View Episode 223
Originally aired 06.21.10
1:03:54
10:47 – UYD: Hoax recall
36:19 – UYD: Shooting metaphorical wives daily
1:00:25 – UYD: Maintaining
31:56 – The NewNowNext Awards on Logo needs to be watched by every UYD listener.
47:42 – 3D sidewalk chalk
23:24 – In Santa Clarita Valley in Southern California they formed a community task force to address a new problem among their senior citzens’ doctors and pharmacists. Dozens of reports have come in of people targeting the garbage behind senior living facilities in search of prescription bottles that have been discarded. They are looking for any leftover pills and leftover vials, then going in and pretending to be the seniors’ grandchildren and refill their vicodin, extra-strength Tylenol, ambient, percosets, etc.
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
26:25 – Dan Aykroyd has a younger brother named Peter Aykroyd who was a member of the fifth season of Saturday Night Live. Seth can’t wrap his mind around the concept of how unfunny that guy is.
3:31 – Seth and Jah have known each other for a very long time, however they are constantly learning new things that they have in common all the time. Today they discovered they have a common infatuation with the movie poster for Cobra starting Sylvester Stallone.
16:10 – The way that Jonathan found out about UYD’s PARADE plug is he received a text about it but he didn’t quite understand it. He walked into therapy with his psychiatrist, who he has been seeing for almost 5 years. This was the first clipping that he ever showed Jonathan and said, “Hey, I saw this…”
29:00 – Seth was at the Paley Center last week – formerly the Museum of Television and Radio. They basically have every television show that’s ever been on TV in the archives. Seth went to watch The Comedian with Mickey Rooney. They punch it up, bring you over to a little monitor and put headphones on you. Seth saw this week that the Paley Center had a television special on, which he thought might be for him. It was The 30 Biggest Surprises in TV History on CBS. The #2 biggest surprise in the history of television was at the end of Season 2 on NCIS when Agent Todd saved Gibb’s life by jumping in front of the bullet. You thought she was dead but was actually alive because she had a bullet-proof vest on, but then when she stood up she got hit by a sniper from across the street and actually died.
31:36 – Jonathan and Seth just spent 90 minutes watching the NewNowNext Awards on Logo, in which they were talking about 2010 as if it was a year-in-review.
52:32 – A caller left a voicemail this week mentioning an episode he was listening to where Jah was talking about his crew, the RFK (Randies From Kansas), and was wondering if he could elaborate on that. Jah explains that he had some good friends in high school who would probably still to this day consider themselves RFK. They were all jokey kids and Jah thinks everyone got the humor of it.
4:13 – Los Angeles’ Museum of Contemporary Art Downtown is going to present the first survey at a major U.S. museum of Dennis Hopper’s career as a fine artist. It’s called “Dennis Hopper: Double Standard.” It will feature nearly 200 pieces of his work – photos, paintings, mixed media, etc. Los Angeles magazine, which hit newsstands Friday, June 11 (their July issue), reads “Here’s hoping that Hopper, who has terminal cancer, will be there to see it.”
6:57 – The Thursday, Sept. 11, 2003 issue of Entertainment Weekly that Seth has featured a “Winner of the Week” section featuring a cartoon drawing of Johnny Cash. It reads, “Johnny Cash saw sales of his 10-month old album American Four more than double.” Cash died the next day.
8:09 – On Friday, Sept. 12, 2003, syndicated newspaper columnist, astrologer Joyce Jilson, published an astrological horoscope talking about John Ritter – whose birthday was upcoming on the 17th. It reads: “John Ritter is a loveable character. Having a Virgo sun sign helps keep his career ticking.” Ritter had died the night before at St. Joseph’s in Burbank after collapsing on the set of his television show from a defective heart.
9:42 – General Mills Inc. said it was the subject of a hoax press release that said President Obama had ordered a probe into the cereal maker’s supply chain after recent recalls. The hoaxy release was sent overnight on the PR Newswire, one of the main U.S. distributors of corporate press announcements. Some major news media had reported contents from the release before the hoax had been discovered. PR Newswire issued a statement saying the release came from an unauthorized sender. General Mills said it removed the unauthorized release within minutes, but some automated alerts with links to the fake release further disseminated the contents.
17:43 – Pampers introduced their first high-performance diaper for active babies. They added to their Swaddler and Cruiser diapers a new Dri-Max technology, which makes the diapers thinner and more form-fitting. They are therefore greener. Many parents have gone on to the internet and also to lawyers claiming that the diapers cause severe rashes, burns and redness.
21:23 – There was a party in Beverly Hills last week thrown by Vertu cell phones to mark the official opening of its Rodeo Drive boutique. The Vertu signature cell phone is an individually handmade phone crafted by one man in Hamshire, England. It’s owned by Nokia. One of the phones on display was fashioned out of an 83 karat sapphire with platinum, black leather and rubies. It costs $70,000 and also comes with the Vertu consierge button on the side of the phone. You get one year free and at the push of a button you are connected with a lifestyle manager who can book travel reservations and exclusive shit.
47:56 – The U.S. has spent 9 years and billions of dollars hunting down Osama bin Laden. The War in Afghanistan is now officially the longest war in U.S. history, surpassing Vietnam. 52-year-old Gary Brooks Faulkner, a former construction worker from Denver, went on a solo mission to find Osama bin Laden. Pakistan authorities arrested him on the northern border heading into Afghanistan. He was living off the land deep in the forest. When police found him he had a pistol, a 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles, Christian literature and a small amount of hashish. His brother held a press conference this week to discuss Gary’s situation: “He’s not crazy. He’s as sane as you or I. After Osama mocked the U.S. on 9-11 it became his passion, his mission to track down Osama and kill him or bring him back to the U.S. alive. It has been his sole focus for almost 10 years. Most people live their lives without a dream.” Faulkner’s kidneys had recently failed him and he started dialysis, like Osama. This was his sixth trip to find him. “He wanted to go one last time to check a certain cave. He had a pretty good idea where he might be hiding.” Faulkner is divorced with an adult son. He has been arrested 10 times in the U.S. for everything from burglary to domestic battery. Before he left he said, “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him.” Seth wishes they would’ve known he was going over there, and shipped him a soft cotton UYD tee so he could be wearing it when he caught that bastard.
50:56 – In the biggest change to the company’s appearance code since the year 2000 when the Disney company allowed its male employees to wear mustaches, women who now work at Disney theme parks no longer have to wear pantyhose. Women will also be permitted to wear sleeveless tops, but only if the shoulder straps are 3 inches wide.
52:10 – Nearly a dozen separate California law enforcement agencies arrested several members of the graffiti tagging crew OCP (Out Causing Panic). Thirty-one of their estimated 200 members were taken into custody. They have been linked to at least 700 incidents of vandalism in the past year.
53:59 – Club 33 is a private club located in the heart of the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland. Officially maintained as a secret feature of the theme park, the entrance of the club is located next to the Blue Bayou restaurant on 33 Royal Street, with the entrance recognizable by an ornate address plate, the number 33 engraved on it. When riding Pirates of the Caribbean, just as the ride departs, the Blue Bayou restaurant is visible, but the balconies above it are actually a part of Club 33. Club 33 members and their guests have exclusive access to the club’s restaurant and the premises are not open to the public at large. It is the only location within Disneyland that offers alcoholic beverages. Though Disneyland has a parkwide liquor license, it has set up bars across the park for private events but not normally. Supposedly it was where Walt had all his creepy sex parties.
55:58 – There’s a 22-year-old man in Houston, Texas facing the death sentence. He’s in a court case right now. His attorneys are trying to submit into the case and show the jury that when he was 2 years old, he was featured on the show COPS in 1990 as a confused toddler watching HPD try to settle a violent domestic dispute between his grandparents. The judge and attorneys watched the segement from the TV show to decide if they could put this into evidence. The video shows HPD responding to a home where a domestic dispute involving a gun had been reported. When police arrive the video shows this 2-year-old kid standing outside with his grandmother, who told officers she had been struck in the head and threatened at gunpoint by her husband. HPD then arrested the toddler’s grandfather while the TV cameras filmed it.
26:28 – If you really wanted to make a day out of it at, you go to an old folks’ home and get super-easy access, just as Jonathan and Seth did when they visited Gertrude Baines (Episode 112, 0:53). (Jah thinks it would have been funny if the then-oldest person would’ve paid them to murder her.) You then could go room-to-room with an old-school doctor’s medical bag and just swipe prescription pills from every room.
37:33 – Seth is flabbergasted that Grown Ups isn’t out yet. If it doesn’t open with $130 million he thinks it will be a failure. The creepiest thing in the ad for it to Jonathan was when all the acotrs are on their inner tubes wearing shirts. Seth thinks this is a Paul Blart situation for him; he will be at the Grove at 9 a.m. to watch it.
1:00:58 – Jah gets trippy and reads from “Lenticular Matters,” an exclusive text by Cameron Stallones, a.k.a. Sun Araw: “The lenticular object is the means to our end, the means of getting On Patrol. It's the UFO, the lens shape that winks in and out of our plane to broadcast some Cosmic Giggle and, at times, for amped confrontation: close encounters and (in the extreme) rebirth. The UFO phenomenon, like the lenticular phenomenon, is prominently vaginal, and so most of the time you can hear it harmonizing with classic birth trauma. But it's a good hurt, the yonic cruise. The lenticular object appears in traditional Christian iconography as the Mandorla, a representation of the overlap of Divinity and physical reality, so, hey, that's our clue, it's glowing doors and gateways from here on out. We "see" them because, as the shape itself instructs us, these are perceptual zones we're stalking: warped but potent mirrors and refractors of other dimensions. Los Angeles is a pretty lenticular town, when you get right down to it. At least in the sense that it's a doorway. If and when we have a choice about the other side of that door, it can be a true spaceport. The vaginal symbol that's the thrumming machinery governing all of the coming and going from physical reality to total image in this town stands in stark contrast to the sadly impotent (and misconceived) masculine energy that is supposedly in the driver's seat. Not a chance, dudes, are you kidding? Put that away before you hurt yourself. The true other side of the door is outer/inner space, always has been, always will be. An echo in the finite of the infinite act of Creation, as Coleridge would say. The Great Attractor, Blake called it the Divine Imagination. But either way, it's been summoned by too many good-hearted people to stay away long. Its frequencies are powerful, it's just about tuning in to the end of history. Watch it now, on demand, so you become an observer: Paradise Regained. McLuhan "saw" it as the enormous collective body we've been swarming into. Pierre Teilhard "saw" it as the Body of Christ on Earth, to be summoned and resurrected by the Father. Teleology is a tricky business, and as my buddy Phil used to say, we're just hanging the curtains, moving the lights around, testing, testing 1...2...3. The cybernetic network, Mama Matrix, maholo, whatever you call it, it's just a stage. Who and what walks out onto that stage will be the (reflective) surprise. (Hint: It's not a surprise.) Until then, back in the (lenticular) patrol car: antennas up.”
32:19 – A paper published in the journal Science claims that tiny meteorites found in ultra-pure Antarctic snow – which contain the building blocks of life – may have come from within our own solar system rather than the far reaches of space.
34:05 – New research published in the Applied Research and Quality of Life Journal suggests that people’s happiness levels after a vacation very dramatically and quickly go away once they return from vacation, go back to work and resume the normal day-to-day stresses of their lives. The research showed people got the biggest boost in the time before their vacation – up to 2 months of positive mood increase and anticipation of the upcoming vacation.
39:42 – According to a new Gallup Poll, an average American – someone making less than $90,000 a year – will spend on average, $59 per day.
42:01 – According to a poll in ESPN: The Magazine, 100 Major League Baseball players were surveyed, and they voted Jim Joyce – the ump who cost a Tigers’ pitcher a perfect game – the best umpire in baseball. C.B. Bucknor was voted the worst. In 2003, Sports Illustrated surveyed 500 players, and C.B. Bucknor was picked the worst. In 2006, SI did a 3-year update and Bucknor was still the worst.
45:35 – Good Housekeeping tested 3D glasses for movie theaters. They tested 7 pairs – both wrapped and unwrapped. They found a bunch of germs including staph, sepsis, food poisoning germs, pneumonia, etc.
11:55 – Seth was reading PARADE Magazine’s Walter Scott’s Personality Parade. Joel Weckerly of Cypress, Texas, writes in: “One of my favorite actors, John Larroquette, was on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson wearing a t-shirt reading ‘Uhh Yeah Dude.’ What did it mean?” PARADE went to John (maybe) for an answer: “Uhh Yeah Dude is a podcast that my son Jonathan co-writes,” says the actor, 62. “The subtitle is ‘A Look at America through the eyes of two American Americans.’ They have segments like ‘Who’s Parenting Harder?’ where they tell horrible stories about what parents do to their children.” Seth thinks a bunch of Bill O’Reilly patriots will dip in to check out these Americans to see what they’re up to, then be mortified to learn they’re talking about bags of dicks. Jonathan says this can’t be a quote from his father because he knows that they don’t write the show, so he wouldn’t say “co-writes.” Jah says he will certainly find out if his dad really responded. … Dan Krause of Thousand Oaks, Calif., then writes: “Is cyclist Lance Armstrong the son of astronaut Neil Armstrong?”