View Episode 183
Originally aired 09.15.09
1:10:54
12:01 – UYD: Playboy dies with Hef
23:20 – UYD: Rotten to the core
38:23 – NatGeo’s E-Mail Order Brides shows a place they call Russia’s Detroit. One of the mail-order brides walks into Gary’s one-bedroom apartment and says “I want to stay this place. I want to stay live with Gary.” Gary, from the couch, says “I guess I’m living the dream.”
48:40 – Inside the Actor’s Studio this week will feature a gentleman named Jason Bateman. 1:00:10 – Seth watched a clip on The Daily 10 of Russell Crowe riding his bicycle smoking cigarettes and eating tacos and some Australian journalist was making fun of him and taking pictures. Crowe challenged her to a race, beat her and the lady almost had a heart attack and died. The story kept referring to them smoking “fags,” and they offer a disclaimer saying Crowe wasn’t being non-PC by using “the F word.”
12:45 – Jah thinks Missed Connections is a dead medium and it doesn’t happen with the fervor that it used to on Craig’s List. He says most of the straight Missed Connections is bullshit but the gay ones are all titled “24 Hr Fitness” and “Arclight.”
25:23 – One of the biggest success stories in all alcoholic beverage news has been Miller-Coors. MGD 64, their 64-calorie beverage, is now being challenged by Anheuser Busch’s Select 55.
51:18 – The Sure Clip is $10 – it’s the better way to cut your toenails and makes it a breeze. It includes a 3x magnifying glass, a super bright light and a clip catcher.
17:38 – Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies, attempting to dispel fears regarding the company’s plans to produce steam-powered bio-mass eating robots commissioned by the Pentagon: “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
29:18 – Seth goes through some of the best NFL names (Episode 031, 46:19 and 54:53), and just starts with defensive backs because Seth used to be quite the DB in the late 1970s. First he goes with the Nigerians: Chinedum Ndukwe of the Cincinnati Bengals; Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders; and Oshiomogho Atogwe of the St. Louis Rams. Then the Muslims: Aqweeb Taleeb of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers; Hamza Abdullah of the Cleveland Browns. Then the dope black dudes: Champ Bailey of the Denver Broncos; Tra Battle of the Cleveland Browns; Yeremiah Bell of the Miami Dolphins; Atari Bigby of the Green Bay Packers; Dré Bly of the San Francisco 49ers; Jabari Greer of the New Orleans Saints; Joselio Hanson of the Philadelphia Eagles; Lawyer Milloy of the Seattle Seahawks; Lardarius Webb and Samari Rolle of the Baltimore Ravens; Trumaine McBride of the Chicago Bears; Dominique Rogers-Cromartie of the Arizona Cardinals; and Sabby Piscitelli of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Jah thinks Seth chose the last one because it’s Roma’s cousin.
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
12:12 – Seth found a website that showed what websites started the first day they started. He found Google in 1996, The Facebook in 2004, the New York Times in 1995, Wikipedia in 2001, YouTube in 2005 and Craig’s List in 2005 – which looks exactly the same.
8:18 – Seth doesn’t want to get into it but he’s been having some issues with his post office (Nat King Cole Post Office on Western) and getting his GQ, Sports Illustrated and Playboy magazines. He asks the lady behind the counter, “Is it possible that there’s a man in this post office that took my Playboy, Sports Illustrated and GQ?” She said it was not possible.
14:57 – Seth talked to his buddy who goes to the 24-Hour Fitness in Boys Town and they had to shut down the sauna after 10 p.m. because it was a straight party.
28:22 – Seth was getting a wheatgrass shot and a girl cut her finger. Seth said “That’s cool,” and walked out of the store without getting a shot because it freaked him out.
37:34 – Seth has to admit that even though he loves TV he thinks to himself that he could cheat on his TV with internet. He gets so excited on that thing because there’s so much stuff on it.
40:22 – Jah saw a white guy walk in the other day with his Asian girl, and she was so meek and broken down and he was so gross and creepy but also smug and chesty, and Jah instantaneously thought “this was bad.”
1:04:33 – Seth wonders if the hot girls working outside of Whole Foods ever dupe Jah into coming over and signing their petitions, but he says their game is whack because they’re trying to come at him like dudes come at girls. He said one girl got so slutty with him while trying to get him to adopt a kid in South America that he thought she was a whore.
3:38 – Police are trying to figure out what to do about 37-year-old Dave VonTesmar. He’s gotten 37 photo radar speeding tickets in Phoenix, Az., but he’s wearing a monkey face mask in all of the photographs. When he receives the picture of him running through the light he mails the ticket with his license and the picture saying PROVE IT’S ME. Vontesmar is a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines.
7:21 – Hugh Hefner is finally divorcing his wife Kimberly Conrad and many of his assets have been put out in the open. He still earns an income from Playboy magazine - $29,000 a week. In his home in Holmby Hills, he has $306,548 in cash in the study. He has $36 million in stocks and bonds and $6 million in an unnamed joint account. … Seth wants to know if Playboy will die if Hefner dies or if it will go on. Jonathan says yes. He also wants to know if it will be drastically different or extreme. Jah talks about how Hef’s daughter started incorporating pussy lips when she took over (Episode 147, 53:02).
22:10 – A hot new trend with Christian couples is staying faithful online, sharing e-mail addresses and passwords for all online accounts. Jah’s down with it. It’s called Biblical Accountability.
34:58 – A new rehab facility called Restart is an internet addiction rehab.
36:32 - Seth references a news story from earlier in the year, when they took a bunch of Mormon kids out of a compound. The only visual the kids had was adult penis. The kids were being shown TV upon being released and one of the little kids was like, "I thought it was junk." Seth wanted to ring the kid's neck.
46:05 – 365black.com (Episode 181, 34:44) has the McDonald’s DJ Flavor Battle going on. LA-based DJ Spinderella is repping the Big Mac, Brian Michael Cox of Houston and Miami is repping the Quarter Pounder with Cheese, and Miami-based DJ Irie – the DJ of the Miami Heat and Jamie Foxx – is repping the Angus Third Pounder with Bacon and Cheese. Jah is going with Spinderella all day long.
47:02 – In Big Mac news, test markets are thoroughly enjoying the Big Mac Snack Wrap, which is a Big Mac burrito – essentially some beef, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a flour tortilla instead of a sesame seed bun (Cali style).
50:22 – The American Cinematheque is going to give a Lifetime Achievement Award to 38-year-old actor Matt Damon.
53:40 – Swine Flu is taking over college dorms and has started H1N1 Quarantine Dorms at Washington State, Alabama, Purdue and Emory.
56:07 – Parents at an elementary school in South Carolina have asked the school district to move up a bus stop that currently has kids getting on and off the bus in front of a registered sex offender’s house.
57:52 – Newsweek asked “Is This Baby Racist?” It profiles the book Nurture Shock which followed a multicultural school in San Diego. Out of 100 kids they gave 50 kids blue shirts and 50 kids red shirts. For 6 weeks they never said one word about the differences, the kids did everything – recess, homework, etc. When they split them up and gave them a questionnaire, the kids said that their own color was smarter and the other color was meaner.
1:50 – This episode of UYD is sponsored by AdamandEve.com and there is a banner ad for it on the homepage. Seth wanted to contact Adam and Eve to find something slightly more tasteful so that when their parents logged on the website they wouldn’t see a vag and ass staring them in the face. … If you type in UYD in your checkout code you get 50% off any item. … Jah says that the combo of the banner ad and the UYD slogans refreshing atop it were pretty much awesome.
19:26 – Jah says UYD nation has people pledging as they speak. He’s been getting texts about it. Seth warns people not to do stupid shit.
21:05 – This Sunday, the 20th is Seth’s birthday. Seth wants to know if he’s shaving off 7 years or 5 years. Seth says it’s 7 for him and 5 for Jah, so he’s turning 29 this Sunday.
25:01 – Jah is wearing an Oxford University t-shirt. Sometimes he gets asked if he went there and once he said yes.
27:57 – Jah wants to know what’s up with young girls working in places like Jamba Juice, Cold Stone, etc. with cuts on their arms.
32:02 – UYD plugs their live show on Oct. 17 at Public Assembly in Brooklyn, NY.
41:55 – Seth has a question about wedding rings: Is a wedding ring a traditional thing that says “I’m in love with my husband and I’m sharing my life with him,” or is it a “Back off jackoff” indicator in public. Seth then wonders if attractive young women would put on a ring just to keep creepy dudes away from them.
53:25 – Neither Jonathan nor Seth have ever had a manicure or pedicure.
59:38 – Seth says Jonathan would be a wonderful father, but Jah thinks he’d be crazy.
5:23 – A new study in the Journal of Experimental and Social Psychology says that men who spend even a few minutes in the company of an attractive woman perform less well in tests designed to measure brain functions compared to men that performed after spending time with a woman they did not find attractive. Researchers says that men use up excess cognitive resources in trying to impress the woman. The same study had absolutely zero effect on women.
1:02:40 – Jah says everyone needs to stop getting jobs getting people to sign petitions outside of Whole Foods. He says they’re pissing him off so much and he is actually down with what they’re trying to get off the ground. Other people are literally screaming at them and flipping them off as they walk by them. Jah has talked to those dudes and they’re getting paid $10 bucks per hour after getting the job off Craig’s List.