View Episode 306
Originally aired 01.17.11
1:27:58
4:54 – John Quiñones returns next Friday, Jan. 20 for What Would You Do? The website says “Get ready to laugh and cry.”
17:42 – Drugs Inc. on NatGeo: They did crack and hash. In Florida they tried to bust some dude but they couldn’t bust down the door because each door has to be tornado regulated. They just did ecstacy, this week they’re doing hallucinogens and then ketamine. They talk to a DEA agent who claims he absorbed about 1,000 hits of LSD and was hanging onto his reality by a thread.
48:33 – The Lifetime Network trifecta of Saturday night movies. Last Saturday he watched Walking the Halls about popular girls at a LA high school and the security guard dating one of the 17-year-old girls and hooking her friends up with rich clientele at the club. They make sweet coin off it, though. Tomorrow night, Seth will watch Sexting in Suburbia. Rachel and Dina have a close mother-daughter relationship. Dina commits suicide, and Rachel’s search for answers leads her to some painful discoveries about the secrets she was trying to keep and the bullying that was tearing her apart. It helps her understand the pain when a naked picture intended for her boyfriend goes viral. … Next Saturday, it will be Drew Peterson: Untouchable, starring Rob Lowe in a true story about charming Chicago police officer Drew Peterson, who keeps killing wives and getting away with it.
52:46 – First Week In on Discovery features three first-time inmates on their first week in jail. There’s a dude in Tulsa who’s in on $1,000 dollar bond and can’t come through with the $100. … There’s a guy in Denver who goes apeshit on a female officer and gets put in solitary. He needs his Bible, but then three days later he gives up on God.
1:09:23 – Seth watched CNBC’s Customer Disservice, a documentary that explains why 1-800 numbers can be so frustrating in these tough economic times. A call center in Bangalore was bananas.
17:58 – In Florida, a crack user featured on NatGeo’s Drugs Inc. can’t be thwarted because the cops couldn’t bust down his door, which was tornado-regulated. By the time they got in, he had flushed all his coke down the toilet.
56:04 – A 24-person hot-air balloon debuted this week in central Florida. It’s the United States’ largest hot-air balloon. It stands about 11 stories high and stretches 90 feet wide when fully inflated and holds 24 passengers in a 1,600-pound basket. It was custom-made in Spain. There’s a sunrise ride that includes a champagne breakfast, inflation and packing time and about an hour-long flight.
22:10 – Seth got on the Seattle Craig’s List to find some choice entries: Back from Iraq. Tacoma low-life white boy thug who didn’t pound a tranny ass for a whole year. Hit me up with a pic. Maybe I’ll let you drench me in your she-male jizz. Don’t look like a dude! I have oxys and vics, you have tits and a dick. Now. … Bellevue – Horny, watching football, been looking at my mushroom-headed cock. My girlfriend absolutely can’t take care of it. She doesn’t know how. Do you? Home all afternoon. Stop by for a mutual session. No gay dudes. No bi dudes. No fem dudes. Seriously. Come chill out, unzip, hump and dump. Eventually we can go hunt for chicks together. … New Year’s means trying new things. Issaquah dad has a year’s worth of built-up paste. Wife on vacation. Cruise with in-laws. My fantasy is to swallow a swollen thick cock, just like her and her mother do. Can host. Pussy lovers to the front of the line. Must be discreet, pillar in community. … Central District. I’m a cocksucker but my wife doesn’t know it. I get so ginned up when she tells me about the big black cocks she sucked when she was in college. Jealous much? DL college frat boys to the front of the line. … Kent. Me: married, 24 years, but unabashed, unapologetic, admitted cock worshipper. You: married, inexperienced, dreaming of man-on-man action. I’m looking for a set of beefy balls. I want to explore your low-hanging nutsack and extract out all of their blessings. Tend to them the way your wife can’t/won’t. … Capitol Hill. My girlfriend is in Portland until Monday night. I’m a dirty bitch and I must be treated accordingly. I’m no better than a dishrag. Manipulate this man-pussy as you see fit. Ex-military a plus. Discipline this thirsty and hungry grunt. Sir, yes sir! Make me your jock slave. Force feed this bronco with your huge meat. Restrain my pre-cum and don’t forget to choke, prod and pummel me if I step out of line. … Hangin’ in Everett. Just screwed my girl’s brains out. Now she has to study all day. I’m still horny. Looking for a straight dude to meet up and milk what’s left in these balls. This swollen bone needs a temp home – like your throat. Maybe a reg thing, trade pics of our girls, JO on phone. This makes J-dawg wonder what happens when you remove the female element from the pursuit of sex, which leaves you with the most disgusting thing on the planet. When it’s just a dudefest with guys shoving and smearing, it’s the worst.
42:53 – Yo Gotti – “Go Girl” from his album Live From the Kitchen
39:40 – Casey Donahew – “White Trash Story Part II” from his fourth studio album, Double-Wide Dream
5:13 – John Quiñones, on his Twitter account, writes that “state laws in California don’t allow us to tape with hidden cameras. That’s why we can’t do WWYD? here.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
10:00 – Seth tries to burn Jah with a game. One will be the name of a beer brewed in Seattle, one will be a weed sold in Hollywood, Calif., and the other is a name conjured in his mind’s eye: 1) Cherry Pie (weed), Monkey Wrench (mind’s eye), Curveball (beer); 2) Thunder Head (beer), Dollar Bill (mind’s eye), Catwoman (beer); 3) Poseidon’s Trident (mind’s eye), Joker’s Revenge (weed), Dragon’s Tooth (beer); 4) Earth Worm (mind’s eye), Red Bull (weed), Night Owl (beer); and 5) Pilot Light (beer), Rated R (weed), Milk & Cookies (mind’s eye). Jah only gets one-third of #4 correct.
5:33 – Jah informs the audience that he’s HIV positive. He also asks for the house lights to be turned down just a little because they’re blinding his face.
19:49 – Jah takes a minute to talk about traveling with his lighter. Dimitri and he left LAX on a 5:47 flight to Seattle. He says the whole system is faulty the whole way through. Seth wonders if it has anything to do with J-dawg buying his plane ticket the day before he flew up there. He takes his lighter out of his pocket every time and puts it in the tray, he puts it back in his pocket and he leaves with no issues, yet he’s flabbergasted that they take his toothpaste away.
32:02 – Jah remembers when his dad found Hustler magazines under his bed when he was a kid. He said that Jah’s mother found them and told them about them. He then asked J-dawg why the hell he was into them because they were disgusting.
36:12 – Jah went in an LL Bean today to look for a “took,” or beanie, because he was freezing. He went to a Columbia, a Hardwear, and an LL Bean. He still didn’t find one.
38:16 – While Jah was at LL Bean today, Seth was at the Field Roast Factory on Jackson Street. Seth walked the killing floor of his vegan sausage place. David Lee, let Seth wear a hairnet and walk through and meet everyone. He got a Celebration Field Roast, which is the size of a baseball bat.
41:25 – Jah’s dad used to do dynamite fishing. He’s from Louisiana. They would do it with homemade cherry bombs, tossing them underwater where there were an abundance of fish. They float up to the top of the water dead, and you guys row around and toss them in the boat.
1:00:02 – Somebody called the UYD voicemail to reveal that you shouldn’t drive at 10 and 2 – you should drive at 5 and 7 so you don’t punch yourself in the face if your airbags deploy.
1:21:32 – Jonathan realized that, while traveling, there is a type of person he has a crazy complex about. It is a 40-something female white Buddhist. They are holier-than-thou frown-upony motherfuckers, pretend passive judgy people, and they wear crazy garb.
1:25:59 – Seth busted his tooth on a Clif Builder Bar this week. He’s missing a tooth and doesn’t have a permanent crown yet. It’s not as asshole-pirate looking as J-dawg’s gold tooth is yet.
6:26 – The University of Washington has sent an e-mail notification to all students, faculty and staff in its Seattle campus because of two Level III sex offenders. Spokesman Norm Arkins has told the Seattle Times he believes it is the first time that UW has sent a campuswide e-mail notice about a sex offender attending classes on the Seattle campus. One of the men was convicted of child molestation in 2004; the other was convicted of second-degree rape in 2003.
19:25 – The TSA says they found an average of 4 firearms each day in peoples’ bags in the year 2011 in American airports.
21:42 – The Advocate names Seattle the fifth-gayest city in the country.
33:34 – Two social workers from the University of Maryland co-authored a book called Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships. They say that married couples who have friendships with their couple friends have stronger relationships and that watching the other couples helps manage their coupling.
59:18 – January is National Hot Tea Month.
1:15:28 – Winter and spring are prime cruising months, but the BBB is advising consumers to read all the fine print before signing up for special cruise deals. In 2011, the BBB received more than 1,300 complaints against cruises. While many deals are legitimate, there are always those sneaky few that end up sucking thousands of dollars from their victims.
0:57 – A raucous Seattle crowd greets Jah and Seth
1:19:12 – Jah gives in to popular demand and shows the crowd his tattoo.
1:27:06 – Seth pulls out some mailbox money from being a famous actor on Crossroads. He’s got the $8 check to prove that he worked with Britney Spears.
45:34 – This issue of Men’s Health magazine asked about 500 women to rate the hotness of these middle-of-the-day e-mails they would receive on a scale from Groan to Moan. A “Groan” rating: “I reserved our regular table. The linguini that you love is the special.” … A “Moan” rating: “I can still taste you and I’m hungry again.”
1:01:26 – There was a study published in the January issue of Pre-Hospital Emergency Care concerning emergency medical technician workers. It surveyed thousands, and almost 68% reported verbal abuse, perpetrated by patients (63%), patient family or friends, colleagues and bystanders. Intimidation was reported 41.5% by patients, 37% by patients’ family or friends, physical abuse (26%), harassment from patients (13.2%) and sexual assault.
1:05:11 – The perception that women are somehow scarce in the world leads men to become impulsive and to save less and increase borrowing, according to new research from the University of Minnesota.
1:19:36 – The cold weather has us hiding indoors, both in work and at home, surrounding ourselves with stale, warm air which can carry germs – putting us in the center of hot spots which we may not recognize. According to an American Dietetic Association and the Conagra Foods home safety program, 27% of people eat breakfast at their work desk, 62% eat lunch there and 50% snack there. A study by the University of Arizona said the typical desk has hundreds of times more bacteria per square inch than evening a toilet seat. They suggest washing your hands, cleaning your desk weekly and getting out of the office/home every once in a while for a quick walk.
36:01 – Products for 2012 that were recalled from China: The O Grill, portable gas grill, sells for $189 at LL Bean, REI and Dillard’s. The regulator on the grill routinely leaks gas which in turn lights the whole grill on fire. … The Anti-Lock High Chair has a restraint buckle that without prompting unexpectedly opens to send your child straight down. … The Triple 8 Kid’s Bicycle Helmet, which sells for $40 at nationwide bike stores, complies with zero safety standards from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission.
1:55 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah from a reader in Seattle: “My wife and I have a long history as professionals in our local health care community. I have mentored many younger professionals in my field, most of whom are women. Several have become dear friends to us, yet there have been several occasions when I’ve met these friends/colleagues for lunch and we’ve been approached by women who know me but not the person I’m dining with. These women seem to go out of their way to make statements like, ‘Oh hello, where’s your wife today?’ accompanied by a contemptuous ‘gotcha!’ expression. Some even look at me with disdain for my lunch companion. I find this behavior stupid and mean-spirited and I feel acutely for my companions in these situations who are subjected to an undeserved character assassination. My wife tells me that these women are simply projecting their insecurities. What do you think?”
14:05 – Predictions for the year 2000 from 1900. This is from The Ladies Home Journal. It’s a fascinating article from John Elfreth Watkins Jr. titled “What May Happen in the Next 100 Years.” Said Watkins, “These prophecies will seem strange, almost impossible. Yet, they have come from the most learned and conservative minds in America. To the wisest and most careful men in our greatest institutions of science and learning I have gone, asking each in his turn to forecast for me what, in his opinion, will have been wrought in his own field of investigation before the dawn of 2001 - a century from now. These opinions I have carefully transcribed.” Prediction #17: A university education will be free to every man and woman. Several great national universities will have been established. Children will study a simple English grammar adapted to simplified English, and not copied after the Latin. Time will be saved by grouping like studies. Poor students will be given free board, free clothing and free books if ambitious and actually unable to meet their school and college expenses. Medical inspectors regularly visiting the public schools will furnish poor children free eyeglasses, free dentistry and free medical attention of every kind. The very poor will, when necessary, get free rides to and from school and free lunches between sessions. In vacation time poor children will be taken on trips to various parts of the world. Etiquette and housekeeping will be important studies in the public schools. Prediction #22: Store Purchases by Tube. Pneumatic tubes, instead of store wagons, will deliver packages and bundles. These tubes will collect, deliver and transport mail over certain distances, perhaps for hundreds of miles. They will at first connect with the private houses of the wealthy; then with all homes. Great business establishments will extend them to stations, similar to our branch post-offices of today, whence fast automobile vehicles will distribute purchases from house to house.