View Episode 144
Originally aired 12.08.08
1:02:05
1:26 – UYD: Quaquecyoe
8:44 – UYD: Up on that ottoman
1:01:56 – UYD: Whatever you believe is already true
9:30 – Monday, Dec. 29, 9 p.m. on MTV - the series premiere of Brody Jenner’s Bromance
18:04 – Seth got a panic attack watching the season finale of The Pickup Artist, where Simeon and Matt had the lamest cold opens ever. Simeon: “Hey ladies, tell me what movie this line is from – ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner.’?” Matt: “Hey ladies, whew. So crazy… me and my friends, we just pulled off a caper – the likes that have not been seen since the end of Ocean’s Eleven.”
11:26 – Seth takes us to a new fast food chain called Runza. Runza opened its first store in 1949 in Lincoln, Neb. It specializes in the ethnic cuisine once served by the Volga German immigrants who came to the Midwest in the late 19th, early 20th century. The Germans were in Russia and immigrated to a lot of U.S. states. The runza sandwich is a pastry filled with ground beef, onions and cabbage. There are 83 locations, basically all in Nebraska, except two in Colorado, one in Kansas and one in Iowa. “The difference is real.”
46:17 – Edna Parker, the world’s oldest woman, has died. The second-oldest person in the world is now Gertrude Baines. The oldest person in the world is Maria de Jesus of Portugal
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
10:40 – Seth really wants Jah to give him another “Every Kiss Begins With Kay,” so to coax him into it he lets him do a Rastafarian airhorn sound first
14:27 – Jah and Seth ask to see those “Panormous” twins
30:54 – Seth describes male bedbugs talking to female bedbugs about showing them their twins
0:37 – When Jonathan was in boarding school, there was a call that he and his buddies made to each other because the campus was so big and when they’d go hiking they’d want to know if they were people they wanted to see or not. The call was howdoyouknow really fast and called kind of like a bird and they had to reply with the same call
14:55 – Jah is still flipping out about how cheap gas is. He walked into a gas station to buy cigarettes two hours ago, gave the cashier a card and the guy scoffed at him and was like “No gas? Why not? Look what happened.” Jah couldn’t believe when he looked at the sign and it was $1.60
16:21 – Jah bought a $6.10 pack of cigarettes from a 7-11 the other night (Camel Non-Filters)
24:38 – Seth brushes off the fact that he spent a day with Britney Spears back in 2001 while acting in the movie Crossroads, then spills some honesty. The day he went to the set, he thought it was the single best thing ever, and he would love it forever. He went to the trailer, and they told him where hair and makeup was. There was an enormous black security dude standing there, and they stopped him, and someone with a headset said to let Seth in, and when he came in he sat down next to Britney Spears while she was getting her hair and makeup done. “What happened in that trailer? I will never tell.” Jah: “No, you shouldn’t. Because it was a disaster.” Seth: “It was between me, it was between Britney—” Jah: “And the Los Angeles Police Department.”
42:13 – Seth shares a somewhat frightening story about carbon monoxide in his apartment. Around this time last year Seth was kneeling down and Jah said “The whole room turned upside down.” And Seth agreed that he had had a splitting headache all day. Jah left that night, Seth watched TV until 3 or 4 in the morning. He woke up with a headache that was really bad all day and all night. He had to kneel down at one point in the show and convinced himself it was because he drank so many Diet Pepsi Maxes. He called his mother and she asked if the gas was on. The morning before on Thursday morning it was so cold that he turned the heat on, but they hadn’t lit the furnaces in the basement, so the apartment had been filling since 10 a.m. Thursday morning. Jah got there at 10 p.m. Thursday night and noticed something. Seth called the Fire Department on Friday and they had to send somebody else. Seth was embarrassed to tell Jonathan that he almost killed him. Seth’s mom got him a carbon monoxide detector because she loves him so much
59:00 – Jah got a $75 parking ticket right before the show started for parking in the red zone in front of Seth’s house, and they tacked on another $25 ticket for not having a front license plate on the bumper (he had it in the windshield)
4:50 – Video stores and libraries have been getting Netflix accounts, putting the movies into blank cases and then re-renting them to customers
7:31 – NBC reports that 8 of the 65 30-second spots available for Super Bowl XLII are available. Jonathan pleads to the listeners to pony up a little bit of cash per person to raise $3 million for a 30-second spot advertising UYD
16:46 – 9-year-old Alec Greven wrote a pamphlet for his school’s book fair. It has been picked up by a publishing house and turned into a 49-page book available in book stores. It’s called “How To Talk To Girls.” In the book he talks about combing hair, not showing off and going easy on the compliments. He also says pretty girls are like cars because they need a lot of oil.
22:44 – 2008 Top 10 most searched terms on Yahoo!: 10) American Idol, 9) Angelina Jolie, 8) Lindsay Lohan, 7) Naruto (Japanese cartoon), 6) Jessica Alba, 5) Runescape (online game), 4) Mylie Cyrus, 3) WWE, 2) Barack Obama, 1) Britney Spears
34:35 – Michael Phelps was on 60 Minutes and it took everything Anderson Cooper had not to start making out with him. They go to a swimming pool and Cooper takes his shirt off and tries to swim against him
39:39 – A Rastafarian, Bobby Brown, is suing the Jiffy Lube he works in in Massachusetts because they threatened to fire him if he doesn’t shave and cut his hair. They said they’d make him work in the bay below the cars if he didn’t.
49:35 – Crocs has won its lawsuit against Skechers, forcing them to stop making their plastic cog footwear. Seth: Are those new Crocs? They’re Skechers! Jah wishes we could see Seth’s body language right now
50:53 – 10 hours after a motorist reported striking a black bear in Lake Tahoe, the CHP reported that the bear’s gall bladder had been surgically removed, its groin area was shaved and a surgical glove was found next to the carcass. The gall bladder can sell for thousands of dollars on the black market in Asia as an aphrodesiac. Jah suspects that the person doing this is listening to a police scanner, getting there before the cops and taking care of it — or, a person runs over a bear, removes its gall bladder and calls it in afterwards
55:28 – A 31-year-old man in Nebraska was arrested because he met a “15-year-old girl” (cop) in a park for sex. He’s appealing with his lawyer on the grounds that the police used entrapment because the officer used emoticons during their online dialogue. Then when he tried to end the chat she blew him a kiss with an emoticon
56:48 – On Black Friday a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by crazy shoppers
1:00:05 – Bryan Russell, 31, of Maine, led police on a short car chase from the town he lives in to the neighboring town. He pulled over when he got to the county line and was like “What’s up fruits?!” The cops still arrested him as he apparently thought it was Dukes of Hazzard times.
1:30 – Seth says that 144 episodes is 6 full days worth of episodes, so he suggests downloading everything, doing a full six-day listen and then resting on Sunday
2:28 – Seth asks Jah if he would like to date an Asian beauty, then reads an ad promoting a service to date Asians. “Call Yan today. Yan’s Asian American Matchmaking”
4:04 – Jah apologizes to UYD Nation for the extreme delay in the UYD t-shirts. He claims there is a long postponement with Alternative Apparel due to an injury to the female he was dealing with. He was pushing to have them available by Christmas, which he doubts will happen
9:04 – More brocabulary: If a bunch of bros are broing out and having an awesome time, there’s no reason one of the bros wouldn’t get a broner.
20:45 – Seth is practicing the Mystery Method on the show and throws a neg out: “Is your hair supposed to look like that?” Jah thinks it’s directed toward him and says “It does it sometimes if I twiddle it.”
57:26 – Jah asks if it feels at all like Christmastime to Seth, because it feels so unlike Christmas to Jonathan right now. Seth is slightly feeling it. Jah thinks it’s weird that Seth will not be spending Christmastime with the Larroquettes b/c Seth’s going home to Boston. Most every other year Seth had been with him, except for 2007 when Seth’s mom came to visit LA
27:48 – Recent findings published in the Journal Nature detailed a microscopif fungus named aspergillis fumigatus. Humans inhale them through their nostrils over 200 times a day. Up until recently they were thought to reproduce asexually, but it’s been found that they have reproductive sexual organs. So the fungi and its babies bone down and eat tissue from inside our nostrils
31:53 – Researchers at Cornell University Food Lab studied Chinese food lunch buffets all across the U.S. They have found out that heavier, more obese people, used larger plates, used forks instead of chopsticks, they left less food, they made more trips to the buffet and just ate more in general
18:19 – Seth rips on the two finalists on The Pickup Artist giving the worst cold opens ever.
35:56 – Seth dips back into some Andy Rooney soundbytes from 60 Minutes: I make my coffee in the office every morning because downstairs in the CBS cafeteria one cup of coffee costs $1.50. … This morning on my way to work I bought gas. I got 8 gallons of regular, 87 octane, and 8 gallons of premium, 91 octane, and it cost me a total of $36.80. If I bought 16 gallons of 89 octane, it would’ve cost me $38.40, so by mixing the regular with the premium I saved $1.60 and I got 89 octane. My car don’t know the difference. … When I go to a good restaurant here in New York for dinner, I often slip a roll in my pocket as I’m leaving so I can have it for breakfast the next morning. That’s not stealing, is it?