View Episode 228
Originally aired 07.25.10
1:07:45
1:09:34
6:18 – UYD: Pointing, screaming and running
14:55 – Jah asks Seth if he remembers the reality show The Player with a female player and a gang of dudes who all moved into the house together and vied for her love. There was a white dude who talked like “ping-pong-tong-thong…” Whenever she would kick a guy off she would say “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
30:52 – Dr. Chris Hansen had a special on Dateline NBC called “Did You See That?” It was about “change blindness.” They would take a Dateline staffer and put them on the street in New York with a map, pretending to be tourist, and walking up to people and asking them to help them get to a place on the map. After a brief exchange, other staffers would pretend to be walking by with a big painting and rudely cross in between the two people. In the time the painting was big enough to cross, the person could no longer see the person asking for directions, and another person would slide into the inquirer’s place. All of the people continued to go on and on as if it was the exact same person. They also did it at a copy store where one girl would crouch behind the counter and another would pop up and take her place. They did it on speed dating where one had to make a phone call and another person came in. They had 5 people in black shirts and 5 people in white shirts on a stage, certain people in the theater had to watch each color, and they had to count how many passes were made of a basketball. While it’s happening, Chris Hansen walks across the stage, and they can get the number of passes correct, but only a couple people saw Hansen walk across the stage. Jah is down with this study because there is so much input the brain receives and it can’t think about more than one thing at once.
53:51 – Seth saw a movie based loosely on a true story this week on Lifetime, The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt. She plays a mother who secretly goes to work at a day spa/massage parlor to support her struggling family. She’s apprehensive at first but when the gifts start flying in from her favorite clients, it’s hard to resist. She goes from nervous to pervous in minute. When a fellow prostitute – the very young daughter of a Pentacostal family – can’t take it anymore and walks across the street to tell the Christian fellowship what’s going on, police come and break it up. She must decide whether to reveal the names of her big-wig clients or lose her kids. At the end of the movie, all the wives of the big-shot guys in the town come over to her house. She gives a really heartfelt/tearful apology for boning down on their husbands, and one of the woman says “We don’t want an apology. Tell us what you did to our husbands.” She takes out a banana and two apples to explain through a visual. They cut to her as a waitress later on and says “They wanted me to demonstrate. I went through two dozen bunches of bananas.”
37:09 – Kevin Nealon has 1,201,948 followers on Twitter. Here are a few of his twats: “I bet Spongebob could help soak up some of that oil spill in the gulf.” … “I heard the slime in the gulf just hired Gloria Allred to defend its fish-killing.” … “Just a thought: How about just dying the oil blue? Problem solved. No more unsightly mess. You’re welcome!” … “Getting to the point now where we should just try to get the water out of the oil.” … “Donating our pool skimmer to the cleanup efforts in the Gulf.” … “BP has successfully placed a containment cap – on Mel Gibson!”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
21:42 – Jah asks, “Would you rather go to Burning Man or the Gathering of the Juggalos?” Seth chooses the Gathering, no question. Jah would rather go to Burning Man (Episode 012, 53:20; Episode 081, 19:58; Episode 181, 22:30). Seth asks if ICP’s promoters called and asked for UYD to do a live show there, would he do it? Jah says maybe under the right circumstances.
52:07 – Seth asks if Joe Regalbuto and Joe Pantoliano went into a jail cell, who would come out alive? Jah chooses Joe Regalbuto.
30:52 – Dr. Chris Hansen is referenced
2:03 – Don’t mind Seth, he’s just wearing a laminate. He took a Universal Studios tour of King Kong 3D. He was there an hour before the park opened and there were already 500 people there from foreign countries. He had a Coke can to save $15 but was still flabbergasted. King Kong 3D is totally crazy because it’s 3D and it’s 360 and it’s totally crazy, but it’s only three minutes long. Seth said at one point they were showing an old and rickety bridge which is really brand new, and then they show a clip from Quantum Leap from 1985. They show a log cabin which is really a façade of a log cabin, and they show a clip from The Great Outdoors with Rick Moranis and John Candy standing in front of this cabin. Then they show the Psycho house with an actor portraying Norman Bates walking toward the tram with a knife. There were so many people there at 9 a.m. that they had to let a few hundred people in because the clusterfuck at the ticket booth was so out of control. Seth says he doesn’t know how much he spent there – it might have been $400. He was inside the park walking ahead and they had to whistle him back to let him know the park wasn’t open yet. He had a full panic attack from the Aussies who were next to him. He was overwhelmed by 100 kids wearing orange Glendale summer camp t-shirts. He observes that kids point at stuff, scream and run at it. There was a 73-foot Whoopi Goldberg there too. Everything got Seth soaking wet, like pterodactyls hissing in his face. Seth finished his 45-minute tour, walked right by couples asking him to take their picture, took a piss, walked right back down and jumped on it again.
13:26 – Jah gets grifted at gas stations (Episode 051, 20:09), but Seth gets grifted at Universal Studios
25:02 – Jah says this weekend they were talking about indians. His friend Eric was talking about getting in trouble for talking to a Native American and saying “Native American” and the guy corrected him and said, “Native.”
38:33 – Jah went to a weird collection of comedic poetry reading in the back of an actress’ house in the valley a few years ago (maybe 2006, Jah guesses) with crew that featured Kevin Nealon. There were a lot of people there. Paul F. Tompkins was there, who Jah likes. Amber Tamblyn was there doing slam poetry. Nealon got up there and just did his shitty bits that he’s been doing forever. Jah felt it was inappropriate despite how wildly inappropriate and shitty the evening was. At the time Jah was miffed because he thought he had mad funny Jah!nathans Poetry, and he remembers not having the balls to do it – even though he was invited and was welcome to do it if he wanted. Jah says that Amber Tamblyn was by far the worst of all the presenters, and the fact that she was completely earnest made it all the more painful.
43:15 – Seth talks about a celebrity who came mad correct when he was at the San Francisco Airport on Sunday night. He was so hungry and didn’t know where to eat in the airport. He found a Mexican place and decided to try it. He was standing in line checking out the menu and he felt something. If a celebrity is around him, his heart, soul and spirit are drawn to them. He looks over his left-hand shoulder and sees Marilu Henner. He knows she is a crazy health fitness vegan buff. He walks over to her and asks, “Miss Henner, what do you eat in this airport?” She lights up because she sees someone in distress. She says, “The San Francisco Soup Company – they have a vegan split pea soup that is so delicious there. Not salty, like the Whole Foods, you know what I mean?” Seth knows exactly what she means and says, “I was gonna get rice and beans here.” Her husband Michael lights up, and says he was going to do that too. Seth walks over and has the awesome bowl of soup, walks onto the plane and sees Marilu and Michael sitting in first class. He lets her know he dabbles in the comedy/mystic arts and lets her know he will thank her appropriately. Seth plugs her one-woman show at the Hotel Nikko in San Francisco. She’ll be performing the weekend of Jonathan’s birthday. Her latest book is “Wear Your Life Well: Use What You Have to Get What You Want.” Seth then reveals that she and her husband went to college 35 years ago and he used to bone down on Marilu’s best friend/roommate. In life some things come full circle.
47:23 – There was a UYD voicemail this week from a guy who works at a nonprofit law firm in Brooklyn and said a woman named her kid “Psychological Warfare.” Jah thinks that’s a completely dope name.
48:42 – Jah references the fact that they talked about counterfeit bills last week (Episode 227, 58:51). This week he got hit up by a text on his cell phone by somebody who said they had been sentenced to time in prison for making personal bills. The punishment for counterfeiting is the same for a $1 bill and a $100 bill so long as they do not exceed 5,000 bills. The guy was just making personal cash and got busted for that. Jah discovered that the markers work on all bills, but if you rub wax paper on the bills the markers don’t work. $5 bills can be washed and reprinted for whatever reason. Jah wrote “Fuck Off” in the text message back to the person who told him about this, and he thinks the sender accidentally thought Jah was saying “Fuck off, crook” instead of “Fuck off, that’s crazy!”
51:37 – Jah reveals that he was in a movie of the week called One Special Victory, which was loosely based on the person who started the first Special Olympics. Jah thinks that because of this he’s allowed to use the word “retard” on the podcast. Seth asks what the set was like on the film, Jah asks him to be more specific because he was in several scenes. He reveals that Joe Pantoliano was in the film, playing a “re.” (The conversation then transitions to Joe Regalbuto, who was Amir’s childhood AYSO coach.) Jah’s father played the guy who started the Special Olympics. Jah was surprised that people didn’t know about this movie of the week. It wasn’t his screen debut, however – SNL was (Episode 067, 19:53). Jah believes he was wearing a polo rugby shirt in that scene. He wasn’t wearing makeup and had two extras as parents. He remembers them talking to him because his dad was hosting. It was the worst small talk. He got a check for about $589 for his appearance.
57:20 – Jah wonders if the crazy celebrity relationship pairings were as lame back when he was growing up as they are now.
1:00:36 – Seth references seeing Kari Wuhrer in the Starbucks (Episode 165, 34:35).
8:48 – Two years ago, the 99 Cent Store raised the top price of its goods to 99.99 cents. They thought it was a clever marketing play that would increase sales and play up the chain’s love of the number 99. Some customers say they were not aware of this nearly 1-cent increase and felt duped into believing that they were paying only 99 cents. Because U.S. currency makes it impossible to pay 99.99 cents for everything, shoppers are essentially paying $1 plus tax at the register. The company is now facing two large class-action lawsuits for deceptive business practices targeting low-income earners and senior citizens.
13:39 – UC-Irvine will promote their new full-fledged academic program, available in fall of 2010 – Game Science. The new major will allow students access to the state-of-the-art center for computer games and virtual worlds. The curriculum will immerse the participants in a 100-percent full-throttle gaming environment.
16:05 – There’s a film coming out in October called The Stone. A convicted arsonist, played by Edward Norton, tries to manipulate his way out of prison by having his wife, played by Milla Jovovich, seduce his parole officer, played by Robert Deniro. Seth saw a still from this movie with Edward Norton as a convict wearing full cornrows.
18:55 – The Juggalos are having their 11th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos (Episode 177, 47:56) Aug. 12-15 at Cave Inn Rock, Ill. It’s $150 a ticket. You will get musical performances by Naughty by Nature, Warren G, Vanilla Ice, Tone Loc, Rob Bass and Slick Rick. Comedy will be by Tom Green, Ron Jeremy and Gallagher. “The greatest time you motherfucker will ever have. I put that on my nuts, bitch!” Also screening their film, Big Money Rustlers and also Big Money Hustlers – western movies that the Insane Clown Posse has made that feature western garb except for their makeup. Rules for the Gathering of the Juggalos are 1) No paint – other than the kind that goes on your face, 2) No nitris tanks, 3) No underwear that fails to cover your crack.
23:02 – An article in Sports Illustrated profiled the Iroquois indians and how they invented the sport of lacrosse. Baby boys are given a lacrosse stick in their cribs and men take their sticks with them when they are buried. The sticks are handmade by master craftsmen and it can take up to two years to make them. The 2010 Lacrosse World Championships are happening right now in Manchester, England. They’re held every four years and there are 30 countries competing. The 23 members of the Iroquois Nationals – their logo is an N circled with 7, meaning 7 generations – had to forfeit their games because the British government refused to let them travel to Manchester, not recognizing their Iroquois national passports.
26:43 – According to Newsweek, the number of reality TV shows in 2000 was four. In 2010, the number is 320. Time spent online was 2.7 hours per week, now it’s up to 18 hours per week. In 2000 there were 100,000,000 Google searches per day, now there are 2 billion. In 2000 there were 400,000 text messages sent in the entire year, and in 2010 it was 4.5 billion.
46:24 – Seth talks about how they got a little jacked-up at the beginning of the show trying to remember the dates and times and names. Jah points out that the last three episodes have been harder and harder for Jah to get the time and date correct. He said it’s not something he thinks about before they start the show.
50:35 – Seth apologizes for all the bad language UYD uses on the show. The use of “retard” has offended some listeners. Jah isn’t conscious of the fact that he’s saying it spitefully. He thinks if the Black-Eyed Peas can have a hit single originally titled “Let’s Get Retarded” then he should be exempt.
1:01:33 – Clemson University food scientist Paul Dawson has concluded after intensive food experiments that the 5-second rule concerning dropped food is totally bogus and we should be urging a 0-second rule immediately.
16:32 – Seth goes off on Edward Norton for wearing full cornrows in his upcoming movie.
17:52 – Seth and Jah rip on Robert Deniro for not making a significant movie since Ronin or Analyze That.