You're dead. You can breathe now


View Episode 170


Originally aired 06.13.09




UYD Slogans

6:58 – UYD: Movie experts

12:33 – UYD: Racist software

14:33 – UYD: Service facsimile

24:04 – UYD: Molly and hugging

29:32 – UYD: Indigo. On point

30:25 – UYD: Every step they take offers a potential shock.

42:51 – UYD: With Twitch and Elbow

1:00:14 – UYD: Camera ready

TV Picks

6:21 – Seth saw Ben Lyons on Good Morning America and under his name they put “Movie Expert.”

24:52 – Monday, June 15, Dateline NBC has Dr. Hansen back with a new special called “Vegas Undercover.” He spent a year with the Vegas Metro, he’s with detectives from the Pimp Investigation Team, he’s with an Auto Theft Unit called the “Viper Squad.” What happens in Vegas could end up on Dateline.

26:17 – Seth watched The World’s Strongest Toddler on TLC starring 3-year-old Liam Hoekstra.

35:48 – Paris Hilton: My New Dubai BFF

This Week In Scientology

12:54 – New commercials have been running in L.A.: “It’s life, and it’s yours,” for

13:17 – Wikipedia has blocked all contributions from computers at the Church of Scientology Los Angeles headquarters to stop users there from repeatedly revising articles to reflect a pro-Scientology viewpoint.

13:35 – Deadspin, a sports blog, was asking why there are no athlete Scientologists. They found a Sports Illustrated from 1971 featuring San Francisco 49ers quarterback John Brody, who was a practicing Scientologist. The writer referring to it calls it a “California religion.” A quote from Brody in the article: “Early last season my arm was bothering me. Ever since I broke it in 1963 it hasn’t been completely right. A friend of mine suggested I take a crack at Scientology, just to see if I couldn’t clear it up. Maybe it was psychosomatic, a service facsimile that I called up from the past to justify my failure. Well, I know it’s hard to believe, but after just two hour-long sessions my arm got better and it’s been right ever since. I’m just a step short of clear. For the first four months of my pre-clear I didn’t say a word to my wife or kids.”

Product of the Week

36:46 – The Soft Huggable Pet Urn lets you hug your pet’s remains in a supple, huggable pillow. You can fit all pet’s ashes in it, for the low price of $110.

52:32 – Mattel has recently released its newest doll in the American Girl collection. Their Jewish-themed doll was Rebecca Rubin, but there’s a slight dilemma. Apparently Rebecca Rubin is a domestic terrorist that’s been on the lam since 2006. Her life has been completely devoted to bringing down the capitalist system, and according to her FBI wanted poster, she’s a fugitive indicted in 2006 for a series of arsony fires dating back to 1997.

UYD Stories

50:31 – Jah has been in a Best Buy store before. He bought a Frank Zappa DVD, a weird thing that had been released on VHS and a company decided to reprint it on DVD.

52:14 – Seth went to the beach when he first got to Hollywood because he thought it would be a good thing. Fourteen years later he has not been back to the beach once.

55:36 – The arsons that Rebecca Rubin was involved with were the same arsons that Jah’s good friend from VVS, Josephine Overaker, was involved with. She has not been arrested and is on the lam. The group that did the arsons, Earth Liberation Front (ELF), spawned from a man from Prescott, Ariz., William C. Rodgers, who hanged himself in his jail cell in 2005. A bunch of ELF are in prison now.

1:00:28 – Jah owes T-Mobile $1,000. As of right now he can receive texts and phone calls but can not send anything out.

UYD News

1:11 – The Washington Nationals set off a pyrotechnic display at a game last weekend and all the debris from the fireworks fell into the stands and landed on the body of the Washington D.C. fire chief.

1:45 – The Dallas Cowboys have a $1.15 billion stadium that opened this week with a George Strait concert that 60,000 people attended. There was only 1 DWI arrest, 53-year-old Jack Hill, who was in charge of the construction of the entire facility and is the general manager of the facility.

5:37 – We have made the switch from analog to digital TV at midnight.

8:32 – The FDA has warned consumers to check the labels on their hand sanitizers. A company called Clarcon is producing sanitizers that contain high levels of disease-causing bacteria. The FDA says to not lather your hands with this or put it in any open wounds.

10:13 – The WNBA’s Phoenix Mercury is going to replace their team name on their uniforms with the name of their new corporate sponsor, Lifelock. This is the first time it has happened in major American sports teams. The NFL has approved that teams can carry corporate sponsors on their practice jerseys. The Houston Texans have been contacted by an HD porn company called Zero Tolerance.

12:01 – An update on Project Natal (Episode 170, 23:57) – it has a problem detecting darker skinned people. Melanin seems to directly affect the signal from the software.

15:22 – PETA releases its most veg-friendly Major League ballparks, and No. 1 is Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia. They feature southwestern black bean burgers, mock crabcake salads, veggie Philly cheesesteaks, veggie dogs, faux chicken sandwiches. Fenway Park has some vegetarian offerings – peanuts, popcorn, Cracker Jacks and soft pretzels.

17:52 – Former model Russell Christoff has won $15.6 million in a settlement from a jury in his case against Taster’s Choice coffee. In 1986 he posed for Nestlé, and was paid $250 for a day shoot. He signed a contract that said that any use of the photographs for commercial uses would be negotiated. In 2002, while standing in a Home Depot, a woman is in line with him and tells him he looks like the guy on the coffee jar. Two months later he’s shopping at a Rite-Aid pharmacy, and sees his face on a Taster’s Choice can. Taster’s Choice has been doing it since 1998, and Christoff sues them. The proceedings get bogged down for a bit, he wins the money, an appeals court has reversed the decision, and now he is back in court trying to re-reverse the reversal.

21:36 – July 3, 1995, cover of Time magazine featured the title “Cyber Porn,” with a picture of a scared kid lit up by the glowing orb of an old CRT monitor. “Exclusive: A new study shows how pervasive and how wild it really is. Can we protect our kids and free speech?”

33:10 – The American Veterinary Medical Association is holding their annual convention next month in Seattle, Wash. They opened the first day of the convention with some Pike Place Fish Market throwers. PETA complained and said it would be cruel if it was dead kittens being thrown. The AVMA is now considering rubber fish.

40:36 – The Smiths, a Missouri family, sent out Christmas cards. A friend of theirs was vacationing in Prague and saw their picture in the window of a food speciality shop’s delivery service. The store owner found it on the internet, blew it up and used it as an ad.

42:00 – ranks the “Best Yahoo Answers.” Some of the questions: “Why are there school?” … “How come when I talk to girls on Facebook they don’t answer me back?” … “Ping pong ball stuck in my vagina. Please help me get it out. No, I’m not posting pics. I was trying to practice a cool trick for my man and it got stuck there and it’s too slimy to pull out. I don’t want to go to the E.R. or doctor cuz I gots no insurance.” … “I caught my son having sex with a guy and I think he might be gay. Is there a definitive way I can tell?” Jah wonders if there are people who are really that stupid and if they have the capacity to not be that stupid.

48:00 – – Think they’re actors? Not a chance. 30-second videos on the Best Buy website of employees passing the cheer in their own way.

53:53 – Daniel James Murray, 36, is in custody for menacing President Obama. While he was depositing money in a bank, he asked “Is the bank solvent? With all the mess going on under President Obama with banks and the economy, I’m sure if citizens happen to lose all their money, they’re going to rise up and we could see killing and deaths.” On information they needed on a form, he filled out MESSENGER OF GOD under occupation. After they took him into custody, he said “we are on a mission to kill the President of the United States. … I’ve traveled thousands of miles to be here, and I know things that are going to happen. We are 94 million miles from the sun. The banking system will fail and people will die. There will be chaos in the world.”

1:01:37 – In a slow, deep creepy voice, Jah reads the following: A pair of pioneering astronomers revealed Tuesday how they used a supercomputer to show how a nearby black bole is vastly more massive than scientists ever imagined. The black hole at the heart of the relatively close Messier 87 Galaxy (M87) weighs in at 6.4 billion times the mass of our Sun, according to US astrophysicist Karl Gebhardt and Germany's Jens Thomas, who say it's the largest ever measured with a reliable technique. One of the more enigmatic features of astronomy, a black hole is a region in space that is inferred by tracking stars that orbit it. Objects fall into its stupendous gravitational field but nothing, not even light, can return. Gebhardt and Thomas' revelation, they say, sheds light on how galaxies grow, and may solve the paradox of quasars - active black holes guzzling matter in distant galaxies that scientists are struggling to understand. Addressing the American Astronomical Society conference in Pasadena, California, the stargazers described how they employed the gargantuan computing power of the Lonestar system, also known as the huge "Texas Advanced Computing Center" at the University of Texas. The Lonestar has 5,840 processing cores and can perform 62 trillion "floating-point operations" per second. For comparison, the most state-of-the-art laptop computer has only two processing cores and performs only 10 billion such operations per second. Gebhardt and Thomas's study, to be published later this year in the Astrophysical Journal, aims to clock the mass of Galaxy M87's central black hole by also modeling the galaxy's "dark halo," a phenomenon that extends past a galaxy's visible structure and contains the ethereal but weighty dark matter. "In the past, we have always considered the dark halo to be significant, but we did not have the computing resources to explore it as well," said Gebhardt as he lauded the supercomputer's ability. Such a conclusion would fundamentally change consideration of the physical laws of space, as scientists examine black holes and probe how galaxies grow.

Extra Notes

0:58 – UYD is coming to us on battery power.

4:13 – Seth saw a picture of his good friend Barack Obama on Air Force One with a cell phone in a holster on his belt.

5:24 – Jah tells us that both black and white t-shirts are at the printers as we speak

38:56 – Jah brings up the act of using a loved one’s ashes to make a tattoo in the likeness of the person (Episode 040, 46:44). Jah pledges to get one made of Seth when he dies.

58:01 – In order to get t-shirts, you have to go to Jah will possibly force buyers to join the forums in order to order them, because he wants people there in case he wants to contact people.

59:51 – Jah wonders if Seth has ever had sex in a gym, but he says no. He’d do it in a tanning bed though.

Awesome Studies

23:10 – A recent MTV/Associated Press survey says that 42% of college students feel down, depressed or hopeless.

29:39 – At the SUNY Downstate Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., researchers have figured out how to delete rodent memories. SUNY researchers initially teach the rats to negotiate a chamber that shocks their feet if they choose the right path. Then, after the rats have learned the right path to take, their brains are injected with a drug called Zip. The chemical neutralizes the PKMZeta, a molecule that plays a crucial but not wholly understood role in memory retention. Once injected, the rats quickly forget their hard-earned knowledge regarding safe routes through the chamber. Every step they take offers a potential shock.

Rants and Raves

3:09 – Seth rips on Bruce Willis for looking like Stellan Skarsgård in his new movie, Surrogates, a robot thriller set in a futuristic world where real life has become an actual world of The Sims.

7:04 – Jah and Seth hammer Ben Lyons for sucking as a “movie expert.”