invited to come. Guests will include big wigs from NFL sponsors and electronics companies to watch the Raiders vs. Chargers
45:01 – Seth talks about his friend, Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who went to see the movie Role Models and saw a homeless man outside the theater, then bought him a ticket to the movie and gave him some extra spending cash. The homeless man, named “Doc,” went into the theater and sat by Romo and watched the movie together.
47:32 – Brad Pitt was stopped by security for entering the premiere of his own movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
50:33 – In Culver City, there’s a green eco battle going on between two neighbors – one has put solar panels all over his roof, and the other has surrounded his property in trees to block the sun and conserve energy, except the solar panels aren’t working because of the shade
51:55 – Stainless steel netting costing up to $50 million will be placed beneath the Golden Gate bridge to catch would-be suicide jumpers. 2,000 people have jumped from the bridge since it opened in 1937. Through October, 19 people have jumped in 2008
0:24 – Jonathan proclaims that this is “Straight Lampin’ With Schneer & Letern.”
4:00 – Jah got a firsthand report of a concert that went down last night in the San Diego area – New Kids On The Block. At this point Seth doesn’t know anymore what is cool, ironic, futuristic, robotic or stale. He’s just lampin’ all the time and doesn’t know what is going on. He can’t tell the difference between MGMT and NKOTB and Pearl Jam and leggings and plaid shirts, etc.
15:48 – Seth says UYD received a voicemail for J-Dog, where the caller said he was up in Café Dumond thinking about him – a place where Jah used to go on Thanksgiving Day and write works
41:54 – This Thursday will be Thanksgiving, during which Seth and Jah have to get downtown early to serve food to homeless people at the House of Blues – where they will be giving an interview to ZZZlist.com. They’re looking forward to some homemade guacamole made by John Larroquette, and are expecting Ben Larroquette (Jah’s brother) to cook the meal since Jah’s mom will not be there.
10:19 – Seth rips on UYD friend of the show, Dimitri, for having his brand-new flat screen super-dope TV on ambiently, yet having Zohan playing on it.
10:39 – Seth slams Step Brothers, especially for the 30-second trailer for the DVD featuring nothing but a montage of people being struck with shit
14:14 – Seth yet again rips on Paul McCartney, who will be releasing a wicked shitty album in 2009. He also makes fun of Ringo Starr for setting a deadline for fan mail – after the date he will not sign any more autographs, etc. Seth then recalls the last time he blasted McCartney (Episode 069, 51:31) when he heard the “let’s all dance tonight” song in Starbucks
46:45 – Seth slams Barbara Walters for interviewing Tom Cruise as one of the Ten Most Fascinating People of 2008 – since Cruise hasn’t done anything all year