View Episode 217
Originally aired 05.11.10
1:10:46
15:10 – Iranian presiden Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stopped by Good Morning America this week to talk with George Stephanopoulos: “I heard that Osama bin Laden was in Washington, D.C. Rest assured he’s in Washington. There’s a high chance he is there.”
26:21 – Seth watched Live with Regis & Kelly today. It was their “Halfway to Halloween” show and so they were all dressed up in costumes.
59:51 – FFI, or Fatal Familial Insomia – a rare inherited disease of the brain that can also develop spontaneously in people with an inherited mutation in their thalmus gland. The average age is about 50. Death occurs between 7 months and 3 years from the onset. The disease has four stages – 1) Patient suffers increased insomia resulting in panic attacks or paranoia; 2) Five months of heavy hallucinations, 3) Complete inability to sleep at all accompanied by 3 months of rapid weight loss, 4) After 6 months the patient becomes mute and have total dymentia and die.
53:34 – Starbucks vegan frappucinos – make them any way you want them.
4:48 – Seth heard a radio ad this week for the Ashley Madison Agency (Episode 102, 53:13) and thought he heard Morgan Freeman’s voice. He sat there for a second outside of the Bank of America at Larchmont trying to pinpoint it, and he realizes it’s probably not Freeman but sounds just like him. He thought you couldn’t trick the public into believing that person was selling the product. Jah remembers when they used a voice similar to Tom Waits’ for a McRib commercial and he won a lawsuit.
24:42 – Jonathan ass-dialed Seth on Sunday about 2 p.m. He was talking a lot. He was talking to some kid about Fender Guitars at one point. The kid is currently in school. Jah was hungry. Seth picked up the phone and was like, “What’s up? What up?” and didn’t hear anything. Seth was being quiet and waited about seven minutes to see if he could hear anything good. He didn’t.
37:42 – Seth likes to improv. He was trained in Chicago, where the competitive improv scene originates. Jah went to The Second City in L.A. and finished the entire first course, then chose not to return.
57:47 – Jah tried to go to bed at a reasonable hour last night, but his crazy brain and crazy diet and having coffee at 7:00 p.m. made him so jacked in bed. He stared at the ceiling knowing he had to get to sleep, and he had to get up 3 times in 3 hours – at no point actually falling asleep during this time. He was driving the following morning and realized he shouldn’t be operating the vehicle. He drove to the wrong place.
1:02:10 – Seth tried watching an episode of House that featured a dude with brain seizures and he had to dip out. He just wants everyone to sleep and be healthy.
1:02:56 – There’s a dude dying downstairs in the apartment below Jah. He’s 90-something years old and has been screaming incessantly for stretches of time. It’s a distraught type of screaming where he has no idea where he is. He had a nurse that quit and has another with him. He still has to travel from time to time. The man is going to die in that apartment, and coupled with Jah’s inability to sleep, it’s the worst panic attack ever hearing the dude screaming in the dark.
1:52 – Seth congratulates Goodluck Jonathan (Episode 207, 56:20), who has officially been sworn in as president of Nigeria.
2:26 – A paper in the May issue of the journal Symbolic Interaction suggests that parents have a very hard time grasping their teen’s sexuality, thinking their own kids are innocent and are not really interested in sex, while everyone else’s kids are highly sexual.
7:07 – Mom Logic is a website with the slogan “What Moms are Talking About,” and claims that the day after Mother’s Day is the second-busiest day of the year for female member sign-ups at Ashley Madison. Number 1 day of the year is the day after Valentine’s Day. A typical Monday at Ashley Madison sees roughly 2,500 to 3,000 new women sign up. The day after Mother’s Day last year saw 24,000. This year they expected 30,000.
11:38 – Former First Lady Laura Bush has a new book out called Spoken From the Heart. In it she looks back on the night in 1963 when she was driving with a girlfriend of hers, they were having a discussion, she ran a stop sign and killed somebody. Her quote: “The whole time I was praying that the person in the other car was alive. In my mind I was calling, ‘Please God, Please God, Please God,’ over and over again.” She never contacted his parents or went to the funeral.
17:11 – 17-year-old Phillies fan Steve Consalvi was at Citizens Bank Park and called his dad and said he wanted to run on the field. His dad told him not to do it. He ran around for about 30 seconds and got tased. The next night, a dude in a Phillies shirt at Citizens Bank Park gets on the field but doesn’t get tased. A couple weeks ago in Philadelphia, an off-duty police officer brought his two daughters and had a terrible time because everyone was drunk and swearing. He got a bunch of people escorted out of the stadium, and after they leave another guy gets up in his face to give him the business, stands behind the father and the daughter, sticks his fingers down his throat and pukes on both of them and then punched the cop in the ear. A fan nearby caught a foul ball and gave it to the girl who got puked on.
21:11 – MMA fighter Tito Ortiz was arrested last week for assaulting his live-in girlfriend and the mother of his children, former porn star Jenna Jameson. The couple met on Myspace in 2006 and last year had twin boys. In an interview, visibly shaken and very tearful, Jameson says “It’s just hard to trust anybody in my life. It makes you wonder what you did wrong. I’m so in utter shock that this happened because we were America’s couple.”
29:35 – Coming in June, a dating site just for people who love Apple. Apple fanboys and Apple fangirls. It’s called “Cupidtino,” – a play on the words “Cupid” and “Cupertino,” where Apple HQ resides.
33:55 – Several passengers were forced to restrain 32-year-old Matthew Kleindorfer on a SkyWest Airlines flight from Montana to Salt Lake City after he began banging on the cockpit door, saying he was an alien and he wanted to fly the plane.
39:03 – To coincide with today’s National Prayer Day, USA Today conducted a poll concerning God and faith. 92% of those polled said there is a God, and 83% said that God answers prayers. Seth is surprised in the gap between those who believe in God and those who believe God answers prayers, while Jah is surprised that the percentage is so high for people who believe in God. A lot of people in his life struggle with that concept. Seth thinks there’s maybe 12 people in his whole life who don’t believe in God. Jah’s experience has been the polar opposite, and most everyone believes it’s all dead.
43:44 – TIME magazine released their 100 Most Influential People in the World. Sean “Diddy” Combs wrote a piece about Ashton Kutcher: “This guy will show us the future.”
48:26 – Roger Ebert wrote an article about why he hates 3D. One of his reasons is that “It adds nothing to the experience. … What would Fargo gain in 3D? Casablanca? Precious?” Seth says that if Precious was in 3D, he wouldn’t have left after 10 minutes thinking that the movie sucked; he would’ve stayed because it would have been awesome.
1:40 – Seth realizes we’re getting ever so close to our special “JackÈe Episode,” or Episode 227 (Episode 181, 5:10).
27:59 – Jah wants to know what’s up with the fact that we drive so much.
32:58 – Jah references UYD’s legendary Doritos episode (Episode 079) where everyone starts puking while UYD stuffs their faces
1:05:52 – Jah reveals he is flying in a few hours and wonders if he’ll die on the way to Boston. He then congratulates his brother, Ben, on graduating college and being the first college graduate in his family.
8:58 – According to Edison Research, who have done annual reports on Twitter since its inception, black people represent 12% of the general population but 25% of all Twitter users. The median age for black Americans is 30 and the median age for white Americans is 37. Twitter is most popular among 25-34-year-olds.
53:53 – According to a survey by consumer electronics shipping and review site called “Retrevo,” 10% of people under 25 years old think it’s perfectly OK to text while having sex.
57:04 – A new study in the journal Sleep finds an unequivable link between the chances of a premature death if you get less than six hours of sleep a night.
50:09 – Steven Caden of Los Angeles writes into the Los Angeles Times after their report on 3D: “After reading your critical take on 3D, for better or for worse, I wish you could expose Real-D. It can literally ruin a movie. When the writer described Clash of the Titans as ‘gray and colorless,’ that is what I saw at the Bridge when I saw Avatar in Real-D. I have seen Avatar in five different technologies. I’ve done extensive reading about each.”
45:28 – Seth gets furious that Ashton Kutcher is considered by TIME magazine to be some kind of a soothsayer. He demands to know who makes that kind of editorial decision. He’s also pissed that Rolling Stone’s #1 reason to be excited about music is The Black-Eyed Peas.
48:27 – Seth is mad at Roger Ebert for writing an article about why he hates 3D and we should too.