View Episode 178
Originally aired 08.10.09
1:13:02
27:04 – UYD: Hearts, souls and brains – tired
57:13 – UYD: ’Cause that’s the world
1:01:19 – UYD: Constantly lying
47:16 – Seth was watching Larry King and Larry asks Griffin O’Neal the last time he saw his father. Griffin answered, “The night he tried to shoot me in the face.”
5:59 – New from SC Johnson, clip-on OFF: mosquito repellent that you can wear. If you love the power of OFF but don’t like the feel of a spray, then refillable OFF Clip-on is for you. It’s a plastic device about the size of a hockey puck. It contains a battery powered fan that very quietly surrounds the user with deet (Episode 019, 14:53).
13:54 – RunPee.com offers an iPhone app that tells you what time during the movie there is a lull so you can run to the bathroom and not miss major plot points. Jah wonders why no one has developed an app that features every red light camera and drunk driving checkpoint in the city.
45:05 – Ryan O’Neal, describing the funeral of Farrah Fawcett to Vanity Fair: “I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ The woman replied, ‘Daddy, it’s me, Tatum.’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange, Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.”
31:02 – Seth claims he has never taken anti-depressants, even a one-off, even when he was getting fucked up regularly.
32:00 – Dr. Hansen was doing some true investigative work this past Sunday on Dateline NBC. He investigated the California Lottery and found some discrepancies by sending lottery officials into stores with fake winning tickets and hidden cameras. They would throw them up on the counter and say they thought they were winners, and to check them for them while they “shopped.” Some of the clerks would tell them they were winners; others would say there were no winners and pocket them. One guy won half a million dollars and didn’t realize he had won until he was reading his hometown paper in Sacramento and saw the video of his wife buying the ticket. The clerk was waiting for the winner to come back and match his ticket with a losing ticket.
7:33 – Back in the day, as a boy, Seth and Jonathan got chewed up by mosquitos. Seth would buy deet, crack the cans off with a hammer and submerge himself in a bathtub of it.
8:14 – When Jonathan would go to survival camp in Montana, he would get eaten alive by mosquitos and horseflies that were an inch and a half long and would be incredibly painful when they bit him.
22:28 – Seth thinks of him when he was at Woodstock 2, buying an Aquafina for $14.50.
26:07 – Everybody Seth’s been talking to, if he asks they how they are, all they’re talking about is how tired and exhausted they are.
27:32 – In the bicycle community, L.A. is not zoned properly to allow bicycle traffic, because you get ticketed for riding your bike on a sidewalk. In the past few weeks, Seth has seen cars and bikes coming to complete stops in traffic and the person in the car is telling the person on the bike saying “I’m going to fucking kill you!” Then the cyclist rolls off and the driver restarts his car and they go on their merry ways. Jonathan thinks the solution is for cyclists to have licenses.
41:00 – Jah asks Seth if he realizes that Canadians don’t wear their shoes in the house (Episode 177, 9:52). Jah has verified this with a couple people. He realizes that Canadians are right about this because they’re bringing the world into the house. Seth agrees, but he has to have his shoes on at all time. Jah recommends slippers, but Seth needs ankle support and says he needs House Jordans. A year ago Jah got Seth some SB sneakers that he loves to wear. It was around the time that they went to Hyde with Guy and Jah got left outside (Episode 128, 29:30). Jah’s dad showed up at the studio a year ago with an awesome vegan chocolate cake that sat in the middle of the table. They ate it and it was rad and they shot an episode that night before going out.
50:25 – Jah doesn’t understand why he still only pays $5 a pack for cigarettes and is still complaining about it. He thinks if you’re dumb enough to smoke them you should pay out the ass for them. In other parts of the world, as well as New York City, they cost $12 a pack.
51:31 – When Seth was a junior at Haverhill High School and their girls’ basketball team was playing for the state championship, Seth and his friends. were boarding several buses to go get rowdy at the Worcester Centrum. Seth went to the drug store at the corner and he bought a box of 50 cigars for $3, and then sold them on the bus ride there for $1 each. He made $47 and he was crying because he was so happy. During the bus ride, he started the chant, “Gimme a Y! Gimme an O! Gimme a U! Who’s the greatest?!” And the bus responded, “YOU!! … Ohh…..”
54:47 – Jonathan brings up the time he was on the Michael Jackson Victory Tour, when he pissed his pants (Episode 039, 51:05). During the middle of the show, Michael decided to go into his Michael Medley, which lasted about 27 minutes long. Jah had to piss at the start of it, but couldn’t leave because Jacko was being so awesome. At one point Jah was bowled over in piss pain, and Jacko was up on stage cowering saying “No! No!” as a mechanical spider was descending on him. The last trickle of piss had just stopped coming out of his body, and his friend’s dad took him on a 15-minute walk to the bathroom, where he fake-pissed in the horse-trough at the Forum. Recently Jonathan ran into this man’s daughter at her wedding, and she told him she had been listening to the show for 6 months, and the first episode she listened to was when Jah told the story about them going to the Victory Tour show together. Seth says it’s too bad that RunPee didn’t exist back then.
1:07:16 – Jah was thinking about something the other night. There’s so much talk from the crazies about aliens coming or having been here or being here right now. There’s only one thing that made sense to Jah the other night when he was sitting on his roof looking at the sky with a roach and half an appletini: If there were someone/something on the other planet looking at us from the other side, the quickest way to bridge the gap between the planets would be to build it both ways to meet in the middle. The way to do this is to control things that are happening on the other side, so you plant artificially intelligent ideas into a human brain. From the tech we currently have tactile here, that doesn’t sound implausible within our current set of tools and ingredients. Assuming there is other life besides us, we need to send stuff out to make it come to us. Jah feels like aliens are here right now, and he didn’t used to think that. It freaks him out because he might be talking to one at a Starbucks. He says he sees a glow about live humans, and there’s other things that look just like them but they’re not the same thing. Seth responds to this diatribe by saying, “Happy birthday alien.”
3:00 – The USPS is about to begin closing down over 1,000 postal offices throughout the country. The USPS has lost over $4.7 billion this year. They expect to lose about $7 billion by October. Jah is trying to keep the USPS alive by sending all UYD t-shirts through the mail.
18:33 – Aug. 15-16 is the 40-year anniversary of Woodstock, not to be confused with 1994’s Woodstock 2, which Seth went to (Episode 019, 6:00). This was not the Woodstock that had the rape – that was 1999 – and was probably Limp Bizkit’s fault.’
36:46 – A blogger claims that you can block out Gmail ads by using “trigger words” within your e-mails. Jah explains how Google has a mechanism in it that reads your e-mails and tries to throw ads around the outside of your e-mail (Episode 173, 19:42; Episode 157, 11:46). People text Jah all the time saying it’s awesome that they get Uhh Yeah Dude ads, because Jah’s dad submitted a UYD ad 2 years ago. Jah doesn’t like it because you get inundated with it. The blogger has figured out that if you type in words like “suicide” and “911” the ads won’t show up. The ads only show up when your e-mail is “catastrophe-free.” Apparently you need one event and/or trigger word for every 167 words you use in a message. Words such as “incest,” “pedophile,” etc., all work. Jah thinks people need to have these embedded in their signatures at the bottom of each e-mail: On 9-11, my dog was raped by a pedophile alcoholic.
43:02 – Sarah Palin was on a 7-hour road trip with her family, and so she filled up the iPod with Kid Rock, Toby Keith and The Black-Eyed Peas. She said it was going to be “iPod heaven.”
48:06 – If you’ve found yourself looking for Radio Shacks recently and haven’t found any, that’s because Radio Shack is now officially, “The Shack.” Much like Pizza Hut is now “The Hut” (Episode 172, 30:42).
49:32 – A large pizza at the new Dallas Cowboys stadium, if you stay at one of the suites, it costs $60 (no toppings).
53:27 – Seth gives Jonathan the top 10 singles on the charts this week in 1984: 10) Corey Hart – “Sunglasses At Night”; 9) Rod Stewart – “Infatuation”; 8) Dan Hartman – “I Can Dream About You”; 7) Bruce Springsteen – “Dancing In The Dark”; 6) Lionel Richie – “Stuck On You”; 5) Elton John – “Sad Songs Say So Much”; 4) Tina Turner – “What’s Love Got To Do With It?”; 3) The Jacksons – “State of Shock”; 2) Prince – “When Doves Cry”; 1) Ray Parker Jr. – “Ghostbusters.” Jah recalls that Ray Parker Jr. got sued by Huey Lewis because he ripped off “I Want a New Drug.”
1:01:23 – There are over 1 trillion web addresses on the internet. There are 6.7 billion people in the world. There are 150 web addresses for every person. If you were to spend 1 minute on every website (assuming no more were ever created), it would take you 31,000 years.
1:12 – Seth wishes Jonathan a happy 32nd birthday
24:30 – UYD announces their upcoming live show in New York, at the Public Assembly in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn on Saturday, Oct. 17.
31:57 – Jah is chewing Dentyne Ice, and we can hear the crinkling of the wrapper.
30:36 – Two researchers have released a study in the Archives of General Psychiatry concerning the number of Americans taking antidepressants. In 1995, there were 13 million people on them. In 2005, the number has increased to 27 million. It is a $10 billion-per-year industry.
43:57 – The American Psychological Association has released a 138-page report that says programs that attempt to change gays to straight absolutely have not worked. Exodus International, which has over 250 ministries that they say reach out to men and women affected by “unwanted same-sex attraction” claims they have thousands of converts that claim otherwise. Jah thinks they teach you to lie better at those clinics.
58:39 – A social researcher who has studied lying for the last 25 years says that when people meet each other for the first time, they will lie 3 times in the first 10 minutes.
29:16 – Seth predicts a murder in L.A. by Labor Day because of the ongoing conflict between car drivers and bicycle riders.
1:40 – Seth rips on Steven Tyler, who was performing in Sturgis, S.D., when he fell off the stage and was airlifted to a hospital. Seth says this is an indication that he needs to hang it up.
10:00 – Seth and Jonathan rip on Ashton Kutcher for saying he has three girls during an interview with Ryan Seacrest and he doesn’t know if he’ll have more – even though they’re Bruce Willis’s children. Jonathan blames Bruce and Demi for this, because they were so lax after their divorce.
21:45 – Jah rips on people who were at Woodstock who act like they know everything about life because of it. Them being there was as insignificant as Jonathan’s mother being there sober and seeing how gross and shitty it was, then getting back in her car and leaving. There were no toilets or anything.
31:31 – Seth rips on Woodstock, blaming the event for causing 40 million Americans to currently be on anti-depressants.