View Episode 167
Originally aired 05.24.09
1:03:04
54:30 – UYD: Shh. Listen to your body
4:31 – Jah gives us more perspective on him being a Lost nerd (Episode 064, 52:40) by referencing “tailies,” or people who went down in the tail end of the plane, when referencing a downed plane.
12:31 – Conan O’Brien’s first Tonight Show will be Monday, June 1. His guests are Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam.
8:25 – Seth wonders what would happen if a SciTi crashed the National Bible Bee.
24:53 – Louie Gohmert, the Republican U.S. Representative from the 1st District of Texas, from the floor of Congress: “So we’re gonna borrow more money from the Chinese to possibly give them money back to create habitats for wild dogs and cats that are rare. There’s no assurance that, if we did that, we wouldn’t end up with a Moo Goo Dog Pan and a Moo Goo Cat Pan (a reference to Moo Goo Gai Pan, a Cantanese dish).
30:43 – Jah references Mrs. Dranklesworth (Episode 103. 4:01).
49:08 – The design for the 2010 Olympic torsh for Vancouver was unveiled and seems to resemble a large marijuana cigarette. Industrial designer Mark Busey says “Sure, it may look a little bit like a joint, but I can tell you that what they were going for was ergonomics, sleekness and modernity.” The editor of Cannabis Culture magazine, Jodi Emery, says “I think people who already enjoy a joint themselves will feel a little more kinship with the Olympics now.”
What Seth Learned On The Monsterweb
22:47 – Seth found a link to a 20/20 segment from 1981 on RapRadar.com. It referenced “the new sound of the 80s” that is “all beat and all talk.”
13:21 – Seth used to wear a gas station jacket that said “Ernest” on it that he picked up second-hand. Jah wonders if the other Dickies-esque company was called Ben Davis (with a gorilla design on it) – because he remembers those and Carhartt. Jah was a Carhartt man in his day. Seth remembers him having a thick Carhartt onesie that looked as if he worked in the ice and sleet. Jah explains that it was going to be his snowboarding rigout.
35:16 – Seth hasn’t gotten into a pool since he ate a Pringle, which was in sixth grade.
36:20 – Jah peed at the pool in the Standard Hotel in Miami, but he felt justified because the whole place stunk of piss anyway. Seth is disgusted and Jah apologizes because he did feel bad about it, but Jah said it kind of had to go down strictly for vanity purposes.
45:07 – Seth has been in Hollywood for 14 years. When he first moved there the city was so dirty and crazy and awesome. He remembers driving at 5:00 on a weekday, running an errand and driving back west on Santa Monica Blvd., and seeing boy prostitutes out in droves for a five-block stretch. Jah recalls they would change their steezes from tranny fabulous platforms to dudes in cutoff 501s and Judas Priest t-shirts ready to do this. In present day, Seth was rolling up on La Brea where there is now a Best Buy and a Target. Later he was watching a rerun of COPS: Street Patrol from the late 90s, in which they were chasing a guy by the area in that same area, except back then there were a Bel-Air Car Wash and a Chevron station and dudes wearing Raiders hats. Seth misses those dirty times.
48:28 – Jah says he could survive by not buying anything and making everything with existing materials because he went to survival camp when he was a young man (Episode 033, 11:52).
57:28 – Jah saw a bumper sticker today on a Ford F-150 pickup truck driving in Brentwood on San Vicente Blvd., located behind the driver’s head. It was a normal rectangular-shaped sticker but slightly angled and maybe homemade – it said BUCK FARACK.
2:49 – Police across the country are reporting an increase in the number of flowers being stolen from cemeteries and being resold on streets and intersections.
4:23 – The passengers of Flight #1549 that Sully Sullenberger landed into the Hudson have received luggage that was mailed to them after it was recovered from the water. One dude received a newspaper from that day, another had bought birthday boots for her daughter and one received a black-and-white photo of her father from the 1930s. Seth talks about a depot in Steamboat Springs, Colo. (really Scottsboro, Ala.), that resells lost luggage for bargain prices.
7:21 – Washington, D.C., is host to the National Bible Bee on Nov. 5-6. There will be tournaments held across the country leading up to this.
14:41 – A registered sex offender in Salt Lake City, Utah known as “Diaper Boy” was arrested for the fifth time this week for showing the diaper he wears to kids in the area. Along with the diaper, he also has snapshots of him wearing the diaper, along with downloaded photos of other fully grown men in their diapers. Despite a long history of doing this, prosecutors have had a very hard time filing criminal charges because he does not expose his genitals.
16:56 – Playboy.com features an ad that is a spinoff of “Two Girls One Cup” called “Two Girls One Sub”
30:39 – Seth tells us about Mrs. Buttersworth, who made her TV debut in 1961, but her first name has always been a secret. It’s been passed down over the years from manager to manager at Pinnacle Foods Group, the maker of Mrs. Buttersworth syrup. The website is running a contest to guess her name. Submit your entry by July 17, guess her name and give an explanation in 100 words or less. The winner will be featured on the website, receive $500 in cash and a year’s supply of the syrup.
37:45 – 66-year-old Robert John Ward of Spotsylvania, Va. (Episode 003, 24:23), was accused by a relative for acting inappropriately with the family dog. The dog had been acting strangely for weeks, and when the family confronted him in an intervention-like setting, he admitted to “fooling around with the dog” when no one was home. Apparently he jerked the dog off, he fucked the dog’s butt and the dog blew him.
42:14 – In Utah, they finally passed a law that gives you clearance to go to a bar and get a drink. Previously, bartenders couldn’t hand a drink to the patron without first walking around the “Zion Curtain,” a glass partition that separates the bartender from the patrons and waitresses. He has to make the drinks in a back room so they can’t see him make them.
50:51 – A new hot trend is called “lighter tag.” Reports from Seattle say people are playing the game, a form of tag where participants cover themselves in lighter fluid. Tagging someone is in essence lighting that person on fire. Once they roll around and scream and the flames are extinguished, the burnt victim has the opportunity to tag someone else. Jah thinks the way to make the game crazier and better is to extinguish the person who tagged them (paying it backward) before you can continue.
54:42 – The total sum of all the world’s digital content has reached 500 billion gigabytes – the equivalent of a stack of books filled with endless information starting on the floor and extending to the planet Pluto, multiplied by 10. It will double in the next year and a half.
1:01:38 – Jah reads something from Ray Kurzweil, who owns a company that sells keyboards and synthesizers: He believes computer intelligence is advancing so rapidly that in a couple of decades machines will be as intelligent as humans. Soon after that they will surpass humans and start creating even smarter technology. By the middle of this century, the only way for us to keep up will be to merge with the machines, so that their superior intelligence can boost our weak little brains and beef up our pitiful illness-prone bodies. Some of Kurzweil’s fellow futurists believe these super-human computers will want nothing to do with us – that we will become either their pets or their food. Always an optimist, Kurzweil takes more of an upbeat view. He swears these super-human computers will love us and honor us, since we will be their ancestors. He also thinks we will be able to embed our consciousness in silicone, which means we can live on inside of machines forever.
0:29 – Jah asks Seth if, when he pulls up to a gas station and during a transaction asks for $20 on No. 2 and puts in his gas, around what numerical price does the pump come to a grinding halt and trickle out the last 50 cents? Seth doesn’t have patience for that and packs it up. Jah thinks it exists exactly for this purpose, so people will just give it up and leave, giving the gas companies more profit.
8:48 – Seth reads some of the comments that accompany a Peoplemagazine.com report about Jennifer Aniston and Bradley Cooper being an item — Brenda Bilger: Why does everyone want to hook Jennifer up? LOL. Jen will be fine, and she’d make a great mom. Maybe she’ll adopt and give some adorable lucky little one a good home. Maybe that’s God’s plan. Who knows? Good luck on whatever life brings you, Jen. I too went through a divorce. I’m 40, I’m single and I’m happy. You’ll be fine. Believe me. … Jenny Oliva Rados: Jen deserves a good man. She’s such a sweet woman. Some day her prince will come. I’m sure of it. … Debra: I think she should go out with Michael Vartan from Alias. I think they’d make a beautiful couple with beautiful kids. He’s down to earth, loves animals and has his own money. Jen should go for him, he’s so much better than Brad. … Anna: No. I think the perfect man for Jen would be John Stamos. They share Greek heritage. He was born August 19, 1963, which makes him a Leo, she was born February 11, 1969, which makes her an Aquarius. Great match for the two of them. … Sarah: She’ll find her knight in shining armor. Trust. Seth explains that these were only a few of 700 comments left on the website.
16:01 – Jah recommends that UYD listeners rent the documentary Chicken Hawk, about a creepy pedophile and NAMBLA (North American Man Boy Love Association).
24:29 – Jah doesn’t think there’s a single thing that he’s learned in this world that he learned from somebody else.
32:12 – Jonathan references their boy Patrick from Robot Bites Man (Episode 146, 54:24), who interviewed UYD several months ago.
39:43 – Seth wonders if it’s time to update the sexual metaphors with bases in baseball. Jah says that it should be kept in the baseball realm, but first base should be oral – minimum fingering. Seth thinks first base should be above the waist.
1:00:48 – Seth asks about the UYD t-shirts, Jah says there’s a crazy debacle with the companies they’re using. He has to wait for another shipment because they’ll sell out too fast if he puts up what he has now. He promises new graphics on new shirts.
26:46 – The National Institute of Health is spending $178,000 to try to better understand out why drug-abusing prostitutes in Thailand are at a greater risk for HIV infection. The two-year project is also going to focus on kathoey, which are transgendered prostitutes in Thailand, who are widely accepted there – having something to do with their karmic idea of Thai Buddhism. They have especially high HIV and drug use rates, so they really want to dig in there.
33:47 – A new study by the Water Quality and Health Council says that 17% of people that will go swimming this summer in both public and private pools, admit that they have and will pee in the pool. 78% of the people suspect that the pool they are swimming in has human urine in it.
53:06 – According to a study in the Journal of the International Society of Sports Medicine, a bowl of whole-grain cereal is just as good as an electrolyte sports drink for a full recovery after an intense physical exercise/workout. The research was paid for by the General Mills Institute of Health and Nutrition.
47:54 – Consumer Reports has linked a skin rash from leather couches directly back to the manufacturing plant in China. The dyes and preservatives contained in the couches that have been discovered in Ohio are extremely harmful to human skin.
7:41 – Seth predicts he will win the National Bible Bee in November.
2:16 – Seth slams Ben Stiller’s crazy shag hair, where he’s sort of let it go and it shoots out every which way.
11:00 – Jah rips Jessica Simpson for doing a fluff piece photo op for Vanity Fair addressing her weight issue which included the question on the cover “Does This Look Fat To You?” yet doing the photo spread with nothing but button-up pant suits.