View Episode 309
Originally aired 02.07.12
Recorded live at Largo at the Coronet 02.02.12
54:00
33:31 – Uhh Yeah Dude: Sit with it. Be with it. Be in it.
5:51 – Seth was watching a Frontline episode from 2005 called “The Meth Epidemic” featuring new content. Seth salutes UYD hero of the week Deputy Brett King, who invented Faces of Meth.
24:38 – Seth recaps another What Would You Do?. He notices that they don’t let acts get drawn out and get super uncomfortable. When they start getting mildly uncomfortable, Quiñones runs in to spoil it. There were two young potential models having lunch together and there was a creepy photographer guy asking them if they ever thought about modeling. His studio was in his basement around the corner. He said he would e-mail their photos to Los Angeles. They were trying to see if the people in the tables near them would intervene. One table told them he seemed a little creepy, and the girls were like, “No he seems really nice.”
41:37 – Saturday, Feb. 11 on A&E – the 5th season premiere of Parking Wars. The show will be expanded to Providence, R.I. The town was originally designed for horse and buggy traffic, so parking in this city is known for being one of the worst experiences ever.
5:45 – 8-year-old kids drink nothing but Monsters, resulting in needing root canals at an early age.
42:17 – If Seth wakes up in the morning with the headache, he wants to know if he had a stroke in the middle of the night.
2:29 – Seth wants to get one of these out of the way since it’s in his contract. He found a married dad who lives in Sherman Oaks. In bold letters it said Extra Discretion: White married dad needs to be forcefed a thick black snake. Anticipating a fresh bucket of jungle juice. Absolutely cannot host. Please let me suck your clit. Can travel Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in mornings before 10. Tuesdays and Thursdays are out – no exceptions. Keep in mind with pics, thickness a must.
9:13 – The Consumer Electronics Show debuted all-new products updating simple baby monitors. The new way is 2-way communication.
10:27 – OUT: Andy Serkis. IN: Shawn Beaton, who plays the wolf in The Grey.
38:48 – Future – “Magic”
36:07 – Rhett Akins – “If I Could Have A Beer With Jesus”
13:22 – Katherine Heigl likes to appear in crappy movies and send out crappy tweets: “It’s not long now – One For the Money French premiere tonight. You never get used to those giant posters of yourself.”
Games That Jonathan and Seth Play
43:49 – Seth takes two actresses and puts them in a jail cell. He stands back and has to decide who will walk out alive: Zooey Deschanel and Emmy Rossum (Rossum); Carey Mulligan and Anne Hathaway (Mulligan); Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johansson (Biel); Reese Witherspoon and Kirsten Dunst (Dunst); and Drew Barrymore or Katie Holmes (Barrymore). Jah gets 3 out of 5 correct except he chose Hathaway and Holmes to win.
6:01 – Seth salutes UYD hero of the week Deputy Brett King, who invented Faces of Meth.
16:51 – Searching through Jonathan’s old dresser, he found the long lost poem. Seth thinks it’s probably the early 90s because a teacher in red ink has written in a comment at the end of it. It says “Poem” at the top in graffiti font. It reads: As I ponder the wreckage of my life / Fistfuls of guilt in a half-hatched seed. / I have no voice to fill the silent space, / Tribal markings and battle wounds replaced / With vessels anew in worlds full of strangers / Yogi always stole the picnic basket from the Ranger. In red ink, the instructor points an arrow to that last line and says, “Yes, that he did, but I liked what you were doing before this last profound statement much better.”
50:53 – Seth read a poem, but what he didn’t tell Jah was there is another poem he’s holding. Prior to reading it, he calls his good friend, Will Wiesenfeld, aka Baths, up to the stage to play some accompanying keyboard. It reads: Nineteen years is longer than life for me / (as Jah finishes the first line, a guy in the front row gives him several disapproving “Ugh” noises) And through the days of rough you continue loving righteously / From you I’ve defined beauty / From you I’ve grasped love. / No doubt at times you’ve pushed me when you’ve needed to shove. / But in time I learned; I’ve learned to grow / And a lifetime of knowledge to you I owe.
Crazy Things Dudes Say While Boning Down
22:17 – One girl calls in with this submission: She was out at a bar and saw a guy hanging out who she has known for about 6 months. She’s fond of him but had never hooked up with him. When she decided to leave he offered to walk her out and put her in a cab. They were chatting casually, and as he opens the door to let her in, the last thing he says to her is, “Oh and also – if you ever want to sit on someone’s face or something like that, just give me a call.” There was another one of a dude – just as they were about to bone – pulling out his iPhone and showing a picture of his prick and said “Oh yeah, how bad do you want that right now?”
6:57 – Jah takes a moment to salute a couple that applied to have a nude wedding at the Hedonism II resort in Negril, Jamaica (Episode 304, 46:19) along with 14 other crazy couples. Jah asks them to come up on stage, then serenades them with “Every Kiss Begins With Kay.”
15:27 – Seth gets back from Seattle and goes to put his pants on. He remembers that they talked about how the dresser in his bedroom is the same dresser that Jonathan had intercourse on in high school. Jah immediately cuts in and wants to know if he found something in the dresser. The drawer fell out and Seth got down to look at what was in it. There was a guitar pick, some pubes, 12 cents and, he reaches in the back and finds a piece of paper with someone’s number scribbled on it and the name “DJ.” He also found a poem. Jah is trying to figure out the number. He thinks it says DJ * on it. Then he realizes it’s Dominic because it’s a Nepalese number from when Dominic was living in a monestary studying Tibetan translations.
43:07 – At Seth’s first apartment on North Beechwood south of Melrose, his parents came out to visit for the first time. He wanted to maximize space so he put an air mattress down in the closet and would have to fall backward in it. He was only paying $225 a month for rent.
4:35 – February is National Children’s Dentist Health Month
11:36 – With Valentine’s Day approaching, now might be a good time for lonely consumers to watch out for a con called the romance scam. In this scam, criminals pose as would-be lovers through social media or dating websites, strike up an internet-based relationship and then ask for money so that they can travel to meet their pursuer. Once the victim sends the money – boyakasha – the conversations end and the money is gone. Moneygram said those in the dating market should avoid sending money to people that they like, and once someone asks for money it’s time to look for someone new.
12:29 – LA Weekly featured a story on a child porn ring bust. They wrote a manual and said you need to look for single women in their 50s who have young kids. One of the guys said he would just put on Adam Sandler movies to put the kids at ease.
19:32 – WeMetOnAPlane.com is Missed Connections for air travel. There are 4 simple steps to refind lost love: 1) Search for that special someone using your flight information. Are they also looking for you? If they have not posted their story already, share your story on how you met. Was it love at first sight? Share your story on Facebook and Fark and Twitter. Help us help you find them. Subscribe to get an e-mail alert every time your story is commenting on. It just might be them. Jah reads a post: DET-US BOS-US Date: Monday 20 Sept 2011 – You were a flight attendant. Delta 1622 from Detroit. Red hair. We didn’t actually meet, but you gave me an affectionate scratch on the shoulder to tell me to put my iPhone away. I loved your attitude and you seemed very unique. At your earliest convenience, please e-mail me back.
29:59 – In USA Today women were surveyed about picking their most disappointing holiday.
48:31 – Hot new business jargon that you need to be aware of if you’re in the workforce: core competency – a person’s strengths; open the kimono – reveal information; lots of moving parts – a lot going on; boil the ocean – waste time; leverage – manipulate or control a situation; buy-in – agreement on an action; shift a paradigm – yeah, you know.
1:27 – A Largo crowd greets Jonathan and Seth. Jah and Seth give props to the animations that played before the show, brought to us by 55inch, pu and Landfill Bill.
46:29 – Recalls from China: The 5-light floor lamp, sold for $50 at Big Lots, has light bulbs that get so hot they melt the lampshade over the bulb. … Expandable Children’s Lunch Box with freezer gel pac, sold for $10 at Costco, has gel pacs that leak out toxic materials that get into the contents and in your kids. … Super X Safety Flashlight, sold for $15 at BJ’s Wholesale Club, have lights that get so hot they burn you on touch.
27:08 – Ask Amy / Ask Jah. “This past weekend I attended a large cocktail party with a group of new friends. Some of the other guests were smoking marijuana and doing other illegal drugs. I recognized one of the drug users as an elementary teacher at my daughter’s school. Because this school is large, I doubt the teacher recognized me. My daughter is not in her class. When I asked my friends about what was going on, they informed me that not only was this teacher a heavy drug user, but also the supplier for the group. I would not want this person as my daughter’s teacher. I feel as if I should tell the school to do a random drug test, but with this economy I do not wish to facilitate anyone losing their job. What should I do?”
31:09 – Seth rips on Ringo Starr, age 71, for releasing his 17th solo album. Jah proceeds to sing one of Ringo’s crappy songs. The new single on the upcoming album is named “Wings.”
32:18 – People magazine six years ago this week. The cover story was Jennifer Aniston facing her future. She was turning 37 on Feb. 11, when UYD was being born. The title of the article was “Weathering news of Brad’s pending fatherhood, she’s focused on building a life beyond the fast lane and finding happiness with a man who makes her smile.”