View Episode 201
Originally aired 01.18.10
1:10:06
54:27 – UYD: Out of context
1:05:41 – Uhh Yeah Dude: America Through the Eyes of Two American Americans
21:36 – Paranormal Cops season premiere, this Tuesday on A&E.
26:39 – John McCain and Sarah Palin’s campaign manager was on 60 Minutes, describing how much of a moron she was from Day 1. They had to give her a crash course in U.S. history. They brought her to McCain’s house in Arizona to prep her for the Vice Presidential Debate, and it was going horribly. All she can keep saying is, “Senator O’Biden,” and they tell her to stop saying it. They devise a plan that when the debate begins and she walks up to meet him, she says, “Can I call you Joe?” and then she’ll only have to say Joe. Still, in the middle of the debate, she says “Senator O’Biden.”
35:59 – Dr. Hansen reappears with his “Vegas Undercover” segment on Dateline NBC (Episode 171, 2:29). There’s a unit in the Metro Police Deparment called the Convicted Habitual Career Criminals Unit, dealing with Vegas’ repeat offenders. 20% of the dudes in Vegas commit more than 80% of the crimes. They just pick a dude and follow him. They have surveillance of one guy putting an amp down his pants at Fry’s and stealing from a convenience store, then he stops in the parking lot of a 24 Hour Fitness and comes out 5 minutes later. He was stealing from lockers. He goes to an NA meeting with his girlfriend to get his court card signed. He then pulls into a 7-11 and walks in after his girlfriend, casually walking through the manager’s back door, gets two enormous plastic boxes filled with cartons of cigarettes and walks out the back door. His girlfriend picks him up, then they drive to a parking lot where they meet a fence to sell the cigarettes to. The LVPD arrest all three of them.
1:25 – Seth has Seasonal Affective Disorder (Episode 019, 36:41; Episode 199, 2:05) and the Na’vi Blues
50:19 – The Church of Scientology ran its 200 question, free personality test in The Tennesseean, Nashville’s newspaper. It did not go over very well. The nearby headquarters for the Southern Baptist Convention were not pleased. Some of the questions included, “Are you curious about yourself?” … “Is your life a constant struggle for survival?” … “Do you often sit and think about death?” … “Do you sleep well?” … and “Do you sometimes feel your age is against you?”
29:35 – Jah would like to talk about rape for a little while. The ad appeared on Craig’s List in early December. It read, Need a real aggressive man with no concern for women. It was purported that the author was a Casper, Wyo., woman, whose photo was also posted. A week later, a man accepted the offer, forcing his way into the woman’s home, tied her up and raped her at knifepoint. “I’ll show you aggressive,” he allegedly said, according to court testimony. In fact, authorities say the woman had nothing to do with the posting of the ad. Instead, they say, a former boyfriend had posted it, soliciting her assault. Such an incident would have been impossible, much less likely 20 years ago. Natrona County District Attorney Mike Blonigen said, “It’s probably only possible in this modern age.” The Wyoming case began to unfold on Dec. 5. Jebidiah James Stipe, 27, from Carbon, Wyo., and a Marine stationed in Twentynine Palms, Calif., allegedly posed as his ex-girlfriend, placed the ad seeking the aggressive man. Two days later she spotted it, contacted the county sheriff’s office as well as Craig’s List and the ad was taken down. But Ty Oliver McDowell, 26, from Bar Nunn, Wyo., had allegedly already seen it. McDowell, an employee of the Wyoming Medical Center’s Radiology Department, e-mailed the address listed in the ad, according to an affidavit in the case. They iChatted, and he posed as her chatting with him to describe what he wanted him to do to her.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
19:45 – Seth: “Do you pronounce in NA’vi or na’VI?” Jah: “na’VI.”
45:35 – Jah asks Seth what the number would be that would make him consider not marrying a woman based on the number of lifetime sexual partners she had had. Jah says he can think of a number, but Seth refuses to cough one up. He does admit that 100 is an enormous number. Jah says he definitely knows bitches who have fucked 50 dudes. Jah then asks if Seth can’t give him a max-out number, can he give him an ideal number? Seth cannot.
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
4:53 – Seth visited the ABC News website, specifically the “ABC News Vault” from January 1979, where they profiled a Video Cassette Recorder: “There are close to 600,000 currently in U.S. homes. You can buy The Sound of Music for $75!” They were also talking about cable news channels that would be entering the mainstream. They showed a family sitting in their family room in Sacramento watching a newscast of a weather report from Chicago, and they were enthralled by this.
35:59 – Dr. Hansen reappears with his “Vegas Undercover” segment on Dateline NBC (Episode 171, 2:29).
2:50 – Seth saw a doctor this week, and he was giving him a lot of compliments. The Caucasian male doctor in his early 40s told Seth, “I love those frames,” and “Great t-shirt.” Seth doesn’t know if he was flirting with him, he was just giving him a lot of compliments and he feels that people should do that more often. However, this doctor was pressing the flesh gloveless while getting down to brass tacks, nuts and bolts.
7:02 – Jah was in fourth grade the first time he ever was in real snow.
23:23 – Jah says the worst thing ever is having to shit in a Starbucks. It happens to him frequently because he’s out in the world and doesn’t stay within shitting distance of his house. Seth, however, is within 4.2 miles of his home at all times. Jah despises sitting in the corner of a cavernous bathroom to shit. Seth is paranoid about this because he thinks creepy fucks have set up cameras in every private place with the hopes of seeing a boob.
55:56 – Jah came across some disturbing porn video months ago. It was amateur porn, but wasn’t even porn. It was a couple on their couch where he was watching TV and she was blowing him. Jah felt like he was in their living room and it was just absolutely too much for him. Jah thinks this kind of stuff is killing the porn industry. Jah goes as far as to say that he can tell his dick stinks by the way she’s sucking it.
1:00:00 – Jah hates Muscle Milk, which Seth fed him the other night. He said it’s like drinking cow jizz. The memory of drinking it came through him the other night and he got chills.
1:09:08 – Jah and Seth say their Jackée episode will be off the hizz. Jah re-mentions that he saw her walking near Abbot Kinney on a Sunday afternoon (Episode 181, 5:10)
1:28 – The National Institute of Health has a program for rare, impossible to diagnose medical mysteries. It’s called the “Undiagnosed Disease Program,” or UDP. The program accepts 5 patients a week, all expenses are covered, they are given a comprehensive battery of tests, while 62 experts from all disciplines of medicine hope of getting to the bottom of the mysteries.
8:41 – At the Adult Entertainment Expo held in Las Vegas in conjunction with the AVN Awards (Episode 200, 3:53) last weekend, Roxxxy, the world’s first sex robot, was unveiled. (Jah asks Seth if he would hit it; Seth says no but Jah says yes.) Created by a former artificial intelligence scientist at Dell Labs, in response to losing a friend in Tower 1 of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, Roxxxy is 5’7”, 120 pounds, took nine years to complete and will cost roughly $9,000 plus a subscription fee – because you’re getting 24/7, 365 tech service. You fill out an online form to match your personality to hers – that becomes her true personality. If you want to mix it up on weekends, she can be programmed with five other types. All speak differently in voice and have different vocabularies – S&M Susan, Wild Wendy, Mature Martha, Frigid Farrah, and a spunky 18-year-old. By touching her hand she responds. You can control the volume of her voice. She’s completely customized with full artificial intelligence. You order her hair color, skin tone, bust size – she’s a “dream companion with a dream personality.” From the man that designed her: “She has three inputs, if you know what I mean.” You can share her with other guys on the online community that have their own dolls, then ship them to one another and fuck them. The next version will contain a safe word (“marshmallow”). Also available is the male verson, Rocky.
17:37 – A Beverly Hills company is building a $1 billion cruise ship called The Utopia. It will sell half of the cabins as permanent residencies. They will cost anywhere between $4 million and $26 million. The ship will sail around the world and will drop anchor in south France during the Cannes Film Festival, in Rio De Janeiro during Carnivale, in Sydney Harbor, Australia for New Year’s and Monaco for the Grand Prix car race. The cabins, or condos, will have hardwood floors, fireplaces, marble countertops, recessed lighting, and all the owners will have access to all the ship’s amenities.
21:55 – Police across Southern California are warning people about “follow away burglaries.” They’re burglaries that occur when thieves stake out an Apple Store, wait for people to buy a new computer and then follow you home.
48:31 – Regina Benjamin was named the 18th Surgeon General. She’s just a smalltown doctor from Alabama. The concern is that she’s overweight in these health-conscious times. Because of her appointment she’s now wearing a naval L. Ron Hubbard jacket.
1:00:37 – Republican S.C. congressman J. Gresham Barrett announced he will introduce legislation that would require the immediate deportation of all Iranians living in the United States. It would affect more than 1 million Iranians.
0:27 – Jah wishes they were recording this episode with video because Seth gave him a crazy look with his eyes.
8:03 – Jah says Seth needs a high-speed dubbing USB VCR so he could upload all the gobs of videotapes he has stuff recorded on.
15:19 – Seth wants to customize his sex robot to look like Haley Joel Osment from the movie AI
52:18 – Seth wants to know what the fuck is going on. Jah indicates that it all went wrong when Gus Van Sant shot Psycho shot-for-shot starring Vince Vaughn.
40:27 – A Study done by the Bureau of Justice Statistics says that 3 out of every 25 juveniles who are in U.S. Correctional Facilities have experienced at least 1 incident of sexual victimization. Six centers had rates of 3 out of every 10.
41:57 – The 2010 issue of The Statistical Abstract was just published. It comes out annually by the Census Bureau and gives the country hard data numbers including sex. Among U.S. men 15-44 years of age, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 5.4. Among women, the median number of lifetime sexual partners is 3.3. Jah says he would be hard-pressed to think of any man he knows who has not forced their way into double digits.
53:13 – New research in circulation in the Journal of the American Heart Association suggests that each hour a day spent watching television was linked to an 18% greater risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, an 11% greater risk in all kinds of death and a 9% increased in death from cancer. If you watch more than 4 hours a day, it puts the number at 80% for cardiovascular and 46% for all kinds of death. Jah says this is a little bit out of context because most people doing this are fat fucks who don’t do anything.
58:23 – According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, between the years 1992 and 2008, the percentage of sexual harassment charges filed by men being harassed by other men doubled from 8% to 16%.
20:01 – PARADE magazine answers the reader question: Trish Emerson of Houston, Texas: “Paranormal Activity scared the wits out of me. It said it was a true story – is it? The answer, from filmmaker Oren Peli: “Well, after I moved to a new house with my girlfriend, we heard things at night, which started me thinking about the idea of setting up a video camera and letting it run while you’re asleep. How scary would it be to go through the footage and see something happening that shouldn’t be happening?”
0:42 – Seth rips on James Cameron for winning a Writer’s Guild Award for Best Original Screenplay for Avatar.
6:18 – Seth blasts 1979 for being “fucking morons.”
20:36 – Seth rips on Paranormal Activity and Open Water for being shitty movies that really weren’t that scary.
22:27 – Seth hammers FinallyFast.com
51:44 – Seth rips on SciTis like Tom Cruise and a newly shaven John Travolta.