View Episode 157
Originally aired 03.07.09
Originally recorded 01.07.06
17:30 – Ted Or Alive, Ted Nugent’s show on Outdoor Life Network. Season 2 starts Jan. 8. Check your local listings.
35:57 – Roller Girls on A&E – people are down with it
44:13 – New season of Dancing With The Stars features Stacy Keibler, Drew Lachey, Lisa Renna, George Hamilton, Gisele Fernandez and Master P for Lil’ Romeo, Tia Carrere and Kenny Mayne.
37:49 – In Deerfield Beach, 3-year-old boy dies after his mother held him in a tub of scalding water as a punishment on Christmas day. His grandmother failed to get medical care for him for a week
1:01:28 – Prosecutors are seeking the extradition of a woman in Florida accused of poisoning her husband, a Marine sergeant, and then using his life insurance policy to buy breast enhancement.
51:36 – Jah says he will be giving us Myspace Guy of the Week later, although he can’t now because he doesn’t currently have internet access. He said he found one that was awesome.
37:18 – LG 71-inch plasma TV - $70,000; FA1 Fighting Android Boxer.
58:34 – The Violight travel toothbrush sanitizer (Episode 005, 22:40).
19:36 – OUT: Sudoko IN: Kakuro (Episode 003, 22:34)
1:01:43 – Male-themed grooming is very hot (camoflouge, hand detailing)
1:02:29 – OUT: Walking. IN: Scooters.
16:11 – Young Jeezy – “Trap Star”
16:57 – Danielle Peck – “I Don’t” and Blake Shelton – “Some Beach”
36:36 – Patrick Swayze, about his future with hip-hop: “I’m experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.”
48:19 – Pat Robertson on why former Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon had a stroke: “At the point of death, he was dividing God’s land. God says ‘This land belongs to me, you better leave it alone.’”
52:33 – John Stamos and Ryan Seacrest are dating. Seth was at the Coffee Bean on Sunset and Fairfax and saw them making out.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
6:24 – Seth wonders if you put Omar Epps and Mekhi Pfifer in a jail cell, which one would come out alive?
27:14 – Jonathan and Seth are in full debate about who should win Best Actress in the Screen Actors Guild awards. Seth says Judy Densch for Mrs. Henderson Presents and Jah says Felicity Huffman for Transamerica. Jah is such a Huff fan – not just for the actress but for the show starring Oliver Platt.
3:05 – Jah relates his old choking game to “huffing nitris.”
0:30 – Jah starts off talking about something he used to do as a kid, which he remembers after watching a Dr. Phil episode about kids who died from suffocating himself. Jah was in fifth grade and he and his buddies went to Viewpoint, and there were about 30 kids on the bus. They would get off at their spot and while waiting for their parents they would do this. The first time Jah remembers doing this was in P.E. clothes when they were changing back into their regular clothes. Jah wonders what a couple kids are doing, and they explain to him that he needs to bend over and breathe in and out real heavy, and after the 10th time you stand up and they put both hands over your chest. And when it happens you pass out. Jah remembers that every single kid that did it had a weird dream about fast food, and he didn’t know that that was all about. Jah was addicted to it and he started doing it to himself in his own bedroom.
4:30 – Jah remembers carving his girlfriend’s initials in his skin with a pencil and he got caught doing it in religion class in his Catholic school. He had seen Sid and Nancy (Episode 061), 50:19) and said he was going to imitate that.
9:24 – Jah was at the Volkswagen dealership today because his car took a shit on him. He got a PT Cruiser for a loaner from the rental place. The guy he spoke with at the VW dealership told him “Those things are really fast. My kids love the convertible one.” Jah explains that he didn’t get the Turbo version, and that the car is not awesome — in fact it’s the worst car ever. It was, however, tuned to Tom Leykis so he got to listen to 20 minutes of that devil while driving his PT. While Jah was at the dealership, he got to talking to one of the dealers about Gmail — he explains that you can get thousands of e-mails and never delete any of them because just like Google it has a search function where you can filter through it to find past e-mails. It’s also by invite only – you can’t just sign up for an account on your own. Gmail will also search through key words in your e-mails to find products and related pop-up ads that fit to your own specifications.
26:28 – Seth saw Eric Bana at the Arclight when The Hulk came out, and Bana stood in the lobby for 49 minutes waiting for someone to recognize him. Seth almost wanted to walk up to him and just give him some props
28:44 – Jah considers himself a Friend of the Cinema (FOTC), and for some reason this year he has let himself go. He has seen nothing of substance besides Match Point. He missed out on Good Night and Good Luck, Capote and Walk the Line; but he did see Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, Saw 2 and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Jah was hesitant to see Walk the Line because he hated Ray.
47:12 – Jah met Elizabeth Berkley the other day and says she was absolutely lovely.
55:40 – Jah wrote his friend Tim about a good deal that involved an Xbox 360, a 42-inch plasma and every game that’s made for the 360, and Tim e-mailed him back to say “I don’t play video games.” Jah said if he smokes weed and doesn’t play video games, he should call a scientist down to come do a study on him.
1:19:48 – Neither Seth nor Jonathan could see those “picture beyond the picture” posters hanging up at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall. In fact Jah has never seen one in his entire life.
5:01 – Jah says this show is dedicated to Scarlett Pomers, who once played the youngest daughter on Reba, but they know her from the show America’s Most Talented Kid, because she was a kid judge on it along with Bobby J. Thompson and Daryl Sabara. Pomers took a leave of absence from the WB Network series to check into a clinic for anorexia.
8:06 – Postage stamps go up on Sunday to 39 cents (Episode 012, 51:41).
8:35 – Country artist Chris Cagle had a kid with his Hooters girlfriend, then quit drinking and realized it wasn’t his kid.
14:01 – A 14-year-old kid got one of those cams for his computer and all of a sudden a man offers him $50 and a Paypal account for him to take his shirt off for 3 minutes. Four years later he’s $400,000 in because he’s fully wacking off with his mom in the other room. He has 1,500 dudes around the country paying him, one of whom has paid to put him up in a condo, where he spends the whole day doing dudes for money. An undercover New York Times reporter paid to fly him out to Vegas to “fuck” him, then confronted him about it.
15:48 – President Bush’s New Year’s resolution: “To work tirelessly toward peace and prosperity.”
22:06 – Seth talks about the Fiesta Bowl dilemma of 2006 (Notre Dame vs. Ohio State), during which Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn’s sister (who was engaged to Ohio State LB A.J. Hawk) was wearing a split jersey with half Notre Dame colors and half Ohio State colors
24:10 – Spain doesn’t allow any more indoor smoking. Greece smokes more than any other European country.
24:41 – Hurricane Katrina has displaced 2,000 sex offenders from Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi.
30:52 – Baby Boomers are buying Honda Elements and Toyota Scions, which Jonathan finds absolutely inexcusable. He test drove a Scion and was sucked in by the DJ-like culture they had when they first came out.
31:32 – Former Ohio State RB Maurice Clarett was arrested for robbing two people at gunpoint in an alley in Columbus, Ohio.
32:18 – Molly Weeks has invented a mixture of ballet, Pilates and yoga for the core called “Ballecore”
32:57 – CVC Fantasy Baseball is suing MLB because MLB is claiming they own the intellectual rights to statistics. CVC is arguing that they are historical and public record once the games are over.
34:28 – Thousands of inmates in Kenya skipped lunch to send food to countrymen affected by drought. Most of Kenya’s 50,000 prisoners gave up their rations of beans and corn porridge on the day that their president declared a natural disaster and said about 2.5 million Kenyans would need famine relief in the next 6 months.
35:39 – FDA requires foods to list their trans fats on their food labels starting in 2006.
36:15 – Patrick Swayze has been experimenting with rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.
39:55 – The city of Los Angeles spent more than $88,000 on bottled water for themselves, despite pleading with the residents that the water is OK to drink.
49:01 – Jah reads off some headlines from papers on Jan. 4, 2006 that reported that the 12 miners who died in the Sago, W.V., mine accident were really alive. It was blamed on someone who was in the mine who claimed they were alive, then it got passed on to some woman at the top who relayed it to Anderson Cooper.
51:58 – NFL has canceled Levitra as a sponsor
54:10 – A Frontier Airlines passenger in San Jose who had a notebook with the words SUICIDE BOMBER on it was taken into custody on Wednesday and questioned for several hours before being released to his family.
1:00:14 – A roof in Germany was covered in too much snow and collapsed and killed 15 people.
1:00:57 – Former boxing champion Tommy Hearns was accused of striking his 13-year-old son during an argument
1:01:58 – Father and stepmother left their 5- and 9-year-old boys home alone and went to Las Vegas to have a throwdown party on New Year’s Eve. The 5-year-old was autistic and could be heard by neighbors yelling “Help me!”
1:08:30 – A 41-year-old teacher at the Buttonwillow School in California had sex with a 12-year-old
1:13:53 – Female passengers in Tokyo have requested to have separate subway cars because of the presence of chikan, as the molestors are known in Japan. In America it’s called frottage (Episode 113, 24:42).
1:15:17 – In a jealous rage, Marlon Brando Gill demanded to see his ex-girlfriend’s cell phone, and when she resisted he went berserk in a car in a Missouri parking lot. He used his hands to force open her mouth and jammed the Motorola cell phone down her throat (Episode 003, 6:58). Doctors performed a tracheotomy to save her life. Gill claimed she tried to swallow it on her own.
1:24:40 – A couple is on their honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean cruise, and blood stains are found on the balcony of their cabin all the way to the lifeboats. The wife woke up shitrocked at 4 a.m. on the other end of the boat. They put her in a wheelchair, which is protocol, and the husband is missing.
0:00 – The recording begins with Seth saying he’s going to go to QVC to buy something. This lost episode was originally recorded on Sunday, Jan. 7, 2006.
3:55 – Seth wants Jah to perform the “Fag Test” on him right now, and Seth explains what it is (Episode 061, 49:05): You hold your wrist out, and Scott House takes a pencil and digs it onto your wrist until it punctures the skin, and if you pull your wrist away from his hand before the skin breaks, you’re a fag.
8:54 – Secret Service codes: Hilary Clinton – Evergreen; Mammy Eisenhower – Springtime.
16:33 – Seth explains that 26-inch rims are called Deuce McAllisters because Deuce wears No. 26 for the New Orleans Saints (Episode 009, 9:20).
17:50 – Jah lists off all the forms of medicine for indigestion, hearburn, stomach gas, etc. (Episode 003, 34:00).
21:54 – Jah is down with the name Preston because that’s his middle name
40:53 – Seth wonders what the name of Alan Cumming’s cologne is (Episode 073, 31:04).
57:22 – Jah goes over the Yoplait Yogurt campaign “Together we can lick breast cancer.” (Episode 003, 57:09)
1:04:39 – Jah gives the original name of UYD, “The Jesus & John Show.”
1:11:00 – Seth claims they technically haven’t done a show because the inaugural show is coming up. Jah doesn’t think anyone is ever going to hear this, because they just needed to hear their own gay voices to test it out.
1:27:03 – Jah and Seth decide to call it quits since they’re at 90-something minutes at 1:42 a.m. Jah: “I’m gonna stop this and we’re going to listen back to it and no one’s going to ever hear it.”
3:17 – Jah rips on Dr. Phil and his dumpty accent
13:36 – Jah and Seth hammer TiVo Suggestions – really bad show tips from TiVo. Seth: “Just because I watch a lot of baseball, don’t give me cricket.”
17:14 – Seth: “Hey country – stop!”
41:41 – Jah and Seth slam Joaquin Phoenix for visiting and singing in Folsom Prison
43:36 – Jah rips Jack Osborne for his new TV show, Adrenaline Junky
51:19 – Seth blasts Joe Rogan for the Fear Factor: Psycho episode
54:53 – Seth hammers Donovan McNabb for doing commercials with his mother
1:04:24 – Seth asks everyone to stop being Muslim because this is a Christian show.