View Episode 272
Originally aired 05.23.11
1:07:00
22:24 – The Game Show Network is developing a Bible quiz show.
24:28 – Jonathan was watching a fight the other night on ESPN, and the fighter had “JESUS DIDN’T TAP” written across the back of his shorts.
27:57 – This Wednesday is Oprah’s last show. Seth is going to the craziest Oprah viewing party at Jamie Foxx’s house. They’ve been showing clips from old shows, and Seth sees one from 1988 on skinheads.
38:33 – MSNBC – Sex Slaves: Motor City.
44:00 – CBS Sunday Morning featured a reincarnation convention. Participants go through a deep hypnosis.
50:43 – Dr. Hansen was on The Hansen Files on Dateline NBC on Sunday night. He’s busting repairmen who are overcharging customers for things they don’t need. It was hard for Seth to watch him relegated to such trivial BS when he could be busting peeds. After Hansen busts a garage door repairman, the guy gets really pissed and recognizes Hansen and says, “You should be busy out finding pedophiles rather than doing this shit,” then gets in his truck and speeds off.
28:50 – Empty Oprah Syndrome – what people get when they have withdrawals from Oprah’s show not being on anymore.
56:02 – They complain of mysterious, creepy symptoms – bugs, or some other type of infestation crawling beneath their skin, sometimes burrowing to the surface and leaving odd specks and colored filaments in their wake. They have flocked to websites to share details of their malady, which they call “Morgellan’s Disease.” (Episode 026, 4:44). They have charged the medical community with ignoring their plight and have strong-armed the government into studying it. They go from doctor to doctor, carrying specimens in Zip-loc bags and on glass slides, desperate to find a physical cause. Now, a Mayo Clinic study reviewing samples provided by 108 such patients published Monday in the Archives of Dermatology, has concluded that the perceived infestation exists only in their minds. The authors concluded the rashes, eruptions and skin lacerations the patients have suffered were either mundane skin conditions that gave rise to delusions of skin infestations, or the result of the sufferers scratching or picking at their skin in order to make the delusion go away. The fibers and filaments so often described and offered as evidence of the infestation, were upon microscopic examination skin flakes, scabs, hair, lint, textile fibers and every-day debris.
2:49 – The Mamma Chia drink has hundreds of tiny chia seeds in it. Someone compared it to an Orbitz drink, which Jah declared was horrible.
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
10:11 – Seth quizzes Jah on some terms among the gay community. A “gold star gay” is a gay man who has never slept with a woman. A “double gold star gay” is a gold star gay who was also born by cesarian section.
22:41 – Seth quizzes J-dawg on some Biblical trivia: 1) Complete this phrase: “Blessed are the meek —.” Jah responds, “… for they shall inherit the earth.” 2) Can you name the city Jesus was born in? … Jah responds immediately, “Bethlehem.” 3) What was God’s sign to tell Noah he would never flood the earth again? … J-dawg doesn’t know it, but the answer is “A rainbow.”
49:08 – Nitris races (Episode 093, 40:34) are where at least two people take balloons and bend over with the balloon in their mouth, suck it in and blow it out, taking nitris every time for 10 times. You immediately start running and everyone else laughs at the results. Jah said it’s super dangerous and stupid because you pass out while you’re running.
53:20 – Seth laments the fact that this show isn’t on anymore. Nothing else compares.
5:07 – One of the last times Seth got shitfaced (Episode 033, 47:22), he had chugged a Boba drink before, and he barfed up 30 boba balls in somebody’s apartment onto a jacket. This reminds Jonathan that Seth once puked up marachino cherries into someone’s bathtub (Episode 033, 48:25).
15:09 – Seth was with a bunch of people and they were playing with an iPad app that takes your photo and shows you what you look like when you’re old. All of them were really funny but they looked bogus. Seth didn’t want his photo to be taken, but he finally got browbeat into it. His picture was so authentically old that it has been terrifying him all week long. He looks sad, he looks tired and it looked real. One person walked backwards out of the room because they were so haunted by it.
33:21 – Jah was standing outside of Starbucks yesterday and was tying his dogs up before he went inside to get coffee. He saw a mother pushing two kids in a stroller. There’s a part of him that feels as though if the kid can talk, he should not be allowed to be in a stroller. As she went by, the kid was yelling “Ohhh, come on! I want Starbucks!” She was too young to want coffee. Jah was in there and noticed they serve mini chocolate lollipops. The barista admitted to J-dawg that they’re for little kids.
45:32 – Jah’s first experience talking to somebody about past lives was when he was a kid at a scientology pre-school. Another SciTi kid there told J-dawg about his past life being an alien slaying monsters in a galactic universe.
57:51 – Jah had a friend in early high school who called him shortly after having dropped LSD and was having a difficult go of it. Jah lived close to him and snuck out of his house and went over to his house. When he got there (Jah had sworn off LSD at this point in his life having had a traumatic experience shortly before), he is lying in his bed, holding his chest and breathing heavily. He tells Jah that there are little crabs in his chest. Jah tells him he’s hallucinating, but he keeps picking at himself. He tells the guy to take off his shirt, and he takes it off and yells “SEE! SEE! I fuckin’ told you man!” Jah asks him if he has any more acid, and so Jah drops with him, and it takes about half an hour to an hour, and trips with him to make it through it together. He said one thing to Jah that stuck with Jah forever: “You look like a crazy mother.” Jah has never shaken that, and on a regular basis looks at himself in the mirror and thinks that.
1:03:07 – Jah watched 8 Mile in its entirety two days ago while doing some shipping of UYD merchandise. Jah also watched Jurassic Park 3 and Independence Day.
12:33 – According to a new survey in Newsweek, the percentage of U.S. college students who are moving back home after graduation is 85%.
14:31 – Jah didn’t know Manute Bol was dead. Seth was afraid to tell J-dawg that he died from Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. He warns everyone not to Google image search that.
19:53 – The world’s current population is nearly 7 billion. A United Nations report says that by the year 2050, the number will have swollen to 9.3 billion.
26:27 – A Steppenwolf Planet is a rogue planet that has been ejected from its planetary system. These lone wolf planets wander interstellar space and have the ability and possibility to contain oceans of water trapped under ice that would enable these galaxy-hopping beings to contain alien life forms for billions of years.
42:57 – May is National Youth Traffic Safety Month
47:35 – A growing movement among health care professionals advocates giving women nitris oxide while they give birth. So far, only 3 medical centers in the country offer the gas.
5:59 – Jah and Seth sing a jingle for a Southern California LAP-BAND weight loss surgery center: “Call 1-800-GET-THIN!”
5:47 – Gastric bypass surgery doubles the risk of developing alcoholism compared to the LAP-BAND. The researchers found the risk of developing alcoholism among those who had gastric bypass was 2.3 times higher than the group who got LAP-BAND surgery. Dr. John Morton, a bariatric surgeon at Stanford, said the alcohol is partly metabolized by stomach enzymes.
36:26 – An online survey conducted by Harris Interactive and commissioned by Playboy, compiled responses from 2,300 adults and found that 27% of men and 23% of women have either been photographed or filmed nude.
17:57 – The June issue of Playboy featured more from The Playboy Advisor. M.R. from Toledo, Ohio writes: “I keep having a dream about having sex with my mom. Is this normal?”
1:02:29 – Jah goes off on the Lenny Kravitz Jeep Wrangler commercial.
30:45 – Seth reads a clipping from Newsweek magazine of May of 2009 about Oprah Winfrey: On one of “The Secret” shows, Oprah gave an example of the scientific power of the concept. She said that once while she was hosting an episode about a man who could blow really big soap bubbles, she was thinking to herself, “Gee, that looks fun. I’d like to blow some bubbles.” When she returned to her office after the show, there on her desk was a silver Tiffany bubble blower. “So I called my assistant and I said, ‘Did you just run out and get me some bubbles, because I came back to my office and there’s bubbles on my desk?’ The assistant said, ‘No the bubbles were always there. I bought you the bubbles for your birthday and you didn’t notice until today.’” There’s many lessons that one might draw from this anecdote. One is that if you give Oprah a thoughtful gift, she may not bother to notice it or thank you for it. The lesson Oprah took away from this story, is because the way she sees it, her assistant hadn’t really given her the gift at all – she gave it to herself using the power of “The Secret.” “I called in the bubbles.”