View Episode 148
Originally aired 01.06.09
1:10:21
28:27 – UYD: We gleek on your cootch
55:25 – Gertrude Baines: UYD adjacent
1:03:00 – Uhh Yeah Dude: Oh man
10:30 – Seth retells the story about he and Jonathan going to visit Gertrude Baines on her 114th birthday (Episode 112), when at the time she was the third-oldest person in the world. Now that Maria de Jesus has passed away on Jan. 2 and after Edna Parker’s death (Episode 144), Gertrude is now the oldest person in the world and Jonathan and Seth are proud to be friends with her. Jah says that during this visit, Seth said “God Bless You!” in his lady voice 6 times. He said it worked 5 out of 6 times and the other time was great but didn’t have the same effect as the others. Seth recalls that when they left the convalescent home, Seth expressed his desire for Maria de Jesus to die. They can’t wait until her 115th birthday party
54:54 – Seth goes back to Gertrude Baines being the oldest person in the world. He gives us a little information on her: she was born in Shellman, Ga., and lives in the backyard of the studio. Seth says all friends of UYD are friends of Ms. Baines
1:09:07 – Seth expresses his undying love for Gertrude Baines, and can’t comprehend how, on April 6, 1894, this beautiful baby would be brought on this earth and now she’s the oldest person ever
1:01:06 – Truck antlers by the company Hitch Critters. They’re 100% redneck approved and available. You attach them to your driver and passenger side windows, lock on, and give your pickup giant antlers. Jonathan’s theory about these is that some telephone worker will fall as a truck is driving by with these and get gored to death
5:52 – Findings reported in the Journal of Experimental Biology showed that bees can develop a cocaine habit. Cocaine repels most insects, but the bees are loving it
20:23 – Jah and Seth reiterate that bees love coke
19:59 – Jah: “Triplet smoke! Twins smoke! Tweens smoke!”
2:06 – Seth can feel that the 3-year Mayan calendar creep is officially on because he was in a CVS and they were selling Quetzalcoatyl merchandise. He is not scared of that, but is scared of the Valentine’s Day creep because he was in a Rite-Aid and they were selling all kinds of candy. He’s going to go to the International Star Registry and register a star under UYD so someday a listener can go there and listen to the show from Constellation UYD
3:22 – Jah reluctantly accepts that it is 2009. He wrote it down in a bank today and his stomach got a little queasy
21:43 – Jonathan shot off 2 different guns on New Year’s but has no idea how many bullets he sprayed because he was in a full tequila blackout
29:45 – Jonathan and Seth recall cruising while seeing boy/twink tracks all the time in the mid-90s, seeing full trannys and then moving more east and seeing Judas Priest fans. Seth would see them from Gower to Wilton. Jah says it still goes off on Santa Monica Blvd.
33:36 – Seth was at LAX the night Jah dropped him off after doing Ep. 147 before flying to Boston. He was trying to get a celeb because he rarely gets them at the airport. Seth sees Ben Lyons, the awful film critic from E! He noticed Ben looking around waiting for someone to recognize him, which reminded him of when he saw Eric Bana doing the same thing for 45 minutes at the Arclight. Seth gets back to Boston and tells his mom about seeing Lyons, then he’s reading an article in the Calendar section of his Boston Globe – “Is Ben Lyons the most hated film critic in America?” Seth thinks this is random, then finds a website devoted to him called stopbenlyons.com, and another E-critics site that has the Ben Lyons quote of the week. He reads quotes from Eric Childress, VP of the Chicago Film Critics Association, saying “…everyone thinks he’s a joke,” etc. In 2007 Lyons called 300 one of the best films of the last 25 years, yet didn’t put it on his end-of-the-year Top 10 list – although Black Snake Moan did. He also called I Am Legend “one of the greatest movies ever made.” Lyons also praised Zohan and said “the honeymoon from Titanic is definitely over…” in reference to Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslett in Revolutionary Road, yet Titanic ended with DiCaprio drowning and freezing to death in the ocean
38:10 – Jah watched Hancock last night and did not enjoy it very much. He said it started out OK, however. Jah was surprised at how many times men in the movie made references to other men’s asses, etc.
40:40 – Seth had a little time to get away and get back to himself over Christmas. He stood in his childhood bathroom, and stood in the window and looked out at a view he’s seen countless times, yet he saw it in a way he’s never experienced before. It had a profound effect on him, and he brought it back with him to Los Angeles
42:05 – On Christmas Eve, Jonathan was in a bar and was outside, and a girl walked up to him who was extremely drunk, and began flirting with him and telling him he looked like Chris Robinson. She made Jah take down his hair and began kissing it, and then she introduced him to her boyfriend, whom he awkwardly spoke to. He goes back in and begins drinking a beer, and then she goes up to Dimitri and starts taking it to him and whispering in his ear about Jonathan. She said she wanted to go home and adjust her bra so they could see her body. She puts her hand on the inside of Jah’s thigh, pinches in and says “My boyfriend doesn’t care.” Jah: “About what?” Girl: “About anything!!” She hangs out, going back and forth, putting in an occasional 30 seconds with her boyfriend who is literally 5 feet away from them
3:37 – Things/laws that haven’t changed in 2009: In West Virginia, anyone who taunts someone who decides to not participate in a duel is guilty of a misdemeanor and can be fined up to $100; In Alabama, anyone who performs a marriage is entitled to $2
4:31 – Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston had their baby boy, Trip. He joins his aunts and uncles, Track (19), Willow (14), Piper (7) and Trig (7 months)
13:57 – Hot new job for 2009: Death midwives. An alternative to traditional funeral services (can cost up to $10,000), for a fee of $1,500, a midwife guides the family through the legalities of losing a loved one, paperwork, death certificates, body transport permits, while being there emotionally for the family and to help ease the person into the next world. The midwife is versed in light makeup and usually brings cardboard caskets for a backyard burial and brings dry ice to allow for extended home viewing
23:26 – The average of a first-time mom in the United States is 25.2 years old
27:29 – Thomas Infante walked into a Chicago bank and handed the teller a note that read BE QUICK, BE QUIT. GIVE YOUR CASH OR I’LL SHOOT. The teller gave the man $400; the man ran out and left the note. The note was written on a torn half of his work paystub. On the stub was his full name and home address. The FBI then drove to his house, rang his doorbell and he answered
29:39 – It’s the height of the cruise season, and Seth informs us that 20 people go overboard every year while taking cruises
53:07 – The newest app for the iPhone is “I Am A Man,” costing $1.99, which helps you keep track of your girl’s menstrual cycle and plan your calendar around it, etc.
53:57 – Current U.S. population is 305,529,237. In the month of January, 1 birth is expected to occur every 8 seconds and a death to occur every 12 seconds
1:03:02 – There have been some aggressive anti-panhandling measures taken against homeless people in urban areas of the country
8:00 – Jah wonders is Seth is going to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop starring Kevin James. Seth promises he will see that and Notorious when they both come out on Jan. 16
32:33 – Jonathan’s never been on a cruise. There’s a part of Jah that’s pseudo-interested in taking one, but his fear is that he’ll be in the middle of the ocean and have a full-fledged panic attack
46:40 – Seth has a full panic attack while watching a segment on 20/20 about extreme moms who mother dolls. The babies are called “reborns.” One of the moms is so crazy that she takes the doll out and says “it’s my baby” and other mother is saying “oh she’s sleeping, she’s so cold.” The other mom: “It’s a doll!” They go to reborn conventions, etc. … They also feature moms breastfeeding their 6-year-old child. Jah says that if the kid is 18 years old and still being breastfed, he will pay to watch that on the internet
56:04 – Seth had some great conversations with listeners this week, and Jah received a large amount of Christmas and New Year’s texts. He doesn’t understand how everyone is so funny
1:05:42 – Seth says MTV’s Bromance with Brody Jenner was such a bad show, although it was funny when they all got in the hot tub for elimination. The gay dude quit because he thought he was going to be on The Hills
1:07:21 – Jah gives us another URL to go to – the web address to end all web addresses – uhhyeahdude.com, which he implies will be up and running (it’s not)
16:59 – The January issue of Pediatrics will contain an article from the Johns Hopkins School of Health that says teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as teens who don’t promise abstinence. They are also more likely to engage in riskier sex (anal) and less likely to use birth control
18:43 – There is also research coming out in said issue from the Massachusetts General Hospital that describes how tobacco smoke and its contamination can linger much longer after a cigarette has been extinguished. Over 250 different toxins become embedded in clothes, hair, furniture, microphones, hard drives, iPods, iPhones, etc.
16:16 – Jah predicts that Anthony Mackie will kill it in his role as Tupac Shakur in the upcoming film Notorious. He also thinks the scene will be nuts when Biggie gets taken down in front of the Peterson Automotive Museum
24:14 – Art Bell, the host of Coast to Coast AM, talks about issues in America (conspiracy theories, etc.). Every New Year’s he does annual predictions. In 2008 he came up with these predictions: the US and China would go to war, Air Force One would vanish from thin air and the U.S. and Canada would combine their currencies over the summer. Here are his 2009 predictions: Martial law will be declared in some U.S. cities; SETI will discover concrete proof of life outside of our solar system; and on Sept. 15, 2009, a global pandemic will be unleashed by the U.S. government as a form of population control
26:35 – Seth goes off on Art Bell and all his conspiracy theory freaks who have wack predictions for 2009
57:57 – Jah reads the official SI press release about people who can opt out of receiving the annual swimsuit issue, and rips on “fags” who would choose to decline the issue. Seth can’t comprehend who wouldn’t want that issue