View Episode 149
Originally aired 01.13.09
1:08:47
14:33 – UYD: Get me to Duhamel
42:13 – UYD: More Pixar, less bukkake (Episode 078, 59:21)
59:26 – Uhh Yeah Dude: 3 words, 8 letters, 1 meaning
1:07:16 – Uhh Yeah Dude: Together again for the first time
15:39 – UYD is pitching two shows to networks. One is called So You Think You’re Alive, an existential reality/discussion show they’re trying to sell to Nova, and then So You Think You Can Eat, a competitive eating reality show for Food Network hosted by Dom DeLouise and Kobayashi
16:26 – Reality show rundown: Game Show In My Head, started Jan. 3, 8-9 p.m. on CBS, produced by Ashton Kutcher and hosted by Joe Rogan … Confessions of a Teen Idol, started Jan. 4, 8-9 p.m. on VH1, produced and hosted by Scott Baio and Jason Hervey … True Beauty, Jan. 5, 10-11 p.m. on ABC … Howie Do It, Friday, Jan. 9, 8-9 p.m. on NBC … CMT Cribs, Saturday, Jan. 10, 9-9:30 on CMT … Tool Academy, Sunday, Jan. 11, 10-11 p.m. on VH1 … American Idol Season 7, Tuesday, Jan. 13, 8-9 p.m. on FOX … Eddie Griffin: Going for Broke, Monday, Jan. 26, 10-10:30 p.m. on VH1 … The Exterminators, Wednesday, Feb. 4, 10:30-11 p.m. on A&E … Jockeys, Friday, Feb. 6, 9-10 p.m. on Animal Planet.
22:37 – Seth thinks they should have their own show called Herda Hadda Herda where they go into the Holler and just herda-hadda-herda
31:48 – So You Think You’re Gertrude Baines is UYD’s new reality show idea about old people who have to get hooked up with people who try to get them to live longer.
32:29 – ABC News correspondent John Quiñones hosts Primetime’s segment “What Would You Do?” This week’s edition focuses on racism.
42:44 – Noodles & Co. – founded in 1995 in the tony section of Denver called Cherry Creek. Noodles & Co. tend to be located in upscale areas of major cities. There are 150 locations in 18 states, serving primarily pasta, soup and salad. Themes are Asian, Mediterranean and American. You can add chicken, shrimp, beef or tofu to any dish. Seth apologizes for not having this segment last week
31:48 – Seth’s reality show idea – “So You Think You’re Gertrude Baines” – a reality show about old people who get hooked up with people trying to get them to live longer. Jah and Seth would be Gertrude’s point men, obviously
0:30 – Subliminal nod to this segment. Seth: “Make it fine with 149.”
15:21 – Jah recommends putting a casting call on Craig’s List to have a Fergie look-alike to go with Seth’s cosmetic surgery to look just like Josh Duhamel
4:33 – Slap Chop (infomercial starring Vince, who sells the ShamWow) cuts apples, etc. into fourths. Quotes from Vince in the infomercial: “You’re going to be in a great mood all day because you’re going to be slapping your troubles away.” … “Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.” … “You’re gonna love my nuts.” If you order now you get the Grate-y for Cheese: “Tacos, fettucine, linguini, martini, bikini.” Costs $20
12:31 - Morpho Face
1:08:45 – A distorted Jah!nathan soundbyte to close out the episode
11:10 – Seth and Jah reminisce on seeing Minority Report together at the Arclight a few years ago when a man stood up and said “Shame on you Spielberg!” (Episode 051, 36:35)
26:40 – When Seth’s childhood babysitter, Ginger Whitehouse, didn’t let Seth watch Superman, he pulled his prick out and pissed on the rug
36:06 – Jah was talking to his friend the other day and during the conversation recalls a story from a long time ago – he and a friend were standing outside of a place in Hollywood and they were saying goodbye to a bunch of people. One of them was a girl, who left and walked across the crosswalk of Santa Monica Blvd. As she’s walking, this Corvette hauls ass and tries to go through as she’s walking, screeches up to her and almost hits her. She smacks the roof of the car and yells at the guy. Dude makes a left and pulls over, at this point Jah and his homies are three-quarters of a block away on the opposite side of the street. They see him pull over, and it’s dark and late, and they see him get up in her shit and grab her. Jah’s boy Jimmy runs up the street with a backpack on, and as he gets to him, he pops his two straps off his shoulders and as he goes back he drops his two arms behind him, lets the backpack slide off his shoulders, and leans backwards and kicks the dude square in his chest, and the dude launches through the air, falls over and gets into his car. Jimmy runs up the street, Jah gets in his car, a block west of them and goes down and makes a right-hand turn onto the side street. He sees the Corvette pull up and clip Jimmy as he crosses the street. As it clips him, Jimmy puts his hand on the roof of the car and pushes himself up off it, then rolls off the hood, Jah picks Jimmy up in his car and they call the cops. Two minutes later there are sheriffs everywhere, and 4 minutes later they radioed another guy and said they think they caught him. The dude lived a block away, had just pulled his car into the driveway, and they went into his house and found a bunch of stolen diamonds. They walk him out, flash the light on him and they confirm it’s him as they’re sitting in the back of the police cruiser. Seth: “Bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you broke up Southern California’s biggest jewelry ring.” Jah: “No, bottom line is by coming to a lady’s rescue you get to cum on a lady.”
49:49 – Seth watched Boomerang on Comedy Central the other day and Eddie Murphy was making him laugh. His defense is that that was a long time ago. Jonathan does us one more: He sat the other night and watched 20-30 minutes of a George Carlin comedy special (“Back In Town” that was funny and wasn’t old-old. Jah couldn’t watch more recent specials because Carlin was too old and bitter
52:49 – Seth is standing in the juice place on Franklin, Real Raw Live. The juice costs $14 and he couldn’t believe that. There’s a guy talking to a really attractive girl behind Seth and says “You know, I think I really only have two great albums in me.” Seth turns around 180 degrees, looks the dude dead in the eye, stares at him for 3 long paused seconds where their conversation stops and Seth turns back around and spends $48 on a Raw Bar and a juice
55:09 – Jah was in Guitar Center with Amir shopping for equipment, and this trio of teens walks in – two dudes and one girl. The dudes plug in guitars and start playing awesome speed metal, and the girl – whom Jah has seen making out with her boyfriend in this store before – looks at Jah and smiles, exposing full metal braces and rubber bands. Jah walks around the kiosk to look at a guitar on the other side, and the girl turns away from him for a second. She’s wearing a flannel button-down shirt unbuttoned and a tiny tank top and bra, and pulls down her shirt and pulls her bra apart to get her boobs sorted out, and continues staring at Jah. Jah doesn’t think she was a day over 14
1:06 – New way of reaching out to your favorite celebrities, LiveAutographs.com is a personalized celebrity experience. You tell your favorite celebrity what you want them to say and sign, get a personalized video message and authentic autographed memorabilia. Some of the available celebs: Mario Lopez, NKOTB, Cindy Margolis, Hulk Hogan, Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro, Danica Patrick (Jah: “Who is that?”). Price starts at $150
7:25 – A 17-year-old girl in Bismarck, ND, called 911 on New Year’s Eve. She reported herself driving under the influence. When police arrived at the scene, the girl was on the side of the road, crying, with her keys in her purse, failed a sobriety test, and was arrested. She told police her life had been spiraling out of control and that she had spent the majority of the time drinking over the past two weeks.
11:41 – Facial recognition software has been created that can take a photo and then compare it to millions of other mug shots in the database and find perfect matches. Software is entitled “MorphoFace”
26:18 – In Jackson, Ohio, a 4-year-old was so angry at his babysitter after the babysitter stepped on his foot that he went and grabbed a shotgun from the closet and shot him
26:54 – Virginia 6-year-old missed his school bus and was bummed, but didn’t want to miss first grade breakfast or gym class, so he took the keys to his mom’s 1995 Ford Taurus, driving 10 miles while weaving in and out of traffic, reaching speeds up to 60 mph until ultimately he slammed into a utility pole. He then left the car on the side of the road and walked the rest of the way to school. He later told police he learned how to drive by playing the game Grand Theft Auto
30:23 – The FBI is warning all Americans about a “cybergeddon” – a mass coordinated cyber attack that would cripple the US by interfering with our very infrastructures that dictate our day-to-day lives
40:27 – Survey of US companies’ HR directors from a cross-section of different industries all around the country found that the #1 complaint of HR directors is internet porn in the workplace
57:25 – In keeping with death midwives (Episode 148, 13:57), people are putting their future grave plots up for sale and putting non-family members in them
58:25 – According to Global Language Monitor, an Austin-based company, the English language is roughly 1,227 words away from reaching 1 million. According to their estimations we should get their around April 29 of 2009
1:01:34 – According to the website Blue Donut, you can determine the age of your vehicle in people years. The formulaic equation for calculating this is taking the milage on your car and dividing it by the model year. Jah can’t seem to correctly divide 60,000 by 2003 to get 29.95 years (he comes up with 2,003)
1:05:08 – Lisa Bonet and her boyfriend Jason Momoa of Stargate: Atlantis had a baby and named it Nakoa Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa
2:33 – Jah wonders how many people are named Binaca in the world after the fresh breath spray. Jah says he used to carry Binaca and Seth ponders if one can still purchase that
9:26 – On 60 Minutes, neuroscientists are laying people in CAT scans and showing them images of hammer, barn, igloo, cocaine, bees, dildos, and watching the peoples’ brains when they see the images. They can then have the person think about the certain image and they can tell what they’re thinking about because that part of the brain lights up.
28:27 – Jah thinks we should lower the driving age to 11, but Seth thinks we should lower the drinking age to 14 and the driving age to 13
28:42 – From now on, whenever someone asks you your age, you reply with the year you are born, and that is forever your age. Jonathan will tell people “’77,” while Seth will lyingly tell people “’84.” Jah’s newest girlfriend is “’97”
41:12 – Seth: “Hey, you get that report? I need that monthly.” Jah: “It’s not finished.” Seth: “It’s not done yet?” Jah: “Nope.” Seth: “What – what have you been up to? I thought you’ve been working on it all morning?” Jah: “Pissmops!!!” (in the same groaning speak as Bigger!! by Xtenz - Episode 062, 44:46). Seth doesn’t think Pissmops is a real website but Jah looks it up on the computer to prove it
45:17 – Jah apologizes for prematurely ejaculating talk about the website last week because there were a few setbacks but they’re super close and it’s going to be up and running any minute
52:02 – Jah has not legitimately laughed at anything for the past 5 years outside of the UYD studio, Tim and Eric’s and seeing the Ween show (Episode 091, 55:11)
59:07 – Seth’s 5 favorite words are Fuck, Man, Uhh, Yeah, Dude, Like (6)
59:39 – Jah gives us some of his old secret beeper codes he would punch in – 143 or 381 means “I love you,” 411 is needing information, 187 means you’re mad at somebody and 911 means emergency. Booty call was 80085 (“boobs”)
1:00:55 – Jah wonders how many words they’ve used on UYD. Seth recommends using Weckware and Jah says to use the Weckulator
1:01:43 – Seth’s porn name is “Bandit Kimble”
1:07:34 – For those complaining about not being able to access old episodes on iTunes, Jah needs more feedback and a solution is going to Podcast Alley and downloading them directly from there or streaming them live
23:18 – Jah goes on record as saying there is not one girl who listens to UYD that can say they dated someone in their adult past who is the “biggest fucking tool ever” and then somewhere in relaying this to someone they’ll segue into wondering how they stayed in the relationship for so long, or even got their in the first place
29:42 – Seth predicts no one is living over 100
25:15 – Jah hammers all girls, namely the ones listening to UYD, who keep dating the biggest tools on the face of the planet.
46:06 – Jah and Seth hammer the People’s Choice Awards for giving Adam Sandler the “Favorite Funny Male Star” award and giving 27 Dresses the “Favorite Movie Comedy.” They can’t think of the name of the actress who stars in it – Katherine Heigl. Favorite Game Show – Deal Or No Deal. Favorite Rock Song – “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock. Favorite New TV Show – Gary Unmarried (Seth’s show)