View Episode 187
Originally aired 10.12.09
1:04:06
26:02 – UYD: Hates them ’cause they’re big.
1:51 – Jonathan wants to know if the Caveman sitcom (Episode 054, 39:21; Episode 065, 13:26) was the first spin-off of a commercial
19:02 – Seth was watching Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? this week (Episode 053, 42:30). The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders were on it, featuring Abigail Kline. The question was, “How many countries are permanent members of the United Nations Security Council?” Seth was so angry at that question, which was supposed to be 5th grade civics. … The show Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team 4 is now on CMT. CYLL.
25:26 – TLC premiered My Monkey Baby this week, featuring couples who raise their monkeys as babies (Episode 112, 43:30). One redneck: “If I hear somebody call her a monkey I’ll throw a fit! She is my kid!” Another bitch tries to bring the monkey into a restaurant and the restaurant won’t let her. She thinks when she gets older the monkey will just take care of her. Another couple has their monkey talk to a monkey psychic on the phone. Another couple gets a tiny little baby monkey that’s so wicked creepy it freaked out the officer that pulled them over.
29:05 – On Tuesday at 10 p.m. Seth watched Parking Wars, and they went to Detroit instead of Philly in the first episode. You don’t want to give someone in Detroit a $30 parking ticket.
32:21 – Seth was watching a show about people staging accidents. One dude was parked in a moving van just south of where you would turn into the parking lot. He sees a woman driving by herself, taps his brake lights to let his accomplice know behind him that he’s going to signal for her to pull in, and when she makes the left to turn in, he pulls up to block her and the other car gently t-bones her, and the other guy that signaled her to go just drives away. So they either have an insurance scam out of it or they take her pocketbook when she’s going through her wallet.
15:56 – Russell Brand tweets this week, complete with J-dawg imitating his voice: “Nude on my balcony. Katy Perry is moving into the hotel room opposite me. Cherry chapstick delivery!” … “I’m going to do yoga now. I’ll be so goddamn flexible I’ll be able to diddle meself.” … “I’m in Thailand. Is it OK to snog the statues?” … “I’m in Gay Paris. I swear, as an Englishman, that by the time I leave tomorrow, it will be known as ‘Hetero Paris’ or at least ‘Bi Paris.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
2:37 – Jonathan asks Seth if he personally thinks that doctors should wear white coats. Seth doesn’t think they should wear them.
11:31 – The EPA has a 40-page document on their website describing in detail how to clean out a meth lab
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
11:31 – Seth visited the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) website, and they had a 40-page PDF, which is the Voluntary Guidelines for Methamphetamine Laboratory Cleaning. So basically if you have some spare time to voluntarily clean the meth lab next door to you, go for it: After the structure has been vacuumed with a hepafilter vacuum, conduct a “once-over,” or precursory washing of the walls and floors to cut contamination using a detergent washer solution.
10:56 – Jah got a text from a listener who got swine flu, but there was no way of him verifying it.
29:36 – Jonathan speaks on the situation with people getting pissed about traffic tickets in the show Parking Wars: “When you are broke and that kind of stuff gets out from underneath you … the way this system works, I mean it is just… they take so fuckin’ much from you once you flip into that, like, ‘Oh I couldn’t afford to pay it.’ Or —I had something go into collections, I bounced a check to it. The check that I bounced, the overcharge that I got charged for that, put me so fucking inner ears that I couldn’t get out from under it and it was all because of a texting while driving ticket that I talked about getting on this show, however long ago (Episode 147, 2:00). And now here I am, still dealing with this, because—don’t get me wrong, I’m a fucking idiot—because I believe that stuff will somehow take care of itself or go away and I just can’t deal with it. So the first problem, the faultline, starts with me. But, fuck me man. The way the credit card systems work and the way that shit works, I mean, of course you want to … when you finally see somebody that’s somehow a representative of that in this tiny little 3-wheeled car sitting next to you and they’re being fuckin’ glib with you or, or, disrespectful, you’re like ‘I’m gonna fuckin’ crush your fuckin’ skull. Like, I’m gonna hammer your face with a hammer, until it stops blinking or moving. No wonder people get so fuckin’ angry.”
33:23 – Jah was walking his dog the other day, about 2 weeks ago, and he came around the corner and saw a woman walking his dog and another dude. He started chatting with them. The woman is in her 50s and the dude is standing behind her and off to the side looking at Jah. Jah looks at him and figures out that this is the weird couple. The woman doesn’t know that he’s there, and he just walks around them and walks off. This was a Thursday. Twelve hours later Jah got home from doing the podcast, grabs his dog and does one of his loops. He gets to the exact same corner at 4 or 5 a.m. and sees the dude literally coming in the exact same place he was 12 hours ago. He looks at him and doesn’t register that Jah had seen him earlier. Jah says “Hey” and the dude takes off walking. Jah walks outside today, and there are posters of him on every tree. He’s broken into 40 cars within a 5-block radius, stealing people’s GPS units and stuff. There’s a girl involved in a minivan, and they performed a similar ruse to the one Seth describes in his TV show. Jah and Seth assume it’s a reincarnation of gypsies running amok.
40:59 – It was 6:30 a.m. and Seth was watching hi Rehab show, and the emergency EAS message that pops up tells him about a father who abducted his child from his estranged wife at 5:00 that morning in North Hollywood driving a Chevy Astro van. Seth was in his underwear watching this. He wonders if he’s supposed to get dressed, get into his car and go find the guy.
50:32 – A listener sent Jah a gory, hardcore texting while driving PSA that freaked him out
3:05 – The AMA is considering taking white coats out of commission for good. One of the reasons is the fact that doctors are dirty people and don’t wash them and they’re covered in bacteria. There’s also a trend in younger doctors who claim “white coat hypertension,” which asserts that our heart rate and blood pressure go up when we see a doctor wearing one. In a survey, 76% of people said it does evoke trust and confidence in them. Only 10% of them like the idea of them being in scrubs, 9% in business attire, and 5% say casual clothing. Jah claims that the doctors in L.A. get super casual, not wearing anything underneath their scrubs, etc.
5:48 – Seth asks Jah if he tried out for the Hunky Santa auditions at the Beverly Center (Episode 145, 11:15).
9:23 – In an effort by undercover officers in Georgia to crack down on prostitution in local massage parlors, recent arrests have led to the arrest of one woman named Mi Suk Yang
9:43 – Kleenex has a new website, getmommed.com.
21:18 – Since the dawn of the human race, roughly 50,000 BC, the world’s population of homo sapiens has reached 6.8 billion people. We reached 6 billion in 1999. We will hit 7 billion by 2011.
36:14 – Paul Lyle has plead guilty to embezzling $88,000 from his job as a radio executive at American Media Investments. He did it to support his addiction to scratch-off lottery tickets. While awaiting his sentencing, he won $96,000 on a scratcher.
39:32 – According to specialized agents at the United Nations, there are 750,000 sexual predators constantly prowling the internet in a bid to get in contact with children.
44:45 – The Jet Propulsion Laboratory has recently downgraded the chances of Asteroid Apophis stroking the earth off on April 13, 2036. The odds were recently changed from a 1-in-45,000 chance to a 1-in-250,000 chance.
45:47 – A retired baseball player named Bernard Gilkey, 43, is best known for his brief appearance in the 1997 film Men In Black where he’s distracted by a spaceship at Shea Stadium and a baseball hits him in the head. He last played for the Arizona Diamondbacks in 1998, 1999 and 2000, before retiring in 2001. The league deferred huge amounts of money to the teams to allow them to upgrade players, etc. They had to start paying out monies owed to players, and began doing this in 2004. Gilkey received his first check in 2004 for $1 million and got checks of the same value through 2009, and will continue to get them through 2017.
50:23 – Transportation officials have deemed distracted driving a menace to society.
51:09 – Here are some sweet movies we can look forward to seeing: Asteroids, based on the 1979 Atari arcade game; Viewmaster, based on the toy that creates 3-D images in binoculars; Lego, the kids’ building blocks game; Battleship, Hasbro’s naval war game; Monopoly; Candy Land; and Ouija.
0:26 – This is Episode number 1-8-7, the California penal code for murder
6:37 – Seth talks about the new Broadview Security commercial (Episode 179, 48:22). It starts off with people leaving what looks to have been an elegant house party. It’s early evening. The attractive female host thanks everyone for leaving. One handsome younger dude lingers on the porch, and she says, “It was really nice to meet you, A.J.” (Jah thinks it stands for Aaron Jacobson.) Her girlfriends are in the driveway mouthing, “He’s so hot!” and the girl mouths back, “I know!” The woman walks into the house and begins cleaning up, and she hears a noise and it’s A.J. in the doorway. He bashes in the window, she books it in and calls Mike at Broadview Security. Nothing to worry about now!
23:24 – Episode 188 will be Friday, Oct. 17, live in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn N.Y. at a venue called Public Assembly. Seth says it’s very overwhelming and very exciting and he thanks everyone for everything. Seth wants people to get there early and seek them out. Seth is the one who is not Jonathan.
36:29 – Jah can’t figure out why he is stumbling over his words so much. Seth hopes Jah is on point during the live New York show. Seth wonders what will happen if Jah is garbling everything and Seth has a full panny.
55:35 – Seth just handed Jah something to read and he doesn’t know what it is. He finally reads this warning to listeners: “In my experience, car wash employees in their haste sometimes do not reinsert the clips or holes on floormats of cars.” What happens is that, by putting your feet on them it rips the holes and your feet will slide up, or it will jam up the brake or accelerator.
58:36 – Seth talks about the Podcast Awards, recognizing excellence in the podcast field. He asks listeners to go to the UYD website and follow the link to the Podcast Awards, then vote for UYD for Best Comedy Podcast. There is no Dancecast category yet, which is why UYD wants to win – so they can establish that category next year.
6:09 – A recent study in the journal, Addiction, suggests that people who abstain from alcohol are at a significantly higher risk of both depression and anxiety disorders.
13:30 – 36% of women surveyed in Chicago said they would give up sex for a year rather than give up their cell phone.
52:39 – The Annals of Improbable Research and Science Humor magazine handed out at their 19th annual IG Nobel prizes, that honor the real science “that first makes people laugh and then makes them think.” Dr. Donald L. Unger, 83, a Thousand Oaks allergist, won this year’s medicine award. It’s inspired by children’s warnings he’d gotten from his mother that his habits of cracking his knuckles would lead to arthritis. He spent 70 years cracking his knuckles on his left hand twice a day and has never cracked the knuckles on his right hand. There is not the slightest sign of arthritis in either hand. Seth and Jah recall that both their mothers told them that old wives’ tale. Seth says he hasn’t used a Q-Tip once since they talked about the negative effects of them (Episode 131, 8:53; Episode 137, 4:52; Episode 138, 31:47).
0:50 – Seth demands to know why Geico is still using the cavemen in their commercials
37:49 – Seth watched KISS perform on Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel in full makeup and full costumes. They were a little bit older. Whenever the camera came around to Gene Simmons, he did the tongue thing. Seth demands that he put his gross tongue back in his mouth and go home (Episode 026, 25:20). Simmons licked his guitar and licked Letterman. Jah and Seth then rip on every member of the band.