View Episode 255
Originally aired 01.24.11
1:23:45
1:16:28 – UYD: Solo bukkake for the soul
9:15 – Jah watched a little bit of Teen Mom 2. He thinks MTV could maybe be prosecuted for a criminal act of some sort for what they’ve done with their programming to take something that was one thing and then turn it into a completely different thing.
36:20 – Syfy Network has a show called Face Off. It’s a competition elimination reality series exploring the world of special effects, makeup artists and the unlimited imagination that allows them to create amazing works of living art. It’s on at Wednesday night at 10 p.m. Seth’s whole life, he has never known anyone who was on a reality TV show, except now he does. There’s a young woman on this show who Seth worked with at one point. Seth will not reveal where he worked with this young woman named Megan. Megan will agree with Seth that she is a thinker and sometimes she thinks so much about makeup that things happen in life.
44:24 – Seth watched NOVA scienceNow with Neil Degrasse Tyson. “Can we make it to Mars?,” he asked. If it were to happen it would be a multi-year journey, and the Johnson Space Center in Houston is making food that has to be thermostabilized to be able to last more than 5 years. They give him both a two-year-old pork chop and an eight-year-old pork chop and he can’t tell which one is which. Then they give him a freeze-dried bag with five-year-old shrimp cocktail, and he eats it no problem. Jah thinks space travel should be done family style, where spaceships are big enough to sustain an incredible amount of time and allow people to breed and generate more people that can man the ship as the other people die.
47:31 – A Pioneers of Televsion episode is coming up on PBS next week all about the western, which has translated now into the space genre.
1:02:22 – John Quiñones asks What Would You Do? if there was an old-ass man with a trenchcoat stealing stuff from a grocery store. The actor basically steals a box of Jell-o and a can of tuna. When an old dude would come by with a carriage, he just kind of shrugged it off. Every single woman in the supermarket, however, would call him out immediately and bring attention to his theft every time. Jah and Seth thinks there’s not a chance in hell they would narc this guy out.
3:21 – During the Miss America Pageant, Miss Hawaii was asked the question: “The world is getting smaller. Do you think of yourself first as a citizen of your state, a citizen of your country or a citizen of the world?” Her response: “I really believe myself as a citizen of the world and really. Coming from Hawaii, that really represents the world, because we are such a multicultural state and really of our country. So definitely of the world. Representing and accepting so many different types of people and the people of the world.”
10:41 – Robert Lloyd is the TV critic for the Los Angeles Times: “I watch TV on a 20-year-old 21-inch Panasonic television set with a single RF input into which I run a DVD player, a VHS machine and a cable box chained in sequence. It is the only television in the house, though sometimes I do watch things online on an even smaller screen – a 15-inch cathode ray computer monitor of no uncertain age.”
14:50 – Wired magazine recently listed narcotics confiscated at a recent Phish concert in Atlantic City. The list goes as such: 70 tanks of nitris oxide (aka NOS, hippie crack and wah-wah), 551 grams of weed, 86 marijuana edibles, 184 grams of mushrooms, 22 doses of ketamine, 34 grams of molly, 60 hits of ecstacy, 30 grams of cocaine, 2 grams of heroin, 395 hits of acid (4 sheets), 21 LSD cookies and 26 pills of oxycontin.
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
26:41 – Seth tries to figure out what the name of the movie was with Nicolas Cage and Bridget Fonda, where he gives her a winning lottery ticket as a tip. At 30:39, Seth discovers that it is It Could Happen To You (1994), a rom-com that is the story of a NYC police officer who wins the lottery and splits his winnings with a waitress. It also stars Rosie Perez, Isaac Hayes and Stanley Tucci.
32:34 – The Garbage Pail Kids movie was a live-action film adapted from the popular series of children’s playing cards. It came out in 1987. The film depicted many of the Garbage Pail Kids played by dwarf actors in costumes.
7:57 – Seth got a 1590 on his SATs. He took it again so he could get a perfect score, and scored a 1590 again. Actually, he can’t remember what he got on them. Jah knows, because he never took the SAT test or prep test. He remembers having friends who did crazy well on them.
28:47 – Jah was told by an ex-girlfriend to always keep tampons under his sink because girls get their periods and they should be accessible.
34:48 – Seth asks Jah the last time he ever had Red Lobster. Jah says he was 14. He never actually had lobster.
35:09 – Seth’s friend Peter Martelucci collected Garbage Pail Kids, and somehow convinced them that they were going to be worth millions (Episode 037, 41:31). Jah then re-tells the story from when he was working at the dog store, and saw a dude carrying stacks of them into a comic store trying to sell them and then shortly later walking back with the same stack of Garbage Pail Kids (Episode 037, 41:07 and Episode 067, 10:27).
35:45 – Jah’s dad had a problem with being convinced things were going to be worth a lot of money and then they turned into nothing. He had bought a bunch of rare soap and stored it in the garage for a while.
37:48 – Seth doesn’t go too in-depth about Megan, a contestant on a new reality show on Syfy who he used to work with. But he does tell one story. She was going to Starbucks for a few people at work and a guy they worked with asked for a “Black Eye.” She replied, “A Black Guy?” The co-worker attempted to correct her but Seth cut him off, saying “Yes,” because there is an African American gentleman who works at the Starbucks down the street. They all breathlessly stood there waiting for her to come back with the coffees. She turned the corner with a shocked look on her face, as if to say, “How could you do this?!”
39:52 – Seth was on a computer and when Megan mentioned that there were auditions for this new reality show, he kept up to date with the goings-on of the show. He won’t say exactly how recently he worked with her, but says it was between the start of this show and today.
55:48 – Jah walked into Best Buy today to buy a cable to do this show, and there was only one kiosk selling apparel that he could see in the entire place. All there was was Guns N Roses t-shirts and Metallica t-shirts.
1:05:36 – Jah stole something recently. Seth wants to know how this happened. Jah got upset in a store and felt like he wasn’t being treated very well. He was with his girlfriend and his mother. He checked with his girlfriend to make sure it was OK before doing it. He had asked a couple questions in the store and had been dealt with briskly. They were the only people there, and the woman behind the counter was dealing with some other person who had come in but was not a customer – more like a dealer of some sort. Jah says it was a boutique and not a chain. He took a small ceramic box that cost $12.00. Jah was standing at the counter with cash in hand ready to buy it, saying “Excuse me?!” at the counter, and got fed up and walked out with it. Jah wonders if it’s a violation of his probation, and starts to get a little worried.
1:09:58 – Seth went back to an annual Cinefamily Event, which featured a bunch of “A Very Special Episodes” where shit got dramatic. They kicked off the festivities with a Boy Meets World episode called “Cult Fiction,” aired April 25, 1997, where Shawn joins a cult. It was one of the finest episodes of television – it had more to say in 22 minutes than most shows say in an entire season.
1:11:43 – Jonathan has a back injury to go with Seth’s knee injury (Episode 253, 11:01). Jah has a pain in between his shoulder blades that is absolutely killer.
2:28 – Congrats to Miss Nebraska, 17-year-old Teresa Scanlan, who is the youngest Miss America in the 90-year history.
19:36 – NFL championship weekend is upon us. The Bears will play the Packers in Chicago for the NFC Championship. Bears QB Jay Cutler is dating Kristen Cavallari from The Hills, while Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is dating Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr. On the AFC Championship side, it’s the Jets vs. Steelers. Jets QB Mark Sanchez broke up with Jamie-Lynn Sigler prior to the season, while Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will rape anyone in the room.
24:34 – Holly Lahti shared last week’s Mega Millions jackpot. She won $190 million. She is currently estranged from her husband, Joshua, and has custody of their 2 children, ages 10 and 12. In the state of Idaho, there is a community property law that would entitle Joshua to one-half of her winnings, unless she can show that he is unfit as a parent. He was arrested for domestic assault against her, which is one of his 15 arrests.
27:09 – There is a shortage of o.b. tampons on U.S. store shelves. Women have taken to ebay and Craig’s List and are paying top dollar for the female product. It has a rabid cult-like fanbase. o.b. stands for ohne binde, which means “without napkins” in German. o.b.’s slogan is “mighty. small.”
33:14 – Wendy’s owns Arby’s, but not for long – they’re selling Arby’s. Yum! Brands, who own Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC, also own Long John Silver’s and A&W restaurants – both of which they are selling.
40:30 – 34,000 years ago, there was some bacteria that got trapped inside salt crystals in what is now called Death Valley, Calif. These crystals were recently dug up, and once they were freed from the crystal, the bacteria spent 2 ½ months recuperating in a survival state, but then began reproducing again.
50:00 – A 33-year-old female animal handler was killed by an elephant at the Knoxville Zoo. She was crushed against the wall while inside the elephant’s cage. The zoo’s executive director released a statement: “Edie the African elephant, who was involved in the incident, will not be punished or disciplined.”
52:12 – Kevin James is in a movie called The Zookeeper. “Welcome to his jungle.” This will be released July 8. Kevin’s character will be featured along with voice acting courtesy of Leslie Bibb, David Spade, Jim Breuer, Billy Crystal, Kiefer Sutherland, Sylvester Stallone, Cher, Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, Nick Nolte and Jon Favreau. Director Frank Coraci says “You gotta bring the kids, but what we really wanted was to make something adults could dig as well, and that’s what we did.”
1:08:30 – Seth revisits No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman Episode 249, 7:46) about friends with benefits. There’s another movie coming out this summer called Friends With Benefits starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake.
2:09 – Jah is getting a pimple in the fold of his nose and it hurts like a sonofabitch.
2:16 – Richie Sambora will not let UYD use “It’s My Life” to open the rest of their episodes, so they’re left to their own devices.
31:28 – Jah asks Seth if he knows that they made a Garbage Pail Kids movie and it was live-action. Seth did not know this. Seth goes by “Bad Breath Seth” (Episode 037, 41:31) but Jah doesn’t think there was a Jonathan GPK. Seth discovers at 35:01 that Jah does not have a Garbage Pail Kid.
49:13 – Seth and Jah reference a couple of UYD staples, Enemy Mine (Episode 128, 12:41) and They Live. Jah then asks Seth about Moon, which came out a couple years ago with Sam Rockwell and Kevin Spacey.
6:30 – Psychologists at the University of Chicago have discovered a quick and easy way for stressed-out students to avoid choking on a high-stakes test. Take a few minutes right before the exam to write down all those fears. A study published online Thursday by the journal Science found that anxious students, given 10 minutes to put their feelings down on paper, performed significantly better than their peers – who wrote about other topics or did nothing at all. The idea that there are simple steps to improve test scores outside of private tutors, SAT prep courses, etc., are sure to welcome news to students, parents and educators who have long struggled to get their students to perform their best on midterms, finals and college entrance exams. “You don’t have to wield these expensive or time-consuming tools,” said psychology professor Sian L. Beilock, who conducted the study with graduate student Gerardo Ramirez. “Writing about emotional events had been shown to reduce rumination, which is when people devote mental energy to revisiting distressing ideas in the clinically depressed.”
58:53 – A survey of 1,400 women done by Men’s Health magazine says that if a woman feels as if there is chemistry with her date on their first date, then women in their 40s are almost twice as likely to bone down thatn women in their 20s.
1:13:50 – Two papers in the Journal of Sexual Medicine have confirmed a condition documented since 2002 known as POIS – or Post-Orgasmic Illness Syndrome. It makes men allergic to their own semen. After ejaculation, men who suffer from this condition develop mysterious flu-like symptoms, including fever, runny nose, extreme fatigue and burning eyes. Amir sent J-dawg a link about this as well, where they’re doing tests where they prick dude’s fingers and put semen in there and dudes are getting sick and fucked-up from it.
39:15 – Seth predicts that his former co-worker, Megan, is going to win the new Syfy reality TV show, Face Off.
11:20 – Seth and Jah go off on the L.A. Times movie critic who watches TV on shitty low-rent technology. Seth: “You’re an asshole, Mister Lloyd.”
1:17:08 – Seth goes off on Steven Tyler for sitting weird in all of his American Idol appearances and talk show interviews. He says he looks like the “bad boy” character in high school movies when the character slouches in a chair in the principal’s office.
16:43 – Seth reads us something from People magazine 10 years ago, January 2001: “They seem to be two stars sharing one orbit. Ov Nov. 8, 2000, at the L.A. premiere of Jim Carrey’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Renee Zellweger deferentially ducked out of the couple’s limousine to allow her beau to make a big entrance. ‘It’s his night,’ she said, before rejoining him to cuddle for the cameras. Seven days later the pair were sparkling side-by-side again at the film’s London premiere, where they even outshone the queen. But in the following weeks, Carrey, 38, and Zellweger, 31, somehow fell out of romantic alignment. On Nov. 30, he turned up at the film’s Tokyo premiere alone before jetting off on a vacation. Representatives for both actors have confirmed that their year-long romance is over, surprising even their closest friends. ‘I thought that they were the perfect couple,’ says Carrey pal, Laugh Factory comedy club owner Jamie Mesada. As for how his friend is faring? ‘Jim’s all right. I mean, he’s hurt, but who comes out of a relationship and doesn’t get hurt?’ Carrey, who split from Alyssa Womer, mother of his daughter Jane, 13, in 1993 and from actress Lauren Holly in 1997, was clearly smitten with his co-star when they met on the 1998 set of Me, Myself and Irene, director Bobby Farrelly said. ‘Just what went wrong is unclear. They just wanted different things,’ said a rep for Zellweger, who has just finished filming Bridget Jones’ Diary, which is due out this spring. Grinch director Ron Howard, who has talked with Carrey since the split, says that dual strains of work and fame are hard on relationships. In this case the media tension just heightened the pressure.