View Episode 190
Originally aired 11.02.09
1:04:35
44:42 – UYD: Strap it or lose your livestock
46:39 – UYD: Brought to you by Jonathan’s Jolt Cola
17:44 – Seth was watching Good Morning America, and he sees his friend from the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood (Episode 172, 36:52), Susan Linn, on. Seth thought she would be talking about the 2 Girls 1 Cup skateboard; however, she was claiming that the wildly popular Baby Einstein DVDs are not educational. Anyone who has purchased the DVD can now get a refund from the company because they’ve spent the past four years fighting it.
33:38 – Seth holds up two pictures for Jah and asks him which one scares him more. One is for The George Lopez Show and the other is for The Wanda Sykes Show. Jah says if he had to watch 5 episodes in a row of one of them, he would take Sykes. Jah also says he would rather blow Wanda Sykes than eat George Lopez’ pussy.
45:39 – Introduced in 1985 from their Rochester, N.Y. headquarters, Jolt Cola’s slogan was “All the sugar. Twice the caffeine,” was the first of today’s enormous markethold of what is called an “energy drink.” Due to the tough economic times, the company has filed for bankruptcy and will more than likely close in the next couple days.
55:55 – Seth reveals that “Toast Hawaii” is a sandwich that is a slice of toast with ham, pineapple, marachino cherries or cranberries and gouda cheese.
47:23 – Washington Wizards guard Caron Butler, explaining how he lost 11 pounds in the offseason after giving up his favorite beverage, Mountain Dew. He drank 6-10 12-ounce cans every day: “I was going through withdrawals. I was in the bed sweating. My wife would turn over in the bed and ask, ‘Are you OK?’ Honestly, those first two weeks without the Dew were the roughest two weeks of my life. I’m talking headaches, sweats, everything. It was so bad at one point that I had to have a cold one right there at the nightstand before I went to bed. Come 2 a.m. I would wake up out of my sleep and pop one open. I’d hear the fizz sound and just down it.”
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
12:00 – Seth gets lost on the monsterweb and finds a 1992 movie starring Christian Slater called Kuffs featuring the tagline, “When you have attitude, who needs experience?” Seth discovers that in San Francisco, they have something called the Patrol Special Police – private security officers overseen by the SF Police Commission who are paid by local merchants whose property is protected. They roll around in weird cruisers with weird badges. They were founded in the 1800s in response to the lawlessness during the Gold Rush.
5:25 – Jah is a clean person but he doesn’t keep a clean house because he gets overwhelmed with all his stuff. His mental functions are night and day when operating in a clean environment versus a dirty environment.
15:46 – Seth saw the Michael Jackson movie and declares that he is an artist, and you see an artist at work in the movie. The scene at the Cineramadome was curious on opening night at 9 a.m. A lot of the females looked like dancers
28:35 – Seth cheated a little bit in high school, but Jah did not. Jah did, however, steal from the lunch truck for a while. If Jah hadn’t prepared for a test, he would just go in and fail it.
48:26 – Jah used to be completely hooked on Mountain Dew. For at least two years, he drank two of the 24-ounce Dews a day. He had mad stomach problems and crazy anxiety attacks. Plus he was fat. Seth went off coffee last June, and it was bad for him for a couple weeks. He left work at one point and his head hurt so bad.
49:45 – Seth’s friend had kidney stones in college and called his dad in a delirious state screaming and passed the stones out his dick. You have to do that unless you pay money and get laser surgery. Otherwise you must drink a bunch of water and pee them out. When Seth got his appendix out, the nurse told him he might need a catheter. When he found out the possible repercussions, he forced himself to piss.
59:13 – Seth has never had a non-alcoholic beer. Jah says they’re gross. His dad likes Buckler’s, which almost taste like a beer if you keep them really, really cold.
59:57 – Jah said a long time ago on the show that he would never have a Twitter account, but Uhh Yeah Dude now has a Twitter account. Jah will update it from his phone and it will be an aggregate of the things that already exist. Jah says there is a Seth Romatelli on Twitter but he wants to make it clear that is not them.
1:01:28 – Jah’s dad called Seth a few weeks ago and said he got an e-mail from Seth and he sounded concerned about it. Then while leaving the message he realized this was not possible and hung up.
1:03:08 – Seth can’t believe it’s almost the end of the decade. It’s hard to believe that Y2K was 10 years ago. He was sitting in Abiquiu, N.M., with an e-ticket to a spaceship that never came (Episode 075, 41:24; Episode 052, 19:48; Episode 133, 11:37).
6:15 – Following rival CostCo, Wal-Mart, the world’s largest retailer, has begun selling caskets and urns on its website. Prices are lower than many funeral homes. Caskets ship within 48 hours. They range from the low-cost steel models, called “Mom Remembered” or “Dad Remembered” for about $1,000, to mid-range “Executive Privilege” caskets for about $1,700, to a bronze casket for $3,200.
9:53 – First DirecTV used in 2008 Craig T. Nelson to sell their programming package. The commercial showed a scene from the movie Poltergeist with Heather O’Rourke saying “They’re here.” She died at 12 years old. The new spots show David Spade in a wig playing his Tommy Boy character, and it features a dead Chris Farley.
14:42 – Twitter followers are going to engage in their very first “Twéance,” a séance using Twitter. A very famous medium will take Twitter questions for William Shakespeare, River Phoenix, Kurt Cobain and Michael Jackson.
23:23 – BIG Cinemas, headquartered in Mumbai, India, currently has 18 movie theaters in the United States. They cater to the 2.5 million Indians living in the U.S., many in San Jose, Calif., and North Bergen, N.J. They serve Indian-esque concessions, including curry popcorn and mango lassis. A popular current film is the Tamil action thriller Aadhavan, starring hunk Surya Sivakumar, who is so popular that fans break out in applause when he appears on screen.
27:47 – According to a report by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, after surveying 7,000 people they’ve found that people who cheated on exams in high school are considerably more likely to be dishonest as adults.
30:12 – Five Virginia Department of Corrections officers have been suspended and charged with animal cruelty. Four of the officers were in new and were in training to become canine handlers. The training officer was videotaped by the trainees masturbating his German Shepherd police dog. He was quoted as saying, “If you masturbate your canine unit, you will have greater control over it.”
34:53 – Jamie Aguirre, 42, was pulled over in Ohio for a routine traffic stop. When police looked in his car they found hundreds of x-rays. They found out that Aguirre is also a lab tech at a local imaging center and the x-rays were of womens’ mammograms and young girls’ knees and elbows. Police believe he was using the x-rays to masturbate to.
43:56 – Ohio officials were not having any luck with their new “Click It Or Ticket” slogan showing a driver and a passenger in the car with their seatbelts on. The state has a large Somalian refugee population and they didn’t understand the ticket because they have no government and the word “ticket” doesn’t mean anything. They altered the slogan with the Somali phrase underneath to try to convey the overall feeling and motivation of the ad. It now reads, “Strap It Or Lose Your Livestock.”
51:21 – Two Southern California high schools have been the first to draft dance contracts – binding agreements students must sign before they can step on the dance floor at high school dances. They state that there will be no sexually suggestive dancing – no freaking, no grinding, no straddling, no touching of the breasts and/or buttocks, no sexual bending, no cleavage exposure of undergarments and no excessive skin. If these rules are broken the students must leave and cannot attend future dances. “Freak patrols” will monitor the dancers and can even take pics and e-mail them to parents.
58:23 – Starbucks Via is a hit and is exceeding expectations, so they’re now going to introduce a decaffeinated version on November 17.
5:50 – It smells good in the studio. Seth has ginger peach candles in the living room, a Tahitian vanilla candle in his bedroom. For having such a great smelling crib, Jah hands Seth a frienjamin (Episode 141, 1:18).
16:52 – Jah was talking to somebody the other day about Twitter. He hypothesizes that regarding Twats that Twitter (douchebags), you could call what they do “Tweefing.”
54:06 – Before they did the live show in Brooklyn, Seth and Jonathan did an interview with a girl for the Greenpoint Gazette (greenpointgazette.com).
55:06 – Jah says that there will be new t-shirts and posters available soon in the Merch section of the website.
2:33 – Researchers have done a study claiming that cleanliness fosters morality. They took two rooms, one scented with fresh citrus, the other unscented. During this day-long study, the subjects were given $12 and told it came from their anonymous partner who was in another room. The partner trusted them to divide it up fairly but it was up to them. In the scented rooms, the people on average kept $6.67 for themselves and gave the anonymous partner $5.33. In the unscented room, the people kept $9.19 and only gave $2.81 on average. Another experiment featured the subject of Habitat for Humanity, and the subjects were asked if they might want to give money. In the scented rooms, 22% said they would donate, and in the unscented rooms, 6% said they would donate.
19:37 – New research just published in an online science journal documents sexual behavior never before seen in any non-human adult animal species. Female Chinese fruit bats regularly engage in oral sex with their male fruit bat partners.
39:28 – A recent study was presented at the Society for Neurosciences annual meeting. They gave one set of rats healthy food and they gave the other set of rats unlimited amounts of junk food that included cheesecake and bacon. After a while the obese junk food rats were sleeping all day and loving it and eating it nonstop, while the others were completely healthy. They realized using the brain scan imagery that it’s the same as with heroin addicts. To show the power of that, they let the healthy rats eat the junk food, but once they gave them the junk food, they shocked them electronically. The healthy rats realized they didn’t want it that bad and went back to the health food, while the junk food rats just laid there eating it and wouldn’t stop no matter how many times they were shocked.
8:58 – Seth goes off on funeral homes that gouge families after they’ve lost a loved one and they have limited options.