View Episode 251
Originally aired 12.27.10
1:03:27 – Wear your seatbelt
1:09:19
6:49 – UYD: Die each moment so you can be NewYD each moment
1:03:34 – UYD: Go out and make out.
1:08:24 – UYD: Now considered a pseudo-science
19:18 – Seth was watching the 79th annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (Episode 045, 54:07; Episode 057, 8:06; Episode 196, 15:47), which Jah thought was canceled. This year it featured Tito Ortiz and his wife Jenna Jameson, with zero mention by Eric Estrada or anyone involved of what Jenna does for a living. There was also Martin Cove – the sensei of the Cobra Kai in Karate Kid I, II and III. (Jah saw Cove at a bar not long ago), and Ace Young – who finished in 7th place on American Idol five years ago.
51:09 – Seth was watching 60 Minutes the other day, and they have six people with a memory so incredible it’s called “super autobiographical memory.” They remember in detail every single day of their lives. They’re all highly-functioning people. One of the six people is actress Marilu Henner.
20:27 – Martin Cove, whom Jah saw at a bar recently, is a SciTi.
20:49 – Seth was shocked at all the Scientologists who participated in the Hollywood Christmas Parade. Seth assumes that the only reason the parade is still arrived is because SciTis have poured money into it since they own the whole boulevard. Seth spotted a float that featured weird five-story inflatable treasure chests and a pirate with the label “Galaxy Press.” It was Captain Tom Bristol, the main character in the 1935 short story “Under the Black Ensign,” a swashbuckling yarn of Caribbean piracy in the year 1680 written by L. Ron Hubbard.
34:04 – IN: A hot new spa treatment in LA and New York, which is actually a centuries-old Korean remedy called chai-yok V therapy, or V Steam – a vaginal steam bath. Some call it “a facial for their box.” Jah dropped his car when he said that. It’s a pungent steam that rises from a boiling pot of mugwort tea blended with wormwood and a variety of other herbs. Above the pot sits a nude woman wearing nothing but high heels on an open-seated stool. The steam rises up into the lady area to luxuriate it. They’re supposed to reduce stress, fight infections, regulate menstrual cycles and aid infertility.
38:33 – Father Jonathan Morris, a FOX News religion contributor, was discussing a new study that prayer helps ease the mind – the act not only relaxes the body and mind but gives one a sense of connection. His quote: “The study even makes a suggestion which I think is kind of silly for a non-religious person to make up an imaginary friend to speak to. It’s not healthy to have an imaginary friend. If you have an imaginary friend, there’s something wrong with you.”
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
4:15 – Seth cites a 19-page Wikipedia page to report on the Rajneeshee bioterror attack in Dalles, Oregon in 1984. There was a 53-year-old Indian mystic guru cult guru named Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (now known as Osho) who died in 1990. His followers deliberately contaminated salad bars in 10 different restaurants with salmonella, sickening 751 people. The liquid salmonella was called “salsa.” The goal was to incapacitate the voting population of the city so that the group’s own candidates would win a local county election. It was the first and largest bioterror attack in this nation. Osho believed in meditation, love, celebration, creativity and humor. When Seth read that, he thought that sounded like his friend Jah. Osho’s quote: “Die each moment so you can be new each moment.”
1:07:38 – Seth looks up “phrenology,” the pseudo-science primarily focused on measurements of the human skull based on the concept that the brain is the organ of the mind and that certain brain areas have localized, specific functions or modules. It was especially popular from 1810-1840. Following the materialist notions of mental functions originating in the brain, phrenologists believed human conduct could be understood in neurological rather than abstract terms.
7:05 – Jah had a friend growing up whose dad was a popular guru mystic Indian guy in the 70s and 80s. He had grown up as a boy sage because he was very little and spitting mad third-eye game, and as he got older moved into more advanced wisdom. Jah ate abalone at his house, which was the first time he’s ever done this.
8:43 – Seth received some literature from “It Is Written,” dated December 20, 2010: Dear Seth, I just wanted to let you know how excited I am that you are interested in the study of the Bible. You requested the “Search for Certainty” bible study guides some time ago, and at that time we mailed you the first Bible study guide to complete at your leisure, but we still haven’t received your completed study guide. We’re wondering if you did in fact receive this. Your commitment is to faithfully complete the lessons to us, return them in a self-addressed stamped envelope. I will then review your lessons and send you along your next Bible study course to be completed. I am praying for you Seth. I request that you call me with any specific prayer request. Muriel then left her home, cell and office phone numbers for him to contact her at. Seth remembers sending away for information, but does not recall receiving anything.
12:11 – Seth told J-Dawg today that all we need to know in order to prove that we live in the craziest country ever is to sit down and watch two documentaries: Good Hair about Chris Rock, and The Wild and Wonderful Whites – a documentary so many people have been texting Jah about recently.
23:01 – Seth has been all up in the Hollywood Christmas Parades. His first year, he snorted coke and went up to the boulevard and went bat-shit crazy. He was living at 632 N. Beachwood at the time. There was another year when he was working at Paramount and they had floats out of there and he was posted up as a VIP. He was eating chicken dumplings. Jah wonders if he and Seth will ever get to be on a car in the parade, because his dad got to do it (Episode 057, 10:53).
24:13 – Seth doesn’t understand the new “Franco Jackets,” which feature reflective material on them by the wrists.
37:14 – Jah remembers his friend having a Chinese tea that he swore by for some sort of medical reason because he was sick. It would come in bags, and the smell was the strongest, most pungent, most repulsive thing at room temperature. Once it was boiled, it would fill the room up. It was expensive as anything and he swore by it.
37:58 – Seth tried to get a kid to take a wheatgrass shot at Jamba Juice. He looked at the kid and his mother and said “it’s like bubble gum,” and he was almost there but the kid wouldn’t take it. The first time J-Dawg took wheatgrass, he had the worst diarrhea ever.
43:46 – Jah remembers going into the Grotto at the Playboy Mansion when he was a little kid (Episode 134, 43:10). It was like a Hollywood party at the mansion and you’d think they’d tone it down a little, but it was just a cave of nudity in there.
59:53 – Jah had a story he wanted to tell but he can’t remember it now.
1:05:59 – Seth and Jah talk about the UPS driver delivering the package during the show. Seth wanted the driver to come on the mic but they sensed that the driver either didn’t like Seth or Jonathan. Seth thinks the dude thought it was some sort of J.O. sesh between two dudes. He saw Seth moving quickly like a gazelle with a backwards baseball cap on. When he came back into the studio and saw J-dawg sitting there with a weird-ass 1970s mic, he thought he was walking into some creep-ass shit. He stopped halfway down the hallway and pushed the package the rest of the way rather than coming inside.
2:49 – CBS News, citing a “key intelligence source,” is reporting that the federal government uncovered an Al Qaeda plot earlier this year to systematically poison salad bars and buffets at a variety of undisclosed U.S. locations. Seth thinks that could cripple us as a nation. Seth used to go to Hometown Buffet – it was his jam – but not anymore.
10:25 – The Y2K11 is coming up, according to Wired magazine. They talked about a century ago, when nationalists deposed China’s emperor, they pronounced that 1912 would be known as Year 1 of the Minguo calendar. The system is still used in Taiwan, and now that we’re approaching Minguo 100 (A.D. 2011), some officials worry that up to 200,000 computers may not know what to do with a 3-digit year. A Taiwanese utility recently sent out a century’s worth of bills to customers by mistake. An identical scenario could also play out in North Korea. Fourteen years ago, the Democratic People’s Republic declared 1912 the birth year of the glorious leader Kim Il-sung. To be Year 1 of the Juche calendar, the hermit kingdom’s Linux-based red star operating system displays the Juche year with only two digits.
13:13 – Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Oklahoma) released his annual “Waste Book” report, which details examples he feels of the government wasting taxpayers’ money. He cites that $615,000 in federal funds was used to digitize photographs, t-shirts and concert tickets belonging to The Grateful Dead. He cited this as one of the worst examples. The money went to the University of Santa Cruz. It’s the band’s chosen location for a large-scale archive that’s supposed to be free to the public and thus warrants government funding.
25:27 – The Pentagon says that 75% of the 17- to 24-year-olds that apply for a branch of service in the U.S. military don’t qualify because they are either physically unable to meet the basic fitness principles, have some kind of criminal record, or they never graduated from high school or have a GED.
28:34 – Ashton Kutcher testified in the murder trial of a fake air conditioner repairman who killed three women. The first girl he killed in 2001 was dating Kutcher at the time – her name is Ashley Ellerin. Kutcher and she were supposed to meet earlier in the evening, but he blew her off and then tried to call her twice and went to her house at 10:45 p.m. He got to her house and her car was parked out front but the lights in the house were out. He knocked on the door and she didn’t answer, so he walked around the side of the house to look into a window and thought she was mad at him from earlier. He saw what he believed when he looked in the window was a large pool of red wine, and thought she spilled a bottle because she’s so upset with him that he didn’t pick her up earlier. He went home and figured he would talk to her tomorrow, but her friend went over the next day and found her stabbed 35 times. … Jah declares that the murderer, Michael Gargiulo, lived two blocks away from Jah’s current place, and they probably went to the same supermarkets and sushi restaurants.
40:16 – Hugh Hefner had a serious girlfriend from 1969-1976 named Barbi Benton, born Barbara Klein. They’re still wonderful friends. She dated Hef from age 19-26, and he was 43-50. They lived together at the Playboy Mansion. She appeared in the magazine three times. She’s now married and has a family of her own. Miss October, Claire Sinclair, born Clarissa Irene Rocchio (19), looks strikingly similar to Barbi Benton. Sinclair is dating Hef’s 20-year-old son, Marston.
45:10 – It’s only been a month since Jessica Simpson announced her engagement, but now Tony Romo has gotten down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend of a year and a half, Candice Crawford. He proposed on her 24th birthday at a dinner in Dallas, surrounded by friends and family. Candice was Miss Missouri 2008 and is a television personality in Dallas. She’s the sister of Gossip Girl star/hunk Chace Crawford. Chace briefly dated country star Carrie Underwood after Romo broke up with her in 2007.
1:00:46 – Jason Hope, a Scottsdale, Ariz., entrepreneuer, owns a mobile tech company. He threw a $500,000 Christmas party with performances by Ludacris. He gave Luda $100 grand to perform one song, and handed out $17,500 to Snooki to show up, gave Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt from The Hills $12,500, gave Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad $16,000, Bruce Jenner got $15,000 and Dean Cain was paid $5,000 (this causes Jah to erupt in laughter seemingly from across the room).
2:00 – Seth hopes that they can do a “Countdown to Destiny” episode on New Year’s Eve on Friday night. Seth thinks the New Year’s countdown is an exciting time, while J-Dawg thinks it’s depressing. Jah thinks we’re calling the upcoming year “Two-thousand-and-eleven,” while Seth will just call it “this year.”
15:22 – Seth wonders what the Chinese equivalent of Abiquiu, N.M. is.
49:29 – In the middle of Jah’s diatribe about the United States’ outside expenditures, Seth’s apartment buzzer sounds and he leaves to go retrieve a package. Seth returns with the biggest thing in the world and begins to open it as he discusses show items. The package is filled with packing peanuts, and Jah deciphers that it’s a big piece of art. Seth reads the card, which says “Hello, and Merry Christmas! Enclosed is one piece of artwork for each of you, but not, but is. When brought together, one soul and two pieces made of many little pieces by one person with two hands for two men, but are united as one. Touching so many lives. Fuck it – Seth, you figure it out. Merry Christmas guys. I have been waiting for good reason to do a phrenology piece, and what better reason could there be than UYD? I listen to you guys in my studio, cubicle, school and truly appreciate your dedication to the podcast and to America. Thanks for making me laugh my ass off and keeping me semi-sane in this fucked-up world. – Maria D’Angelo” … As Seth begins to dig deeper into opening up the package (56:36), he sends out a super thank-you to everybody who has ever sent anything into the studio. He has received so many great things over the years and has set up a shrine in the studio to commemorate it. As Seth unveils the package, Jah goes, “Oh my god, okie-doke. All right. This is nuts.” Seth declares (58:38) “We are looking at one of the craziest art pieces ever commissioned.” That was only one-half of it, and then he tears open the second one. Upon opening the second portion of the package (1:00:14), he declares “These are two large-scale collages…” After holding the two pieces up to each other (1:02:39), he realizes they are portraits of the two of them and they can’t exist individually – only with each other. The phrenology piece features J-dawg looking to the east and Seth looking to the west, and it’s the inside of their mind’s eye looking into the time-space continuum.
58:55 – Seth is coming over to the house for Christmas and will be spending the holiday with the Larroquettes. Seth and J-dawg were looking over all the stuff they’ve accrued on the table and wall of the stuff that’s been sent to the studio over the years. Thinking about all the donations that were sent at Episode 250 made Jah feel pretty Christmasy this year.
1:02:00 – Seth congratulates Tell ‘Em Steve Dave for winning the People’s Choice award in the Podcast Awards. He and Jah then apologize for bothering them with all the voting propaganda. Seth says now they can get back to the business at hand – doing the comedy podcast.
1:03:59 – Jah tells the listeners that there was a UYD app in the App Store that became available for sale and it was taken down again. There was a snafu through their hosting service. On that subject, Jah wants to know if anyone who listens to this show develops apps, because he wants to speak to them about doing a UYD app the right way.
15:43 – Sen. Tom Coburn also included in his Waste Book report some new funding from the National Institute of Health. The NIH spent $823,000 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised men in South Africa how to wash their genitals after having sex.
33:14 – Contrary to the explosion of teen mom magazine covers, the teen birth rate in the country is actually the lowest it has been in 70 years.
47:57 – A study published in the journal Pediatrics says that nearly 1 million kids in the U.S. live in an area with no pediatricians. Mississippi leads the country with 42% of children without doctors.
55:22 – Researchers have found MRI evidence of chronosthesia, or mental time travel – the brain’s ability to be aware of the past, present and future and also have the ability to travel in subjective time. The theoretical idea of it has been there for some time, but evidence within the brain shows reactions to subjectively traveling back and forth in time within our brains.
57:45 – New research has conclusively proven that beauty sleep is no myth. Twenty-three subjects ages 18-31 were photographed between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. on two occations – once after getting eight hours of sleep and once after being up for 31 hours and only getting 5 hours of sleep. The photos were taken in a brightly-lit room in the same distance to the camera – all of the photos the same with no makeup. Sixty-five observers rated the photos for attractiveness and found that the sleep-deprived people looked like shit and were unhealthy.
31:11 – Seth goes off on Ashton Kutcher for causing his girlfriend to get killed in 2001.