View Episode 261
Originally aired 03.08.11
1:11:49
1:11:46 – UYDevine
23:07 – Seth watched Billy Bush on Access Hollywood and he was being way too energetic and it creeped Seth out.
32:14 – Jonathan watched a little John Quiñones the other day and thought of Seth because he got to see it in live action. It featured two white ladies with a black adopted baby and some shop owner making racist remarks. Seth says that if John Quiñones has taught us anything, when you go out into the world you have to assume at any time that you’ll be captured by hidden cameras for What Would You Do? so that you have to put your best food forward in any situation.
36:40 – CVS (Chronic Vomiting Syndrome) is completely untreatable and you’re constantly vomiting. You have no other symptoms and you’re fine after it stops, but then it just ramps back up.
14:58 – Chobani Greek yogurt. Seth heard it mentioned like 15 times this week.
16:35 – Shamrock Shakes are back. Seth wonders what alcohol would be best to spike a Shamrock Shake with. Jah thinks maybe a vodka.
36:36 – Wal-Mart, Walgreen’s and CVS will begin selling new cards from Hallmark called “Postage Paid Greetings” that will already include the postage. Just sign, seal and send. The cards will cost $3.99. They come with the USPS’s Intelligent Mail Barcode on the front of the envelope. The postage is treated like a Forever Stamp and thus will be valid regardless of when it is mailed.
57:23 – Heinz is finally releasing their Dip & Squeeze Ketchup packs
57:21 – IN: Dipping sauces.
23:50 – Billy Bush describes himself as “Christian. Proud American. Dad. Dude.” on his Twitter feed: “Hey, one of my tight buds Scott Wolfe is on Twitter now. Follow him. Tell him he needs to launch a skin care cream called Bailey Forever. j/k lmao.” … “Crying my eyes out to Good Will Hunting.” … “The fact that Brad the Bachelor kept Michelle should give every one of these other women all the reason they need to leave.” … “Super Bowl, Black-Eyed Peas – very entertaining. I give it an A+.” … “Ladies, don’t get upset with me, but I don’t like when you wear red lipstick. I don’t like it on any woman. Most dudes agree, too.”
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
23:17 – Seth looks up Billy Bush to find out what his story is. He finds out that he has 3 daughters and George W. Bush is his cousin.
3:43 – Seth ran a bath, lit some votives and reflected on where he’s been. He curled up with Sarah Brokaw’s new book, “Fortytude: Making the Next Decades the Best Years of Your Life, Through the 40s, 50s and Beyond.” Seth slowly slid into the tub and tried to inhale as much water as possible before his body forced him out.
4:45 – Jah stares at people all the time. Amir calls him “Stare Bug” because of this inquisitive habit that he has. He’s also slightly paranoid and has a fear of missing something, so he gets a little transfixed with looking at people. His girlfriend commented the other day because Jonathan was looking at a table at the deli with his whole body turned toward them, and she had to say, “Jonathan!” to get his attention. She watched as he would agree with things that were said at their table and nodding in agreement as his facial expressions changed.
7:40 – Jah watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind last night. He said it was pretty epic still. Seth, in turn, watched Hall Pass.
11:35 – Seth received some reponses from women about “Peeping Tonyas,” regarding what would cause them to be sexually aroused watching from afar. The No. 1 response seemed to be men having a solo session by themselves, not while watching porn and being crazy perved out. Jah seemed to get quite a few responses from ladies saying they enjoyed man being “manly,” doing construction or yardwork, etc. It made Jah feel a little self-conscious because he’s not very handy and the best he can do is put an Ikea desk together.
17:10 – Jah admits to Seth that he likes Cheladas. He says it takes drinking about eight of them before he can develop a taste for it. In a market on the west side they sell Styrofoam cups covered in cellophane and they’re 85 cents. They’re covered in the cayenne pepper, salt mixture, etc., and you get a beer separately to pour into it. Jah wishes Seth could have a Chelada because he thinks he might like it. He says the bad part is that it has Clamato in it (Episode 084, 4:25), but the first one or two are the only ones that taste clammy.
25:33 – When Seth was at The Grove seeing Hall Pass, he walked in and some cameras were filming with Mario Lopez there. He just punched himself and kept walking.
34:43 – Just to recap, Seth doesn’t have a cell phone or an e-mail address. Jah explains that there are a lot of people who are bored, and they utilize that boredom by putting misinformation out in the world as opposed to checking their facts. The same amount of time it would take for you to poorly answer a question within the community, it takes you to run for 3 weeks with false information. Seth also explains that he can’t call out of the country because the people in Montreal, Mexico City and London wanted some return correspondence and it’s outside of Seth’s technological capabilities. He has some type of block on the phone that he can’t call outside of the U.S. … Jah said another rumor started this week that the show was ending in two weeks.
39:09 – A guy called the UYD voicemail and claimed that he had never seen a female peeping tom, but what about a female arsonist? Because male firemen come to put out the fire and it’s an erotic calendar of awesomeness.
19:30 – Google has filed for a patent on a facial recognition technology that uses facial recognition and various social networks to identify you. You can snap a photo of someone walking down the street that you would like to know more about, you upload it and Google will scour all social network sites to determine who it is.
28:15 – The BYU college basketball team was poised to make a run at the NCAA championship during this month’s March Madness. Unfortunately for them, star center Brad Davies was suspended for the remainder of the season for breaking the school’s Honor Code. He had sex with his girlfriend. The Mormon principles that govern the code include no sexual activity, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no caffeine and no swearing. The BYU Honor Code office has a FAQ on its website: “Q: What is the process for obtaining a beard exemption? A: A student who wishes to obtain a beard exception must visit a BYU Student Health Center doctor. The doctor will fax his recommendation. The student then needs to come to the Honor Code office to fill out paperwork and receive the letter. If the letter approves the growth of the beard, a new student ID will be issued after the beard has been fully grown, and then must be renewed every year by repeating the above process.”
40:55 – 100,000 people signed up within the first 24 hours to use a new app called “Breakup Notifier” that e-mails you when someone you are interested in changes their relationship status on Facebook. Facebook banned the app, but it reached 3.6 million people prior to the ban. The maker of that app has also now released “Waiting Room,” an app that allows you to subtly inform someone that you have a crush on them and that other opportunities exist outside the toxic relationship that they’re in. You’re in the waiting room and will be notified 48 hours after that relationship stops. There’s also “Crush Notifier,” which connects people who realize they have crushes on each other.
48:42 – Major League Baseball has begun a contest to give on “lucky” fan his dream job. The winner will move to an apartment in New York City for Opening Day on Thursday, March 31. This apartment will feature several large flat-screen televisions and it will be your job to watch every single game of the 2011 baseball season. You will spend every day eating, sleeping and living baseball. You will share that experience via social media sites, video blogs, webisodes and TV appearances – almost 5,000 baseball games in all.
51:00 – Elijah Dukes (Episode 066, 3:02; Episode 069, 2:17; and Episode 070, 14:22) is back in the news for slapping his pregnant wife. Seth says that if there was ever one tattoo that he would get, it would be “Yo Dog, You Dead Dog,” on his forearm.
1:01:04 – A psychology professor at Northwestern University had an after-lecture optional demonstration for his human sexuality class. About 100 students hung around a campus auditorium and they watched a woman undress on a stage while her male fiancé penetrated her with a machine-powered sex toy, bringing her to climax. JM Marcus said they hadn’t planned at first to fully demonstrate, but had found that they video the class had watched on female orgasms “completely and totally unrealistic.”
1:04:23 – According to Publisher’s Weekly, “everyting new age is newer again.” 2011 will see an influx of books focusing on angels and the divine, including a new book from James Redfield – author of the 1993 megahit “The Celestine Prophecy.” It has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide.
2:27 – Jah mixes up some psychotic sound effects
2:43 – Seth just applied some lip balm before they started dropping some lip bombs.
3:09 – Seth’s 20-year high school reunion is coming up.
11:23 – The voicemail is back up, after a brief technical hiatus.
22:02 – Jah has more questions for girls. He wants to know how many girls that listen to this show have ever gotten hit on by a cop after getting pulled over. He wants to know if they got out of the ticket and if they gave him their phone number.
45:22 – Jah wants to know why there isn’t a smaller, personal, more affordable lie detector test.
4:29 – New research published in the journal Psychological Science suggests that the dominance behavior of staring another primate down is an automatic and reflexive mood in humans as well.
47:21 – Human geneticists studying both human and homoerectus genomes have calculated that for a period lasting “around 1 million years” and beginning “around 1.2 million years ago” at a time when our ancestors were spreading throughout Africa, Europe and Asia, there were probably only about 18,500 people living on Planet Earth.
52:19 – USA Today reported on a study where researchers swabbed the handles of 85 shopping carts in 4 different states and found that 72% of them were covered in fecal matter.
55:00 – A report from the Inspector General for Health and Human Services found that more than 90% of nursing homes hired employees with at least one criminal conviction. They looked at 260 nursing homes in all 50 states and found that every single one has someone who’s been convicted of a crime.
49:22 – Seth says there is “no question” that whoever wins MLB’s “dream job” of watching 5,000 baseball games in one season will be dead by mid-August via live webisode suicide.
22:30 – Seth goes off on cops and says women can’t date or marry them. Their sole purpose for living is to write tickets, trim their mustaches, beat their wives and neglect their children – force them into sports they don’t want to play and then yell at them when they don’t succeed.
31:18 – Seth goes off on the BYU Honor Code office.