View Episode 194
Originally aired 11.30.09
1:07:46
22:27 – UYD: KMIA
1:06:20 – UYD: KMIA
1:42 – Seth makes a correction about something he said on last week’s episode. He was so excited about MTV’s Jersey Shore that he said it was airing last Thursday. It’s actually airing this Thursday, Dec. 3.
2:39 – Unico, an Italian American service organization created many years ago to promote and enhance the image of Italian Americans, have asked MTV to pull Jersey Shore off the air before it’s even aired because it perpetuates the stereotype of young Italian men as Guidos. To this, Seth says KMIA (3:39; Episode 049, 7:22)
16:02 – James Franco is doing a run on General Hospital, playing a reclusive artist named “Franco.” Seth then sees a commercial for James’ little brother, Dave, playing a new character on Scrubs.
41:24 – Find My Family on ABC shows you a couple that met in high school and had a baby at age 16. They gave it up for adoption, but they’re still together in their 50s. They brought it to a Catholic charity, the child was put into a wonderful foster family and they went on to live their own lives and raise two girls and a boy of their own. They contact ABC, and through research and detective work they find their biological daughter, who has been living 8 miles away the entire time. Under the family tree, she sits and waits for them. Shit gets emotional. Jah guarantees he would bawl his eyes out no matter how crappy it was.
9:33 – If you’re a parent of a teen, you may need to get Teen Chat Decoder to snoop on them. It’s teen speak translation made easy. Understanding your kids’ online and cell phone chat gets harder and harder every day. Now you can stay current with the lingo and abbreviations the kids are using every day. Some new terms (Episode 049, 7:22): NALOPKT (Not A Lot Of People Know That), 8 (Oral Sex), PAW (Parents Are Watching), RAW (‘Rents Are Watching), KPC (Keeping Parents Clueless), Banana (Penis), LMIRL (Let’s Meet In Real Life).
14:10 – Kate Moss this week: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”
30:04 – James Cameron was on 60 Minutes discussing Avatar. He was talking about pre-production on the first Terminator. He got a phone call from the head of Orion studios. “Are you sitting down?” the guy says to Cameron. “I’m at a party. I just cast the Terminator. O.J. Simpson is the Terminator.” Recalls Cameron, “ I knew he played football, I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t know he’d murder his wife later and become the real Terminator.”
38:19 – Something you can get a grip of meth for is BMW car parts. A ring of professional thieves known as the “BMW Bandits” have been targeting cars all across the West Side, Mid-Wilshire and now the San Fernando Valley, stealing airbags and headlights out of the III and V series BMWs. The thieves carefully remove their wares and then sell them on the black market for several hundred dollars to cars that need replacements of the exact same things. Dealerships charge thousands for these.
6:59 – Seth is all for ball tapping because he became best friends with Brian Peters as a result of Todd Trefree walking up to him in middle school and said, “Hey, this is for Brian Peters,” and punched him in the nuts and dropped him down. Seth and Brian got into a fight and Seth won, and they became friends as a result. Seth recalled that he was walking upstairs and Brian was walking down and they were eyeing each other like it was on. Seth claims there were only two hits – him hitting Brian and Brian hitting the ground. They got in trouble and had to go to the principals’ office and later became friends. Seth said that Trefree lives in Bakersfield now. He also spoke with Peters tonight before the show.
24:41 – The first time Jah saw the Pam Anderson – Tommy Lee sex tape, it was on ¾ inch dubs and hadn’t come out big time yet. They were in a recording studio and they moved it in on a cart. Him and Wag watched it together. Seth watched it with his roommates at 632 N. Beechwood from Johnny Knoxville and Spike. It got passed around the city of LA so quickly. After Jah saw it, he remembers thinking he couldn’t believe it happened. Seth found it to be so uplifting because it was a couple expressing their love together. He loves the part with her jumping in the water and swimming and him saying “I love you so much.” Jah thinks they sound like assholes talking about this because it makes them sound so old. He finds it comforting that the first sex tape that ever came out was of two people genuinely in love, whereas it’s been shittier versions of it ever since with people like Ray-J.
31:22 – Seth says it was really hard to explain how crazy it was during those months leading up to the actual verdict of the O.J. Simpson trial. Seth was delivering food at that time and it was all anybody thought about or talked about. Jah recalls that the apartment it happened in is 180 feet from the house he first ever ate acid in. Right around the corner, the restaurant she worked at, which is now a Peet’s Coffee, Jah used to eat there all the time.
33:30 – Seth remembers that he had to deal with people all day and give them food and not get tipped and had to talk about the O.J. trial. A confidant of his, said that the cast of Beverly Hills: 90210 watched the Simpson verdict from the lawn of the Walsh’s house on a TV.
37:18 – Seth went to St. Patrick’s Cathedral the day he left New York to get his mother a mass schedule. He put his bag down and went to get some communal stuff, and when he unzipped the bag it exposed his underwear and socks. He felt embarrassed with his dirty undies being in the presence of the Lord.
54:42 – Jah continued his streak of being an asshole at the bank today (Episode 046, 37:28). He was at his Wells Fargo and doing something that he learned from a banker. He split a check regarding accounts with holds on them – he deposited it into the non-held account, then took half out as cash and deposited it immediately in cash in the held account. He moved a year and a half ago and has established this as “his branch” and does this all the time. He gets up to the teller, and it’s his third time dealing with this particular woman in her 40s. In the bank there are 2 customer service supervisors, 3 tellers – one of whom is doing nothing and the other who is talking to a Mexican guy in Spanish, while the other supervisor is chuckling along and the other teller is turned in laughing and Jah’s teller is laughing as well as she flags him over. Jah doesn’t have his wallet with him, just his check and his information he needs for his bank. He tells her this prior to him explaining what he’s about to do, because he already knows she has no recollection of him. She says it’s no problem and starts filling it out. Ten minutes goes by and she has to call the customer service guy over, and Jah has to re-explain what he’s doing. It takes 5 minutes for her to figure out which accounts he’s talking about on the computer. He tells her she’s filling out the wrong thing because she writes both of them for the same amount of money, which is more money than Jah’s giving her that she’s trying to deposit. She ignores him and he persists, while she starts crossing things out. She is a new teller and has been there a few months. It’s such a basic task that Jah gets irate, and the supervisor hears Jah raising his voice. He walks over and Jah tells him she’s putting it in for a different amount. She gives him a look, and out of Jah’s mouth comes this: “YOU SHOULD BE BETTER AT YOUR JOB. YOU SHOULD DO YOUR JOB BETTER.” The supervisor says he’ll take care of it and pushes her out of the way. The last time he did this with her, Jah had to initial the deposit slip five times for stuff she had crossed out and re-done rather than scrapping the piece of paper. Jah explains that they must have hired this lady because she has gigantic tits and a short body so every guy that walks over can stare down at her gigantic twins. When the customer service rep comes over, he runs it through and asks Jah for his ID. Jah says he doesn’t have it, then the guy says they’re going to have to deposit it as a check and they’re going to have to put a hold on it. The guy wouldn’t do it, and Jah says he needed to get the check back from him before he seriously lost his cool. Jah doesn’t know if he can go back into this bank. Jah observes that every person in there is at least 10 years younger than everyone working there a year ago. It’s all 20-year-olds and the amount of slapping going on between the African American boy and girl who work there is ridiculous. Jah admits that his flipping out is completely out of line.
1:05:28 – Jah heard about a guy hanging out with his 14-year-old sister, who was logging onto Myspace. He asked her why she was doing it, and she said she had to because everyone’s parents were on Facebook now and she can’t be private there.
3:47 – According to the 2010 edition of the Farmer’s Almanac, there are roughly 670,000 U.S. houses that are without indoor plumbing. Jah compares this to Woodstock – not the one Seth was at (Episode 019, 6:00), which had about 2 million.
5:54 – Ball tapping is a disturbing new trend running rampant in Indiana schools. Ball tapping is the act of intentionally hitting or kicking a male in the genitals. A local TV station conducted a statewide survey of school nurses and the results are in that 43% of high school nurses from over 150 different schools surveyed said that they are keenly and intimately aware of ball tapping. Sixty-two percent of middle school nurses are aware of it. Jah hypothesizes that this is because your balls aren’t big enough to hurt in middle school.
8:28 – Jah understands that there are valid reasons for getting kicked in the balls, but kids today are doing it Jackass style and rupturing each other’s testicles.
19:42 – Los Angeles Clippers basketball announcer Ralph Lawler hasn’t missed a game in over 25 years until last week. He was suspended along with his partner/analyst Michael Smith, over an exchange they had at the very end of another embarrassing Clippers’ loss – this one to the Grizzlies in Memphis. Filling time in the final minute of the game, they began talking about 7-foot-2 Grizzlies’ center, Hamed Haddadi, the first Iranian in the NBA. The exchange: Smith: “Look who’s in.” Lawler: “Hamed Haddadi. Where’s he from?” Smith: “He’s the first Iranian to play in the NBA.” Lawler: “There aren’t any Iranian players in the NBA,” repeating Smith’s mispronunciation. Smith: “He’s the only one.” Lawler: “He’s from Iran?” Smith: “I guess so.” Lawler: “That Iran?” Smith: Yes. Lawler: “The real Iran?” Smith: “Yes.” Lawler: “Wow. Haddadi – that’s H-A-D-D-A-D-I.” Smith: “You’re sure it’s not Borat’s older brother?” Smith: “If they ever make a movie about Haddadi, I’m going to get Sacha Baron Cohen to play the part.” Lawler: “Here’s Haddadi. Nice little back-door pass. I guess those Iranians can pass the ball.” Smith: “Especially the post players. Lawler: “I don’t know about their guards.”
21:35 – In a funny scheduling quirk, this weekend on the 29th the LA Clippers are going to host the Grizzlies at the Staples Center. Promoting Haddadi’s appearance throughout LA’s large Persian population with “Iranian Heritage Day,” which offers fans a chance to meet him before the game and get pictures and autographs of him. Jah thinks “KMIA” should stand for “Kiss My Iranian Ass.”
22:37 – Pamela Anderson told a British talk show host that she had to explain her and Tommy Lee’s sex tape to her two sons, Brandon (12) and Dylan (11), because she knew that their friends would watch the movie Borat when it came out on DVD in 2007. There’s a scene in the movie where Borat and some college dudes watch the tape together.
28:16 – A 39-year-old man was arrested at the Promenade at Westlake in Thousand Oaks, Calif. Jah has been there so much in hise life. He paid a local teenager $31 to spit in his face. He was charged with annoying a child. It’s a misdemeanor. He is apparently known to local teens as word has spread that “this guy will pay you to yell profanities and yell in his face.”
32:41 – Despite being more famous than any other judge at the criminal courthouse in Downtown LA, Judge Lance Ito’s courtroom is the hardest to find. Each courtroom is adorned with a placard at the door naming its presiding judge but Ito’s placard holder stays woefully empty. Since he became a household name more than a decade ago presiding over the O.J. Simpson murder trial, his placard has been stolen so many times that they don’t even replace it any more. Those looking for his courtroom now depend on the information officer in the lobby to get them there.
34:44 – A hot new trend is church crime. The Christian Security Network has tracked more than 1,000 “soft crimes” this year in nation’s unlocked churches.
43:41 – DNA Portraiting is a new technology where you can enter the world of unique personal art. 1) Order your complete DNA test kit, 2) Collect all cheek cell swabs, 3) Send them to the company, 4) Combine the entire family’s DNA into a single canvas, and 5) Hang it in your living room.
47:22 – Dimple surgery is hot. People are jealous of people with dimples, although dimples are a muscle defect. They can synthesize a kink like this with a “lunchtime procedure” taking 20 minutes or less. They cut the muscle inside the mouth, put in stitches, pull in the skin and twist it so it heals with dimples.
49:16 – Jackass 3 starts shooting early next year. It might be shot in 3D.
51:01 – According to the National Retail Federation, gift cards will again be the most requested present this holiday season. The most recent survey found that shoppers will spend on average $139.91 on gift cards, totaling about $23 billion.
0:55 – Jah gives us a Christian side hug
11:43 – Jah heard that in France, “LOL” has been incorporated into common chat, where they will actually say it in face-to-face conversation rather than typing it.
52:24 – Seth recalls how Jah told him about the gas station trickling off a few more pennies on everybody and thereby making a billion dollars (Episode 167, 0:29). Jah says he’s had a couple experiences with gas pumps since then. He found one pump that doesn’t do it at a couple newly renovated places. However, he went to another newly renovated Chevron where rather than slow down 4 cents or 10 cents before, it pops up like it was full. Jah went to take it out, turned and there was 7 more cents in there, then it trickled out. It tries to get you to give up.
1:06:21 – It’s just officially past midnight so Jah wants to officially say Happy Thanksgiving to Seth and all UYD listeners.
16:02 – Seth slams James Franco for being a completely shitty actor on General Hospital while playing an eccentric, reclusive artist named Franco. He’s so bad that Seth wonders if he’s doing it on purpose. Jah thinks he definitely is.
1:28 – The only butt that Jah touches is Jesus’s.
35:38 – Seth hammers church clergy for wearing expensive headdresses. He thinks they should wear In-N-Out hats and eat wafers with Jeezo.