View Episode 147
Originally aired 12.29.08
57:48 – Jah wishes the cop had handed him the ticket and then said “Seatbelts.”
1:04:05
16:37 – UYD: The 7 Ps
26:15 – UYD: Urban assassins
42:00 – UYD: Viable listeners
46:39 – Miller Coors has announced it will remove caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng from its beverage Sparks. It’s because of a settlement that was brought about by 13 different states that targeted young drinkers
8:41 – Whataburger – “Just Like You Like It.” Started in Corpus Christi, TX in 1950, and there are now 700 locations in TX, AZ, NM, OK, LA, AR, MS, AL, FL and GA. Jah mistakenly thinks there was one in Oxnard, California that he and his dad used to eat at, but then he realizes that was Lot-a-Burger. Seth says it also shouldn’t be confused with What-A-Burger in VA, NC and SC. Whataburger is in the movie 8 Seconds, where Luke Perry brings his future wife there on their first date, and it sponsors a tennis tournament in the late David Foster Wallace’s book “Infinite Jest.” A Whataburger is a 5-inch bun, 3 tomatoes, 4 pickles, famous mustard, fresh lettuce, diced onions and 100% pure American beef
58:15 – Quick shout-out to the name of the segment
58:17 – Quick shout-out to the name of the segment
58:20 – Quick shout-out to the name of the segment. Jah: “Craig’s House! Never dodge a load? Twin jets!? Come on!”
21:06 – The newest application for the iPod and iPhones is the iBreath, which turns an iPod into an alcohol breathylizer, functioning like a field sobriety test when attached to the base of the iPod/iPhone. The person using it exhales into the retractable blow wand and the internal sensor measures the BAC. Within two seconds it displays the results on an LED screen. The reading of .08 or above sets off an alarm
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
15:28 – Seth asks Jonathan how many times he’s gotten a boner today. Jonathan says four times definitely
30:40 – Seth gives an obituary for Dock Ellis, a former MLB pitcher who hasn’t had a drink in 28 years, has worked the last 25 years as a drug counselor but on June 12, 1970, when he was 25, he pitched a no-hitter for the Pittsburgh Pirates while high on LSD. They had flown into San Diego and Ellis asked to go home because they had an off day. Ellis took some LSD in the airport and went to his friend’s girlfriend’s house. The next day he had gotten up and taken more acid, and was told he had to get to the airport to pitch. He flies from LAX to San Diego for $9.50, takes a 3:30 flight, gets in at 4:30 and pitches at 6:05 – the first game of a day-night doubleheader. When he got to the game he popped some greenies and bennies. The game started and the mist started, and Ellis couldn’t see the hitters – he could only tell if they were on the left or right side. The catcher put tape on his fingers so he could see the signals. His teammates knew he was high on something but weren’t sure what. There were times the ball came back at him and he jumped but the ball was really coming slow. One time he tagged first base and said “Whoo I just made a touchdown.” He said it was easier to pitch with the LSD because it was easier to medicate himself
2:00 – Jonathan got pulled over by a cop and got a ticket for talking on his cell phone. Jah argued with the motorcycle cop about what was illegal about what he was doing, because he was talking to Dimitri holding it on speaker and didn’t have it on his ear. The cop interrupted him and said “I NEED TO SEE YOUR LICENSE!” The guy took 20 minutes to fill out the ticket while Jah is sitting there texting. On their way to M 10 minutes later Jah pulls up and is holding his phone talking to Josiah the web designer. Dimitri asks Jah what he’s thinking
6:48 – Jonathan had a problem uploading the podcast this week, and while he was trying to upload it there was a TV in the room with the movie Definitely Maybe playing on it. Halfway through the third act, Jonathan realized he had cried 4 different times at 4 different scenes in the movie. He blames part of this on the fact that he has an old sweet dog who may die and he’s coming to terms with that. He starts yelling “What the fuck is wrong with me!?” out loud.
18:51 – Seth was playing The Sopranos pinball game, which was a panic attack compared to the old-school pinball game Jah’s dad gave Seth, “Fire.” Seth got some sort of a high score and it gave him the same amount of letters to type in as it did when he was 8 years old – 3 letters. So he put in RMA for Roma, not UYD (Episode 068, 56:17)
4:26 – Alaskan state troopers have arrested Sherri Johnston, 42, after an undercover narcotics investigation. She is the mother of 18-year-old Levi Johnston, the fiancé of Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter, Bristol. She’s charged with 6 felony counts involving a controlled substance, the prescription painkiller oxycontin
5:42 – The U.S. military’s general order #1 – no alcohol anywhere for soldiers in Iraq – is being lifted for Super Bowl XLIII. On Sunday, Feb. 1, soldiers will be allowed to drink two beers each in the dining hall while watching the game. Jah thinks if they chugged them they could get a solid buzz going
10:37 – A commentary in the Journal Nature argued for the use of drugs such as Ritalin in healthy adults as a legitimate way of improving brain power
12:23 – A Chuck-E-Cheese in Maryland this week, a 4-year-old in his birthday party was playing in the plastic maze of tubes called skytubes. The kid’s father saw his child playing with a condom, while another father saw the boy blowing up what he thought was a balloon. Chuck-E-Cheese representatives claimed that the condom was unused
13:41 – The human nose contains erectile tissue, and Seth read something about people sneezing when they’re aroused
23:02 – PETA picked its Person of the Year, none other than Oprah Winfrey. Seth wonders if UYD could ever win an award from PETA, but Jah says it’s an improbability because they’ve been talking shit about PETA for 2 years because their game is so wack. Seth has been a vegetarian for 6 years and Jah has been one for 11 or 12
24:23 – 18-year-old Uriel Oliva of Anaheim, California was ordered by a judge not to associate with members of his street gang as part of his probation. A police officer assisting on the probation check at Oliva’s home found a photo of him and 2 of his other gang member friends sitting with Santa Claus in a picture taken at the local shopping mall. All 3 are throwing up their gang signs in the photo. Uriel is now on trial facing 3 years in state prison
37:24 – Just before Halloween, JVC – the company that introduced the Video Home System (VHS) format in 1977 – announced it would no longer make stand-alone VCRs. They were the last manufacturer to let them go. The last major Hollywood release on VHS was A History of Violence (2006).
42:03 – A 92-year-old woman bought a scratcher ticket at a supermarket in Queens, NY this week, scratched it and threw it away. The 24-year-old clerk, son of the market’s owner, checked the ticket, saw it was a winner then scratched the rest of the numbers off. Prizes totaled $1 million. The 24-year-old found the woman and gave her back the ticket because he’s the best dude ever. To show her gratitude for this, each of the woman’s 7 children gave him $100 gift cards
48:55 – Students from a high school in Montgomery County, Md. Created a game called “Speed Camera Pimping,” when the kids would take glossy photo paper, duplicate people’s license plates using the same font and colors to mimick a Maryland plate, then tape the fake licenses over their plates, exchanging vehicles among them that were similar to the victims’ vehicles. They would then purposely speed through intersections that had a red light traffic camera, and the next week the victims would receive a citation in the mail worth $300
54:06 – In Mansfield, TX, 66-year-old school bus driver William Allen was arrested for pulling a knife on 3 6-year-old girls. He threatened to cut their wrists after they left cookie crumbs on their bus seats
54:52 – A man in Buffalo, Benedict Harkins, sued a supermarket saying he tripped and fell on a rug in the store, except a surveillance camera showed him looking around, then rolling up the rug and then yelling like he got hurt
56:38 – Dude was running from the cops in a stolen car the middle of the night, he jumps out of it, runs it into a snowbank, then runs into a police station and they jack him up
1:16 – Seth thinks Jonathan should take Seth to the airport, race home and upload the show and then have it up while Seth is in the sky
16:10 – Seth has told us about the 5 Ls (Living, Loving, Laughing, Learning in Los Angeles), but he needs to tell us about the 7 Ps (Proper Prior Planning Prevents a Piss-Poor Performance)
17:56 – Jah calculates that if they’re doing 50 episodes per year that UYD will get to 300 episodes before the Mayan Calendar will run out
25:23 – Seth is flabbergasted at how quiet Priuses are. He was up at Whole Foods and he saw a Prius inches away from hitting his calves and he didn’t know it was behind him because it was so quiet. Jah says you can buy an exhaust sound to go with them that senses when they’re accelerating
51:19 – Jah wonders how intoxicated someone is at .20 BAC, but Seth says no way – anyone blowing a .08 wouldn’t even feel slightly inebriated. Seth thinks it would take 15 beers to be swerving off the road. Seth knows there’s been some times when he’s driven drunk and knew he shouldn’t have been and was like “Let’s get the hands on here.” Jonathan says it’s such an avoidable thing to do, so don’t do it
53:02 – Seth reiterates that he won’t end his Playboy subscription until Hugh Hefner dies. He heard that Hef’s daughter, Christine, the CEO of Playboy, is stepping down next month, so he wonders if that counts. Jah thinks Christine revived the magazine because she let the models start showing pink. Seth thinks that’s Jah’s steez. Seth is also still waiting for his first playmate born in the 90s, which he thought would happen in ’08 but guesses he’ll have to wait until ‘09
1:02:16 – Jah adores the listeners and is so happy this is still going on. He thanks them for continuing to listen, call, e-mail, Myspace, Facebook and everything else. “You guys have made this year—as wack as it was—so dope.”
1:03:43 – Jah thinks UYD needs to keep saying “2006 for life” because they don’t know how to change it on the voicemail greeting
1:00:55 – Seth thanks 2008 for doing wonderful by them, but that 2009 is going to be so much better. “Everything that happened before 2009 is the worst thing ever. 2009 is the greatest shits ever and if you aren’t there to witness it— Everybody listening to this show, 2009 is so much better than every fucking year ever and if anyone talks about anything that happened before ’09 just be like ‘Are you talking pre-’09?’”
28:54 – Jonathan and Seth hammer Robin Williams, who got 6 segments on The Tonight Show on Dec. 22. He managed to get out of his seat a lot and did his black guy character while impersonating Barack Obama
39:35 – Seth demands that everyone on talk shows stop talking about their kids – because nobody cares about them
41:32 – Seth cuts off Jah’s story when he mentions a 92-year-old woman and infuriates himself thinking about old people with their pedal error killing 9 viable 35-year-olds
58:31 – Seth goes off on people who are still going to Bon Jovi concerts, considering “Slippery When Wet” came out 22 years ago when Seth first started drinking. 2.2 million fans attended their concerts in 2008