View Episode 240
Originally aired 10.11.2010
1:10:01
2:29 – Four Loko: We get you there
21:35 – UYB: UYBrand
1:02:52 and 1:03:51 – UYD: WWJWD?
1:03:48 – UYD: Don’t know together
31:18 – This Friday, Oct. 15, Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team debuts on CMT.
51:48 – Weeknights at 9 on TV Land - $#*! Ray’s Dad Says, referencing the new CBS show with Shatner, to promo reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond
52:27 – Ashton Kutcher has a deal with CBS for a TV show based on the Twitter account “shhdontellsteve.” This is a Twitter page where I secretly tweet about what my roommate Steve is doing at all times. “Steve meekly playing Modern Warfare. … Steve has some foot odor issues lately … Steve accepted his mom’s friend request but isn’t happy. She poked him and she’s been messaging him asking about girls in his photos.”
54:44 – Seth saw Tommy Lee on Chelsea, Lately this week. He was talking about his son Brandon’s 14th birthday party this summer. Brandon wanted to have a rave. Tommy was like, “So I called my friend Dead Mouse, a DJ.” Unfortunately he was out of town so Tommy called Mixmaster Mike from The Beastie Boys and threw the craziest rave ever. He talked about how crazy it was because the boys were on one side and the girls were on the other side. Brandon was psyched because the cops showed up three times.
2:00 – Seth recommends drinking a Four Loko before listening to UYD shows in reverse order. Jah then reveals there’s another alcoholic energy drink called Tilt. He says Juice, Four Loko and Tilt all are gross and get you fucked up.
26:44 – Jacksonville Jaguars football player Kassim Osgood, 30, was watching TV at the home of a 19-year-old Jacksonville Jaguars cheerleader named Mackenzie Putnal. The 20-year-old ex-boyfriend of Putnal, whom she has a restraining order against, kicks down the door of the rec room that they’re casually watching TV in with a plastic bag on his head, and begins to pistol-whip both her and the football player while yelling “I can’t believe you’re with this guy!” He put a gun to her head and said, “What did that football player say to his girlfriend? ‘It’s a good day to die.’” He was referencing a college player who texted his girlfriend “It’s time to die.” As the ex-boyfriend is doing this, Osgood manages to get out of the room and put a chair under the door handle, then jumps in his underwear out of a second-story window and runs down the street. She manages to get out of the room, runs downstairs and grabs a laser-sighted pistol and begins exchanging gunfire with her ex-boyfriend in her house. He manages to escape, she calls the police and they go to his house and arrest him. Putnal is studying to be a dental hygienist.
5:22 – Jah had a friend who worked at Disney Land for a while. He smoked marijuana and oversaw the rides. He revealed that the drug use of the staff was at the max. They would drop acid in the morning before they opened the gates.
11:42 – Seth wants to know why he always sees ambulance guys in Subway. Jah says almost every ambo he sees now are not real ambos.
16:05 – Seth was sitting at Fountain and Vine on Monday morning when he inadvertently ran into the “10-4 Parade.” The 10-4 Parade features Los Angeles police cars from every single decade. He saw a Dodge Charger, a Crown Vic, and pretty soon by the end of it saw a Car 54-style cruiser. He wished he could’ve seen a perp from each era dressed appropriately and running away from the cops.
18:40 – Being a lot kid (Episode 066, 13:41; Episode 180, 5:52), Jah had a few experiences in his time dealing with the people affiliated with the making of TV and film who have no real business and TV and film – animal wranglers, etc. Jah said they’re the worst people because all they talk about is their thing and how close they were with Burt Reynolds back in the day.
25:36 – Fantasy sports taint the game for Seth. He likes the purity of the game. He has never once played it but he has consulted on various occasions. People will be talking to Seth and slip it to him on the sly because they know he knows about all the injury reports
41:48 – Seth has never faked an orgasm, but Jonathan has. He thinks it came about in the same context that women fake an orgasm, so to not hurt the other person’s feelings while knowing there was no way during that particular session that you could be brought to release. Jah thinks something transpired that reset that clock. It’s wildly difficult for a man to do it, but easier if they have a condom on. Women can cloak it at any time.
46:50 – Jah reports they are getting some weird, erratic weather in Los Angeles right now.
50:33 – Seth was terrified about the nun habits and ghost masks from The Town, but then he saw The Town and didn’t give an F about that because he saw the Skeletor masks and purple dredlocks (Episode 237, 4:59). Then he quickly forgot about that because he saw the new Snickers commercial with two kids stacked on each other with a raincoat over them, and they’re wearing a terrifying mask while encouraging a female shopper to buy Snickers.
1:03:29 – Jah watched The Green Zone with Matt Damon and learned some things. Seth watched The Green Mile] with Michael Clarke Duncan and learned some things.
1:04:22 – Someone hit Jah up today and asked him why it was that you can be homeless at a public library looking up porn, yet at his job he can’t pull up the UYD website because it comes up as a gambling website. Seth says this is because each episode you’re gambling with your mind.
2:41 – Seth reads an intra-office memo sent within the Disney Company. Subject: Recall – Domestic Only – The Disney Channel episode of “Dance Off” on the television show Good Luck Charlie Original air date: May 2, 2010. “Standards and practices is recalling the above episode of Good Luck Charlie entitled ‘Dance Off’ for an S&P fix during the cold open of program where a character is wearing a t-shirt depicting a clock set to the time 4:20 (Cannabis culture code for marijuana). Production will be fixing in-house. The recall is immediate and applies to domestic and digital platforms only. At this time, Standards & Practices is not requesting a global recall.”
13:01 – Round-abouts are a circular alternative to stoplights. They’re very common abroad in Europe, where they eliminate one of driving’s most dangerous moves – the left-hand turn into oncoming traffic.
20:10 – Accountemps conducts their jargon study (Episode 184, 36:34) once every five years. Yahoo! Finance got in touch with them and was handed over to their corporate parent company, Robert Half International, a global staffing firm. Yahoo! combined the results from RHI with CBS’ Moneywatch employees to see what the buzzwords were throughout the finance and business world that are in heavy rotation right now: in transition, brand, space, go offline, transparent, bandwidth, KPI (Key Performance Indicators and skill set.
47:00 – For the first time, the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration will be using female crash test dummies to simulate crashes that feature women.
57:43 – The American Psychiatric Association will publish an updated version of its Manual of Diagnostic Disorders in May 2013. They are currently debating whether or not to include “parental alienation” – a term conveying how a child’s relationship with one estranged parent can be poisoned by the other parent.
1:00:27 – The Department of Homeland Security made a video for hotel employees telling them to be extra vigilant. The dark-skinned man in the video parks a Chevy Cav in front of the hotel and walks away from it. The valet runs after him telling him he can’t leave the car. They show a maid opening a suitcase that has wires coming out of it, and the maid, because she’s extra vigilant, reports it to hotel authorities.
1:30 – Since UYD doubled up on episodes on Saturday, they’re coming at us from the future now. Some people said that those who only caught the second show were thrown off because they’d have to go back in time and listen to Episode 238 after they’d already heard Episode 239.
5:58 – Seth takes us to the 90s. He was given a gift during the night of the live show, an issue of Details magazine from March of 1992 (Episode 238, 16:04). It’s the spring fashion issue featuring 50 pages of “style.” There is an article entitled “The Program for the Future is Wearable Computers.” … Wearable computers, or “bodytops,” can be created to suit every taste. Right now, at an advanced PC design center in Tokyo, they’re releasing new models. By the late 90s these will become standard-issue. One of them is designed for emergency paramedics who will need both hands free and an unobscured downward vision so they can drive and treat patients. A handheld track ball with video camera and sensors will relay to the goggles that the paramedic is wearing a patient’s injuries and his vital signs. It will also hook into a system that will match them for their stored medical history. … For journalists, writers and businessmen, there’s the lapbody. It will hang from the shoulder like a purse and unfold from the chest. It’s really made for retail sales and stockroom workers. It won’t be long now before PCs become as much a part of your wardrobe as a business suit. Computer stores will look more like boutiques than warehouses and technology will be more fashionable than ever.
The magazine also has an interview with Drew Barrymore, who has just turned 17 years old three weeks prior to this interview. Q: What’s the most insightful thing a stranger has ever told you about yourself? A: Some guy once walked up to be in a club and said he was going to tell me 10 things about me that would all be true. He was right on all 10 but the truest thing he said was that I had a young heart and an old soul. Q: Tell me a recent dream. A: Last night I had a dream about Keanu Reeves, who I’ve known for years. In the dream Keanu and I were just palling around and suddenly I looked at him and he turned into this ugly alien. Then I turned into something equally awful like a hideous tarantula. Q: What do you think that means? A: That I’m searching for someone. Because often the people I involve myself with turn into something other than that – other than what I originally thought that they were. That’s when they turn into something and then I change to and then I don’t like what I’ve become. Nothing against Keanu – he just happened to be starring in my dream. Q: What do you wear when you sleep? A: Nothing. I can’t understand how people sleep in their clothes. It’s too constricting. Q: When did you stop wearing pajamas? A: Around age 13, that’s when I learned the beauty of sleeping in the nude. I think I have my best moments when I’m nude, asleep in my bed. Now that I think about it, I have my most sensual thoughts in bed. Q: I’ve read that you don’t use body doubles. Nudity seems to scare a lot of actors. Why not you? A: I’m not scared of anything. I’ve already been to hell and back.
54:19 – Seth wants to know the guy’s name from Hellraiser, and Jah tells him it’s Pinhead (Episode 059, 44:48).
1:05:37 – Jah says a new t-shirt and poster have debuted in the Merch section of the UYD website.
32:20 – Every year the Journal of Improbable Research gives out awards as a whimsical counterpart to the Nobel Peace Prize, which will be awarded this week. The 2010 Ig Nobel Prize were awarded at a ceremony at Harvard. A team of Chinese researchers led by Min Tang of Guangdong Entomological Institute and including Gareth Jones of Britain’s University of Bristol, won a Biology Ig Nobel for scientifically documenting oral sex between fruit bats (Episode 190, 19:37).
40:07 – A study that was funded by Trojan Condoms came out in the Journal of Sexual Medicine about “Americans experimenting and expanding sexually – doing and trying just about anything.” 64% of women reported achieving orgasm in their most recent sexual event. 85% of men reported that their female partner orgasmed in their most recent sexual event.
1:07:58 – The US Center for Disesase Control conducted a study on alcohol drinking and found that among high school students who drink, 60% say they binge drink – 4 or more drinks for women and 5 or more drinks for men over the period of a few hours. Jah says this just means that 60% drink and the rest are just pussies.
24:43 – Jah goes off on homos who play fantasy sports. He has dear and intimate friends in his life who love this, but at least they have the decency to keep it out of his grill, because they know it’s D&D, Dungeons & Dragons, triple-sided-die gay. It’s sports and nerddom combined into one thing so it’s a trifecta of shit he doesn’t want to be involved with.