View Episode 266
Originally aired 04.11.11
Originally recorded live 04.09.11
1:25:37
7:56 – When you think no one’s watching, do you step in, step up or step away? What Would You Do? with John Quiñones.
10:17 – There’s a show on Showtime called Gigolos that features five gigolos. It’s produced by Jah’s homie, Richard Grieco.
20:06 – Three TV shows are on next Sunday from 9-11 and everyone in the room needs to be in front of their TVs: 9:00-9:30 – Audrina: Mark Burnett and VH1 have teamed up to give a never-before-seen look into the life of Audrina Patridge. From 9:30-10:00 is the premiere of Saddle Ranch, featuring young people coming to L.A. to chase their dreams and pay their bills while working at the hottest place on the Sunset Strip – The Saddle Ranch Chop House. From 10:00-11:00 we go to TruTv and watch Police: POV, a stunning new series that will allow viewers to experience the intensity of police work through officers’ own point of view.
42:33 – Seth watched the 24th annual Kid’s Choice Awards with Jack Black. Seth watched Steven Tyler give an award to Johnny Depp and wondered who was wearing more articles of clothing. It was Depp.
51:29 – The NewNowNext Awards (Episode 223, 31:56) are coming up again. At this point Jah is taking offense that they haven’t been recognized yet.
27:22 – Seth pulled two Craig’s List entries just because. The last authentic one he read was in Episode 188 for the New York show. He found one about Thai lady boys after reading an article on them: Me: married. But I haven’t blown a load in 5 days. You: Petite Thai ladyboy. Expert at cock play. I’m curious. I think there’s nothing better than a small guy with huge tits spraying dude seed all over my face. I’m not into perfume. If I lick your pit, I want it to taste like you – not some Lady Gillette. Seth then reads another entry: I’m attached to a lady but I’m dreaming of some hot boy pussy. I’m looking for a Thai lady boy who’s not afraid to pop this bubble butt. Please deep throat my low-hanging nuts – I fucking dare you! San Fernando Valley. Will chip in for gas.
44:10 – Find Your Face Mate uses revolutionary facial recognition technology and a proprietary algorithm software that helps you find your match. It cites Seal and Heidi Klum as evidence that this works.
55:01 – Adam Levine tweets. He has 250,000 followers: “What a perfect day. Winning.” … “My phone is being a total asshole.” … “Maybe we should make straight marriage illegal.” … “When you can’t get one of your own songs out of your head does that make you an egomaniac or does that just mean it’s extra catchy?” … “Long division is a pain in the ass.” … “Isn’t it ironic that the song ‘Ironic’ contains no actual examples of irony?” … “I’ve decided I’m not ever going to die. It’s just too morbid.” … “Jesse Ventura’s a bona fide badass. Listen to this guy. I’d vote for him.”
41:30 – Seth was in Pavilions last night at about 11:40 p.m. He saw a couple gentlemen laughing and slapping – Pete Wentz and David Arquette.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
4:38 – Seth throws some people out at Jah, and has him pretend that they will go into a jail cell and only one can come out alive. Jah’s answers are in parentheses: Jake Gyllenhaal or Ryan Phillippe? (Phillippe) Bradley Cooper or Ashton Kutcher? (Kutcher) Mario Lopez or John Mayer? (Lopez) James Franco or Justin Timberlake? (Timberlake) Jared Leto or Jamie Foxx? (Foxx)
36:03 – Real/Fake game – Seth gives Jonathan three names and he has to choose which is the strain of medicinal marijuana, which is the horse and which is from his mind’s eye: 1) Ghost Zapper (horse), Space Needle (mind’s eye), Early Garage (weed); 2) Don Cristo (weed), St. Liam (horse), Uncle Ben (mind’s eye); 3) Apricot (mind’s eye), King Henry (weed), Moccasin (horse); 4) Lady Secret (horse), Double Barrel (mind’s eye), Private Reserve (weed); 5) Commando (horse), Hummer (mind’s eye), Gun (weed). Jonathan only gets one correct (#4).
What Seth Learned on the Monsterweb
10:58 – Seth does some digging on Richard Grieco and discovers that he goes by @JusticeOutlaw on Twitter and has 355 followers.
11:10 – Jonathan had a conversation with Richard Grieco when he worked at a dog store back in the day. Grieco did every Nissan voiceover for the last 10 years, which surprised Jonathan.
12:58 – Listeners have already come up to Jonathan and Seth at the live show and said “I don’t mean this to sound creepy or anything, but I already drove by the studio.”
13:08 – Seth walked out of his apartment and found a flyer on his car: WE BUY JUNK CARS. IN ANY CONDITION. CRASHED, BURNED IN ANY AREA. WE PAY $150-800 DEPENDING ON THE YEAR. Seth did the math and figured 18-year-olds were laughing at him with that ride, but then imagined they will be driving 2013 clunkers 20 years from now and people will be laughing at them.
17:25 – Jah and his girlfriend were in the middle of a transaction at the outlet malls buying clothes at Saks 5th Off. He’s wearing a pair of the white Versaces he bought there. When they called Wells Fargo to figure out what was going on, the guy on the other end was explaining that the entire debit system disappeared.
22:19 – Seth had dinner at the Saddle Ranch Chop House before he went to a bachelor party at the Hyatt House he went to.
24:58 – Jah has eaten a squirrel. He did it in survival camp. He shot one with a .22 rifle and cooked it and ate it. The only other time he killed vermin was when he went on a faux hunting trip with his dad to shoot prairie dogs (Episode 141, 56:42). When he would shoot them, they would just explode into a red mist. The “Red Mist Club” was for crack shots who could explode a prairie dog from 500 yards. Jah didn’t eat meat for about 14 years after that.
32:35 – Jah asks if the people who got into a car accident on the way to the live show are there right now. They are, which J-dawg thinks is awesome.
35:10 – Jah went to a Cocaine Anonymous Convention in Palm Springs once. It was the worst.
46:16 – Seth had to use a different microphone tonight, which made him uncomfortable
46:52 – Seth and Jonathan’s efforts to get female listeners to call in and report on their “dirty fantasies” with male masseuses and wanting to get happy endings (Episode 265, 34:50) were unsuccessful. Most girls called in to the UYD voicemail saying that dudes are the worst which is why they’re into that sort of thing.
54:05 – Jah thinks it worked out oddly with he and Seth. Seth used to be a dirty ass drunk and Jah knew him when he was like that. He thought he was going to die. Jah was mad sober back then and now he’s sort of a dirty ass drunk. He loves his beers now.
58:02 – Jah went to Knott’s Berry Farm and he hadn’t been to a theme park or roller coaster since he was 13 or 14 years old. He went with his girlfriend and two other friends of theirs. He was completely petrified to get on a roller coaster. He thought it would either be fine or triple worst. There were times when it was both – he realized it wasn’t scary anymore and also that he could possibly die. Toward the end of the day it was dying down and they decided to ride a coaster they had already been on once. At the front of the line he sees a gingy dude wearing an Antoine Dodson t-shirt and his girlfriend, a huge girl. The coaster track is above them and the car comes around, and the harness is one that comes over top of your head. Jah looks at this girl and thinks there’s no way she’s going to fit in the restraint. She attempts to get in and her boyfriend tries to buckle her harness, and there’s a huge gap of time. All of a sudden the chatter died down and it was dead silent. Every single person is looking at her with horror. It was one of the most uncomfortable situations he had ever been in. She didn’t get in that car but they had one made for fatties on the other side that she got into. At no point did J-dawg ever see any embarrassment or acknowledgment on the girl’s face of what was going on.
1:10:25 – Jah wants to talk to us about the gayest experience he’s ever had. This recently came into his mind this week and he began thinking about it in a way that he hadn’t in a while. He worked at a body piercing shop when he was 18 years old. He became friends with a guy who had long hair and was a very successful body piercer. Jah had just turned 18 years old and this guy was in his late 20s. They had several things in common – including both having dicks and listening to techno music. They hung out for a month or two casually, and he had expressed to Jah that he was a fruit. Jah replied that he had made out with another dude in high school but that was about it – he was completely straight. Jonathan was at his house one time, and there was ongoing banter about gay topics. He would always explain to him that he wasn’t into dudes. Through some sequence of events and shifty talk, Jah winds up – in order to try to prove the non-gayness – to cuddle with him in a bed for a certain length of time. The guy was wearing sweatpants. Whenever this shitty 10-minute spooning event was over, J-dawg felt awkward and went to get up, and when the guy got up, he had the biggest boner J-dawg had ever seen. It was just about the last time Jonathan ever saw him or talked to him. He realized after he started recounting the story that this guy was never his friend. He was a person who wanted to turn Jah out at 18 years old and he preyed on him. He wound up jerking off a friend of Jonathan’s who wasn’t gay either. Jah realizes after an audience member uses the term that he got “gay grifted.”
1:59 – Seth says happy birthday to Hugh Hefner, who turns 85. He will wed his girlfriend Crystal Harris this summer. She has a birthday at the end of the month – she will be 25.
7:09 – Arthur came out this weekend starring Russell Brand. It garnered very low aggregate scores from almost all critics – all but Ben Lyons of E! Entertainment Television, who called the movie “Brilliant.”
8:48 – Officials at a San Fernando-based clinic that caters to the porn industry is investigating allegations that private patient information was leaked on a website called PornWikiLeaks.com. They posted birth dates, real names and stage names of more than 12,000 performers – both former and current.
24:15 – Invasivores are people who only eat invading species of plants and animals, like the lionfish or edible weeds and plants that overtake certain crops. This can include eating species of animals in overabundance like pigeons and squirrels.
30:40 – An article in Slate magazine tells about women taking home pregnancy tests but filming themselves taking them and uploading them to YouTube – called “WombTube” videos.
33:20 – A pilot had to make an emergency landing at Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans. While talking to the air traffic controller he says “32,400 pounds of fuel. We have 106 souls on board.”
34:18 – Jah reminds everyone that tax day has been extended from April 15 to midnight on Monday, April 18 because of Emancipation Day.
34:47 – Seth thanks everyone for choosing his party over the White Party that was going on in Palm Springs.
1:07:47 – Right now is a renaissance for hand modeling (Episode 078, 24:33). The reason is because there are so many more electronic devices being released on a regular basis – there has never been a bigger need for perfect hands.
1:08:38 – Maine has become the first state in the country to allow people with one arm to carry a switchblade. The legalization would eliminate the need for one-armed people to have to open knives with their teeth in emergencies.
4:24 – Jah asks if the house can turn down the lights a little bit so he isn’t blinded every time he looks into the audience.
1:18:20 – To round out the show, Jonathan invites his good friend and Jogger band mate Amir up on stage. The two proceed to play a rousing rendition of “Don’t Know Much” by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville.
2:46 – A new study in the journal High Altitude Medicine and Biology says that people living at higher altitudes are at great risks for suicide. Researchers looked at suicide data in 2,584 U.S. counties. The average altitude in 50 counties with the highest suicide rate was 4,684 feet. The average altitude in 50 counties with the lowest suicide rate was 582 feet.
14:41 – A new report from Carnegie Mellon University says that child ID theft is much more common than previously though. Identity thieves are specifically targeting children because it takes years and years to be discovered. The study looked at over 40,000 children’s profiles and found that more than 10% had identities tainted in some way. 4,300 kids had records of gun licenses, mortgages, car loans, driver’s licenses, etc. A majority of cases also involved utility service records.
52:25 – Cornell researchers published a study in the Journal of Social, Evolutionary and Cultural Psychology and they asked, “Can people determine who is a criminal by looking at their face?” After years of experience of people looking at photos, the answer is yes.
40:19 – U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission April recalls for products made in China – The Active Leisure 10x10 folding canopy tent from Costco. The tent’s fabric is wicked flammable. … The Williams-Sonoma fondue pot – the handle just breaks off. … Troy the Activity Truck from Toys R Us – it’s bedazzled and bejeweled and has beads that easily detach and choke kids to death.