View Episode 249
Originally aired 12.09.10
1:10:00
16:12 – What Would You Do? if you were a father at a restaurant sitting across from your 16-year-old son and he says to you, “Father, I’m gay.” They set the scenario up and the dad went crazy, saying “My son’s not gay! It’s disgusting! I want to have grandkids. You’re not gay, not in our family. There’s no one who’s ever been gay!” There was another scenario with the mother where she turned on him as well, but people around her had no probem weighing in on that one.
29:55 – Seth recalls the show Amish In The City, which was on UPN in the summer of 2004. It was five Amish teams experiencing their Rumspringa. Last month, Seth is fast-forwarding through a documentary he recorded on his DVR called Amish at the Alter on NatGeo. There was a dude named Mose who reminded him of his boy mose from Amish In The City, but then again they all looked the same. Low and behold, he’s watching Amish: Out of the Order on NatGeo, featuring a town, Columbia, Mo., where they take people if they decide to leave the Amish faith. There was Mose Gingrich, who is a sort of community leader and owns a construction company, and he realizes it’s the same dude in all these shows.
41:05 – No one told Seth that White Castle does a limited time-only sweet potato fries with a cinnamon dipping sauce.
3:36 – Seth mentioned in Episode 216 (April 2010) that there was a racist Major League Baseball organization called the Baltimore Orioles. On a team of players they had one black player. Baseball season is over, but Orioles player Luke Scott had some things to say at the winter meetings: “Obama was not born here. That’s my belief. I was born here. If someone accuses me of not being born here, I can go within 10 minutes to my filing cabinet and I can pick up my real birth certificate and I can go, ‘See, look, here it is.’ This man has dodged everything. He dodges questions. He doesn’t answer anything, and why? Because he’s hiding something. Hence, the problem we have in this country. … He does not represent America, nor does he represent anything that our forefathers stood for. Obama represents, ‘Hey everyone! Give me votes and I’ll give you stuff!’ … I’d love to meet Ted Nugent. I’m a big fan of Ted Nugent, because he’s a ‘keeping it real’ type of guy. He respects wildlife, he loves to hunt. I look at Ted Nugent, and he’s an American. He has the core beliefs of what it means to be an American in his heart. He lives by those beliefs and those principles. It’s the same beliefs that our forefathers who fought for our country have. I’d be real interested in meeting him one day.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
42:47 – Jah asks what a “young bagel” is. Seth doesn’t know.
1:02:00 – Invega Sustenna is a new once-monthly injection for schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is seeing/hearing/sensing things that are not there, believing that what other people say is not true, not trusting others and feeling very suspicious, avoiding family and friends and wanting to be alone. (Seth doesn’t know a person who doesn’t commit to all of these four key symptoms.) The exact way that Invega Sustenna works is not known. Seek immediate medical help if you have an erection lasting more than four hours. It can also cause development of breasts in men.
3:07 – When Seth was talking about wanting to go to Hawaii, Jah’s dad recommended not to stay at the Four Seasons, but to stay at another hotel in Maui next to the Four Seasons that’s even better. Jah thinks it’s the Kapalua Resort.
9:31 – Seth saw a couple movies on Friday night. He dipped into 127 Hours and Black Swan. If he were to send Jah to one of them, he would choose The Fighter. He declares “Nope, nope” on both of them.
10:56 – Jah informs Seth that the Freestyle Session 13 he just reported on was put on by Jah’s good friend Louis. Seth then realizes he went to the same competition a couple years ago and just stared at everyone.
14:50 – Every time Jah goes into the post office, especially now during the holidays, it is a clusterfuck. He’s been doing a lot of shipping with the UYD merch so the P.O. workers know him well by this point.
19:44 – Any of J-Dawg’s friends who came out to their folks, their parents did a pretty good job with it. Seth wonders what Amir’s parents thought.
20:28 – Seth’s 20-year high school reunion is this weekend, but he’s skipping it to do Episode 250. One of Jah’s friends informed him that his is coming up pretty soon, which he had trouble comprehending. Seth didn’t go to his 10-year reunion so he’s thinking he needs to go to his 20-year.
22:36 – J-Dawg doesn’t have a television because of the panic attacks that various TV programs would give him. He says that it’s worse now that he doesn’t have one, however, because when he finally gets to a TV and sits down, it’s 1,000 times worse and none of his mental callouses have been built up yet.
24:27 – In 2000, Seth wore the glasses that had 2000 on them every weekend to every party in that year.
26:36 – Seth has been getting some robot voice bill collectors calling his house. They’re not getting any money from him regarding a magazine subscription from when he was living on N. Beachwood. The voice, when it says his name, goes “Hello. Seth. Rome. Italy.”
28:41 – J-Dawg has had the same phone for a long time and has given his number out frequently. He gets his share of stuff where people spam his phone and e-mail, but he’s been surprised by the fact that he hasn’t been inundated with garbage.
37:29 – Jah remembers one Santa being heinous. Jah was petrified of him. He was so scary and creepy.
51:50 – Jah remembers when he was looking for a car that Amir convinced him to test-drive an xB Scion when they had first come out. Jah started looking it up and saw that dudes were modding them and putting systems in them. Jah and Amir went together to drive one. Amir wouldn’t be caught dead buying one, yet he had no problem offering it up to J-Dawg. Jah thinks it’s crazy that all the DJs on this planet drive those. Seth thinks he needs a sports car from the 60s, like a 1968 Ferrari that he can drive to art galleries while wearing a turtleneck.
1:06:52 – Seth once saw Kabuki theatre at the Wiltern. He smoked a crazy bowl, parked his Volvo off on a side street and went and got tickets by himself on the balcony. It was him and all Japanese people. He was crazy high, and a light above the stage popped and shattered and fell. Seth recalls that it didn’t affect the Kabuki actors in any way. In true Kabuki fashion, they continued.
1:09:14 – Seth got a voicemail from a guy who said he was in jail and he used his one phone call to call the UYD voicemail. If that’s true, Seth loves this dude.
7:46 – No Strings Attached stars Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman and releases Jan. 21, 2011. The catchphrase is “Friendship has its benefits.” Jah’s mother’s birthday is Jan. 21, and he thinks he may take her to see it.
9:55 – Freestyle Session 13 took place in Los Angeles on Nov. 28. It is one of the biggest and baddest B-Boy competitions in the country. Representing the USA at a 2011 international B-Boy competition will be Killafornia. At the end of the competition when Spyder put a dude in a box, then moonwalked back out of a box, people were leaping out of the balcony.
11:57 – The USPS claims that nearly $150 million of nearly $9 billion they lost last year was from counterfeit stamps. These stamps, which contain a brighter blue color in the U.S. flag than the real ones, sometimes slip through mail distribution centers’ counterfeit detection system. If caught, your mail will be returned with a large sticker declaring RETURN TO SENDER: COUNTERFEIT POSTAGE. Please people, only purchase your stamps from reputable mail centers.
35:41 – John Toomey has been portraying Santa Claus at the downtown San Francisco Macy’s for over 20 years. He lost his job last weekend after an adult couple that was shopping for Christmas presents overheard him telling a joke that he said he’s used for years. When asked why Santa is so jolly, he replies, “Because he knows where all the naughty boys and girls live.” He was laid off for that. A nearby pub called Lefty O’Doul’s heard the story and hired him to be their Santa.
37:57 – SPFX Masks in Van Nuys make expensive, ultra-realistic masks that have come under fire by law enforcement because of their inadvertent use in crimes. A white bank robber in Ohio used one of their masks called “The Player.” Police mistakenly arrested an African American man for the crimes due to the convincing mask. In October, a 20-year-old Chinese man who wanted asylum in Canada used a mask to look like an elderly white man and got past security in Hong Kong. Authorities are even starting to believe that the so-called “geezer bandit” in Southern California who has robbed numerous banks may be a young guy with one of these masks.
45:45 – Unwanted mail from a state mental hospital patient leaves San Diego woman in fear. Sent from Patton State Hospital by a patient with a criminal history of violence and psychiatric problems, the letter had an affectionate opening — "Dearest Suzanne" — and ended with a promise "to see you and be reunited as two common people soon." The woman who received the unwanted letter and a phone call in September from a man she's never met appealed to officials at Patton for help. Instead she was told that the hospital in San Bernardino could not even confirm that the letter writer was a patient there. According to records in San Diego County Superior Court, the writer of the letter, Brent Edward Knauer, 57, pleaded guilty in 1997 to felony robbery and was given a two-year prison sentence. An additional charge of causing great bodily injury to a person older than 60 was dropped. Knauer has received a string of one-year commitments, with San Diego County prosecutors arguing each time that he remains dangerous. The latest hearing was Aug. 6, when Knauer was given another one-year commitment to Patton. "I don't want my name ending up on a law," said Suzanne, referring to the practice of adding victims' names to laws meant to protect the public. Knauer just opened up the phonebook and picked a name to write. When Suzanne called the hospital the employees could not tell her what he was convicted of or when he would be released. They couldn’t keep him from writing more letters or making collect calls. The second letter opened with “Hello Sweetheart” and then closed with “See you later. Real soon, hopefully.” Then a collect call came to her house on a Sunday night. The hospital said the letters, although creepy, do not appear to carry an overt threat of violence. Rather the letters are filled with details about horseback riding. He cannot be released from the hospital without first a public court hearing. Suzanne hopes someone will warn her if he is released. Her quote, “I’m living one day at a time.”
51:02 – Honda announced that the ever-so-popular with dog owners and outdoor types, the Honda Element, will be discontinued after the 2011 model. Honda said, “The Element proved that ultimate functionality can often come from thinking inside the box.”
53:10 – The porn actor who virtually shut down the industry in October with his HIV-positive test has come forward. He is demanding condom use in all pornography. 24-year-old Derrick Burts works in both gay and straight porn. In straight porn he’s known as “Cameron Reed,” while in gay porn he’s known as “Derrick Chambers.” He got into the industry by answering an ad on Craig’s List. In the last several months, he’s fucked 12 people in both California and Florida – plus his girlfriend, who’s also a porn actress. He’s already tested positive at AIM for Chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes. His quote: “The agent, he promised me a better life. He loved my look and said I had ‘money’ written all over me. He said I should work in gay because that’s where the money is. I wish I had known more about the risks of STDs in the porn industry.”
1:51 – Seth wishes everyone a Happy New Year even though it’s still Dec. 9.
2:06 – Seth thanks people for voting for UYD in the People’s Choice category of the Podcast Awards. Seth isn’t sure what they will win other than the respect of their peers and their pride.
1:04:45 – Speaking of secret, Jah asks Seth if he’s a Mason. He wants to know if there are any Masons that listen to this show.
23:45 – Office holiday parties are upon us, and a workplace staffing firm says that 79% of companies plan to serve alcohol this year – up from 73% in 2009. Alcohol service hit a high in the year 2000, when 90% of the company parties served booze. Some tips from various HR departments about said holiday parties: Don’t be a wallflower, Don’t get too drunk, Don’t challenge management, Don’t tell racy jokes, Don’t divulge personal confessions or feelings.
43:00 – Dunkin’ Donuts teamed up with a noted neurologist to do an experiment with 500 people called The Psychology of Snacking: How do You Eat a Gingerbread Man? 64% of the 500 people ate the head first. That means they are aggressive, they are leaders and they don’t take ‘No’ for an answer. 20% ate the legs first – they are the sensitive type; while 16% ate the arms first. If you eat the right arm first, you are skeptical and/or pessimistic, and if you ate the left arm first, you are extroverted with a flair for creativity.
57:36 – Low levels of mercury in the diet of male white ibises cause the birds to mate with each other rather than with the females. As a result, the females can’t breed and fewer chicks are produced. It is the first time that a pollutant has been found to change an animal’s sexual preference. Many chemicals can “feminize” males or reduce fertility, but males affected in these ways still prefer females. Mercury is extremely toxic, particularly in the form of methyl mercury, which reduces breeding in wild birds by disrupting their parenting behaviors. To find out if it also affected mating, Peter Frederick of the University of Florida in Gainesville and Nilmini Jayasena of the University of Peradeniya in Sri Lanka captured 160 white ibises from South Florida. They gave them food laced with methyl mercury and monitored them closely. The birds were split into four groups. One group ate food with 0.3 parts per million methyl mercury – which most U.S. states would regard as “too high” for human consumption. A second group got 0.1 PPM and another group got .045 PPM – a low dose that wild birds would be exposed to frequently. A fourth group received none. All four dosed groups had significantly more homosexual males than the control group. Male-male pairs courted, built nests together and paired off for several weeks. Higher doses increased the effect with 55% of the males in the 0.3 PPM group affected. Male-male matings were responsible for 81% of unproductive nests in the dosed groups.
6:34 – Seth goes off on the Baltimore Orioles and continues to declare them a racist sports organization. He wishes them zero luck in the AL East. … Jah then says Baltimore is a crappy town as well. He admits there’s good music out of there, but attributes that to good music scenes coming out of shitty areas where there’s nothing else better to do.
8:12 – Seth blasts Ashton Kutcher for being in yet another shitty feature film.
21:32 – Seth rips Robert DeNiro for sucking in the Saturday Night Live format.